A/N: The structure of this chapter may be confusing, but I've tried to make it as simple as possible. This is the chapter I've worked the hardest to bring you.
Chapter 30: Revelations
June 24st 2012
I walked up the dry, dirt road through the gates. "Evergreen Cemetary" it read on it's archway. I clutched the package in my hand tightly. I hadn't been here in so long. My past had come back to haunt me. But I knew that I needed to do this. I had to see it again.
I looked out across the field of stones, then seeing one that stood out among them. It wasn't that it looked different. I just knew it was the right one. I walked up slowly to it.
"Hey." I said once I was in front of it. "I know it's been a while. I just needed someone to talk to."
The grave stood still. I guess I was hoping it would talk back to me, and everything would be back the way it used to be. But it was a feeble thought.
"I know I have a chance to resolve things with them, but after you passed away, things changed. He needed to know what I was going to do. Of course, I'm hoping you know that already. Then came the fallout after my revelation. He wasn't happy as you would expect. Things escalated, and well...you know the rest already."
I set the package down in front of the grave.
"This isn't flowers. This is my version of respect. I have a few items I brought from New York that I knew you would like. They're all in there. I hope you'll like them." I then pulled out one last thing from my pocket.
"Remember this?" I said. I dropped a small pendant on the ground. A silver arrowhead on a chain.
As I got up from my knees, I looked down to notice something. A ziplock bag wedged in between the headstone and the ground. I pulled it out. There was an envelope on the inside with my old name on it: "Oliver".
I ripped the bag, and the envelope open, and started reading. This is what the letter read:
July 21st 2003,
Dear Oliver,
It's been almost a month since what happened at the hunting ground. Right now I'm writing with the family at the table. I regret everything of what happened that day. I almost did something that I would regret for the rest of my life. Strike that: I *am* regretting it already. I acted in a fit of rage on some thought that I had control of your life. It nearly cost me your life.
You were right, Oliver. I was trying to force you to make this family rich because of mistakes me and my father did. It should have been me going to New York to make the millions, not you. Then I wouldn't have had to raise you killing animals for money. I wanted to live rich, and was basically being a gold digger to your life. I have made many mistakes in my life, and Uncle Alex is saying now that he too had made mistakes when he was raising Lucy. We all feel responsible about what happened, and I feel nothing but regret. It was my fault that you ran away.
It may be a long time before this letter reaches you. I wouldn't be surprised that you'd rip it in half if I sent it in the mail. I knew you well enough that I planted it here. Please know that you have a family that wants you to come home when you find this letter. I don't know when you'll find it, but I know you will eventually; You've always been nostalgic.
I said that bartending is a waste of your life. That was the most false sentence I've ever said in my life. Lucy told me that you should have been raised into doing something that you were meant to instead of becoming a Wall Street suit. You'll make me proud every day of my life from here on when you go on to start your own pub. When that day comes, the first round's on me.
Come home soon, Dad.
I read it. I re-read it. I read it over and over again. I could read it, but not process it. I wanted nothing more than to come back to my family. To return to them. And now I could. I had had my chance for almost 10 years.
"What do you think I should do?" I said.
Of course, the gravestone didn't answer, but I was hoping for one anyways.
"I want to go back to them, but it's been so long. I don't even look the same as I did so long ago. I'm not the same person I was in 2003."
"I need to confess something." I said to the gravestone. "It was at that Christmas so long ago: I set the whole thing up in the woods. I wanted you to see something awesome. Might be heartbreaking to hear that, but that's what happened. I'm sorry if I let you down, Lucy. You deserved to live longer than 13 years."
I looked back at the gravestone, reading the engraving on it: "Lucille Laurel Blake. 1989-2003. A loving girl who's fire was dimmed too early."
I thought back to my admission of what happened in these last four months that took me back home.
March 2012
"Whoa..." Said Kevin. "Your cousin passed away? That's what happened?"
"Not just that." I admitted. "There was more that happened after the funeral. I made the choice to stay behind to take care of my family after what happened. It mattered to me that someone was making sure they were alright."
"Good for you, Ollie." Kevin suddenly chuckled. "So is that why you insist on being called that? To honor Lucy's memory?"
"Yes." I said. "She was the good influence I had that made me who I am. I'm here in New York, doing what I love, because she told me to do that instead of working on Wall Street."
"But there's more to this story." Said Kevin. "What happened afterwards?"
"I need to bring you back a bit to explain the full story."
May 26th 2003
"All righ', Oliver. I want you to use the skills I taught you, and make a new drink."
