Disclaimer: Characters owned by J K Rowling, obviously. The Mirror, imagined/owned by myself.

Summary: For everything in this universe, there is an opposite. Yin and Yang, Fire and Water, Light and Dark. So, for the Mirror of Erised, that shows you the deepest and most desperate desires of your heart, surely there must be an opposite? Beware, for when you look into the Mirror of Cosmaruri, you will see the darkest, most terrible nightmares – you will see whatever you fear the most.

The Mirror of Cosmaruri

Selenophobia

It had started out as such an ordinary day, filled with snow, laughter, and an unholy amount of coffee. Then the world had been turned upside down, the ground tugged out from under his feet. Remus felt like the sky was falling as he watched Sirius disappear in a whorl of flames, his eyes wide in terror and shock. He didn't really remember much of the few minutes that followed – Moony was far too agitated. He could vaguely recall James yelling loud enough to wake the dead, Peter cowering in the suit of armour, and Moony… Moony was snarling and howling, trying to smash through the very solid marble step through which Sirius had disappeared. And that was all. He remembers the world turning blood red with fear and rage, and then-

Sirius fell up through the floor, smashed into the ceiling with a sickening crack, and tumbled to the floor. Remus had rushed forwards and rolled him over with a relieved cry of "Siri!" But his voice died in his throat as he took in the state of his friend. Sirius was pale as death, and there was so much blood. Oh God… Sirius…

The next few frantic moments felt like something of a dream. He couldn't move, couldn't hear. He could smell Sirius' blood, and it smelt so good. He retched and turned away, his eyes pooling with tears as he tried desperately to push Moony away. It wasn't working. He was shivering with the effort of not mauling Sirius' corpse then and there. He let out a low, guttural moan and fisted his hands in his hair, bent double with the effort of not moving. He could dimly hear Peter's voice, as though from underwater. "James! James, look at Moony! What do we do, James, what do we do?!" He could smell James' fear as the taller boy whirled round, and he looked up, eyes feral and cold. He will always remember the look of horror on James' face, as Remus licked his bloodstained lips, and leapt forwards.

He woke up in the Hospital Wing, disorientated and alone. He blinked, the harsh white lights playing havoc with his already sore head. He let out a small whimper and sat up slowly. Why am I here? Was it the full moon? I don't… Oh God! His memories surged back, hitting him like a sledgehammer. He flopped back against the pillows and let the tears spill over. What happened – did Moony take over? Did I transform – Oh God did I kill them? Are they dead? James, Peter, all of them, everyone, Sirius… "Sirius! SIRIUS!" He was dimly aware of Madam Pomfrey telling him to hush, but it was no good. He tumbled out of the Hospital Bed, and scrambled to his feet, looking around wildly.

"James!" His spectacled friend turned towards him, and Remus noticed, with a pang, that he had his wand clutched in his hand. "James, I wouldn't, I wasn't! James, James, is he dead?" He hated how he couldn't find the words, how nothing seemed to be making sense, how James seemed to be staring into his soul, judging him. Eventually, however, James shook his head slowly. "No. He's not dead." Remus frowned. James was definitely hiding something. "But?" he asked tentatively, his voice breaking ever so slightly. James turned away, shaking his head. "I… Moony, I thought… Jesus Moony!" He whirled round, and Remus could see tears in his eyes. "I had to, okay? I thought you were gonna KILL him! I had to… I'm sorry." Remus frowned, bewildered.

"Sorry? James, you don't have to be sorry! I… I thought I was going to kill him too." His voice was soft, his heartbreak plain to see. James was at his side in seconds, and Remus seemed to crumple in on himself, tears falling thick and fast. "Its okay, Remus. You didn't kill him; he's going to be okay, Rem. He's gonna be fine." Remus said nothing, just enveloped James in a rib-crushing hug, and took a deep breath, trying to compose himself. He nodded vaguely before straightening up and heading slowly towards Sirius' bed.

Nothing could have prepared him for the sight of the person he loved most lying still, as though dead. He reached out, and took Sirius' hand, the tears never stopping. "What… Why isn't he waking up, Jamie?" He asked mournfully, sounding like a lost little child. James placed a hand on his shoulder and cleared his throat. "Well, we don't… We don't exactly know, Rem. We got him here as soon as we could, and by then there was, ah, substantial blood loss. A broken ankle, his collar bone was completely shattered, and there was some massive gash in his shoulder, almost like-" James voice broke and Remus placed his hand over James', a wordless sign of comfort. James continued slowly, his voice mechanical and detatched. "He had five broken ribs, two of which actually punctured the skin, and one punctured his lung. He had a broken nose, split lip, three lost teeth, burst eardrums, and god only knows how much internal trauma." He paused, and Remus gulped, his mind reeling. "He was dying, Rem." whispered James softly. Remus nodded, his mind lost in a tangle of semi-plausible explanations. Nothing seemed to make any sense, however, so he just sighed and asked the dreaded question. "Will he… I mean, will he ever wake up?" James shrugged and sighed too.

