Author's Note: Since the last chapter was kind of short, I'm posting the second one quicker than I usually would. Sorry about that. I hope you enjoy it anyway.
Once again, this is dedicated to my best friend, known on the interwebs as Link.
Regards,
Owl
P.S.: It appears I forgot to put up the disclaimer in the last chapter. I will put one up here.
Also, as a suggestion, I must say that while reading this you may like to listen to Mumford & Sons song White Blank Page. I'm listening to it while typing this up, and I think it has soaked into my writing. It might enhance your experience in reading this. Just a hint.
Disclaimer:
Final Fantasy VII belongs to the godly video game company of Square Enix. So does Jenova. I am making up this story: therefore, it is in not, in any shape or form, canon. This may not be the backstory Square Enix envisioned for Jenova. Thank you.
Jenova sighed. She might as well agree to his proposal. It would calm him down, and he would forget when you two were older.
"Yes, Dravek. I promise to marry you."
"Thank you, Jenova. Remember your promise."
Don't bet on it, she thought.
+(…)+
Jeremiah closed the worn, leather-bound book and stared at the children playing in the street, trying to process what he had just read. He could almost feel the short-circuiting of his mind as it realized that it couldn't. These secrets were for the much younger version of himself to understand—the one making his way up the ranks at Shinra, building a promising future for himself out of his love for science. They were not for this old man, long ago booted out of the company, wandering the slums of Midgar and working in a flower shop.
He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath through his nose and tried to separate the obnoxious odors of factory fumes and despair from the more subtle ones, the more beautiful ones. It was a gift he had, he supposed. Finding the sweet fragrances of generations long gone wafting among the scents of generations far ahead.
After a while, his nose picked up something gentle and juicy. Somebody was eating Banora white apples.
He opened his eyes and stood from the cold bench, his chapped-leather treasure clutched firmly in his hands.
As he went, he found himself once again fingering the brittle yellow pages. He flipped through them with his calloused thumb, noting how they almost fell apart on contact with his skin. Randomly, he stopped at a page and opened to it, noting the entry at the very top of the paper.
He read as he walked.
+(…)+
Record: Memory from teenage years
Approx. Earth Date: 18th of September, 3465 B.C.E.
Afoelian Date: Unknown
Approx. Earth Age: 16 years
Afoelian Age: unknown
Jenova brushed her long, white hair and put it into a tight bun, letting only a few strands of her bangs fall next to her face. Clipping her hair into place, she let her arms fall and stared into the mirror. She didn't know that face. All dolled up, perfect and poised and with the beauty of a monarch. It was no doubt her reflection, yet the only thing she could recognize as her own was her solemn lack of a smile.
Today was supposed to be special, and yet it felt anything but. It felt hollow, meaningless. It was something she didn't want.
She heard the door behind her open, and she turned to see her twin sister, Alqiri, in the doorway. She smiled at Jenova sympathetically, and in turn, she nodded back at her. Alqiri understood. Jenova knew her dear sister deserved this day so much more than her.
"Are you ready? It's about to start."
Jenova nodded and stood, feeling small birds begin to fly around her stomach. Her wonderful sister placed an encouraging hand on her shoulder, and joined arms with her. She led her sober sister out into the hallway and to the room. Jenova took a deep breath, and she felt Alqiri squeeze her arm.
The guards pushed open the twin doors. Jenova walked inside. Suddenly, with a panic, she felt Alqiri let go of her. She was all alone on the aisle.
Despite this, Jenova kept a straight face. She walked up the carpet, seeing the crowd of nobles and other people standing there, behind the row of guards. Alqiri disappeared within them, and Jenova felt a lump in her throat.
Don't crack now. Remain stoic, she told herself. She kept walking.
Finally, after what seemed like eons, she reached the end of the aisle. Before her was a throne. On either side of it were her parents, in similar thrones. Her horrid mother, Thiama, was on her right, and her sweet father, Oldrin, was on her left.