This was another training session with David. I had been under his eye for more than 2 years to this day. Soon afterwards, I would turn 21, and I would be a fully licensed bartender. There was only one month left to go.
I looked around the bottles to find something to try. I had been taught almost everything that they regularly serve in bars. Now I had to try to think of my own to make.
I went over to the fridge to see what David had stocked up in terms of sodas. The beverage gun at his place had been broken long ago, and never would work again. I'd have to open a can and figure it out myself.
The fridge had a lot of various sodas. The first soda that would pop into your head was most likely in there. I then set my sights on a can of Mountain Dew Voltage. I grabbed that, and poured it into a glass. I had a base drink. Now I needed a few mixers. First thing I grabbed was rum. Next thing I knew I was on autopilot. I could see what needed to be put into the drink, and kept carefully putting in little portions of each into the glass. Finally, I got a drink of a deep sapphire blue.
"Blimey there, Oliver. Looks like you threw a Blue Man into a blender and poured the result into a glass. I can't wait to try it out. But what's it called?"
I then thought back to a Russian class I took in high school, thinking that this drink would be like getting zapped with flavor. "The Molniya" I said.
Just as David grabbed the glass, my phone rang. I didn't know it at the time, but this was the moment where things went south for me that year. Way south.
"Oliver! You there?" It was my dad.
"Y-yeah." I was confused. My dad sounded worried. "What's going on?"
"You need to get on the next flight back home. We need you here."
"What's happening?"
"It's Lucy." Said Dad. "She passed out an hour ago. We don't know what's going on, but she's being taken to the hospital."
I did: my fears were coming true. "Hold on, Dad. I'll be there as soon as I can." I hung up.
"David, I can't stay here." I said. "I need to head back home. Now."
"No, wait!" Said David. "Wait! Stop! We still have more training! I'm graduating you in less than a month!" I started up the stairs. "Oliver! Oliver! Wait! Oliver!" I didn't reply. I just ran up the stairs as fast as I could.
Next thing I knew, I was at my apartment, packing a bag. If what I thought was going on was really happening, then I expected to be back home for a while. I couldn't stay in New York while whatever was going on was happening to Lucy. It wasn't that I felt guilty with how we got along. It was just that we were cousins, but we might as well have been siblings. We were so close, she was like my sister, and I couldn't let her down by not being there for her.
An hour later I was on a last minute flight to Seattle. I looked out at the clouds, trying to wrap my head around what was going on.
June 7th 1989
When I was 6, I had heard the news from Uncle Alex: he and Auntie Terri were expecting a baby. They were also expecting it to come not too long before my own birthday. I'd have a brand new cousin for my 7th birthday, my parents told me. I thought of it as a good joke. I knew you couldn't give people as gifts.
After my day at school on the 7th, my mom took me to the hospital instead of home. I asked many times why, but she just smiled and said "wait and see".
I walked into the room we were being directed into. My grandparents were already there, and they looked thrilled for some reason. After they went in, the doctor walked over, and kneeled down so we were at the same eye level.
"Do you want to see her, son?" He asked me.
"I don't know what you mean." I said. I was really oblivious to what was happening.
My mom laughed.
"Yes, Dr. He would very much like to see her." She gave me a nudge from behind. "Go on, Oliver. Say hello to her."
I walked in, seeing Auntie Terri. She was holding a bundle in her arms with Uncle Alex sitting beside her. They were both practically glowing with happiness. I looked at the bundle to see a small face. That was the first time I laid eyes on Lucy. I'll never forget it.
"Ladies and Gentleman, we are beginning our decent into Seattle. Please turn all electronic devices off, and make sure all seats and trays are in the upright position. From all of us, we hope you have a pleasant day."
After the plane landed, I headed out to the luggage area. I grabbed my bag, and hailed a taxi.
"Hey! Where to?" He asked.
"Port Angeles, man. And step on it."
It's funny. You feel like after not being around you home for so long, you'd expect to forget everything. But there was that part of me that knew where everything was as the taxi drove up the familiar road. It was a long drive from Seattle, but I found myself walking up the driveway. I felt like a ghost walking up to the door.
My mom answered the door. She was very excited to see me, but upset over what had happened. We sat down in the living room.
"What's happened?" I asked. It hadn't been since yesterday that I had heard from Dad.
"Lucy's not feeling well. The doctor's have been running tests, but we fear it's the cancer. We think it may have come back."
March 2012
"And indeed it did." I said. "Lucy was feeling even worse than before when she had it last."
Lily and Marshall bowed their heads. "So you knew what I was going through. When my dad died?" Said Marshall.
