Disclaimer: Characters owned by J K Rowling, obviously

Disclaimer: Characters owned by J K Rowling, obviously. The Mirror, imagined/owned by myself.

Summary: For everything in this universe, there is an opposite. Yin and Yang, Fire and Water, Light and Dark. So, for the Mirror of Erised, that shows you the deepest and most desperate desires of your heart, surely there must be an opposite? Beware, for when you look into the Mirror of Cosmaruri, you will see the darkest, most terrible nightmares – you will see whatever you fear the most.

WARNING! This chapter will contain SLASH, as in two blokes, in love. You have been warned.

The Mirror of Cosmaruri

Eremophobia

Sirius sat there, frozen in shock, his mind a swirling cloud of questions. Why had Remus never told him before? Why, how- how did he not notice? How could he, of all people, have not noticed that Remus- his Remus! – had tried to kill himself?! Sure it was back before they knew each other but… Sirius shivered, his heart aching. I… I should have noticed. Surely, I would have felt it… I should have known. Oh, Merlin. I should have seen, I should have seen him. Saved him. He stood, and keeping the blankets wrapped firmly around him, made his way to the window. He looked out at the sky, a dark inky black, like the softest velvet. Blinking back tears, he let his face tip up, like a flower seeking the sun. The proof is there – he was mine to save. I failed him. My Remus. The proof is in the skies. Remus and Sirius, Moon and Star. And I let him think that- Wait. Oh, oh, fuck. At that moment any of Sirius' coherent thoughts promptly disintegrated into a pile of rather desperately uttered swear-words. For a moment he stood as though frozen – the next, all that was left in the Hospital Wing was a pile of blankets crumpled on the floor, and a magically lit candle slowly burning to its timely end.

You see, as Sirius had been gazing forlornly at the night, something had caught his attention. A big, white, menacing something. Round and shining, like a glaring eye, maliciously watching over the world, casting everything in its revealing pale shadows. The moon.

The full moon.

By the time Sirius reached the Shrieking Shack, it was too late, far too late. As he bounded out of the dusty tunnel, eyes wide and panicked, he could hear screams reverberating from upstairs. He fell over his paws in his hurry to reach the old staircase, and crashed to the floorboards, dust prickling his sensitive nose, making his big grey eyes water uncontrollably. Shakily, he stood, and peered through a crack in the grimy windowpane. The sun was rising, casting the world once more in its golden warmth. He transformed, and stood, slowly, hanging his head. Sighing, he trudged glumly upstairs. So the screams had been Remus. Screaming in absolute agony as his body changed, mutated, broke and self-repaired. And he had been too late again. Cursing silently, and furiously swiping the tears from his cheeks, he cast a quick Alohamora and snuk tentatively into the main bedroom.

There, curled up, naked and bloody on the bed, was Remus. Sirius swallowed a sob and started forwards, walking past a sleeping (or unconscious) James and a still transformed Peter, who was hiding, trembling under the deformed grandfather clock. Evidently (from the amount of blood on James' robes, and Remus' battered body ;) it had been a bad night. They had needed him. He shivered, picturing Remus screaming for him, screaming in pain and then- James's body being torn into, flung away, hitting the walls with sickening cracks, as the werewolf went insane, trapped in this tiny room. Then, when James fought back, the wolf would turn on himself. And the end would begin.

Sniffing, one hand fisted in his robes, over his heart, as though to restrain the guilt that was threatening to devour him whole, he crept over to the bed. Slowly, and carefully, he sat next to Remus, and tugged off his long black school robes; draping them around Remus like a shroud, save for his uncovered face. Then, he lay down and gently wrapped his arms around the smaller boy from behind. Remus immediately relaxed, his head pillowing on Sirius chest, his breathing slowing, evening out. Sirius closed his eyes, burying his face in Remus' sandy hair, tears bubbling from under tightly shut eyelids, and running down his face, dampening the back of Remus' neck. His stifled sobs were growing louder, becoming more like great spasms of sorrow that shook his whole body, leaving him unable to think or breathe. Eventually he felt Remus stir, and turn around. Thin arms snaked around his waist, and small, delicate hands stroked his back softly, as though to tell him that he wasn't alone. Slowly his tears subsided, and he lay silently, eyes shut, reveling in the moment. His eyes blinked open, and met the comforting amber warmth of Remus'. "Hey Siri", the werewolf whispered, a small smile on his bloody face. Sirius very nearly dissolved into tears again, at the sound of his friend's voice. Shivering, he chewed his lip for a moment, before whispering back. "I read your letter, Remmy." Remus nodded. No more needed to be said. Remus knew, Remus always knew. He closed his eyes, grief and guilt finally beginning to ebb away, leaving a tiredness so deep that it seemed to be inside his very bones.

