Disclaimer: I do not own the cartoons used within or Animal House.
Okay, so the pot scene last chapter was, quoting Hoover, a little below par. I think you guys may like this chapter a little better, though. The cafeteria scene was one of my favorites in the movie, so I'm hoping I pulled it off.
Of course, I once again have to enforcingly advertise the movie (sorry) and say that my cafeteria scene doesn't measure up to the one in the movie, since Peter's not Bluto, Pietro's not Otter and most importantly, I'm not a National Lampoon writer. John Belushi's a real master of physical comedy in his own unique way, and you can watch it on YouTube.
"If you want the homecoming parade in my town, you have to pay." Mayor Adam West, the gray-haired, self-righteous, overly dramatic mayor (if you could call him that) of the city told Dean Father.
Dean Father looked very uncomfortable. Maybe it was because his cabinet, after having experienced all the decorative joys of a sparkler, had been destroyed along with a few academic certificates and the like, and that was where he got his power (just one of many theories). "With all due respect, your mayorness, I think it's wrong to extort money from my college-"
"Look," West interrupted him. "As the mayor of this town, I've got big responsibilities. These parades are very expensive. You're using my police, my sanitation workers, my oldsmobiles, my newmobiles, my desk made of solid gold, the last of which doesn't directly have anything to do with you at all. You won't even be using it. Anyway, if you mention extortion again, you'll be swimming with the fishes. My koi fish. It won't be nice. They're very scaly, I should warn you. And they nip at your ears."
"No, no, I'm sure I can dip into the student fund."
"One more thing, you better sit on that zoo fraternity of yours. I don't want any drunken riots in my town like last time. I say you should follow the proposal I suggested the other day, you know, get a couple of students you trust who can keep quiet. Give these students a couple of really good tasers, and at about three A.M. on a Thursday or some other inconspicuous day, send them over to that frat, also with a couple of melon ballers and-"
"Not that I don't get pleasure out of your idea, my good sir, but I have already asked the authorities and they have indeed said this would be illegal."
"…That's really too bad."
"Don't worry, sir. I've got those boys just where I want them…" He stood up, hands behind his back, and walked over to the window, looking evilly at Chihiro House's general direction. "We'll have the best homecoming parade Miyazaki's ever had!" (Cue evil laughter.) "AAAAH HAA HAA HAA HAAAA!" Fire erupted from him. So much for the plaque theory.
----------
Peter Griffin stood between the lunch line and the bins where people put their dirty dishes and trays. Their cafeteria was remarkably average, but Peter really loved their lunch line.
"Hi, how ya doin'…" Peter smiled at a girl who dumped her lunch tray and left. "Hey, afternoon…" Peter nodded to a guy who dumped three cellophane wrappers. "Hi, I like your hat…" he said to another guy with a Miyazaki College cap. "What's up…" he murmured to another girl with a few crumbs on her plate. Then a guy with a paper plate of a half-eaten chicken salad sandwich showed up. Peter shoulder-tackled him out of the way, grabbed the plate, and stuffed the food, plate and all into his mouth. Then, grabbing a tray, he decided it was lunchtime.
Meanwhile, just a few tables across the cafeteria, Pietro zipped up to the table where Jean Grey sat alone in a booth with her tray of food (one brownie, one tuna salad sandwich on whole wheat, one serving of carrot sticks, one peach… how very balanced and ordinary of her). Pietro shoved his tray and his skinny butt next to her. "Jean! I haven't seen you since we-"
"Go away!" She interrupted him, looking slightly volatile.
"I can only stay a minute. Lemme buy you lunch."
She gestured to her full tray of food.
"You got your lunch, how about milk-"
She held up a little carton of lowfat milk.
"Fancy that! Can I just grope you while you eat?"
"Do I have to send you flying across this cafeteria using my mind, leaving an unpleasant Pietro-shaped pattern across the Miyazaki banner?" The redhead asked him.
"Is this any way to treat an intimate friend? Huh? Is it?!" Pietro demanded loudly.
Back to Peter. Moving across the counter tops of food with his tray, Peter picked what he wanted, and sometimes what he didn't want. He first put two plates of hamburgers on his tray, then a hotdog. Then he reached for two donuts. One missed the tray. By a lot. Just went straight to the ground. Uncaring, he tossed a celery stick on his plate after the slice of pecan pie, you know, to be healthy. There was a sandwich section. Were they any good? Peter didn't know, so he took a bite to see and ended up putting it back. He grabbed a different type of sandwich to sample, tried it, then turned around and put it on some innocent nerdy guy's tray.