"I don't know, Remus. I just don't know." He turned away and Remus reached out, stroking floppy dark hair out of Sirius' eyes. Sensing that James was still turned away, he bent over and placed a kiss on Sirius' forehead. "It's okay, Siri. I'm here now. I won't hurt you, Sirius. I'm here now, it's all gonna be okay. It's gonna be fine-" He broke off, frowning. Sirius' heartbeat had increased, and his eyes had moved. "Sirius! Siri, you're awake!" The boy before him stiffened, as though willing everyone around him to think him unconscious. "Sirius! You lazy prat! I know you're awake! I can hear it!" James had returned, his eyes wide and questioning. "Sirius!" Remus reached out and shook him gently. "Sirius, it's okay, it's me, its Remus! Its Remmie, Siri, and James!" He felt Sirius stiffen again, and he shrugged, perplexed. "James, he's awake, but for some reason, God only knows what, he doesn't seem to want to be." James stared down at his friend, equally bemused. "Well. I'll, err, go and find Madam Pomfrey. You… You try and wake up our Sleeping Beauty then, Rem." Remus smiled slightly and nodded, waving to James as he left the Infirmary.

Re-drawing the curtains around Sirius' bed, Remus sighed and sat down next to the supposedly unconscious boy. Frowning down at the un-moving body of his very best friend, he suddenly realised what it was Sirius wanted. He carefully lay down next to Sirius, and hugged him gently. "It's okay now, Siri. It's okay. Everything is going to be fine." He could feel Sirius shivering in his arms as though cold and subconsciously drew the animagus closer. "Shh, shh, it's okay. It's okay to wake up. It's okay Padfoot." Sighing at the lack of response he laid his head next to Sirius', his arms still firmly wrapped around his friend. Taking a deep, shuddering breath he began to sing softly, an old lullaby his mother used to sing to him before- Anyway.

His voice drifted over the Hospital Wing, seeming to cast everything in moonshadows and violet twilight. Shadows dimmed out of focus, and the world seemed to sigh lazily, blinking and slightly unreal, like that dusky shade of blue before the stars come out. Remus dimly noted that Sirius was crying, but before he could stop singing, he was cut off by the sudden whirlwind of movement that was his Sirius. The animagus' arms were around his neck, and he was sobbing softly into the werewolf's shoulder. "Remmie, Remmie, you're here! I thought, oh God Remmie! I thought you were dead!" His stammered sentences were becoming more like howls of pain, and Remus, completely bewildered, couldn't for the life of him think of what to do next. Deciding it couldn't possibly make things any worse; he hugged Sirius tighter, and softly kissed the top of his head, murmuring gently to his evidently traumatised friend. Eventually Sirius calmed down a little, and the tears reduced from waterfalls back to actual teardrops. He looked up at Remus, his face pale, eyes red, hiccupping almost silently. "I… I didn't want to make you into a rug, Remmie, really I didn't! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry, I'll never, I would never, oh Merlin Remmie…" He fell silent, his face screwed up in – Is that fear? Or horror? I can't tell. But his eyes… Oh Jesus his eyes! Sirius' eyes, usually shining like liquid silver, soft and warm as silk were dull and cold, much like rock. Stones bleeding with terror. Almost like he'd seen the gates of hell itself. Almost like he'd seen his own death, almost like-

No. No, it couldn't be. Don't be stupid, Remus, it doesn't suit you. But the mir- No. No, he hasn't- I swore I wouldn't- But maybe…

Remus swallowed, and looked down at Sirius. "S…Sirius? Sirius, what… What happened to you? I… I mean, what… You didn't… I, what did you see?" He broke off, horror-struck at the look of terror in Sirius eyes. The other boy had frozen, barely even blinking, reminding Remus of a small rabbit staring into the headlights of an oncoming car. "It… Its okay, Paddy. You can tell me." But Sirius wasn't listening.

He was remembering.

Trapped in memories of blood, and pain, and fear, and complete, oh, such complete and total heartbreak.

He'd thought he would die from the pain of it.

They say tears can heal even the most shattered of hearts, but sometimes…

Sometimes there just aren't enough tears.

Sirius was breathing faster, too fast, his eyes wide and panicked. He looked up, and Remus' worried face, mouthing inaudible cries of desperation, was the last thing he saw, before his tired eyes rolled back into his head, and he collapsed back onto the bed.

