A/N: Before you read, please note that this chapter contains more or less graphic content. It is rated M for a reason. Don't read if there is any potential of my story being offensive. Offending is not my intent. Also, language warning. Oh yeah, and Yun Kouga owns Loveless, not me, but whatever. Enjoy.

I was serious. Dead fucking serious, and the son of a bitch laughed. My eyes narrowed as I stared at him. "Hey there, jerk, I wasn't joking."

The laughing continued. I wanted to punch him, kick him, get his attention. There's no way I could without injuring him, though, because that's what punching and kicking is for. Hurting people. I don't hurt people. I stayed still.

"That was really cute," he said. "But you can't possibly be for real. You're fifteen."

I rolled my eyes. "This is becoming more troublesome than it's worth. Fuck me or I'll find someone who will. Four people outside already more or less asked. You should know firsthand that university students have nothing against casual sex."

He knew I wouldn't. I knew I wouldn't. What was I saying? There was a nagging want in the back of my mind that wasn't there this morning or this evening or before—

"Judging by how long it took for you to let me even kiss you, I'd say you wouldn't let anyone touch you, nevertheless fuck y—"

"Why are you being so difficult!" I screamed before I could stop myself. Soubi was taken aback, mouth agape in the interrupted formation of words, just blinking at me. My head was spinning. "Forget it forget it forget it!" I yelled even louder. I sounded like a madman. I could swear my words were coming from someone else's mouth.

"Okay, Ritsuka, okay. Just calm down," he told me, forever the serene adult. Forever mellow. Forever in control. And what the hell did I control? Not even Soubi was listening to me. Of course not! I wasn't even his real master. Soubi still belongs to him. Nothing is mine! Everything belongs to—

I got up from the bed, suddenly disgusted by the thought of him, but my headache wouldn't allow it. It felt like someone had hit me in the back of the head with a brick. I lurched forward to catch my balance, but my legs felt like jello. They gave way without a fight, my knees buckling. I hit the floor with a harsh thud. I would have acknowledged how badly that hurt my shoulder were my head not screaming.

No. Screaming was the wrong word. Blaring. A thousand sirens were blaring inside my head. I curled in on myself and covered my ears, just on the off chance that the sirens were from outside or something. When they didn't stop I moaned quietly in frustration. I couldn't hear it, but I could feel the vibration in my throat. Even such a soft note felt like my throat was being ripped out. My body was trembling in a way I didn't know was possible.

Then my head went silent, so I did too, save for my heavy panting. I just sort of lied there, still trembling, thinking "well that was weird." I tried to get up but couldn't. I felt like I was about to throw up my heart, as disgusting as that sounds.

Relentlessly nagging, a different force pulled at me now. It was fuzzy and white and far off, calling me to close my eyes. Sleep? Okay. I wasn't tired per se, but sleep never hurt anyone. I closed my eyes and submitted to the whiteness calling to me.

XflashXbackX

"Ritsuka!" I heard someone yell at me as I pushed through the crowd, making my way back to the kitchen with a glass of water one of Kio's friends gave me. I halted, and turned around, scowling. Who knew me well enough to call me in such a friendly tone? Yuiko surely wasn't here, and it wasn't Soubi's voice. I wasn't interested in befriending anyone at the moment, especially in an environment like this.

There was a reason to my antisocial behavior. I was still sore, and my headache had only worsened with the loud music. The aspirin I took churned in my stomach uncomfortably, but did not do a thing for the pain. Maybe three pills were too much.

I turned to meet them, the stranger waving coolly in the dim light, his curly hair bouncing with each step as he approached me… "Seimei?!"

He smiled and stood close. I was almost his height with just an inch or two to go. That made me smile, but it faded as I saw him lean closer. "What are you doing here?" he said, trying to speak over the loud music and buzzing conversations.

"I was just getting something to drink," I responded, holding up my glass of water to show him. I knew he didn't mean what I was doing at the moment, but what was I doing at a party full of half-drunk university students. Well, some full drunk.

He took the cup from me and shook it slightly. It fizzed and bubbled, oddly enough. Maybe it was carbonated water instead of plain water. Seimei plastered a disgusted look on his face and wrinkled his nose. "Don't drink from open glasses just lying around like that," he said, staring at the red and white plastic cup as if it were Persephone herself in Christmas getup here to burn crops and kill children. I decided not to tell him that it wasn't 'just lying around'; one of the guys gave it to me. He seemed displeased enough. I looked at it, then up at him, then back down to the cup. I didn't see the same evil he did.

He set it down nearby and smiled, handing me a water bottle. "Here, take this." I unscrewed the cap and took a gulp and, well, my throat caught fire. Not the regular candle type of fire that's dangerous but still moderately tame, the chemically induced, impossibly hot type of fire that burns bright blue and white. The so-called "water" (which I had reason to believe was actually gasoline) slid down my throat and incinerated every inch of my mouth it reached.

