Derek smiled as he read the signature of the letter Rogers had just handed him.
"Good news?" Odette asked as she walked over.
"Matthew is coming for a visit in about two weeks," he replied, handing the letter to her.
"Eli will be happy to hear it."
"I'm happy to hear it."
Odette laughed. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you and Matthew were the ones who have been friends since childhood, not you and Adelaide."
Derek's smile dropped a little, a bit saddened by his friend's not visiting. "Adelaide doesn't like to leave Lincolnshire anymore."
"And Camille doesn't like to leave him," Odette added glumly. She missed her friend, but she could understand why she wanted to be with Adelaide. If Odette was in that situation, she could not see herself acting differently.
"And can we really blame them, after Adelaide was ill for so long?" Derek asked, referring to a time, a few years before, when Adelaide was sick to the point of being bed-ridden. In fact, he hadn't really gained his strength back since he took ill, and for that reason, travel was very uncomfortable for him.
"Not at all. But at least Matthew visits. I enjoy having him."
As the years had passed since Alex's kidnapping, Matthew had been a constant caller, spending more of his time at Swan Lake than in Lincolnshire. Odette found herself wondering if it was because he missed Alex as much as the rest of the family, but wouldn't – or couldn't – admit it.
She remembered herself being awake at all hours of the night, searching for something that wasn't there.
She also found herself wondering what would have become of Matthew and Alex's relationship, had they been given the chance to grow up together.
But, whatever the reason, he visited often, and he and Eli had become best friends, despite the four year age difference.
Odette smiled, thinking of how much she would have loved for Alex to be apart of this ever evolving though always loving family.
XxX
The two weeks since Father Clarence spoke to Alex privately had flown by faster than Alex could keep track. Before she knew it, Clarence's replacement, a lady named Eleanor Diggs, had arrived.
"Alex, what if she's, you know, not like Father Clarence?" Mireia asked her the afternoon before Lady Diggs' arrival.
"Well, there's no one like Father Clarence," Alex said. Catching the nervous look on Mireia's face, Alex flew into a mode of reassurance. "Don't worry. Whatever happens, I'll handle it, okay?"
"You always say things like that."
"I should think you'd be used to it by now. No fear."
Unfortunately, Lady Diggs – who, in Alex's opinion, was no lady – was not as kind and caring as Father Clarence. She had only agreed to take over the orphanage in an attempt to better her reputation among her peers, who also saw the greedy, cold woman she was.
It was apparent to Alex, from the moment Lady Diggs set foot inside the orphanage, that the lady did not only dislike children, she loathed them.
However, Alex gave the undeserving woman the benefit of the doubt and politely introduced herself.
"Hello, my name is Alex, and I was told to be expecting you," she said politely, smiling in her subtle, charming way.
Instead of being polite, or even civil, for that matter, Lady Diggs shoved her lugged into Alex's unready arms and stomped past her. "Good. Take those up to my room. And don't drop any of it."
Alex was so stunned she could only choke out a simple 'yes ma'am.'
After the task was done, Alex returned to the foyer downstairs to find Lady Diggs wandering about the orphanage, looking at every nook and cranny.
"Perhaps I could help you, ma'am?" Alex offered.
"Yes. Drag those rotten children down here. It's time they met their new master. And by the way, how on earth am I supposed to get any work done with all this racket? It's maddening!"
Alex listened for a moment and could hear no sounds that were out of the ordinary for the dangerously overcrowded old orphanage. Laughter, chatter, and running feet filled the old place.
Reluctantly, she went upstairs to gather everyone. Although the children naturally had many questions about the new director, she didn't answer them. She didn't want them to be scared and, more importantly, she wanted them to form their own, unbiased opinion about the woman.
As everyone filed downstairs, Lady Diggs stood at the end of the staircase. She watched each child go by, with Alex at the end of the line. It immediately struck Lady Diggs and Alex at the same time that there would be great amounts of friction between them. And although Alex did not want to leave her friends behind, she knew the time for her final departure was fast approaching, and its passing had just been made faster by the arrival of Lady Diggs.
As everyone grouped up in the foyer, Lady Diggs walked in front of them, eying them.
"My name is Eleanor Diggs," she announced. "And that's Lady Diggs to you. I have several rules and expectations for you and you will meet them, or there will be terrible punishment."
Alex could feel the collective tension of everyone in the room, save for Lady Diggs, increase. They had rarely ever heard the word 'punishment,' since Father Clarence had been such a kind man.
"You will not speak out of turn," Lady Diggs went on. "You will do as I say, when and where I say it. Noise will be kept to a minimum, and there will be no supper for those who choose to disobey me. Is that understood?"
As everyone nodded, except for Alex, who retained her pride, Lady Diggs grimaced.
"I can't hear you!" she bellowed.
"Yes, Lady Diggs," the children chorused half heartedly, to her smug satisfaction.
