Disclaimer: I own neither the cartoons used within nor any part of Animal House. I also don't own any other characters represented in this chapter. And I don't own the foods I mention.

See? What'd I tell ya? Dexter Lake Club scene, not untouched, but still present.

All the foodstuffs at the fast food place were taken from the Mr. Meaty's menu available at Nickelodeon's website. I really liked that show. I'm pretty much the only person I know who did.

If you can tell me some of who the characters are that steal their dates, then you get... oh let's see, what can I give you... how about a chapter preview? Oh, and catch the Caddyshack reference and win confidence!

And Deathley is still EA-Insanity's OC.

The crowd cheered for the band that night, Pete Wentz and Three Other Guys. The frontman and bassist took the mic temporarily. "We're so happy to be back here at the Bushwood Club! We'd like to do a tune entitled Sugar, We're Goin Down. So hit it!" Rock music kicked in. The crowd gave another quick cheer and then those on the dance floor began dancing (or thrashing, depending on how you see it).

Meanwhile, outside, Zuko led the way into the club, while Tucker squealed over the ship, "Ohmygod! It's dented and talking!"

They burst in.

The music stopped. All eyes were on the eight cartoons.

Pietro whistled. "We're gonna die!"

The singer looked around awkwardly, and then the band started up the music again, pretending nothing had happened. The crowd reluctantly began dancing around again.

The boys and their dates found a booth near a corner and crawled in as Danny whispered fearfully to Zuko, "Zuko! We're the only cartoons here! Everybody else is live action! Are you sure-"

"Don't worry," Zuko didn't get into the booth, his usual apathetic tone a poor substitute for something soothing. He headed toward the bar, attempting to ignore the dirty looks, odd stares, and occasional snickers. The mean-looking, slightly elderly bartender in clothing with a slight seventies style wasn't looking at him much differently. Despite this, Zuko ordered. "One shot of vodka, six beers – what the hell do bats drink? – make it seven beers."

"Ooh! Ooh!" Johnny shouted to Zuko, standing up in the booth and attracting more unwanted attention. "I want a Shirley Temple! Haven't had one in years! They're so good!"

"Uh… vodka, six beers, and one Shirley Temple."

"And a little umbrella!!"

Zuko bit his lip and clenched his fist. "And. A little. Umbrella." A pale, sickly-looking man with crazy black-and-white hair sat next to him. Zuko turned to him, in an attempt to make polite conversation, and the guy flashed a blood-covered barber's tool. Zuko turned back away from him. Never mind then. He waved at the band. "Pete! My man!"

The bassist paused in his riff for a minute, to give Zuko a look that was one part "Who the hell is interrupting me?" and one part "Who the hell ARE you?"

Sensing the discomfort, Zuko quickly took the drinks over to his table, where things weren't much better.

"So… you girls come here often?" Tucker tried.

Sakura turned to Pietro. As soon as he realized she was going to turn her attention to him, he put his grave, melancholy face back on. Sakura put her hand on his shoulder. "Lance, are you alright?" she asked over the music.

"Yeah… this is really fun…" Pietro made the perfect smile of one attempting to fake enthusiasm and failing. Then he covered his face with one hand and squirmed his way out of the booth. He left the club.

Sakura gave a little "Oh!" and got up, putting her hand to her heart.

She followed him as he got in the backseat of the ship (good thing it was open because Pietro didn't know a thing about locking or unlocking it). He leaned forward with his head in his hands. Sakura touched his shoulder again. "Lance? I'm really sorry. I know what you must be going through. Would you rather be alone?"

Attempting to make his own advancements without the help of Pietro, Danny made small talk with Deathley. "What are you majoring in?"

"Celebrity psychology," She looked bored, staring at the band.

Meanwhile, back in libido land…

"I need you so much," Pietro was trying to force tears, but they weren't coming tonight. He was a little too drunk. At least it was dark out – she mainly had his voice to work with.