"Its okay, Sirius." Remus' soft voice broke into his little cocoon of half-sleep half-awake, snapping his drifting consciousness back to red alert. "Honestly. You couldn't have know, you-" Sirius made a sharp whining noise at the back of his throat, his recently discovered animagus side interfering as it always did when he was overly-emotional. "No. No, Remus. I should have known. I… I just… Remmy, you knew when… You just… I… Dyou ever feel it, Rem? This feeling, I can't describe it, it's like… Like you know me and I know you and, we just… Connect. Its like we fit, like two pieces of the same puzzle. Two sides of a coin. The moon and stars, Remus. That's what we are. The moon, and the stars. We're not supposed to be a Me and a You. We're US. We've always been US. Rem, I… I just…" He broke off, at the look on Remus' face. A look of such complete and utter understanding that he thought his heart would dissolve at his gaze. "Rem?" he whispered tentatively. "I… I think, I think I love you. Is… Is that okay?"

He fell silent as Remus' eyes fluttered closed, and his teeth bit down on rose petal lips. Remus bowed his head, and Sirius could feel him shaking. "Remmy? I'm sorry, Oh Christ I'm sorry. Did I? I mean, you don't have to… It's okay; I should never have said it, stupid, sorry…" His mumbled died away and he tried to move backwards. The force with which Remus suddenly clung to him took him completely by surprise. "R…Remus?" His voice slid up an octave, his eyes blinking rapidly. Remus had buried his face in Sirius' chest, and mumbled something completely incomprehensible, that sounded like "Lvyousidyut." Sirius blinked again, baffled. "Um, Remus, you're gonna have to say that again, I don't think my chest wanted my ears to hear…" Remus pulled back slightly, and Sirius was taken aback by the look of incandescent joy on his face. "I said I Love You too, you idiot." Sirius gaped, and Remus laughed joyfully. "Y…you mean it?" Remus' grin faded to a smile of complete devotion. "Of course, Sirius. Moon and stars. This is how we're supposed to be. Together." Sirius nodded, words failing him, and Remus smiled complacently. They lay in silence for a moment, arms tight around each other, basking in this sudden feeling of golden warmth.

After a while, Remus cleared his throat slightly and Sirius looked at him. "You okay, Rem?" Remus nodded, biting his lip. "Yeah, I'm good Sirius. But… I can't stop thinking about it, Sirius. You, in that room, facing..." his voice hitched but he soldiered on. "I… I left you, in the hidden grey room, facing that, that… hellish mirror, and alone! I… I left you to that ALONE." Sirius was already shaking his head, a sad smile on his lips.

"Remmy, it's not your fault, honestly it's not. And… Its okay, Remus. I… I won't let this defeat me. I've faced many of my fears before – this is no different. You said it yourself. I'm a Gryffindor. I will always be a Gryffindor. The house I belong in, the house of lions. I can be brave, Remmy. I can do this. With… With you beside me… I think I could bear anything." Remus smiled weakly, his eyes glistening with tears, and answered the unasked question that lay between them like an icy barricade. "I… Me too, Siri. I won't… Never again. I swear to you, never again. After all, Sirius, I could never stop my heart from beating, because it doesn't belong to me. Not anymore."

Sirius chuckled, and brushed a lock of hair back from Remus' pale face. Smiling, he whispered in Remus' ear, "You want to seal the deal then, My Own Moony?" Remus laughed too, a curiously happy sound, far too big and bright for this tiny, dismal room. "I thought you'd never ask, My Padfoot. My darling, darling Padfoot." There weren't any fireworks, or bursts of romantic music. There was just Sirius and Remus, Remus and Sirius, the way it was supposed to be.