"Marshall, I saw a reflection of myself when you were mourning your dad's death. I think it's what made me realize that we were meant to be friends. It's why I think all my friends need to know what happened. Because I've been hiding from my past for so long. It's time for me to look forwards, and forget the bruises and scars."
I walked into Lucy's hospital room. She looked really tired, but had grown a lot in the past few years.
"Hey, cuz." I said. She smiled as she looked up at me.
"Ollie." She sighed. "You're here."
"Of course I am." I said. "I'd be here for you in a heartbeat."
"It hurts a lot." She said.
"I can imagine." I replied. "But I'll be here for you as long as you need me."
"Thanks, Ollie." She smiled. "I think I'll need you for a while."
"School's just finishing up for you, huh?" I asked.
"Yeah. Entering my grad year of middle school. I'm looking forward to it."
"You're gonna be all right, Lucy. You'll be okay." I said.
July 1991
Lucy had turned 2 years old less than a month ago, and Mom and Dad suggested that Uncle Alex and Aunt Terri bring her to visit that week. I didn't see much of her, so I really didn't know what to think of her. She seemed all right, but that was only my first thoughts on her.
Uncle Alex and Aunt Terri brought her walking up the front steps. She was just learning to walk, and tripped twice on the way up to the door. She didn't smile, nor scream at the sight of me. She only stared. I didn't understand then, but it was her way of saying "hello" when she was at that age. Auntie Terri then picked her up, and carried her up to the door.
"She's been excited to meet you, Oliver." She said.
"I can tell." I replied.
She then kneeled down so I could talk to her.
"This is your cousin, Oliver. Lucy, can you say 'Oliver'?" She grinned. "O-li-ver." She said slower. She said it over and over to get Lucy to repeat her.
It made sense that she was trying to get her to talk. So far Lucy had said 6 different words. "Mommy" was number 4, and "Daddy" was number 6. Auntie Terri was trying hard to get Lucy to say more words.
"What was her first word?" I asked.
"Yes." Said Auntie Terri. "Her first word was 'yes'. Say 'O-li-ver', Lucy."
Then I heard something. It was like hearing a bird sing for the first time.
"Ol-lie." She said.
I laughed. "Not quite, cuz. Got another syllable to add in."
March 2012
"She never dropped that nickname for me." I said. "She always called me Ollie. And now I'll never answer as Oliver."
Ted nodded. "You had a good friendship with each other. Maybe you feel a bit guilty you didn't like that nickname?"
"You're right, Ted. I hold onto the nickname because of guilt. Guilt that I didn't appreciate her enough as my cousin."
June 5th 2003
I had been in Port Angeles for almost 2 weeks, staying by Lucy's side in almost every waking hour. We were in the middle of a game of Chess when she brought up something out of the blue.
"You're 21 in a few weeks."
I looked up from the board. "Uh, yeah." It surprised me that with everything that was happening, she brought up something that had to do with me. "What's you're point?" I asked.
"That means you'll be able to run a bar. Are you licensed yet?"
"No." I admitted. "I ran out on my teacher when I got the news about you. I'm gonna miss out on a few classes. Do you have any idea what the test results are?" I tried to direct the conversation away from me.
"No idea." Shrugged Lucy. "But have you told your parents your plans?" Looks like she was trying the same thing as me.
"No, Lucy. I haven't. Dad expects me to be a corporate asshole working on Wall Street, but I've barely taken off my green hoodie ever since you gave it to me a few years ago. I can't move from that to a suit. I just don't know how to break the news to him."
"You'll find a way. You always do." She grinned, then pushed her Queen forward into a square. "Checkmate, city boy."
"Damn it." We had a slap bet over this game, and now I had to let Lucy slap me. She reached back far, and let it go, nailing me in the face.
"Ouch!" I groaned. It's what I got for telling her about a slap bet.
The next day I was at the local mall, trying to find what to get Lucy for her birthday. What to get a 13 year old cancer patient, I kept asking myself. I just wish I had a friend who knew this stuff for me so I could ask them for advice.
I wandered around the mall like a ghost haunting a house, until I stopped at a small jewelry cart. The guy had an assortment of random items in different stones. I saw among them a small silver arrowhead on a chain.
"Ah!" Said the vendor. "That is silver plated. A real bargain. I'll give it to you for a hundred." He had noticed me examining it.
"Done." I replied. "And can you gift wrap it? Thanks."
March 2012
"Did she ever get it?" Asked Kevin. "The pendant?"
"Yeah, she did. And she enjoyed it for a good while."
"I don't understand, Ollie." He said. "You said Lucy passed away, but you haven't even gotten to that point in the story. What happened?"
