McGonagall's Love Confessionals
"I found this journal while cleaning a storage closet for Gryffindor's Head of House, McGonagall. The journal was very worn and has obviously been with her a while, but the detective inside me wanted to discover what was inside. Was it a mystery, or something mysterious? Was it a romance or a tragedy? It was a tad bit of all of those things, but mostly…it was shocking," Severus wrote in his own journal. He then picked up McGonagall's journal and began to read.
Dear Journal,
I began working for Albus Dumbledore today. He is a wonderful man, and I can see myself having a wonderful time as his employer. The school itself is just as I remember it from my schooling days many years ago. I pray that I remain here for a very long time.
Severus grew bored with her describing the school's similarities to her school girl days, and he flipped to the first Yule Ball McGonagall attended. Severus was attending the school as a teacher's aid when this first ball occurred, so he eagerly read her entry concerning it.
Dear Journal,
The ball was absolutely magnificent. Albus waltzed with me after everyone had taken to bed. He has a record player that automatically knows what to play. They played a slow tune, with a beat count of…….
Journal, I hate to be so long in describing my night with Albus, but he is magnificent. I am beginning to fall for him, but I fear that I may be leaving here for a few years. Mother is sick, and she needs me. Hopefully he will be here when I return.
The next section of the book spoke of her mother's care and finally her mother's passing, but Severus knew there was more to this journal than life and death. McGonagall was professing her love of Albus Dumbledore within its pages, and he knew that sooner or later, the pages would reveal her acting upon her love. He was correct.
Just as the death of Lily and James rocked the wizard world, McGonagall was preparing for a special Christmas present for Albus. Severus flipped to where Dumbledore received the present, and he was shocked.
Dear Journal,
I bought my special dress in London the day before Christmas Eve, then I returned to Hogwarts. I spoke with Albus about arranging a meeting on Christmas Day, and he agreed. I went to his office around one in the morning, just the time we arranged. I was wearing my special dress, and it was see through. I wanted to tell him that night just exactly how I felt.
When I walked through the door, he was shocked at my attire, but then he understood why I was wearing it. He then did something I thought he would never do: he rejected me. He told me a secret of his that killed me inside, hurt me more than anything I've ever experience: he was a homosexual. He apologized for being so reserved in his gayness, and he apologized for sending my heart through unnecessary hoops, but he did give me the honor of a dance. He also gave me his robe to wear back to my room when the dance was concluded.
So, Journal, Albus Dumbledore ripped my heart in two that night. It has taken me three just to be able to write these words on this page, but now that I am able to write, I am able to say that I will change him. I shall not let his homosexuality stop my love for him. He will change for me.
Severus was very surprised by her reaction to his homosexuality, and he read through trying to find her entry about trying to regain him, but he found nothing of the sort, merely some naughty photographs of some men from The States. In the end, Severus only learned one thing: that McGonagall loved Dumbledore, but she never tried to win him back. It was as if she had given up.
Angry sounds came from the hallway. McGonagall knew her journal was missing. Severus put it in between two loose bricks beside his desk, and then helped McGonagall in her hopeless search for the book. In the end, she would buy another journal, and Severus vowed to find it one day, just to see if McGonagall took her chance to change him, or if she let it go.