Then he moved on to yet more countertops of food… a whole new selection. He grabbed an orange, a bowl of spinach, mashed potatoes with another hamburger, and something unidentifiable and white (not mashed potatoes). Then Peter came across the gelatins. He had to decide – did he really want jell-o, did he just kind of want jell-o, did he not want jell-o at all, did he have a personal problem with jell-o, was he still sleeping, just how much did he drink last night and that morning, and where was he anyway? The last three or so questions weren't that important, so he looked around to see if anybody was watching and sucked the plate clean of jell-o like a vacuum. No, he didn't want jell-o. Oh wait, yes, yes he did, lots of it. He took two plates of the green type and put them on the Leaning Pile of Food.
Let's swing on over to Jean and Pietro just to see how they're doing. He was still rambling pickup lines to her. Finally she said, "I asked you never to speak to me again. Will you GO AWAY?"
No real progress there on either side. In the meantime, Peter was finally done getting food. He passed by the scary army kids' table, where Robin was sitting at the end of the table full of green-suit-and-badges-wearing soldiers-in-training sat, dead inside.
Peter stood behind Robin and imitated a motorcycle. "Vrrrm vrrrm…"
Robin tried to whip his head around, only to blurt "AAAGH," when the fact that he was still wearing a neck brace became significant to his immediate physical well-being. Peter trotted off, giggling.
One more switch back to Jean and Pietro. Only now, just as they were still interacting (the only good way to describe it), three visitors showed up: Scott Summers, Beast Boy, and Trixie Tang. Beast Boy looked like he'd rather be somewhere else.
"I hope we're not interrupting anythiiing…" Trixie teased in a singsong voice.
Pietro smiled at her. "If you must know-"
"Pietro was just leaving," Jean finished, looking very frustrated.
"I wasn't."
Scott smiled a little too wide and fake. "I could make you leave, if you-"
"Peter!" Pietro relished the fact that Peter Griffin's arrival may have just saved him from what could have been a bad situation. "I think you know everybody here."
Jean clenched her teeth. "Scott, can't you-"
"Don't worry, just keep your hands and feet away from his mouth!" Pietro smirked and crossed his arms as he watched Peter shovel down food, spilling half of it, very much entertained.
Trixie, Beast Boy, and Scott looked in open-mouthed disgust as Peter shoved food toward the general direction of his mouth, but the probability of the food making contact with the teeth was shaky.
Scott sneered. "Don't you have any respect for yourself?"
Trixie let out a distressed-pretty-girl-squeak. "This is absolutely gross. That boy is a P-I-G, pig!" She began to ponder hideous rumors she would spread about him later. Maybe she could successfully imply bestiality with him…
Peter looked up, finally acknowledging that he was the center of negative attention. And he had only bothered to acknowledge it even now because Trixie's shrill voice bothered him. Scott watched him warily under his usual red sunglasses. Beast Boy played with his food, utterly bored. Trixie smoothed her hair as she watched Peter as well. Jean looked tired, but also watched Peter. Pietro was the only one whose eyes flashed with glee. Peter finally had a handful of unidentifiable white cafeteria glop. "See if you can guess what I am now…" He stuffed the white stuff into his mouth, his cheeks puffing out. Then he punched his cheeks, making white stuff spray all over the preppy kids. They flinched. Trixie screeched. Peter giggled. "Heeh-heh-heh, heh-heh-heh. I'm a zit. Get it?!"
"Alright, you ne'er-do-well! Let's go, right here!" Scott jumped up and lunged for Peter, who jumped up as Pietro struggled to control his laughter both at Peter's joke and Scott's usage of the word "ne'er-do-well".
Peter ran around the lifeless wannabe-soldiers' table to avoid Scott and Beast Boy running after him. He ran around the other side and realized they were on either side of him. He threw a full tray of only condiments (the magic of plot device!) at Beast Boy and was able to run around him just before the be-neck-braced Robin could grab him from behind. Peter shoved Robin and some purple-haired kid with a video camera out of the way to run. Robin was knocked to the ground and shouted in pain at his neck being in quite the uncomfortable position. When a trail of wannabe soldiers scurried to follow Peter, they trampled Robin, who shouted again and thrashed about. No one bothered to help pick him up.
Pietro stopped laughing and turned to Jean. "Wanna go out tonight?"
Jean smirked. "Don't flatter yourself, Pietro. It wasn't that good." She watched as Pietro struggled to comprehend a suggestion so IMPOSSIBLE that not even his fast-moving brain could grasp it that minute.
Peter realized he wouldn't be able to run forever and turned around. "LOOK IT'S MATT LAUER!" This had no luck with the ROTC, so he instead shouted, "FOOD FIGHT!" The kids in the cafeteria were happy to oblige as he made his escape.