Chapter 4: Apologize
Brenda sighed and darted through the hall, dodging bodies left and right as she attempted to slip into chemistry class before the bell rang and she earned her third late pass of the day. The morning had started off bad and quickly progressed to worse as she and Brandon arrived at school well after the first bell, their homeroom teacher handing them both late slips as they barely made into their seats before homeroom ended.
Then she had made the mistake of dawdling in the hallway, first searching for Kelly, and then Dylan, both unsuccessfully. In fact, none of her friends were in their usual spots. She and Donna and Kelly often congregated in front of Donna's locker after homeroom, since it was the most centrally based to their respective first period classes, and she usually found Dylan waiting for her right outside her homeroom door. Not that morning. She wound up having to race to make her first period geometry class, but not before the bell jangled and signaled another late pass would be going her way.
She exhaled in relief as she crossed the threshold of chemistry class, cursed bell as of yet remaining silent. She noted that Kelly was already seated on her assigned stool, leaning over their lab table, her blue eyes scanning a paper in her hands. Brenda took another breath, squared her shoulders and walked over to her seat next to Kelly.
"Hey," she said softly, settling onto her stool, dropping her bag at her feet and placing her chemistry text on the table, off to one side.
"Hi," Kelly replied, not looking up, eyes still fixed on the paper.
"Kelly, I really wanted to talk to you this morning before school, but Brandon and I got stuck in traffic behind some accident on Palmetto, and I was late for homeroom, and when I looked for you near Donna's locker…" She knew she was talking a mile a minute, and she realized her heart was racing as well, but before she could continue, Kelly cut her off.
"Donna went to see Mrs. Teasley this morning. She wants to drop her algebra class," she interrupted, still not meeting Brenda's eyes.
"Oh, okay. Well, I really need to talk to you," she added, placing her hand over Kelly's, forcing the blonde to finally look up and make eye contact. "I feel horrible about what happened yesterday." At that moment, the bell sounded sharply, and Kelly withdrew her hand.
"We can talk at lunch, I guess," she replied quietly, pressing her lips together tightly.
"Okay, good," Brenda tried to give her a smile, but Kelly was staring at her hands as the teacher began to speak, calling their attention to the day's assigned lab.
The rest of class passed uneventfully; the lab was nothing complicated, and Brenda noted with some degree of amusement that she and Kelly actually worked well together, or at least more effectively, when they weren't really speaking. They usually spent chemistry class gossiping and giggling and paying more attention to goofing off than doing their work. They completed the lab with a few minutes to spare, and Brenda thought she might take advantage of the time to start her apology, but Kelly had copied the weekend's homework off the board and was flipping through her textbook, clearly set on starting the assignment. Brenda opted rather for small talk.
"I didn't see Dylan this morning either," she said casually, trying to coax Kelly into conversation.
"Donna said he wasn't in homeroom;" she replied, brushing her long hair out of her face as she scribbled something on her paper.
"Oh," Brenda nodded, furrowing her brow in confusion, curious as to where Dylan might be. She thought for a moment that he might be sick, and panic set in. What would become of their date if Dylan had fallen ill? Then her heart swelled with hope. Maybe Dylan had played hooky to get things in order for that evening. And therein lay the mystery that was Dylan, she mused to herself. You just never knew with him.
When the bell rang to end class, Brenda waited while Kelly gathered her things, hesitant to start another awkward conversation. She just needed uninterrupted time to plead her case, and she crossed her fingers that the hurt that was still heavy in Kelly's eyes would lift and things would go back to normal.
"See you at lunch," Kelly said, sweeping out of the room without another word or backward glance. Brenda slung her bag over her shoulder and decided to head right to her study hall, rather than risk another dreaded late pass.
***
"Late night?" Andrea asked, mild amusement in her voice as Brandon yawned for the third time since they had begun working on next week's issue of The Blaze during their own respective third period study halls.
"Not particularly," he replied, leaning back in his chair. "I was just awakened by a certain dark-haired girl with whom I share a bathroom when she came sneaking home late."
