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goalicego! Remember, leave an awesome review, and you could be mentioned here! Oh, and I know you all are capable. There are 78 people that have this story on alerts. Please get me to 200! Oh, and I am sorry for this chapter. Please don't hurt me.

Kasey

I had been thinking all day, and I knew what I had to do. When Edward walked into the Chemistry classroom, I took a deep breath. Setting his books down on the lab table, he bent to give me a light kiss.

He then wrapped his arm around me and leaned against me, I think trying to comfort me. It did comfort me, but it also made me feel worse. I let myself give in to instinct and leaned back towards him, putting my head against him for just a second.

"Edward?" I asked him.

"Yeah, Bella?"

"Do you think that maybe you could come over today. Just for a little while?" I asked softly.

"I don't think anyone would have any specific objections to that. I'll drop Alice off at home and then drive by. Is that okay?"

"Yeah," I found myself saying.

My body was starting to turn against itself. I could literally feel time passing. I wanted it to slow down; I wanted it to speed up. It was pulling my insides in different directions and it was making me feel slightly sick. My head felt split open and a headache pounded it into a pulp. It felt like mush and added to the sick feeling. I felt as if something was missing, and I felt completely whole. I knew there was a part of me that was currently happy, but most of me wasn't, and that part completely ruled everything else. Wanting to curl up and sleep, I let the class blur. I almost felt as if I would never wake up if I went to sleep, or more like I didn't want to wake up. While dreams could not rival reality, my dreams were better.

There was nothing real in dreams. I loved the real aspect of my life, or at least I did, but now I knew that my dreams would be better. They couldn't compare to the parts I loved about my life, but they were what I wanted them to be. Dreams didn't usually hurt you. They took what you wanted most in life, and gave it to you. The fake was never as good as the real, but eluding the pain outweighed it. I was jumping off the board, diving into an ocean of pain, and hoping that the pain would cause a coma where I did nothing but live in my dreams. At least that's what it seemed like.

That thought, the power to destroy yourself, was powerful. I could feel it pulsing within my brain. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. I was going to cause myself unimaginable pain, and I knew it. My body rebelled against it, fighting off the thoughts, fighting off what it knew had to be done.

Before I knew it, class was over. Time had gotten away from me again—outsmarted me.

Before leaving, Edward gave me another hug and leaned in towards me to tell me something.

"Everything will be okay, Bella, I promise." I nodded, realizing that he actually cared for me, making my thoughts conflict even more. You should never make promises that can't be kept. "Bye, Bell, see you soon." He kissed me once, glancing at me with a look I couldn't comprehend. His eyes were dark with worry but also reflecting that he truly cared about me. The way he looked at me broke my heart earlier than planned.

I felt horrible walking from Chemistry. I didn't care that the rain was drenching me, I was too distracted to notice. Walking to my old truck, I let the despair overtake me for a minute before I had to pull myself together. If I didn't now, I wouldn't go through with it. The truck rattled noisily when I turned it on. I was glad for its lack of speed as I drove to the home I shared with Charlie.

Of course, Charlie wasn't there when I got there, and I knew I only had a few minutes before Edward would be there, thanks to his driving. I walked up the stairs to the bathroom there, setting my books down in my room across the hall. Staring at the mirror, I saw how pale I was. I looked as sunken as Alice had. I silently let a tear fall down before I splashed water on my face. After I dried it off, it looked like I had a bit more color than I did.

"Pull yourself together, Bella," I told my reflection.

I heard a car door slam lightly and there was a knock at the door a few minutes later. My time was over.

My lungs felt non-existent as I walked down the stairs, but I could feel them again as I opened the door to see Edward. His hair was a little damp, and he was smiling slightly, looking at me, wondering why I had asked him to come over.

As he looked, something flashed through his features, and he pulled me into a hug. "You okay, Bella?" he asked me, probably noticing the dull, deadened look in my eyes.

I didn't answer immediately; I just enjoyed the hug while I could.

"No." I finally said, very softly, hoping he wouldn't hear.

He pulled me over to the small sofa in the living room, shutting the door behind him.

"Tell me what's wrong. Maybe I can help?" I could see how much he really did want to help. How much he wished I would look happier. How much he wanted to show me he cared.

I couldn't stop the tears then. They burst out, uncontrolled. Why? Why couldn't everything be normal like it was a few weeks ago? It was perfect then. It hasn't been the same since Jasper broke up with Alice. She could have gotten over that, but she didn't. It was my fault she was hurting more than necessary over this. All my fault. Everything she had said earlier was true. I needed to stop hurting people, but in order to do that, I had to hurt two more people, one being myself.

I let myself be comforted my Edward a little, soaking his already rain-wet jacket he had yet to take off in my tears.

I took one more deep breath, in preparation for the figurative suicide I was about to commit. Not to mention a homicide as well.

"Edward, everything is going wrong and it's all my fault. I have to stop it, slow it down. I need to do something about it before I hurt everyone more than I already have. It needs to happen now before it's too late. I-I, I think we need to take a break from each other. I need to be a good friend and help Alice, and you and I are only hurting her more. I don't want to do this, and that's the worse part. I know that I would never willingly choose her above you, and that's why this needs to end. I'm forcing myself to make the right choice. I need you to stay away from me. Forget about me. Let the memories of us fade, or at least push them to the back of your mind. I'm so sorry."

I don't think any of that came out sounding right. My voice sounded hollow and broken. My breathing was ragged, and I found myself wanting to hold onto my head to keep it from spinning.

Edward just stared at me. Finally, comprehension of what I was saying washed through him, and horror crossed his face.

"No, Bella."

"I have to do this, Edward. I, I'll miss you, so much. I lo-I'll always care about you, but this can't happen right now. It's just bad timing. I need to be a friend to one of the only people that has ever been there for me."

"What about me, Bella? I've been there for you?"

"Alice has been there longer," I choked out.

"Let me help you through this, Bella. Please don't do this," he begged. My heart, shattering in a million pieces, beat unevenly.

"I'm sorry, Edward. It's not right. I'm a horrible person for not realizing it before. I need to end this before it gets to be too much. Right now, I think I'll survive losing you, but I don't know how long our relationship can last before that changes. Please just go. I don't want to change my mind. Please respect my wishes."

The pain filled the room, coming from both of us, both of our broken hearts and shattered relationship.

He grabbed my face and kissed me—hard. "Good-bye, Bella."