She stared at the seat for a moment. Why did she have to do this?
"Jenova," she heard her mother whisper. "Sit."
Ah, yes. She didn't have a choice.
Jenova sat. Haedir, her childhood tutor, the one who taught her everything of her world and more, rose from his bowed position in front of her. He opened the tome that was in his hands and straightened, but before he started reading, he looked at Jenova.
She stared back up at him. Like Alqiri, he too understood.
Unfortunately, the carrying-out of this ceremony was part of his duties. He, like her, had no choice.
She averted your eyes to the ground. He began.
"We stand here, on this day, to finally pronounce Princess Jenova as coming of age, and also as a woman and future Queen, as well as eternal and wise ruler of our dear planet Afoelia. On this day, Princess Jenova will be taking an Oath of Reign, in which she will swear to be a wise and fair ruler, making decisions to the best of her ability. Then she will be blessed by her parents, Queen Thiama and King Oldrin of Afoelia, and be sworn loyalty to by her fellow nobles and siblings. The ceremony will then end by a celebration banquet, with a toast to honor our future Queen."
The birds in Jenova's stomach were becoming much less calm. She felt the lump in her throat grow as she peeked upwards to look in the crowd for Alqiri. She did not see her.
"Let us begin with the Oath. Princess Jenova, please stand."
Shakily, she stood, and raised her eyes to fully meet those of the crowd. She then looked at Haedir. He smiled softly back at her.
"Princess Jenova, do you swear, as future ruler of planet Afoelia, that you will be mature and fully grown when you are finally coronated as our leader?"
"I swear."
"And do you swear that upon receiving the blessing of your parents today, that you will be completely obedient to them until your reign?
Jenova glanced at her mother. She was staring at her, cold. Jenova realized at that moment how much she hated her. If I become a mother, she vowed, I will never be as hateful towards my own children as she is towards me. I'm sure of that.
"I swear."
"And do you swear, to become a grand leader, and to make wise and fair decisions with the best of your reasoning? To put it simply, do you promise to be our grand Queen?"
Jenova pressed her mouth into a hard line.
"Do you swear to be our Queen, Jenova?"
She was silent for a moment.
"I swear."
+(…)+
Jenova ran out of the main room, exhausted. She was so glad to be able to escape the nobles and her suffocating mother. It was so liberating.
She sighed and kicked off her shoes while shrugging off her shawl. Then she ran, bare footed and bare shouldered, and skipped among the grasses. She walked for quite a while, until she came upon an area which was very familiar to her. She saw a person there, sitting on a stone.
"Dravek?"
He turned to her. "Jenova! I thought you were still at the ceremony..."
She sat next to him, undoing her bun and allowing her hair to fall around her shoulders. "I left. It was too much. I thought you might still be there."
"They didn't let me in."
Jenova turned to him, surprised. "What?"
"They didn't let me in. They said that they weren't going to allow in any hunters. I tried to tell them about you and me, but they didn't listen."
Jenova stared at him. She had never heard Dravek use that phrase before."What do you mean, 'You and I'? The guards know about our friendship."
Dravek was quiet for a moment. Then he turned to her. Jenova was startled by the look on his face. It was a look of intense emotion.
"I guess I'll have to make you remember without using words…" He said slowly, his voice deep and soft.
"D-Dravek?—"Jenova began, but was silenced by chapped and bruising lips.
She felt herself tumbling to the ground, hands wandering across her upper back and tangling in her long hair. She squeezed her eyes shut. His kiss was overwhelming. It was sweet and it was sour. It was gentle, without a hint of roughness. It was cold and hot and icy and burning and it made her want to lose all control and tumble among the grasses with him, hidden by the tall stalks swaying in the wind that would shelter them from all other eyes—
"NO!"
She pushed him off with tremendous force, knocking his head against the stone. In a flash she was up on her feet, wheezing and huffing. Her dress was stained with dirt and ripped along the leg. Her fists were clenching and unclenching slowly, as if they were deciding whether to spare him a blow or not.