"Your parents don't have a problem with her going out on a school night?" Andrea asked, surprised, pushing her glasses up on the bridge of her nose.
"That's why I said she was sneaking in, Andrea," Brandon tried to hide a smile.
"Oh," Andrea blushed slightly and looked back down at the notes she had compiled for the issue that was just underway. "Do you have any plans for the weekend?" she asked casually, thumbing through the stack of post-it notes.
"Steve expects me to go to this party with him tonight. Some guy named Tom Hartman," he answered. "I'm still not sure I really want to, though."
"Well, that sounds fun," Andrea said slowly. Brandon laughed.
"No it doesn't," he replied. "I'm still not recovered from that disastrous party Brenda threw when my parents went to Palm Springs. I'm best when I'm not surrounded by drunken idiots, trust me."
"I wouldn't know," she said. "I'm not exactly at the top of too many invite lists." She paused, and Brandon could tell she wanted to say something, but instead, she chewed on her lower lip and kept silent. Brandon spun around in his chair and glanced back at his computer, trying to come up with a good angle for a story. Andrea had informed him just minutes ago that the next issue needed an athlete profile, and it didn't really matter whom he chose. He was sick of dealing with the swim team, so they were out. The basketball team was having a dreadful year as their season drew to a close, and none of the wrestlers had done anything spectacular either.
"Ugh," Andrea suddenly announced. "I hadn't realized it was that time of year already."
"What?" Brandon called over his shoulder, typing the name 'Kyle Conner' with some amusement. Winter track was over, but the spring team was just beginning to practice, and he knew Kyle was one of the stars.
"Student Council elections," Andrea replied, grimacing. "A democratic process that can be anything but. Do you know how ugly high school elections can get?"
"Actually, I do," he nodded. "I ran for Student Council treasurer last year back home in Minnesota." Andrea's eyes widened, and she studied him carefully.
"You? Really?"
"You're surprised?" he challenged.
"Actually I am," she laughed. "You strike me as far too reasonable and honest for any serious run in politics."
"Why do all politicians have to be corrupt and immoral?" Brandon sighed. "They give us little people a bad name."
"Yeah, well, trust me, you're going to be sick and tired of hearing of these elections by the time they're actually held in May. It's insane the amount of campaigning that goes on, and last year, the race for president got really, really nasty." Andrea shook her head, her brown curls bobbing around her face. "I can't wait to see who throws their names into the hat this year."
"How nasty?" Brandon asked, mildly curious.
"Would you consider one candidate photocopying a doctor's prescription for herpes medication for the other candidate and plastering it all over school nasty?" She made a face.
"Um, yeah, that's gross, in more ways than one. That's hideous," he wrinkled his nose, unable to process how teenagers could be so mean.
"Thank you," Andrea nodded. "It was vile, and somehow, the offending candidate got nothing more than a warning, as long as the posters came down." She shook her head. "It's unbelievable. Student Council is supposed to be about making your high school better, invoking change, leaving your mark…"
"Why don't you run?" Brandon suggested, watching an aghast look spread over Andrea's face.
"Are you insane?" She lowered her voice to a hushed whisper. "The last thing I need is anyone digging into my life any deeper, Brandon. Need I remind you that I have one very big secret that will remain that way as long as I can help it?"
"Oh, right," he nodded sheepishly. "I forgot."
"I'm not going to risk being kicked out of West Beverly just for a run at an office I'd probably never win anyway," she added. A sudden light sparked in her eyes, and she grinned broadly at Brandon. "You could run."
"What? No way, Andrea," he shook his head vehemently.
"No, I'm serious. You'd be perfect, actually, the more I think about it. You're so different from the people that usually run," she gestured excitedly, rising from her chair and beginning to pace.
"Different?" he asked uncertainly. "How so?"
"I don't know how it was in Minnesota, but here it's usually just a glorified popularity contest. No one who runs actually cares about improving West Beverly, it's just pretty people who can use it as padding on their college applications."