I paused. "Have you ever been shot before, Kevin?"
He looked confused. "Uh, like vaccinations?"
"No. I mean with a gun."
"No." He replied. "Uh, no I haven't."
"Then I think it best for you to stop talking and allow me to continue the story."
June 10th 2003
In my life, I hadn't been to a hospital as a patient before this. I never knew what it felt like to be the center of attention because of an illness or injury. All I could tell was that it was a shameful experience, to know that your family was paying good money only to ensure you stay healthy. The whole family sat beside Lucy as the doctor went through the medical mumbo jumbo that I couldn't understand. Clearly Lucy didn't either.
"So what exactly does this mean for me?" She asked. She was wearing the arrowhead, and clutching it in her hand. Luckily it was dulled so that she wouldn't cut herself.
"It means that the tumor needs to be removed with an operation. It'll be simple, and we'll have the very best in Washington state hands on to make sure that this procedure will go exactly as planned. We'll have this planned for the following week."
March 2012
"Did she go out with honor?" Asked Barney.
"I don't know." I replied. "I wasn't there."
June 17th 2003
I sat by Lucy's bed, waiting for her to wake up. Dawn on the day of her surgery. I just hoped that after this it would be it.
"Hey, Ollie."
I looked over as Lucy sat up in bed.
"You ready for this? Finally be rid of the cancer?"
Lucy then said the word I was shocked to hear from anyone who would be asked that question. Especially her: "I don't know."
"What? What do you mean you don't know?"
"Ollie, I lived my life as best I could. It was a short one, but I know this for sure: I'm ready to die. If I live through this, I'll be grateful for a second chance. But I can almost tell that that's not the case. I'm almost certain that I'm not going to make it. Hey, it's okay."
I was starting to cry. But not in sadness. In disbelief.
"Are you saying you want to die?!" I asked.
Lucy smiled. "No, nothing like that, Ollie. If I don't make it today, I won't be sad, because I grew up alongside someone like you. But if I do make it, I'll be just as glad for getting another chance."
I started sobbing. I've not really been one to cry often. Usually I'm the one who offers the shoulder to a friend. Lucy really was mature beyond her years. She understood what it meant to die, and was ready for it if it came.
March 2012
"Did you have a good last words with her?" Asked Marshall. "A real heartfelt last words?"
I smiled. "That's one of the things I saw as an upside to her passing. I can remember that my last words with her meant everything."
"Don't forget to listen to what I told you, Ollie."
"About what?" I asked.
"Stay away from Wall Street. We both know that you're not meant for it. You should live in New York doing what you love to do. Not what you think you have to do. If you love what you're doing, then you've honored my memory."
I kissed Lucy's forehead. "I will. I swear I will live my life to the fullest. I just know how lucky I am to have known you."
Then she laughed. It wasn't a cackle, nor a chuckle. Just a laugh I never heard her laugh before.
"Ollie, don't take this the wrong way. Luck is bullshit. There is no such thing as it. No, y'see, I believe that everything happens for a reason."
I looked at her. "Really? You believe in something as complex as that?"
She shook her head. "It's not complex. It's the simplest thing in the world. We were meant to meet in our lives. I know it was because you were a great influence on me, Ollie. I want to grow up to be like you. Following my goals and doing what I love is what I want to do. You taught me that."
I laughed. "I only did it because you told me to go find what I wanted to do."
"It's too bad we can't share a drink. That was one of the things I really wanted to do when I was grown up."
"You're gonna make it, Lucy." I said. "I know you will. You're gonna grow up, find a nice guy, settle down with a family, and die a ripe age."
Lucy smiled. "I sure hope you're right. Either way, something's gonna happen today."
I spent the hour talking with Lucy. Just a regular chat. It's hard to think if what to say when you don't know if this'll be your last conversation or not. Eventually it came time for me to leave so they could take Lucy to the operating room.
"I'll see you soon." She gave me a big hug. "Goodbye, Ollie."
"Bye, Lucy. You're gonna be fine."
She gave me a big smile. It was what I loved Lucy the most about. She always had this smile that could brighten anyone else's day. Her positive attitude to almost anything was what made her so amazing.
A while later I was sitting in the waiting room, with the family. Lucy had been taken into the operating room about an hour ago. Now all we had to do was wait. I kept looking at the clock, and clicking my tongue. It felt like a million hours had passed before we got some notion of what was going on. The doctor performing the surgery came in. He had a blank canvas for a face. He was saying something to us, shaking his head sadly while doing it, but I couldn't hear. It was like someone had hit a mute button. I didn't hear what he said, but I knew what it was. All I remember next was running. I ran down the halls, and out to the streets. I could feel a pain flare up in my chest, and I still kept running. My feet started to hurt and I still kept running. Because no matter how much it hurt on my feet and chest, nothing hurt as much as the news I had received. It didn't matter that Lucy was ready; I wasn't ready.