The next thing he knew was the harsh glare of a million candles on whitewashed stone. The Hogwarts Hospital Wing. He tensed for a couple of seconds, before hesitantly cracking open one bloodshot eye. A quick glance around revealed three things. Firstly, he was completely alone in the room, with nothing but the dust bunnies under the bed for company. Secondly, the sky outside was darkening. Night was falling. Sirius shivered, and yanked his blankets up to his chin, making sure no limbs were left exposed to the creeping darkness. The third thing to catch Sirius' wandering eyes was a letter. Several pieces of parchment folded up, and stuffed in an unsealed envelope that simply read "Padfoot". Sirius blinked, and scooped up the letter hastily, before diving under his blankets, to read the letter by the light of a Lumos charm, gleaming from the end of his wand, which he had found (thankfully unbroken) on the bedside cabinet.

Smoothing out the slightly scrumpled sheets of parchment, he squinted at the squiggly black figures, until they rearranged themselves into the recognisable form of Remus' distinctive handwriting. Sirius blinked again, confused. Why? Why is Remus writing to me? What the- What? Did he- Did something happen? A quick flashback of the time Remus woke him up before, had him sweating nervously. Oh, oh crap. What did I say to him? Is he totally freaked out? Did I- I didn't… Oh God, tell me I didn't tell him about the mirror. I didn't want him to know! I never, ever wanted him to know! He sighed unhappily, and squinted a bit more, the flowing inked letters forming words and phrases, those words and phrases finally making complete and devastating sense.

Dear Padfoot.

I hope that by the time you read this you've woken up a bit. I am also hoping that when I woke you before, you just remained in the throes of a nightmare, as opposed to having finally gone completely and totally insane. (I feel confident that it's okay to joke about this, as I assume if you were permanently in a semi-catatonic state of fear, you wouldn't have plucked up the courage to open the envelope. And if you find yourself still in said semi-catatonic state of fear, then congratulations for plucking up the courage to open the envelope, my fellow Gryffindor.)

Sirius smiled slightly, grazing the parchment with his fingertips. Typical Remus. Trying to sound so light-hearted and failing so, so miserably. The other boys panic and worry was almost tangible in the air, and he could imagine Remus hastily scribbling away, his face crumpled in complete, heart-wrenching fear. Blinking, he moved his wand closer to the parchment, and read on.

Now, Sirius. There is something I need to say to you, but I have no idea how to even begin, hence the letter. The thing is, Siri, I think… Well, I think I know what happened to you. And I'm pretty sure that right now you're freaking out, and worrying about how to tell me what you saw. Seriously, Sirius, you don't have to tell me. Not ever. Because I- Look, this is difficult to say. And I don't want you to hate me. Its not that I don't trust you, and I didn't lie, not really, it's just… It's not really the kind of thing one brings up in casual conversation. You of all people can appreciate that – assuming, of course, my assumptions are correct. I- Before I continue, I need you to promise both me and yourself, that if I haven't guessed right, then you wont read on. Im being serious, I really am. Its not that I don't want you to know, it's just that this story is impossible to understand if you haven't been there yourself. So promise me Siri. Please.

Now.

Sirius, you saw the mirror, didn't you?

In that room, that goddamn room, the Grey Room, filled with stone and blood and The Mirror.

It's taller than a man, and seems to grow the longer you look at it.

And it feels cold, not like glass, or ice. Cold like death. Or the absence of life, of anything warm and good and loving. I don't think hell is fire and pitchforks at all, Siri. I think it's colder than a thousand icicles, colder than the touch of a corpse's hand. I think its cold like The Mirror.

Sirius, you looked into the Mirror, and your nightmares stared back.

Am I right?

I hope im wrong. I hope I'm so, so wrong. Because I would not wish Hell upon anybody, least of all you.

I would have looked, instead of you, Sirius. Remember that.

Right now, you are either wondering what the hell I'm on about, Mirrors and Ice and Hell and all. Or your screaming, inside you head, your mind spinning out of control as you refuse to accept that I know. After all, how could I know? Well, Siri, I'll tell you.

I've seen it too.

It was my first year here, before we were friends. Before you knew me, before you knew Moony. Before any of the pranks we played, before any of those nights spent running wild with the trees as our guards, bathed in the light of the moon. So, so long ago. I can scarcely remember who I was before I met you, Sirius. I remember almost nothing except those lonely full moon-lit nights, and that day. The Day I found The Mirror of Cosmaruri. (Yes, it has a name. And yes, I looked it up. In the library. But that comes later, Siri. Much later.)