Forgotten in the corner of the room, James Potter lay curled up, slumped against the wall, his head spinning, hazel eyes wide open in shock. S…Sirius? And Remus?! T…Together? Wh… What the, what the hell happened while I was asleep? Forcing his eyes shut again, he scrabbled silently in his pocket, until he found the cool, liquid-like softness of the Invisibility Cloak. Casting Muffliato on his feet, he swung the Cloak over his body, and snuk out of the room, leaving the other two boys curled up on the bed like a pair of sleepy puppies.

He burst in through the main doors, like an invisible storm, the night air bringing swirling currents of cold morning air and icy December rain into the slowly lightening castle. He stormed down the long corridors; eyes gleaming with what could possibly be tears, but could equally have been candlelight bouncing off his wonky glasses. His teeth were embedded in his bottom lip, blood already welling up, unnoticed by James, as he stormed up to the Gryffindor Common room, ripping off his Cloak with trembling hands. Shoving his way past a dozy Fat Lady, he marched through the common room – totally ignoring shrieks of protest as he barged his way through, even yelling at Lily, shoving her away into the red mists of anger when she tried to calm him.

"LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE EVANS! YOU NEVER SHOWED ANY INTEREST IN ME BEFORE, YOU DIDN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME! THEN, WHAT, THE SECOND SOMETHING HAPPENS, YOU'RE SUDDENLY MY BEST FRIEND?! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A SHALLOW, UNCARING BITCH, WHO JUST WANT TO GET A BIT OF THE GOSSIP, SO YOU CAN LAUGH ABOUT ME WITH YOUR STUPID, STUPID FRIENDS!" He fell silent, his voice echoing in the suddenly silent room. His eyes were screwed shut, his chest heaving as though he'd just run a marathon. Lips pressed tightly together, a gash of red in his suddenly pale face; he whirled round and fled, seeking the safety of his bed, not speaking another word, leaving a gaggle of excitedly whispering Gryffindors, and Lily behind him. She watched him run, her heart suddenly and painfully reminding her that sometimes… Sometimes we fall in love when we least expect it. And by the time we've realized how we feel, it's just far too late to do anything about it.

He burst into his room and hurled the Cloak at his bed. It missed, and spiraled slowly to the floor like a big puddle of despair. Furious, James let out an anguished howl of rage and sorrow. His mind felt like it was on fire, buzzing with thoughts, so many, so many horrible, terrible thoughts. Thoughts of Sirius, HIS best friend, and Remus, Sirius and Remus, together, and him… "You're leaving me behind!" He couldn't help be scream again, that whispered admission of loneliness causing the rage to build up again. I shouldn't feel this way! I should be happy, I shouldn't be this selfish! What's WRONG with me?! Angered beyond all rational thought, his vision turned to pure white hot uncontrollable madness, and his fist met the wall with a sickening crunch. The pain burst through his anger, for all intents and purposes sobering him. He remained still for a moment or two, waiting for his heart to just let go and break, so he could mourn in peace. And finally, it snapped. All the tension, all the anger, the disbelief, the hurt, the betrayal built up to unbearable sadness, and he slid to the floor, broken hand resting limply on the floor, his face buried in his knees, as he cried.

For how long he sat there, he wasn't sure. He was dimly aware of the bright December sunshine beginning to stream in through the window, and Hagrid's roosters crowing loudly, clamoring like – well, like a bunch of roosters really. Eventually, when minutes had merged into hours, he was disturbed from his daze by the sound of footsteps on the staircase. He hurriedly scooped up the invisibility cloak, and dived back onto the window-seat, his invisible self crumpled up, knees clasped to his chest as he waited for the intruders to appear. The footsteps just ran straight past, and he sighed morosely, tugging the Cloak off again. Y'Idiot. Wouldn't be much damn good hiding anyway. Moony and Padfoot would smell you out. So what do I do? Run. Run, Jamie boy. Run. Soon, the only thing left in the Dormitory was a snoring Peter, who had gone back to the Dorm as Sirius had arrived at the Shack – consequently sleeping his way through everything.