Dravek leaned against the rock. He was rubbing the back of his head and looking up at her with wide eyes. A lump was beginning to form just on the top of his cranium.
"Jenova?"
Jenova breathed, glaring at him. She took a step back. Slowly, her hands unclenched. She reached up and hugged herself, not daring to move any closer to Dravek.
"Jenova? Why are you backing away? I promise not to hurt you."
She looked at him. Her breathing slowed and her pulsed reduced. She stopped. All of it stopped.
"I'm sorry, Dravek. I just—that was a bit unexpected."
Dravek stared at her. Then he stood. A bit of blood ran through his pale hair, the green color staining the soft white strands before meeting with his sweaty blue skin. Jenova gulped. When had he grown so much taller than her?...
He reached out for her, and she had to fight not to wince as he rubbed her shoulders with his large, gentle hands. His bright green eyes looked into hers, as if trying to search for something he wanted so desperately to see. It sickened her.
He let go of her and stepped back. Although it was dark, she could feel his eyes looking her up and down. That also sickened her. She wanted to make him stop looking at her. She needed him to stop looking at her—as if she was some sort of possession that would solve all his problems, some device that would rid him of all his insecurities and fears forever.
"Jenova—"
"I think I might go to bed!" She said suddenly, not wanting to hear his voice. "I'm very tired. Very very tired. I must rise early tomorrow morn—my mother demands it, and I would rather not make her angry."
He was silent. She took that opportunity to turn and start walking back to safety, away from him. She didn't wish to speak to him. Not after that kiss. Not after that one simple action which set her whole world off-kilter, tipping her control out of her hands like a small stream—
Suddenly, his hand was on her shoulder. She stopped, and tried not to shiver. It was cold out but she would bear it. Shivering was weak, even if it was only from the cold.
"Jenova, do you remember the promise we made when we were children?"
She turned to him. She knew he could see in her eyes that she didn't.
"…you and I…we promised to marry each other, Jenova. When you were eligible for marriage, we promised each other to marry and to stay together forever. Now do you remember?"
Her eyes widened. She felt a slight twinge of emotion in her chest. She did remember. But that was a childhood riddled with other things that she could no longer do. Such as run among the grasses barefoot, her hair wild and flying in the wind, with the sun shining on her face and the imprisoning castle of her mother far behind. She could no longer climb into trees and stay there for hours, smiling slyly as her sister and her brother attempted to find her.
And with Dravek—with Dravek, she could no longer do things that she once did with him. They could no longer wrestle in the library, giggling under the tables as Haedir looked up from his desk with a smile every time they made a noise. They no longer had any time together to sit on rocks for hours on end, looking up at the sky and talking about what they wish was different about the world. She could no longer stay up late at night, awaiting his knock at her window so she could open it and let him and his dust lamp inside her bedroom, allowing him to crawl with her under her sheets and read her books with her, both of them willing to be sent to any world but their own.
She stared up at him and realized that she would not keep this childhood promise to him. She could not.
But here he was, looking at her with hope splashed all over his face. She realized then that telling him now might free her, but it would also shatter his heart into a million pieces. She couldn't do that to him. He still meant so much to her. She couldn't break him.
She turned away, not meeting his eyes. She looked at the ground like the coward she was, and whispered her first and last lie.
"Maybe I'll marry you some other day, Dravek, but not now. I'm not ready."
He let go of her arm then. He instead pulled her into a hug, her face pressing into the muscles of his chest.
"Thank you, Jenova."
When he let go, he whispered a goodbye in her ear. She didn't hear it. Nor did she hear his footsteps as he walked in the other direction, toward the bush, the territory of the hunters. She couldn't feel the now icy wind whipping her face as she walked toward the castle. She couldn't sense the pain as her tender feet pressed against the stone stairs leading up to her room. She couldn't think as she sat down on her bed, her words running over and over in her mind, mocking her with their falsity.
"I'm not ready."
She would never be ready.