"Seimei, what the hell was that?!" I asked between coughs. Holding up the bottle to the dim light in the room, I could see the water was disconcertingly chalky. He got an expression of hurt on his face when I gave the bottle back.

"It's vitamin-packed mineral water. You don't like it?"

I sputtered nervously, trying to reassure him that I didn't not like it. He leaned in close and spoke directly in my ear, music blaring around his voice.

"I can hardly hear you, Ritsuka. Come on, let's go out back and talk."

He walked me back where the crowd started to thin a bit. I knew which way we were going even if he didn't (I'd been at Kio's house many times visiting with Soubi), but the question was did I want to follow, and more or less did I have a choice. A warning in the back of my mind insisted that I not be alone in a room with Seimei.

My thoughts drifted fluidly from panic to anger. Fate is one sadistic son of a bitch, I thought. Perhaps that's why he works so heavily in my brother's favor. They are cut from the same cloth.

I knew where he was leading me. Back to one of the rooms. The dark, empty, private rooms in Kio's house. I logically deduced that I was, in a word, screwed. The scene played out clearly in my head like a movie on a wide-screen plasma television:

Seimei would lead me into a room.

Seimei would oh-so innocently tell me to take a seat on the bed. To relax. Take my shoes off. Lay down and take a break with him. Just like before, he would… he would—

"Hey, big brother!" I said, hoping he wouldn't hear my uneasiness. "Let's go out back to the patio instead. "There's only a few people there, and the stars are beautiful! Remember we'd always stargaze when I was little?"

His voice turned cold. "You're older now, Ritsuka. Forget about the things you did when you were younger. Grow the hell up."

I mentally took a step back, my cheeks burning with shock. He was being much harsher than usual. His odd behavior made me agitated.

"And plus!" he said, opening the door to one of Kio's bedrooms. Ironically, it was the one I always slept in when I needed a place to get away from mother. It held painful memories. "You would probably get bored," he continued, flicking on the bedside lamp. "You'd be bored and, since it's September, fairly cold. Sorry I don't have another jacket." He smiled and beckoned me to sit, so I did.

I couldn't tell him that he was wrong about me getting bored, that Soubi and I stargazed all the time late at night, that I found it to be the most relaxing thing to feel so insignificant, falling asleep in Soubi's arms as far-off celestial beings danced above us. No, I had a feeling that if I mentioned Soubi, things would turn for the worst.

"Lay down," he said suddenly, interrupting my calm thoughts. I didn't have time to disobey as he grabbed my shoulders and pushed me down, sitting on my thighs. His hands felt rough and calloused against my skin. I made a motion to get up, but he wouldn't allow it, holding me firmly in place with one hand and removing my pants with the other. Great day to opt out of underwear, yet another bad habit picked up from Soubi.

I waited patiently as he pulled off my pants, just sort of lied there. It's the same as with mom: Just sit and wait until it's over. That's all you can do. I'm used to it, I told myself. It doesn't hurt or anything. Not saying it's right when he does this, but he is always gentle so… I suppose it's okay.

I rationalized this way in my mind until I saw him unzipping and removing his pants too, carefully folding them and placing them on the dresser.

"Seimei?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowed. I willed my body to move away from him, but it didn't obey. He easily turned my limp body over to my stomach and hovered over me and—

"Ah!" I choked out as he pushed into me forcefully, fully sheathing himself in one brutal thrust. I clawed at a pillow lying somewhere nearby to distract me from the pain. It didn't work. It was so vivid, a pain I had never experienced before. I begged for him to stop, or slow down, or give me a minute to adapt or something, anything.

He pulled out all the way and slammed into me again, hitting something deep inside myself that made me clench my teeth and made my head spin. A strangled cry escaped my throat as he pushed harder against it, making my muscles tighten around him. I could hear him gasp and moan as he worked himself in and out of me, his movements erratic and needy.

To my surprise he stopped and flipped me back over. I closed my eyes and turned away, not wanting to see him or for him to see me, not wanting to be there, not wanting to accept the fact that it was my brother doing this to me.

I heard him moving on the bed again. He grabbed my knees and pushed them to my chest, simultaneously spreading them apart and positioning himself to enter me once again. My eyes shot open to stare at him. I felt stupid for thinking it'd be over. He is, after all, his mother's child. Killing me little by little, never quick. Of course.

It hurt my heart in a way unlike Misaki hurt it. He always protected me. He actually loved me and accepted me, but why this? Did I make him angry somehow? I was willing to apologize about the drink, or about being at an adult party, or about whatever else I could've possibly done to deserve this. I stared up at him, thick tears welling up in my eyes. "Nii-chan, please… don't…"

He smiled sickeningly, making my heart wrench. How could he possibly pretend to be kind after this?