Two bottles of Firewhisky and a game of solitaire (Exploding Snap Style) later, and James was feeling considerably better. He was sprawled out; belly first, on the carpeted floor of the Room of Requirement, his legs in the air and his chin in his hands. Ignoring the friction burn on his elbows, he stared resolutely forwards, determined to lose himself in the dancing flames of the fireplace, until either all he could see were ribbons of fluorescent white and glaring orange, or he'd figured this mess out.

Right. So what the hell is the actual problem? I mean, Sirius… He's you're best mate, to be sure, but… Well, to be honest, you've always known, always seen this coming… He snorted suddenly, a crooked smile spreading slowly across his tear-marked face. Hell, it's even in their names! Sirius and Remus, Moon and Stars. Dog and Wolf. I guess this is how it's meant to be. Besides. You love them both anyway, and well… You wouldn't have parted with Sirius for anyone less, would you? His smile grew to a full blown grin. Yeah. There's no one anywhere more deserving of Sirius than Remus. They are kind of perfect, aren't they? But if they don't let me be best man, I'm gonna hunt them down, and kick their fairy arses all the way to China.

Sitting up, James tugged the Marauders Map from the pocket of his jeans, and spread it out on a wooden coffee table. "Thanks Room…" he mumbled distractedly, patting the table with one hand, and smoothing out the crumpled parchment with the other. "Right… Now, you lazy sods, you'd better not still be in bed…" He shuddered theatrically as his mind flew back to the two boys curled up on the rickety, semi-destroyed bed. A sudden pause and he grinned as his heart fizzed happily. "Bless… Of course they belong together. James, you stupid, stupid boy… No wonder you're a freakin' stag, you always charge around without thinking, antlers lowered…" His chuckles suddenly died away, as the mull of the Firewhisky began to ebb, and memories of that whispered conversation filtered back. First Remus anguished voice – if heartbreak had a sound, this would be it. "I… I left you, in the hidden grey room, facing that, that… hellish mirror, and alone! I… I left you to that ALONE!" And Sirius, his voice shaking slightly, belying the brave words… I won't let this defeat me. I've faced many of my fears before… And then Remus again, making promises… I could never stop my heart from beating, because it doesn't belong to me… But what did that mean? Bloody puppies, speaking in riddles… What mirror? I mean, I know Sirius' bed-head is nothing to be proud of, but it's not that frightful… What're they talking about, fears? And… Did… Did Remus mean what I thought he meant? Why would he stop his heart from beating…? Unless- "No!" The shout was suddenly loud, coarse and desperate. James staggered to his feet, the clouds of confusion settling in thicker than ever. Bewildered he spun around, one hand pressed to his forehead, the other flailing wildly in its makeshift bandages. For a few moments he couldn't quite remember how to breathe. And then he saw the map.

And then he had the idea.

And then he decided.

"Yeah! I'll find you, whatever you are, wherever you're hiding! Mirror of Fear, I'll find you. You tried to kill my friends. And if there's one thing I don't like, its people (or inanimate objects) trying to kill my friends. So listen to me, Mirror of Terror, I'll hunt you down. And I'll tear you from where you hang, and… And… Then, I'll take you to Dumbledore. Yeah. Dumbledore. We'll put an end to this. Today. This ends, today."

Three hours later, and Sirius and Remus finally found James. He was sat the corner of the library, pouring over several ancient editions of Hogwarts: A History, the Marauders Map spread center stage, over a sea of scribbled on bits of parchment and blunted quills. Sirius just blinked, slightly shell-shocked, while Remus clapped slowly. Sirius eventually blinked, and joined in with the applause, alerting James to the presence of the other two marauders. His head snapped up, and he grinned goofily at them. "Hey, Sirius! Remus! There you are! I was wondering when you two were gonna show up… I was beginning to think you'd decided to stay in the Shack all day, for, like, privacy y'know?!" He chuckled as Sirius went bright red, and stared at his shoes, and Remus started choking on air. "Just kidding, kidding!" He raised his hands in mock defense, and Sirius raised an eyebrow, attempting to regain some dignity.