February 2012
Robin stared at me. After admitting it to her, we stood in silence. The bar had been closed almost 15 minutes ago, but I was still telling my story, and Robin wanted to hear it. I had just admitted my biggest secret to someone for the first time in years. No one who knew me in New York knew this.
"I never thought two cousins could be so close." Said Robin. "And you were like the opposite of me when I was that age. I hated kids younger than me."
"I know." I replied. "It was the hardest thing I ever went through. I blamed the hospital for so long on their carelessness. If they had only been more careful, Lucy might still be alive. But I ultimately realized that that may not have been the case."
"But that seems like no reason to shut yourself off from your family. If anything, it would make you come closer together."
"Yeah, you'd think so. But there's still more to the story."
June 21st 2003
It's one of the largest defining moments in a person'a life when the relative they were closest to passes away. I felt I had failed Lucy, and did the last thing she would've wanted me to do: I spent my day sitting on the porch drinking directly from a bottle of whiskey. I was really wasted by noon that morning.
"What the hell are you doing?!"
I looked up with a lot of effort to see my dad, huffing and puffing. It was hard to see him through my harshly impaired vision.
"Oh, just having a lil' drink." I slurred.
"Your cousin just passed away, and your solution is to sit on your ass while we try to fix this?! Gimme that!" He snatched the bottle out of my hands. "You should be ashamed of yourself, Oliver. This is no time to be wasted."
"Fuck you." I muttered. Really I just said it because I was that drunk.
Dad looked at me with disgust, and then walked back in leaving me to pass out on the porch.
I woke up to see the sun setting over the water. I had slept through most of the day, and had missed out on trying to help with the arrangements.
I walked into the house to see Auntie Terri sitting on the couch, bawling. I sat down beside her. It's hard to think of what to say to someone when their kid dies. Even if it's a relative.
"Why did you jump straight to drinking?" She snapped as I sat down.
"I don't know." I admitted. "I'm in the legal age, and it seems like the best timing I can think of at the moment."
March 2012
"Ollie! I've had over 7 patients who resorted to drinking to solve their problems. I hope this session ends without an admission you now are in AA, because I'd rather not make it 8."
"No." I said. "I had a drinking problem for a while. It was a dark time for me. I thought things would get better. But they didn't for a few months. I was just hoping that some part of me would forget what happened and move on, and I thought drinking would be the cheapest way to do it."
"Lots of people would agree with that theory, Ollie. But it's false. It's only time that can heal the wounds. How long did it take you to really move on from Lucy's passing?"
"All honesty, about a year and a half. By then I had made two new friends who I now am as close to them as I was with Lucy."
"Yeah, you mentioned Cindy a few sessions ago. But who's the other one?"
"Juno. You of all people should know who's paying you for this."
"Let's get back to June. So this kicked off that 'bad week' you had. I assume the funeral was part of it?"
"Yeah. It wasn't pretty."
June 24th 2003
Lucy's funeral and burial was that day. I don't like to think back to what happened because it was to hard to say goodbye. But there was more. My family looked at me with such hate after they saw me raving like an idiot after the service, more drunk than Ted on that night so long ago. I don't remember, but I could tell that whatever I did was embarrassing for them. To see the son they raised so well jump to alcohol to solve my problems. I don't know what I said about Lucy, but I can only hope that none of it was bad to her.
It was late that night, and I was yet again in a bottle, sitting beside Lucy's grave. It would be 9 years before I'd see it again. My eyes were red from all the crying and drinking. My family were getting really spiteful towards me ever since the funeral. There was the service, then the burial. Afterwards I ran off to the closest store, and then back to the grave.
"I failed you." I sobbed. "You had your faith that I'd tell them the truth. And I failed you."
A bright beam of light then pointed at me. I strained me eyes, and covered them. They looked like headlights.
"Not now! Leave me alone!" I groaned. I heard a car door open and close, then footsteps.
"It's just me." Said a voice. It was Uncle Alex.
"Oh! You come to snark at me?! Huh?!" I yelled.
"No. I was hoping you'd still have some." His fuzzy shape pointed at the bottle in my hand.
I handed it to him as he sat down.
"You know, she wanted you to have this." He thrust a shiny silvery object into my hand. Feeling the point at it's edge, I slid it into my pocket as I looked over at Uncle Alex. His eyes were red too, but it wasn't from drinking. He barely had had one that day.
