The rain poured down as I stared out the window. The gloom over came me and I seemed to sink deeper than I had been before. I missed Edward-- so much, and this pain was all my fault.

I had been able to deal with it slightly before... I had been able to see Alice almost everyday, see the smile she was faking without her own love, and I could remember why I had made this sacrifice, but now without that I felt worse than before.

I didn't have friends to force me to laugh, although it was mostly Angela making us laugh... neither Alice nor I were that happy, and I also didn't catch glimpses of Edward. Sometimes his face kept me going- he didn't seemed too burdened by the lost, he looked fine to me, and I kept telling myself that he was happier without me. But now the look on his face when he said goodbye kept haunting me, and I knew I was at least partially lying to myself.

I was almost ready to just run to his house, but I knew that would be stupid. The pain I put myself through and the strain on whatever relationship we could have, Edward and I, would be pointless, and it wouldn't do any good, and it would just put us worse off than wherever we had been.

I sighed, thinking over the complicated mess I had created. I could place the blame on Alice, or even Jasper for that matter, but I knew it was all my fault. The wind started blowing, and the tree outside scraped at my wall, its branches squealing against the glass of my window. The rain, blowing sideways now, splattered against the window, blurring and smearing my view into nothing but shining green and grey blobs.

As I cringed away from the sound, it just filled my head more. It combined with what Edward's face had looked like when I told him goodbye, and it just swirled around and around until I couldn't take it anymore.

I threw open the window, and leaned out, gasping at the cool air that was just above freezing—warm for Forks. The rain blew past me, soaking my face and hair, but I barely felt it. It numbed me even more, but because I could still feel something the numbness felt all wrong. It suffocated me almost more than what was inside my mind, because I was welcoming it. I knew it was wrong. I felt horrible and twisted inside for wanting to get rid of thoughts of Edward and my mind refused to let him go. It plagued me, tore at my insides, clawed at the inside of my brain, begging for attention.

It buzzed inside me, swirling, swirling, attacking, until I thought I would go insane. I finally broke. Leaning more out the window, I broke down, and I let the tears fall down my face as I realized how stupid I was being.

"Oh Edward, what have I done," I cried. As the sobs shook me, I deteriorated even more. I detached from my body almost and soon I heard the most horrible sound, and then I realized it was me, and I was sobbing out screams of frustration. What have I done, what have I done, what have I done, what have I done droned over and over again in my head and I couldn't stop it.

"Edward," I said, and it sounded like a whisper, but it echoed like a scream and I couldn't tell which it actually was, only that it started repeating over and over again. Then I got worse.

I saw him.

Standing there.

In the rain.

Right underneath my window.

And he was saying my name.

Staring at me with his bright green eyes. His bronze hair, soaking wet sticking to his forehead, was darkened by the rain. He looked up at me, and I saw his mouth moving.

I tried to concentrate on what he was saying, but I couldn't. All I could do was think "wow I have finally lost it. You've gone insane, Bella, way to go…."

"Bella!" I swore I heard him call. His mouth continued to move, but his voice was lost in a gust of wind, and I was nowhere close to a good lip reader.

I sobbed his name again. He disappeared, and ten seconds later I heard a knock at the door. My breath caught in my throat as I gasped.

I made my way down the stairs, being careful not to fall with my eyes blurred.

I opened my door, and there stood what I thought had been an illusion outside my window. It was Edward, dripping with rain water. I stood there in shock as he stepped in and closed the door, preventing the storm from spraying inside.

"Edward," I whispered.

"I can't stay away from you any longer I can't live without you. I love you, Bella," he said.

I couldn't come up with the words, couldn't make my mouth work. Finally I mouthed, "I love you too." And then he pulled me into a deep, send tingles down your skin, light you on fire from the inside out, burning in flashes, a searing fire that was ice cold and scorching hot at the same time, kiss. And I completely forgot all of my problems, and I could focus on nothing else but Edward as my fingers wrapped themselves into his wet hair, and it was perfect for a moment.

So, hope you liked it, sorry it took so long to put out. I'm torn between asking you to review a lot, and not, because I have someone that really wants to be my 200th reviewer. I'm sure he'll survive if he's not though (I'll love you whether you beat the people that review at 2 in the morning or not! Lol) so, I guess, review, and let me know I didn't lose you!

Love,

Kasey