"So… So you, uh, you, know, then. About…" He fell silent, still looking at his shoes. James regarded his friend pityingly for a moment, his hazel eyes unreadable. For a single heart-stopping moment, not one of the three boys knew what James would say next. Then the tension just dissolved as the stag animagus clapped a hand on his friends shoulder, beaming ear to ear. "'Course. It was a bit obvious y'know mate." Sirius and Remus both gaped at him, disbelief and hope written all over their somewhat pale faces. James laughed again. "God, your faces… I'm not gonna shoot you! I mean, you're in love, right? Nothing wrong with that. My two best mates, I'd be crazy not to be happy for you. Besides… You are meant for each other…"

Remus went slightly pink, and Sirius looked determinedly at the ceiling, his eyes suspiciously shiny. After a moment of furious blinking, he pulled James into a back-breaking hug. For a moment, all was like it used to be, Remus looking on fondly, as the two boys embraced as brothers. Then, Sirius let go. And took hold of Remus' hand. James smiled crookedly, his eyes suddenly looking old, and tired, as though he hadn't slept in a thousand years. "Right…" he murmured. "Right, anyway. You two lovebirds go and fornicate somewhere else yeah? I've got work to do…" Sirius frowned and opened his mouth to speak, to ask a thousand questions, that probably needed to be asked – but Remus got there first. "Course, James. We'll be outside, probably, cos the lakes frozen over and people are trying to skate across it without being chased by the Squid…" He trailed off at James' rather dead looking eyes, and polite smile.

"Sure thing, Rem. I'll join you later. But right now, I've work to do." For a second, his eyes seemed to break, and a strange look shone through, almost as though he were trying to reassure them. Remus frowned unnoticeably, but before he could wonder on James any more, Sirius pulled him away, enticing him towards glimmering ice, floodlit by the winter's sun, ruling over cloudless blue skies.

Alone in the dusty library, James continued to pour over his maps and diagrams, pausing only to take the occasional swig of Firewhisky from the bottle hidden under his chair. I'm getting there… Five black-spots on this map, five empty squares. One – Gryffindor Tower. Then Slytherin Dungeons. Then the Ravenclaws and the 'Puffs. I've found you, found you all… He chuckled again, laughing at his own brilliance, as he inked on the names of the four common rooms, hastily casting the required charms to make the barely legible scrawls part of the enchanted map. He paused suddenly. "Well. Well well well. That must mean – There. Right there. An undiscovered room. It must be in there, whatever it is, must be there… The hidden grey room… That hellish mirror... His frown became a grimace, and he quickly vanished all remaining bits of parchment, and left the library, leaving only a stack of precariously leaning books and the bottle of drink, knocked over in his haste, spilling smoking golden liquid all over the mould-green carpet.

With the help of The Map, it didn't take James long to maneuver himself round the castle that he knew like the back of his hand, the castle that felt like home.

With the help of The Map, it didn't take him long to find the door to his own downfall.

It was a pretty nondescript door, really, pale grey-ish wood, and a wrought iron knocker in the shape of a lion's head, a snake emerging from its roaring mouth. James blinked at it for a while, before summoning every ounce of his Gryffindor courage, and knocking, once, twice, three times. For a while it seemed as though nothing would happen – but just as he raised his hand to knock again, the door slid open, revealing a thin stone passage. Nodding his head, as though to convince himself that what he was doing made some kind of sense, James cast a non-verbal Lumos, and stepped through the door. It instantly slammed shut behind him, filtering out the sounds of the school, cutting him off completely. Squaring his shoulders, James walked on, a Shield Charm just shy of tumbling from his lips. But there were no trapdoors, no falling boulders, no random sparks of fire or lightning, and no monsters. Nothing. Not even this, Mirror from the pits of Hell.