He entered me again no less roughly than before, if not even more so, panting and sweating and moaning in a way that made my stomach churn. The room reeked of sex and body heat. I opened my mouth to scream but no sound came out, just a rush of air. I couldn't stop shaking.

Tears streamed down my face freely, searing further already burning cheeks. My whole body was being smoldered by anger and shame as he clawed at my hips, gripping desperately. His movements didn't cease urgency until I felt his body stiffen. He came inside me, hot and violent and wet.

He sat up and just stared at me. I must have looked pathetic with my inaudible sobs and messed up hair. I looked up and boldly met his eyes. The look he gave me wasn't sadistically satisfied like I thought it'd be. He looked put off, as if I were the one who had offended him.

I opened my mouth to speak, my voice small. "Seimei, I'm sorry. I don't understand."

He snorted and stood, reapplying his clothing. He walked out of the room without a word, slamming the door behind him. I didn't need to look down to know I was bleeding, but I did anyway.

"What?!" I gasped as I saw my erection standing at full attention, plain as day. Nothing about what had just happened was exciting. Nothing. It was dirty and wrong and painful and humiliating! So then why?

I jumped up and ran to the bathroom, turning the shower water on as hot as it would allow and stood there, crying and scrubbing at every inch of my skin. I watched all my bandages fall to the floor. I felt my hair get in my eyes as my skin steamed. I cried harder.

After a bit I stopped scrubbing, turned off the water, dried off. I put my pants back on. I fixed my hair. I sat back down. My movements felt robotic and unnatural.

"Soubi," I called to the dim, open air.

I sat, not completely still, shifting uncomfortably every once in a while. My ass sort of hurt. Wait, no no no. That's an understatement. It stung like hell. I shifted again, the leather of my jeans rubbing against my skin. No seriously.

Soubi burst through the door, and I tried my hardest to wipe the grimace off of my face. I patiently waited for him to come over, extending my arms and calling out to him. When our skin made contact, it was repulsive. I became aware of everything, every molecule of filth my body possessed. Our kiss didn't feel like a kiss, just a touching of the lips and wrestling of tongues. I didn't care.

I wrapped my legs around his waist and began grinding in earnest. It felt good somewhere in the back of my mind, but I needed more. The perfect counter to the slime would be spending the night with Soubi, the one I love, instead of being… instead of having someone like him come along and… and—

I put more effort in my movements as I inadvertently remembered something I forgot to forget. I nibbled on his earlobe where I'd pierced him long ago. I remembered how I'd blushed, how scared I was that I had hurt him. He had just gritted his teeth and bore it. I was the weak one.

I knitted my fingers roughly in his hair and kissed him deeper, needing him to be compliant and out of control just this once. He looked up and, much to my annoyance, pushed me away, speaking as though he had discovered something new.

"Ritsuka." Something boiled dark crimson in my heart at the sound of my name. No, I thought. I'm not Ritsuka. Not right now. I don't want to be. Ritsuka is in pain again, and I'm tired of it! I'll be someone else, someone not so easily hurt.

His voice broke through my thinking. "What are you doing?"

I don't know what I said. I went through a rainbow of emotions and opened my mouth, trusting it to form words to convey those feelings.

There was the beginning of a hell of a headache forming in my head again. It pulsed and throbbed and blocked out even the sound of my own voice.

"Think of it as your birthday present," I felt myself say as whatever controlled my body lied back, making me open and ferociously vulnerable.

The look of uncertainty on Soubi was almost intoxicating. I shifted seductively, spreading my legs farther still as he leaned over me. I bit my lip and tried my hardest to breathe evenly. I no longer remembered my pain or shame or anger; my lust controlled me completely, and I let it. I turned my head to the side ever so slightly, my subtle movements reeking of apathy and unabashed desire. "Soubi," I slurred lazily. I pulled him to me and pressed our bodies closer and closer until I could feel him clear against me. "Tear me apart," I whispered in his ear, demanding him and therefore reassuring him. He hesitated and looked up at me, and I smiled, cold as ice. "That's an order."

A/N: I apologize if the story is confusing; it'll clear itself out soon (possibly, I don't know for sure.) About the next chapter, I have no clue what it'll consist of. I'm just as surprised at the turn of these things as the reader is. Maybe I should start doing a bit of planning. Um... I'll try to get number four here as soon as possible, but seriously. Writing stories is like childbirth. It has to develop and soak in fluids until it's ready to come out. Reviews and constructive criticism are super welcome. Reading them is like a jolt of euphoria injected into my eyes sockets. Thank you in advance! -KC