It took a few days to revisit the issue.
Phil plopped down on the sofa next to Dan, and Dan noticed the determined look in his eyes. "Phil, you okay?" he asked carefully. "You look really… stressed." He reached out and rubbed his shoulder, but Phil flinched and Dan quickly withdrew his hand. "Something on your mind, love?"
"I need to tell you… everything." His voice was shaking but when he turned to Dan, his eyes were set, an almost wild look in them. Dan was about to tell him he didn't need to if he wasn't comfortable yet, but Phil intervened quickly. "I-I promise I won't break down this time. This is all I've been able to think about for days, and I've rehearsed it in my mind over and over. I-I can do this, I swear. A lot happened that you deserve to know about, that you need to… hear…" He bit his healing lip and met Dan's eyes. "That is… if you're okay hearing it…"
Dan nodded surely, turning his body to his boyfriend and looking straight into the panicked eyes. "I want to hear it, I want to know so I can help you." He reached out and took Phil's hand, and it didn't pull away this time. "But only if you're alright to tell me."
Phil nodded and heaved a deep breath before he got started. He was shaking and Dan winced, squeezing his hand reassuringly. "Go on," he whispered.
"I… I left off at the arrival, yeah? Okay… When we got there, he blindfolded me before dragging me out of the back of the van. He took me down… two flights of stairs. I almost fell down one of them, but he yanked me back up and I had to keep moving. When he took the blindfold off me, I was in a windowless concrete room –just a cot and a… bucket, and a flickering lamp hanging from the ceiling. It sounds so cliché, doesn't it? Y-You probably think I'm making it up…"
He was starting to close himself off again, bringing his knees up to curl into a ball, and Dan hopped into action. "Baby, no." He scooted closer, taking a chance and pulling Phil against him, holding his head against his shoulder. Dan let out a soft sigh when Phil didn't pull back or even tense up. He actually seemed to relax into Dan's touch. "I can't imagine the hell you've been through this year, but that doesn't mean I won't believe what you say happened. I believe you. Please… if you can, go on."
Phil sniffed and nodded, trying to regain his composure. He took a few deep breaths and managed to calm down, but he didn't pull away from Dan. "He kept me in there. The door was obviously locked when he came in and when he left. He told me that I better hope nothing happened to him, because if he died then I would, too."
Dan stroked his hair softly, trying to keep him calm and giving him every ounce of attention.
"He… kept me in there for the first month or so without ever really coming in. There was a chute in the wall that he'd dump some leftovers down, and what he said was every two weeks he'd leave a small water jug in the room: I had to learn how to ration it. That was how I kept time, but I don't know if it ever really was two weeks."
Dan nodded and kissed his forehead, holding his lips there for the long pause before Phil went on.
"After-… After what I think was two months, he… came into the room when I was sleeping. He laid- laid next to me on the cot, waking me up. He… 'H-Hush, sweetheart. Scream if you want, but no one's gonna hear you.'" Phil let out a quiet sob and Dan pulled him closer, tears welling in his eyes now. "He raped me, Dan. He- He raped me almost every night, and when I tried to fight, he'd beat me. And after a month or so, he started ex-experimenting."
Dan held him tight, drops rolling down his cheeks. "I'm sorry, baby. I wish I could've been there to protect you."
Phil shook his head. "No… No, I would never want you to be there, even- even if it meant I wouldn't be alone." He sighed, willing himself to stay calm. "And… Sometimes he'd bring friends over for… That- That was when I started to really try to fight against it. And then they'd all beat me."
He seemed to be growing numb talking about it, and that worried Dan more than when he was crying. He kissed his forehead. "I missed you so much, baby. Everyone was waiting to just know you were okay. We were all so worried."
"You… Y-You and the viewers…?" Phil asked softly with wide eyes.
Dan didn't know why he seemed so surprised. "Yes, you twit! We missed you like crazy!"
Phil nodded, accepting it but still not quite believing. "He told me…"
Dan's eyes shot down. "What? What did he tell you, baby?"
"That… you all moved on. That I was losing subscribers every day and that you were making videos more often and getting more success on YouTube and… never seemed to even think of me anymore. He… He said you might have even moved on and gotten a girlfriend."
Dan shook his head hard. "No. No, first of all, you only gained subscribers, because more people continued to discover your videos, and they all just wanted to know when you were back and safe and uploading again. And, yes, I started making more videos because I needed something to keep myself from just crying all day, every day waiting for you. But I was always, always thinking of you. At the end of every video I was begging anyone who might've known what happened to you to please call the missing persons line. I needed you… I needed you so bad…"
"I'm sorry…"
"No. No, you have nothing to apologize for. I'm… I'm so proud of you, baby. You're a survivor. You made it out of absolute hell…" He kissed all over his face, and felt a faint smile tug at the corner of Phil's lips as he kissed them. He smiled down at him in return, wiping his remaining tears. "So strong… How… How did you get away, anyway?"
Phil sighed and relaxed against Dan's shoulder. He was finally starting to feel like he was really home. "One day he left –for work, I guess- and didn't close the door all the ways. I got over to it and out, and up the stairs." He started shaking. "He was still there. H-He stabbed me in the neck, and… I freaked out. I don't know how, but I managed to push him down the stairs and… and I ran. I-I just ran." He started to calm down a bit as that bit of the memory was past. "Once I got out of the building, I-I was pretty much home free. I knew where I was, and I just ran home. I got there finally, and was starting to feel dizzy… You weren't there. I saw something about a convention on the counter, and… and I went there. I just hoped to find you, and, I did. And then, that's where you came in…!"
Dan smiled softly. That was where they reunited. I wished now that Phil would've called for an ambulance when he found the flat empty, or at least stay home and wait, but Dan realized he may never have seen him again had he done that. He felt Phil smile against his shoulder, exhausted but content, and he allowed himself that moment to feel happier than he had in a long time.
Phil was back, safe, in his arms. Home at last, and there was much healing to do, but Dan was here for him, always.
A/N: That last line sounds like an ending but it's not! Reviews = quicker updates!