At that moment, Alex remembered a feeling from the life she couldn't remember that pertained to the moment at hand: despair.
XxX
For the next few nights, Alex would lie awake for hours, hating the abrupt change in her life. Lady Diggs was cruel, making the orphans work from sunrise to sunset, constantly cleaning, never resting. And if the jobs were not done to her satisfaction, Lady Diggs had several methods for dealing with so-called trouble makers.
It made Alex long more and more to be in the life she couldn't remember, the one from before she had come to the orphanage.
It was like an empty hole that grew and grew with every day that passed. Alex knew something, some big part of her life that she could not identify, was missing, but she couldn't find what it was. And with Lady Diggs, Alex felt like the hole caused her more pain than before.
There was something in Alex that screamed the idea that she did not belong in an orphanage, but there was no proof, even if her friends also knew that she didn't belong.
And as good and kind as they were, Lydia and Mireia could never understand her feelings. They could never understand her sense of being in the wrong place but not knowing what was right.
However, she was given a clue one night as she was just about to fall asleep. When her eyes closed, her mind was suddenly flooded with the image of a swan. She knew it meant something. She had seen swans, of course, but this was different. There was something about this swan that made it… magical.
And as much as she wondered about it and hoped it would bring her closer to remembering her past, it didn't. And, as usual, the more she thought about it, the more her head hurt, until her mind was trapped in a pain that was inescapable and she was no longer able to think on it.
She drifted into a very uneasy sleep, thinking and dreaming of nothing but swans.
The next morning filled Alex with a need to escape like she had never felt before.
She knew the swans were a big clue to her past, and she certainly wasn't going to find the rest of the clues at the orphanage. And to be honest, she would have left long before, if it weren't for her protective reluctance to leave her friends.
However, that day was different. She had to leave.
She passed the day cleaning everything she could see, working as hard as she could to leave as little work behind as possible. Never before has she completed the tasks with such single minded conviction. Even Mireia and Lydia noticed, and they knew what it meant.
The day faded quickly into a dark, moonless night. Alex waited up with the younger children and told them a story before they went to sleep. As soon as just about everyone was asleep, Alex made her way back to her own bed and waited.
Sometime in the night, she started to pack what few belongings she had. Although she was trying to be as silent as possible, she was approached by Lydia and Mireia, who apparently heard the springs of the bed bouncing and squeaking.
"Alex, where are you going?" Lydia asked candidly.
"I've got to leave," Alex replied simply.
"But you can't leave, what about Lady Diggs?" Mireia tried to reason. It was easy to see she was worried about Alex, but Alex had her mind set, and there was no changing it.
"If she wants to stop me, she'll have to kill me," Alex said simply. "Look, you and Father Clarence have been saying for years that I don't belong hear. And I'm starting to finally believe it. I've got to find my past."
"How?" Lydia asked. "You don't have any real clues, and every time you so much as think of it, you get a huge headache and you're worthless for an entire hour." Although Lydia's words were hard – yet true – she meant well. Lydia had led a rough life, leaving her with no friends until she was finally placed in the orphanage with Alex and Mireia. It truly hurt her to think of Alex leaving.
"I know. But I have to trust my own instinct." Alex smiled, guessing the reason behind Lydia's harshness. "Just like you have to. Listen, if I didn't believe I could find my family, I'd stay. But I'm sure if I look hard enough and find things that jog my memory, I can find them."
"What about everyone here?" Mireia asked.
"Translation: what about us?" Lydia added.
"You can handle yourselves. And I know you can handle the other kids here. I have a lot of faith in the two of you. Besides, this might not even be goodbye forever. We'll see each other again. I'm sure of it."
"How are you going to support yourself? You haven't got a penny to your name."
"I can find a job. I'll get a job at an inn or something. It won't be so hard."
"You've got a lot of confidence, I'll give you that much," Lydia muttered. She tried to think of something else to say for a moment, but soon gave up. "Well, we're obviously not going to change your mind. So, I guess all I can say is; good luck."
"Yeah, I hope you find everything you're looking for," Mireia said.
"Thank you," Alex said.
Alex waited for a few more hours before sunrise to leave the dormitory she shared with about a third of the other orphans. Silently, she opened the door, which thankfully didn't squeak as it normally did. She treaded lightly down the stairs and made it to the front door without making a sound.
"This is it," she whispered to herself as she put her hand on the door's old brass handle. It felt cool in her hands and, strangely, feeling it gave her a strange sense of excitement and adventure. She was not coming back. Never again would she be put in such a painful place of loss and loneliness, for not even in the company of her friends did she ever feel like she completely fit in.
She knew she acted differently from everyone else, and she always took it to be a remnant of her past life. And now that she was finally leaving, maybe that past life would give her a better future.
She opened the door and walked out, free at last.