"I thought she'd be starting high school soon. She'd have a real life, and instead she was killed because of some careless doctors. They couldn't save her because they didn't really try."
We spent the night passing the bottle back and forth. I remember waking up the next morning to a bucket of water in my face.
"God! Fuck!" I yelled as I stood up. The pounding hangover hammer on my head then knocked me down again.
"Hello, uh, listen. I don't run a gutter for drunks to sleep in." Said an unfamiliar voice. "I take care of a cemetery. Get your asses up!"
He pulled me and Uncle Alex up from the ground and got us into Alex's car. I knew Uncle Alex didn't have as much to drink as I did, so I doubt his head felt like it was getting stabbed with an ice pick several times.
March 2012
"Jeez, Ollie." Said Barney. "This sounds like rock bottom for someone's life."
"Nope. It gets worse." I replied. "As you can imagine, after catching me drunk that first time on the porch, my folks weren't too happy it was a second time I was found passed out in the gutter, let alone it being right beside Lucy's grave. They couldn't seem to wrap their head around that what I was doing wasn't legally wrong. They looked at me and only saw their son. Maybe they saw me as younger than 21 and just a teen trying to scam drinks."
"But that wasn't true." Said Barney. "You told me your birthday was June 17th." Barney then looked at me with the most shocked expression as he realized another factor of my guilt. "Your birthday was the day of Lucy's passing! You feel guilty that you celebrated your birthday the day she lost hers."
"Fate brings the greatest rewards in our lives, Barnacle." I said. "But it also brings us the cruelest punishments."
June 25th 2003
"Do you have any idea how embarrassing this is?!"
"Yeah. And it doesn't help with your bullshit!" I replied.
"Watch it, Oliver! That's your mother."
This was the result of a phone call from the cemetery's groundskeeper, and me arriving home after the call.
"Never have I seen such stupidity from a Blake!" Said Dad. "A relative's passing is no excuse to go straight to drinking."
"No, but it's a temporary solution from all the bullshit I've been shoved into." I replied. "I don't know if you've gotten it into your thick skull, Dad, but Lucy's death's taken a large toll on me. She was the closest person I had here in Washington. I didn't make much friends here, and never found a nice girl in high school to talk to. Lucy was the one person who was mature and wise enough to understand me. And now I can't talk to her anymore."
"Be that as it may." Said Dad, sternly. "Your solution for her passing isn't going to be drowning yourself in liquor. You should be talking to a therapist. You should talk to one of us."
"Fuck that." I replied. "You guys don't understand it. You'll never understand it." I stormed out for a walk.
I had been letting them down more and more in the past week. And I had news to break to them. Dad would be really upset to know that I'd be turning my back on Wall Street, instead turning people into screaming idiots on weekend nights. I dreaded that moment when it came.
March 2012
"You told them, right?" Asked Marshall. "I told my dad everything going on in my life. Please tell me that you told them."
"I did indeed, Marshall."
"But they weren't too happy, were they?" Asked Lily.
I felt my side with the back of my hand. "Something like that."
June 26th 2003
The next day I was on the beach, looking out across the water. Victoria was a ferry ride away from there. Nice place to visit every once in a while.
"Are you willing to talk, Oliver?"
Dad sat down beside me. He didn't look at me, or acknowledge me further than that question.
"Fine. But I want to have a bit of slack after what I've gone through this month."
"You're right, Oliver. Lucy's death touched us all, but we know it hurt you a lot in particular. Now that we've had some time to cool off, I think we can find a sort of solution for this. It's not ideal, but how's about you and I go for a hunt?"
"I don't know, Dad..." I sighed.
"I found it a great way to take my mind off things when I was younger. I just hope that we can have you go back to New York with some kind of good out of this."
I thought about it. I hadn't picked up my bow in a long time. And it really would be some way of taking my mind off things.
"Okay. We can do it tomorrow." I said.
March 2012
"This came the other part of June that really changed my life." I said.
"I am interested in what happened." Said Kevin. "Is this what you've been leading up to?"
"Yes it is, Kevin." I said. "I think this'll be one of the hardest things to talk about. But I think it's time for admission."
June 27th 2003
"We're here." Said Dad. We had just arrived at the hunting grounds. The last time I was here was when I dressed up like a Sasquatch to surprise Lucy. I slapped myself in the face.
"Stop it, Oliver." I said to myself. "You're here to forget about that for now."
I opened the back of the truck and handed Dad his hunting rifle. I pulled up my hunting hoodie and slung my bow over my shoulder. Lucy gave me that hoodie a few Christmases ago. She was in remission. Now things were a lot worse.