She was hugging him. "I'm here!"

"Move to your left a little…"

In the club, a few scary-looking people had gathered around the booth. A redheaded guy in Florida clothing stood above the booth, with an intense smile. A blonde woman in a yellow tracksuit with a sword at her side stood beside him. The man who plunked down in the booth next to them had mean blue eyes, gray stubble, and a cane. And the guy in dark clothes with a baseball hat almost obscuring his menacing stare and thick eyebrows stood in front of the table.

Tucker sat on his shaking hands. "W-where do you go to s-school?"

"I wonder where 'Lance' is! Maybe I should go look for him!" Danny's voice cracked. He attempted to push his way out, but Kit dragged him back.

Since he was wondering, we'll clarify. Pietro was having a great time in the ship! He had long since gotten to kissing Sakura and they had now entered make-out mode. "I used to touch Kimiko this way…"

"I know. She told me."

Pietro paused in shock. But then gave a very slight shrug and went back to making out.

The situation inside was quite the opposite. The baseball capped man spoke. "Do you mind if we dance with your dates?" His voice was deep and menacing.

Zuko stood up. He was of fair height, and the guy still had a few inches on him. "No. Not at all. Go right ahead."

The guy looked at the table and swiped his hand across the air. The table and drinks went flying to the side. He offered his hand to Deathley, who hesitantly took it. The Floridian-looking guy gave his hand (with dried blood under the fingernails) to Kit. The blonde woman led Johnny out, who exclaimed, "This is fun! Oh, but I need a new drink!"

The guy with the cane smiled. "This might get somewhat perilous for you. If I were in your shoes, I'd be-"

"Leaving. What a great idea." Zuko stood up. He seemed calm, albeit a little freaked.

Then Danny, Zuko, and Tucker ran as fast as they could out of the club. They darted across the parking lot, shouting their heads off (so much for maybe not attracting attention to themselves?) until they reached their weird vehicle.

Sakura shrieked in surprise. Pietro had by then successfully gotten her dress unzipped and was worming his way into it, but she jumped out of the open window of the spaceship with surprising athleticism, following her fight-or-flight instinct (when three hollering college boys hurtled into the ship – can you really blame her?).

"Hey!" Pietro said.

Zuko had the controls again, for better or for worse. "Compose yourself, Pietro, we gotta get out of here."

Tucker was shaking. "The live action-ies took our dates!"

Zuko took to his usual methods of pressing whatever looked right. The ship fell backwards, sending Danny flying to the back of the ship (should have buckled his seatbelt!). Then the ship gave a violent lean to the front, hitting the ground, and Danny was thrown against the windshield. The ship's laser gun came out, but shot caramel out of it.

Zuko looked at the gooey mess. "When would you ever need to use that?"

"Nooo! You're gonna ruin the ship!" Tucker squealed. "The lever joystick thing!"

"Oh," Zuko easily got the ship moving with it. Like something from War of the Worlds, they took off rather fast and bashed into a tree as they left the club.

"Ohmygod! This will cost hundreds of… I don't know what the alien currency is! Please slow down!!"

--

The three girls and Johnny walked home alone, past midnight. Deathley and Kit looked pissed off, Sakura was pensive, and Nny was exuberant.

Kit said, "What I totally don't get it is why the hell Kimiko would go out with dudes like that! They reminded me of criminals, or carnies or something."

Johnny snapped out of his happy trance. "What? Who's a criminal? Carnies are scary."

"I'll say."

"Whatever, that's the last time I go out with a guy I didn't pick," Deathley didn't look traumatized, more like she just wanted to be home.

"I don't know, I thought Lance was kind of cute," Sakura said.

"EWWW!" All three others said.

Sakura continued to speak over the others, who were still making disgusted little noises. "I felt really sorry for him! He started crying and…"

--

The ship came to a stop at the little electronic speaker in the takeout lane of McNasty's. The windshield opened up and Pietro leaned the whole top half of his body out. "Hi! We'd like to order two purple-flavored slushies, one insulin-flavored, one candy-flavored, four beers-"

"We don't have beer!"