Maybe… Maybe I got it wrong. But… Well, there were no hidden grey chambers, not on our map. So this must be it. It must be… Just around the corner… He continued walking for around a half hour, convincing himself that with each next step he would find what he was looking for. And, why, Jamie-Boy are you looking for this mirror again? Just why are you hunting for the very object that made your two best friends – both as strong as you, I might add- want to tear out their own souls through their noses using red-hot pokers? James frowned. Shut the fuck up! he told his conscience angrily. You know, you sound like a hideous combination of the worst parts of Sirius and Remus mashed up together – and believe you me, that's not a good thing to sound like! His conscience properly silenced, he quashed all doubts with the thought of the look on his friends' faces when he told them he'd destroyed it – that he'd avenged what had been done to them, and that they never had to fear that stupid mirror again. Sirius would have that beaming grin of his, like a little kid on Christmas Day. And Remus would be smiling that pathetically pleased, and slightly bemused smile, like he couldn't quite understand why anyone would do this for him – it was the same smile that had appeared when they told him about becoming animagi… Actually, James remembered with a fond grin, he'd cried at that. Yeah. This is gonna be just the same. Sir James, rescuing his friends from the Big Bad Monster. I'm off on an adventure, and sure it's risky. But that's what heroes do, they risk things, risk their lives. I can do this. For them. For them. And at the same time he reached his determined conclusion, the passageway widened out into a large grey chamber, the mirror looming in front of him like a soldier readying for war. James stopped, feeling suddenly awkward, like he'd just barged into Dumbledore's bedroom or something. Actually, scratch that. This feeling of overwhelming fright and stupidity – this was like walking naked into Voldemort's bedroom, and telling him you think he's stupid. "Um…" He stammered foolishly. "Sorry, I, uh… I got lost; I'll just… go, now…" He whirled round and made for the door, but it was too late. There was nothing there but unforgiving stone.

"Oh, fuck."

It was late, nearly nine in the evening when Sirius and Remus really began to worry. "But, Siri, I'm telling you, there was something wrong!" Sirius frowned, shaking his head obstinately. "Remmy, I told you, that was just him, freaking over…us…" Remus glared at him and sighed impatiently, as though Sirius were missing something completely, and glaringly obvious. "Okay, Siri. Who is this we're talking about? James. I never met a more understanding bloke. Sirius, he's your best friend, and he loves you like a brother!" Catching Sirius' look, he rolled his eyes and grinned slightly. "Okay, like a brother you actually like, unlike Regulus. But that's beside the point. I just don't think it would have bothered him that much. I mean, we didn't even need to tell him – he already knew, remember?" Sirius nodded, and frowned, tapping his chin thoughtfully. While Remus admired the genius-type pose, Sirius' brain was actually whirring into overtime.

"Yeah!" he exclaimed suddenly. Remus raised an eyebrow and gave him A Look. Sirius caught it and grinned. "Ac-tually, Mr. Moony, I have had a--" He paused, searching for the word. Remus coughed suddenly, and Sirius beamed. "Yeah, I've had an epiphany! A realization, if you will. Moony, we didn't even know until god only knows what time this morning. How the fuck did he already know?!" Remus blinked – this thought having not actually occurred to him. Frowning, he shrugged dismissively. "Well, its like he said, it was obvious… But I see your point. It really wasn't that obvious… So how would he have known? Unless- Oh, oh shit. Sirius, was he actually asleep? When you came into the Shack, was he sleeping?!" Sirius stared, bewildered.

"How the bloody fuck should I know!" His voice was growing louder, more agitated, as his subconscious picked up what Remus was hinting at. "I didn't check, did I?! I wanted, I needed to see you – James bloody Potter's sleeping habits was the last thing on my mind!" Remus closed his eyes and pressed a hand to his head as though in pain.

"Sirius, you, you… He was awake! He must have been! That's the only way to explain how he knew!" Sirius thought it over, pondered about it, and then came to A Decision.

"Okay. So he heard us confess our love for one another. But that's a bad thing, why, exactly? I mean, he was still fine with it, and really, I don't think he would have buggered off to god knows where, just to give us "space", y'know?" Remus nodded, and was about to admit total and complete defeat, when a horrible thought struck him with all the force of Hagrid wielding a sledgehammer confronted by a bunch of dragon-slayers.

"Oh, fuck." Sirius gaped at his boyfriend – Remus never swore. (Well, mostly never anyway). Remus stared back, eyes suddenly full of fear. "Sirius… We didn't just confess our feeling though, did we? Think about it… What else did we talk about, what else did we mention?" Sirius thought back, wandering aimlessly down memory lane, until he struck gold.

"OH, GODDAMN IT! Remmy, you don't think he-" Sirius broke off and Remus interjected smoothly.