It was a regular Wednesday evening, and I had just been up to the Astronomy Tower (you know. The full moon repulses me, but the wolf inside… I just couldn't keep away. My will was weaker then, Sirius. Far weaker.) Anyway, I thought I was going to be late – perhaps watching the skies begin to darken, whilst as far away from safety as I could be, as my body waits to turn into a bloodthirsty monster… Not such a good idea. So I was running, down from the North Corridor, and down past that flight of stairs with the banisters carved like peacock feathers? Hidden behind that tapestry of the troll with the nose hair? Yeah, the one you bewitched to scream at Severus when he went past… SO. I was running, and panicking, and consequently not looking where I was going- and I ran right into the room. I think it must be enchanted, Sirius, to appear – or to ensnare us, when we are least expecting it. One moment I was running down some stairs, and the next- I've run right into the chamber. It was so dark, and so quiet. I couldn't hear anything, Sirius. And you know, about my ears. Sirius, I can hear the castle humming with magic and life. And all that was just, suddenly, gone. I stopped straight away, and turned to leave, but there was no door. Now, at this point two things flashed through my mind. One was a complete "Oh, Shit." The next was a "Thank Christ I'm Safe from the Moon." Now, the moonlight will reach me wherever I am – I can't just hide under ground and not transform, that's not how it works. But here… It was like nothing could reach me. Not moonlight, not sound… Nothing.

So I cast a Lumos, and saw the mirror. Naturally, I had to investigate. I can't tell you how much it made me jump, pulling away that dustsheet, and seeing something staring back. I almost didn't recognise myself. I was pale, far paler than I am naturally. My hair was sticking up as though I'd been electrocuted, and my eyes… They weren't my eyes, Sirius. I know now, that that was just the Mirror getting warmed up. But then… I couldn't help but scream, Siri. And I'm not cowardly, I know that. But Moony's eyes, staring out of my face… Bloodthirsty and terrified. It's a lethal combination. And the next thing I know, my mouth is growing fangs, and I'm screaming and I'm screaming, and I can't breathe. Everything was going black and red, blurring and twisting around me.

Somehow I staggered backwards, and my head met the cool reassurance of stone. Of course, it hurt like fuck, and it was probably the sudden glare of pain, and the tears that sprang to my eyes that calmed me. Mirror-Remus wasn't crying, or screaming. That wasn't my reflection.

I checked myself quickly, and reassured by the lack of fur or fangs, moved closer to the Mirror for a better look. And dyou what I saw?

Myself, sitting on my haunches in a half-crouch, my hair wild and matted, partially covering my gaunt face. And my eyes – My own honey eyes, glaring with all the venom of Moony's gaze. It was the wolf, looking out at the world, and using my body to do it. It was myself, having let Moony take control of me. I'd embraced the wolf, and in turn, it had destroyed me. The next point I realised was the blood. So much, so red, thick and dripping, semi-congealing on my torn robes, over my hands and my face, my teeth bared in a snarl, stained and pointed. Wolfish Mirror-Remus then smiled – a terrifying smile, filled with wickedness. And I was looking up, up at the night sky, and smiling at the moon.

God, a shiver of disgust runs through me even now.

But what I saw next- I can barely keep from screaming at the memory.

Because then, then Sirius, then I saw you.

Remember, this is before we were even friends. But still, it was you I saw, and the look on your face is one I will remember til the day I die.

Staring at me with such fear, such fear and disgust. Judging me, fearing me, hating me.

That was when Mirror-Remus caught sight of you.

I've never seen so much blood, Sirius, or heard such a scream.

It never seemed to stop.

I, still un-transformed, was feasting on your flesh.

Sirius, I…

It was hideous.

I doubt you want to hear much more.

Let me just say, I still have nightmares. They're so real; that I wake up convinced there will be blood, un-cleansable, staining my hands, and my heart.

Then, as I'm sure you did, I figured out the secret of the Mirror. If I wanted to destroy this future me, if I wanted to stop it laughing… If I wanted to stop myself from howling like the wolf I am, I had to kill Him. And to kill Mirror-Remus… I would have to kill myself.

So. I transfigured my tie into a silver sword, with a blade as long as my arm.

Sirius, not all of my scars are from teeth and claws.

I held that blade in a hand that didn't tremble once, and I plunged it into my chest with a smile.

All I can say is Thank Merlin for Albus Dumbledore.

Somehow, he knew.

And somehow, he found me, pulled me from that seemingly inescapable pit of hell, and healed me himself.

He saved my life.

It seems that you succeeded where I did not. If anything, Sirius, this should reassure you.

You are a Gryffindor. You will always be a Gryffindor. You belong here. You're braver than me, at any rate.

Anyway, I'll visit you soon Sirius, just to see if you're awake.

Just to see if life has returned to your eyes, just to see if you're back.

It's only been a day,

But I've missed you.

Remus.

Author's Note:

The Phobia: Selenophobia – a fear of the moon.

If you have any ideas about which characters you'd like me to feature, or what their phobias should be, review, and let me know m'kay?