"You're not supposed to be thinking about that. Focus on the hunting."
"How about you follow me, and we'll see what we can find."
"Hm?" I said. I wasn't paying attention.
"We'll go together and see what we can't hunt down together." He said again.
"Sounds fair."
We hiked through the woods in silence, carefully examining the ground for tracks. Eventually I found a set of deer tracks. They were recent, so the deer had to be close by.
"Let's circle around." Said Dad.
We crouched down in the bushes, looking left and right for the deer. I wondered how I got from making drinks to back here in less than a month.
"Shh!" Said Dad. "There it is!" He pointed across the clearing to the doe eating a few flowers.
"Care to do the honors, son?"
I pulled an arrow out and nocked it. I pulled back on the bowstring, and set the deer in my sights.
"You shoot it, and I'll never forgive you for it." Said a familiar voice. I thought I saw the outline of a girl in the trees. That was Lucy's voice.
March 2012
"See, most might refer to that being schizophrenia. But you don't seem like the guy from A Beautiful Mind." Said Kevin.
"Glad you see it my way. I believe in ghosts, so I can only assume that I saw Lucy's ghost, if that really was something."
"Was it possible that it really was her, and she was alive?"
"Absolutely not." I replied, a little harshly. "I thought I already told you that she had been buried."
Kevin raised his hands. "Alright. Let's move on."
I tried to continue, but the pain in my side came back. "I-I can't." I said. "I don't think I can finish telling this story."
"Ollie, you're doing great. So far all I see is someone who went through a hard time in their life, and has no mental problems or conditions whatsoever. You're brave enough to go through with this. Please finish telling me this for Juno and Cindy."
I breathed a few times. "Alright."
The doe had been in my sights for the last few seconds, and my string had been pulled back, ready to release.
"What are you waiting for?" Asked Dad.
I was ready to let the arrow fly, but something kept stopping me. Even without Lucy's influence, it felt wrong to shoot this deer. It had a life just like mine. And it didn't seem fair for me to take it's life for my own personal entertainment.
"Son, stop dawdling, and shoot the damn deer." Growled Dad.
I kept hesitating, when suddenly Dad jumped out, pulled his rifle out, and shot the deer right in the head.
"No!" I screamed. I ran over, but it was no use. The doe was dead before it hit the ground.
"What was that?!" Asked Dad. "Son, you've done this before! What made that deer any different?!"
"Because I now realize that everything I've shot had a life, Dad! And I now feel guilt for killing them."
"Oh, that's pathetic!" Said Dad.
"No, Dad! It isn't. You taught me to respect life."
"Well, now your logic sounds like nothing but bullshit. Just as much as Bigfoot."
This was the first I had ever heard Dad say something like this about urban legends. He raised me to believe in them, and now it turned out he didn't believe in them himself.
"How could you say that, Dad?! You raised me believing in Sasquatch."
"Truth be told, I thought it was stupid to dress up like a Sasquatch. You would only scare Lucy, was what I thought. But you ended up making her happy. That was the only good I thought could come out of Bigfoot. But nothing like that is real! It's all complete crap!"
"I'm not doing this anymore, Dad." I threw down my bow.
"You don't get to say that to me after the embarrassment you've put us through for the last week. I've heard neighbors talking about the drunken idiot at the service that just happens to be my stupid son. I'm going to have to live through the embarrassment you brought on me for god knows how long."
"Lucy was right." I groaned. "I can't put this off anymore."
"What?" Snapped Dad. "What can't you put off?"
"I hate Wall Street!" I cried. "I don't care what you say, Dad. Fuck the corporate world, because Oliver Blake is not meant for it! I'm not going to dress up in a suit everyday for work because of mistakes you and Grandpa made in the past. They're not my messes to clean up. Lucy told me to do what I wanted to do, and that's what I'm gonna do! I'm gonna get my bartending license, and start my own bar in New York!"
Dad looked at me, with twitching eyes, and his fists balled up.
"You're telling me..." He strained to say something. I had never seen him so angry. "That after a week of being a drunken idiot in our household, you are going to be paid to do it for a living?! THAT'S A HUGE FUCKING WASTE OF YOUR LIFE! YOU'RE A DISGRACE TO OUR FAMILY! THE NAME BLAKE WILL REMAIN UNKNOWN BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T DO WHAT YOU WERE MEANT FOR!"
And all of the sudden, I realized it. I realized why it meant so much to my Dad that I make millions trading stocks. I laughed. "I finally get it now!" I laughed again.