"-Think he went looking for it? Yes, actually, I do. Because our friend James is courageous to the point of idiocy. And you know as well as I that a mirror hidden in a secret room- Oh. So that's why he was in the library… He must've used the blank-spots… Cross referenced them with mentions of the other common rooms, and secret passageways… He mapped it! He mapped the Mirror-Room!" To say Sirius was shocked would be like saying Dumbledore is slightly cheerful – and that man was outrageously, deliriously happy at funerals for Merlin's sake… "Rem! He's, he's gone after it! Alone!" The two marauders looked at each other, and without saying a word, bolted for the door.

When they reached the common room, they were met with a simply astonishing sight. James tumbled in through the portrait – straight into the arms of one Lily Evans. She took one look at him, crying and shivering and as pale as death, and used her Head Girl Stare to banish them all to bed. Sirius and Remus raised eyebrows, shrugged, and lingered hidden in the stairwell – Just In Case.

"James. James! Potter!" Her voice was soft, like an angels lullaby on his tortured ears. He turned his head towards her, his eyes unfocused and dim without his glasses. He peered through the mist and the muggy fog stifling his brain, into green eyes, green as the emeralds his mother used to wear when he was small. Then the connection was made, and he made an effort to sit up. "E…Evans?" he stammered. "Is…Is that, Lily? Lily Evans?" His voice was so unbearably, heart-wrenchingly desperate that Lily felt tears pricking her eyes. "Yes, James, it's me, it's me." He just looked at her, as though not quite believing what he saw or heard. "A…Are you… Is that you, Lily? Is that Lily Evans?" His mournful voice asked again, and again, and every time Lily answered, "Yes, it's me! James, I'm here!" But he just looked right through her, as though she were a ghost, his voice whimpering on, and on, "Lily? Is that Lily? Where's Lily? Is that you, Evans? Lily Evans?"

Lily was crying now, the tears streaming down her face as she gently pried herself away from his reaching arms, and backed away slowly, one hand clasped over her mouth, as though to hold in the screams. "James! James, what ha…happened, I… What's wrong with you! I'm here! Goddamn it, I'm here! He opened his mouth, but his lips had scarcely begun to form her name, when she slapped him. Hard. The smack echoed through the room, unnaturally loud, mixed in with Lily's sobs, and James' shallow, unsteady breathing. He moved his head to look at her, his movements slow, as though he were drowning in treacle. "Hello Lily. Have… Have you come to look after me now?"

His voice was soft, and mournful, like a lost toddler. Lily's heart shattered. "Of course, James. Come here." She sat down next to him, pulling his head to rest on her lap. He curled up, and lay still, his breathing evening out as she stroked his hair. After a few comforting moments of silence, it had to be asked. "James… What happened to you? Was… was it the Slytherins?" James snorted softly, and chuckled, the sound forced, as though it caused him pain. "Nah. A bunch of lousy snakes couldn't do this to me… No, Lily, it was The Mirror…" Lily blinked, and then frowned. Angrily.

"James Potter, this is not the time for mucking about! I… I'm worried about you." That admission had cost her pride – but it was worth it to see the look of sudden hope in his eyes as he rolled over onto his back to face her. "Really? You… Worry about me?" His face melted into a smile. "Y'know, I used to dream that you'd worry about me. Care about me. I used… I wanted to… I wanted you to love me, cos, I know I'm a prat, but I do love you, you know. I really, really do. And, I swear, I'm not kidding. I'd never lie to you, Lily. You're special to me, my angel, and I couldn't bear it if… I just… I don't want you to die, Lily! I couldn't bear to live without you!" He rolled away from her again, and she stared down at him, shocked.

"James, I… I never thought you meant it, you know. I thought you were taking the mickey. I… I'm sorry. For rejecting you. And for quite possibly breaking your heart. But, listen to me, James. I'm not gonna die, am I? I've got years left, maybe hundreds! What on earth made you thought I was going to die?!" She shook her head fondly, but Remus and Sirius just looked at each other, knowing looks plastered over worried frowns. "Maybe we should leave them to it?" mouthed Remus, and Sirius nodded. Sneaking away, they left the thoroughly confused Lily to puzzle out the Riddle of the Mirror as best as she humanly could.