"Oh, so I'm not pretty enough?" he said jokingly. Andrea looked away, a flush creeping onto her cheeks, coloring them a light pink. "Andrea, I've only been a student here for half a year. I don't know enough about West Beverly to want to change anything, and really, no one knows that much about me. I'd be the "hey, who's that guy?" candidate," he reasoned, starting to get dizzy from watching her pace so intensely.
"Just say you'll think about it," she begged, sitting down and taking his hands in his. Almost as quickly as she took them, she dropped them and looked away again.
"I'll think about it," he promised wearily. "Now can I get back to trying to pick an appropriate jock for this stupid athlete profile?" Andrea leaned over his shoulder and read the screen, her expression quizzical.
"Kyle Conner?" She shook her head. "What's so special about him?"
"I don't know," he replied honestly. "I'm just brainstorming."
"Well, go back to the drawing board," she ordered. Brandon gave her a mock salute.
"Yes, sir, Chief," he grinned. She shot him a playful warning glance.
"Hey, you know," she began, hesitating, "if you don't go to that party tonight, I think there's a few decent movies showing downtown, and we could meet up."
"Thanks, Andrea," he smiled, knowing it had probably taken a lot of courage for her to get that out, and he certainly didn't want to hurt her feelings. "I have a feeling I'm gonna wind up at that party, though. Steve did ask awhile ago, and he doesn't usually take no for an answer." He gave her another smile.
"Okay," she replied, forcing a smile in return. "But the offer stands, just in case."
"I'll remember that," he agreed, directing his attention back to the screen, backspacing several times to delete the Kyle Conner from sight.
***
Brenda checked her watch, tapped her foot anxiously and listened to the ringing of the phone on the other end. She needed to get to lunch, and she had wanted to beat Kelly to the spot under the tree near the main quad where they always ate, but her curiosity about the whereabouts of her boyfriend had gotten the better of her. So after her third period class, she had headed to the pay phone near the attendance office and dialed his suite. Unfortunately, no one was picking up.
With a sigh, she replaced the receiver, fished for her address book in her purse again, and located the number for the main desk that Dylan had told her to call if she ever couldn't get through to the room directly. Switchboards often acted up receiving calls from outside lines, he explained to her once when they had just started dating. Brenda had never dated anyone who lived in a hotel, so it had all been new to her.
She punched the numbers, balancing the receiver against her chin as she read the digits from her address book. She waited and the other end began to ring once more.
"Bel Age Hotel," a bored, clipped voice announced.
"Hi, I'm trying to reach Dylan McKay, he's in Suite 21-11," she asked timidly.
"One moment." There was a second of dead air, and the concierge must have put the call through as it rang once, twice, three times, then four. "I'm sorry, no one is picking up in the McKay suite. You can leave a message if you'd like."
"No, no message, thanks," she replied quietly, twisting the cold metal cord of the pay phone absently. She set the receiver down again, a puzzled look in her eyes. Dylan wasn't in school, yet he wasn't hanging around his hotel room. She tried to ignore the nagging feeling of panic in her stomach as she walked quickly to her locker, grabbed the lunch her mother had packed and headed out to the tree that had become her usual spot to eat lunch.
Kelly was already seated under the tree, her legs tucked under her, her short skirt hitched up above her knee, which would have revealed a bit too much skin if she wasn't wearing a pair of leggings. Brenda was felt underdressed around Kelly and Donna, as she just didn't have the means to build her wardrobe as extensively as the two of them could. Brandon was saving for a new car, she was yearning for a whole new closet.
"Hi, Kel," Brenda interrupted her friend, who was picking absently at a salad, pushing the lettuce around in the container, not really eating anything.
"Hi," Kelly replied softly, stabbing at a cherry tomato with her fork, still not bringing it to her mouth.
"Where is everyone?" she asked, settling down on the grass next to Kelly, unpacking her own lunch. Kelly looked at her, confusion clear in her blue eyes.