My Dad looked at me, scarlet in the face. "What do you mean? Choose your next words carefully, buddy. Or there will be hell to pay."
"You're a gold digger. You expect that because Grandpa lost millions in the stock market, that you should be rolling in dough. And it's somehow my job to fix that. Well, I'm here to tell you that that's not gonna happen, you selfish, controlling, arrogant bastard. It's not my job to clean up your-"
I often wonder what would've happened if I could've finished my sentence. Maybe things would've turned out differently for us. Maybe Dad would've accepted my choices, and understood that it was my life, not his to have. Maybe I would've still talked to my family. But all I can remember was feeling an extreme force and a searing pain on my left side. The force spun me around, and I fell to the ground. I had also heard a loud bang to go with it, and as I laid down on the ground, I heard a scream, and my Dad rush over to me, saying over and over under his breath "What have I done? What have I done?"
March 2012
Kevin just stared at me in awe. I remained sitting in silence. It was quiet for a few minutes.
Finally, Kevin spoke up. "Uh, is-is this story over? Or is there more?"
"There's more." I replied.
The next thing I remember was waking up in a small hospital room.
"You're awake! Good!" Said the person standing in front of me. "I'm Dr. Wayne. And you're" He consulted his clipboard. "Oliver Blake."
"What happened? Agh!" I gasped. My side was on fire.
"Uh, it says here that your side was pierced by a hunting rifle's bullet. It went through clean, and didn't hit any major arteries, but we did have to stitch you up a bit, and there will be a scar there."
"Any details on who shot me?" I asked, even though I knew the answer.
"Uh, no." Said the doctor, even after consulting his notes. "Your father called in a ambulance, and he just said you were shot."
I wanted to report what happened, but in that moment it just felt pointless. What I did ask from the doctor was a few favors.
"I'd like to have you call my family. They are to pack my belongings I took home from New York into my duffle bag, and give me the money for my flight home. They aren't to speak to me, or see me. Understood?"
"Uh, yes. But why don't you do it?" Asked the doctor.
"Don't ask questions, please." I replied. "I assume you're gonna keep me here for a while to make sure I'm still stable, so I need someone to get my stuff."
"Um, okay. I'll get right on it." He left without another word.
March 2012
"After spending a day in the hospital, I came back to New York. I never went back to Port Angeles because of the embarrassment I brought my family, as well as what my Dad did to me. It just was too hard. I hurt them, and he hurt me."
Kevin just stared. "I understand it now, Ollie. But you need to explain some more things to me. Why didn't you tell that doctor your Dad shot you?"
"Because it seemed pointless. They'd arrest him no doubt, and like it or not, he was still my father. I couldn't do that to him."
"I understand. But you should hear my opinion, Ollie."
I sat up, ready to listen.
"You need to tell someone about this. There should be no more secrets kept from your friends."
"Agreed. That's why I already did it."
"What?" Kevin looked at me with shock.
"I've told almost all of my friends, each at a different time, with the exception of Marshall and Lily; I told them both at the same time. Juno, Cindy and Casey are the only ones left. It made things a lot easier to tell you. But not by much."
Kevin nodded. "You've done well, Ollie. It's not much to admit what happened when it's traumatic like this. I think that our sessions are done from now on."
June 24th 2012
"And those series of admissions led me here. It was time for me to come back home. Not a day goes by when I don't think about you, Lucy. I just want you to know that I'm doing what I love, and my life is a lot easier as a result. I know it'd be so hard if I was going to Wall Street every day for work. For 9 years I've done what I can to honor your memory. But now I need to let go of the past."
I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Then let go. You won't fall far."
I looked back to see Juno. After the admission to her and Cindy, she pressured me to return, and came with me back home.
"Ready?" She asked.
I nodded. "Moving on."
Juno drove the car we rented as we headed down the familiar road. Back to the familiar house. It had been repainted with a new color: A deep red.
"I'll be with you." Said Juno. "Don't worry."
We got out, and started up the front steps. These past years had led up to this moment. I hoped forgiveness was easier than what they said. I knocked as the door.
A man answered the door. He had very gray hair, and a pretty thick beard. It was him. He looked much older from when I last saw him, but I was certain that it was him.
"Can I help you?" He asked. He didn't recognize me. It surprised me, but I understood.
"Dad?" I asked.
He looked at me, and then hugged me.
"Son!" He cried. "It took you long enough!"
Through my tears, I laughed, along with Juno. For the first time in years, I was home.
A/N: The revelations may be done, but there are a few more flashbacks left. Keep it locked here for those, plus the events of Season 8 as the "little ways down the road" approaches.