Thankfully, James himself decided to provide some answers. "It's my fault. I was looking for it. It hurt Remus, and Sirius, and I love them, y'know? If I didn't have them… Well, I dunno what I'd do, or who I'd be. I need them. They're my guys. Anyway. It hurt them, and no one hurts my friends. No one. So I went looking for it. I thought, I thought I could destroy it. Protect them, protect everyone. I thought I could be a hero, Lily. I thought I could… But as it turns out, I'm just not strong enough. Personally though, I don't think the armies of Light and Dark combined could have defeated this Monster-Under-the-Bed though, so… Well, I guess it can't be helped. But I tracked it down, and I found it. It's in the West Wing, past- anyway. I found it. And I saw it, and, Lily, it saw me. This great sheet of glass, hiding in its walls of stone. The Mirror. It says its name, in runes around the edge. They're old runes though, cursed, I think. Only purebloods can read them. So there I am, looking at this freakin' mirror, and then… Well, one moment I'm outside looking in, then… I couldn't move… I couldn't see, I couldn't think, and then… He took my place! He was standing, in the real world, and he was laughing, and I… I was trapped inside! I… It was horrid. He kept laughing, and saying stuff in my voice, and then… I dunno, I think I saw Sirius. And Remus. Turning away, sneering, leaving, going Dark. And then… There was you. You… You tore out my heart and stamped on it. The blood was everywhere… And I, I was left, alone, alone in this mirror, for so long… It felt like years were passing. Years, and years, and the turn of the century, gone. And I felt so old, and so tired, and I thought… I thought for sure I'd lived my life away, rotting in between sheets of cursed glass, as He lived my life away, squandered it, broke it, broke me. And no one cared. I wasn't missed. Who'd miss me, anyway?"

James let out a long, rattling sigh. "Anyway. Just as I was about to fall asleep – it seems impossible, doesn't it, centuries of not sleeping – but that's how it felt. Anyway, I was about to drift off, when… Well, I heard, I heard you. Screaming at me as normal, telling me to grow up. And I thought, yeah, I think I've done that. But what good is it – I'm basically dead anyway. And then, something, drifted, into my head. I could see you. But it wasn't you. It was your eyes. In my face. Your eyes, in my face. It was us. It was our son. I saw what could have been, and I… I cried. I cried, and I screamed, and… It let me go. I don't know why, or how. But I found myself sprawled on the stone floor, blood everywhere, but not a wound to be found, my heart racing like a rabbits. But I was awake. I was awake, and I was still here, and there's still time. I've got my chance again, Lily. I turned away from that Mirror, that Mirror of Nightmares, and I ran. All the way here. Because if I've got another chance at life, if I get to give it another go, I'd really, really, like to spend it with you."

His eyes were drifting closed, the edges of sleep just beginning to drift closer, the fog of dreams permeating his mind, turning everything murky white and sky blue. The last thing James heard before letting sleep claim him was her voice, her soft voice whispering an answer.

"Okay."

Author's Note:

Eremophobia – A fear of loneliness.

Okay, so a few points were raised about the last chapter, and I think now is the time to clear them up…

Why did James think Remus would have killed Sirius? Well, James thought Remus would kill Sirius because, to be perfectly honest, James IS a pureblood wizard. And sure, he still loves Remus, and knows he's a lovely, calm, caring person, deep down... But he still knows Remus is a werewolf, and there's still that slight spark of realization that Remus does actually turn into a bloodthirsty monster once a month. He reacted on instinct.

Why did Remus nearly attack Sirius even though it was morning and the full moon hadn't risen yet? Maybe I didn't explain it clearly enough, but it was the scent of blood that Remus reacted strongly to. As it is close to the full moon, the wolf is edgy and kind of... close to the surface. So it reacted violently to the scent that it identifies as food. Then, when Remus has written the letter, he's so focused on his personal feelings, and he's so anxious and worried for Sirius that the wolf doesn't really get a look in (so he's back to the Remus we know and love). Then the reason he's not sitting by Sirius' side – he's gone off to transform. Alone. But that'll come later...

Anyway, if you have any questions or suggestions review and tell me okay? Next chapter: Lily finds the mirror!