"I thought you wanted to talk. To apologize. I told Donna, and she thought we should be alone. She's eating lunch with some girls we used to eat with last year, pretending to catch up. Steve came by, but I got rid of him pretty quickly. I haven't seen your brother," she replied.
"Oh, well, I guess that's good. I did want to talk." She paused. "I'm a little worried about Dylan though. I just tried to call him, and he didn't answer." Brenda noticed a flash of irritation cross Kelly's face, but it was gone before Brenda could really pinpoint it.
"He probably went surfing," Kelly shrugged. "He was always ditching school last year to go surfing. I'd say at least every other week." Brenda felt a surge of relief course through her, but at the same time, she was slightly annoyed that Kelly was so matter-of-fact, as if she knew Dylan so well.
"Oh, that makes sense. I bet you're right," Brenda answered, trying to keep the conversation neutral and not set Kelly on edge as she began her apology. She sighed and put her hand on her friend's knee, and Kelly looked up and met Brenda's eyes. "Kel, I'm sorry."
"I know you are," she whispered, tugging at a blade of grass, her blonde hair falling across her face. Brenda's own eyes widened.
"I really, really am," she continued. "I didn't mean to hurt you so badly, and I didn't mean for you to take what I said in that way."
"What did you mean, Brenda," Kelly started to say, "What did you mean when you said I wasn't your brother's type?" Brenda studied her friend's wounded expression. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.
"Honestly, Kel, I don't really know what I meant," she replied truthfully. "I think I was actually just so surprised to see you flirting with my brother, right in front of me…"
"I wasn't really flirting with him," she sniffed defensively. Brenda raised an eyebrow at her skeptically.
"You're going to tell me you're not interested in my brother?" Kelly looked away, a distant gaze on her face.
"What if I am? What would be so bad about that?" she asked softly, gnawing at her lower lip. Brenda contemplated the question, and she found herself struggling to formulate an answer.
Fact was, there was something about Kelly pursuing her brother that did irk Brenda. She couldn't fully explain why, but she knew part of it was her own insecurity. She had dealt with a few incidents back in Minnesota with girls who had befriended her with the sole purpose of getting close to Brandon. He had definitely been one of the more sought-after guys in their high school, and he was fairly particular about who he had dated. Brenda just didn't want to even consider that Kelly had bonded so tightly with her simply as a means to worming her way into Brandon's graces. She hoped she was just being paranoid and jumping to conclusions.
"Brenda?" Kelly asked more emphatically.
"Huh?" Kelly frowned, and her pretty face clouded with impatience.
"I asked you a question," she said pointedly. "Why would there be a problem if I was interested in Brandon?"
"I don't know, Kelly. It's not worth worrying about if you're not, though, so…" she trailed off.
"Yes, okay," Kelly announced touchily. "I'm interested in your brother. In case you hadn't noticed, Brenda, he's really hot and he's like the nicest guy I've ever met." She lowered her eyes. "And yeah, it really hurt my feelings when you said I wasn't his type, and let's be honest, you and I both know what you meant, even if you didn't really mean it." Kelly drew a shaky breath and blinked back what Brenda now noticed were tears glistening at the corners of her eyes. "You didn't mean to say it, but I know you meant I'm not good enough for Brandon. That a guy like him would never date a girl with a reputation like mine." Brenda's heart ached for her friend, watching as Kelly tried to brush away the tears with the back of her hand.
"Kel, I'm so sorry," she exclaimed, placing a comforting hand on Kelly's back. Kelly sniffled and shook her head.
"You know what hurts the most, Brenda?" she said in a hushed voice. "I brought this upon myself. No one forced me to be that girl I was freshman year."
"What about that guy…" Brenda didn't finish her thought, but she knew Kelly would know she was referring to the time Kelly had basically been raped by a football player who had pretended to like her.