"Fuck you! I'm in the middle of my order! Where was I? Ah yes, we'll have one order of Roast Beef Nuggets, two Big Meatys-"

"Wait, who's the second for?" Danny asked.

"You, you idiot."

"I wanted Dom DeLuise's Windowsill."

"Is that even food? What are you talking about?"

"It's on the menu."

"…So it is!" Back to the speaker, "Fine. Replace one Big Meaty with a Windowsill thing."

"So that's one Slab-O-Gristle, one Big Meaty, one Roast Beef Nuggets, and four slushies, which we don't sell here, by the way." The clerk sounded bored.

"What?! No- wait- what- agh! No Gristle! The Windowsill thing! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!"

"Ohhh. Okay."

"And replace the slushies with four Cokes then, I guess."

Tucker leaned over. "One diet. That sugar is bad for you."

"No it's not. One diet, three regular, did you get that? We also wanted one more thing – dammit, I haven't even ordered for myself yet – one Buffalo Lover's Burger. I'm experimenting today." Pietro's torso was still leaning out the side.

Zuko, who was looking over Pietro's flailing legs, said something for the first time that scene. "Bad news."

"What NOW? I just got everything in."

"While you were messing up everyone's orders, I had time totally rethink mine."

Pietro gave him an evil look as he slowly shifted back to his seat. "Fine then. You change it."

"Wait…" The clerk interrupted. "Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. Can you repeat the whole thing?"

--

No answer at the pay phone. Zuko frowned and hung up. The windshield of the ship slowly went up with a whirring noise, letting him in to the feeding frenzy inside. Pietro immediately asked him, "What'd Mai say?"

"She wasn't home. Where could she be at 5:30 AM?"

"What's up with you two?"

"Why do you think I know?" He sighed. "Something's wrong."

Tucker sighed and put his arms around Pietro and Zuko's shoulders. "Women! Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. Am I right, guys?"

They slowly turned towards him, with identical looks of disgust and disbelief. Tucker backed off.

--

Meanwhile, back at Miyazaki College and what may as well be another dimension, Totoro House was preparing their papier-mâché float for the Homecoming Parade. It was likely to be wholesome, colorful, and full of morals and stuff. And possibly white-supremacist.

Scott, in pressed khakis and a wool blazer, was overseeing the operation – everyone was getting their hands dirty at some point, even Scott, but the pledges were putting more hard labor in. Trixie stood by in one of her usual precious little lilac-and-white getups, holding a can of glue at arm's length for Scott and the others to use as they wished. She was the only girl there and relishing this fact.

"Trixie, do you know where Jean is?" Scott said his first non-small talk words to her that day. "She was supposed to come and help make drinks."

"Sure don't," Trixie's flawless grin was unnerving, the way it widened a bit when he asked Trixie that question. "She said she was just going to dye- oops! I mean, wash her hair…" Her voice was saccharine.

"That's typical. Just when we're doing something important."

Trixie watched Scott go about his grouchy, gluey way, until her smile suddenly disappeared and she put the can on the ground. She covered her face and gave a loud, dry sob. "Oh, Scott! I hate to see her make such a loser out of you!"

Now Scott finally turned all the way around to look at her (at least, he was probably looking at her. With those sunglasses, he could have been looking past her, or at her breasts, or at the glue. Assume what you will). "What do you mean?"

She sobbed again (but still no real tears). "I mean… Jean and Pietro are having an affair!!"

Scott's eyes widened behind his red sunglasses. Overwhelmed, he took a seat on the edge of the float.

Trixie's smile returned. "But I love you, Scott! That's why I had to tell you!"

Scott flipped the thought around his well-groomed head, running his hand through his hair. "Trixie… I want you to do something for me…"