"I may not have wanted it, but I never had the strength to say no," she whispered. "I didn't want it most of the times I did it, Bren, but I just never could say no. I made my bed, quite literally, and now I have to lie in it." She sighed and coughed, trying to clear her throat. "You're probably right though."
"About what?"
"Brandon would never want to date a girl like me," she sighed wistfully.
"Kelly, when I said that, I know you thought I meant it was just about you being too slutty for him. And I hope you know I don't think you're anything like the Kelly you keep telling me about. Cause I don't see anyone other than a beautiful, outgoing girl who could have any guy she wanted." Kelly snorted.
"Don't patronize me, Brenda," she shook her head. "You're not helping."
"It's true! Guys are always looking at you, Kelly, and you're easily the best looking girl at West Beverly," Brenda continued, trying to raise her friend's spirit.
"They look at me because they've heard the talk. None of the really great guys will give me a second glance." She laughed bitterly. "I attract the sleaze bags, the psycho ex-boyfriends, and the underage stalkers, like that David Silver kid who's always leering at me. The Brandon Walshes of this world aren't knocking on my door."
"Listen, Kelly, about Brandon," Brenda sighed, and paused for a moment. "It's not that you're not his type, really. I've just never seen any indication from him that he's interested in you, and my brother's never been all that good at hiding his feelings when it comes to girls that he likes."
"Oh," Kelly said meekly, looking away, a sadness apparent in her eyes. Brenda could tell she had just deflated the blonde's hopes.
"And even if Brandon thought you were hot, which he probably would at least admit to, he's always been pretty firm about not dating my friends." She grimaced. "There was an incident with a former friend of mine back in Minnesota, and Brandon saw how hurt I was by the fact she had only been hanging around me to get to him."
"Brenda, I'd never do anything…" Kelly started to protest.
"I know, Kelly, I didn't say you would. I'm just telling you where he's coming from."
"Dylan is good friends with Brandon, and that didn't stop you," she offered, raising an eyebrow. Brenda shrugged.
"What can I say? Guys just don't think about friendship the same ways we do," she replied. "Kel, I can't say how I'd really feel if anything ever happened between you and Brandon, cause if I'm being straight-forward, I don't think it will."
"That's pretty harsh," she murmured. "But the truth hurts, right?"
"Yeah, it does. You're not mad, are you?"
"No, I guess I can't be. You've been honest, and I guess I appreciate it." She heaved a sigh. "I need to use the bathroom before my next class." She stood and brushed the grass from her leggings, picking up her untouched salad. Brenda nodded at the plate.
"Aren't you going to eat?"
"I'm not that hungry," she replied, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear.
"So we're okay?" Brenda asked hopefully. Kelly nodded.
"Yeah, we are. Thanks." Brenda stood and enveloped her friend into a fierce hug.
"I'd never do anything to intentionally hurt you, Kelly," she said firmly. "You're my best friend." She paused, releasing the blonde and cracking a smile. "And you know what? There'd be worse things in life than my brother falling for my best friend."
"Right," Kelly smiled wryly. "Like Hell freezing over? Cause from what you just said, that's probably more likely." Brenda squeezed her hand.
"I just meant that I think if it had ever come to that, I'd have been okay with it."
"Well, thanks, I guess," Kelly shrugged. "Next time you have one of your brother-sister heart-to-hearts, can you tell him to be a little less irresistible?"
"Not likely, he's been that way since he was born," she lamented. "Try growing up in his shadow." Kelly tossed her hair over her shoulder.
"I'm not going to stop flirting, just so you know. Friends can flirt, right?" she asked hopefully. Brenda laughed.
"Sure, go for it."
"Have fun with Dylan tonight, in case I don't see you after school." Brenda clapped a hand over her mouth.
"I totally forgot! I really needed to ask you advice about something," she pleaded. Kelly raised an eyebrow.
"Me? Advice?" Brenda blushed and lowered her eyes.
"It's about sex," she whispered hoarsely. Kelly's face fell, and for a moment, Brenda regretted phrasing it like Kelly was some expert as a result of her past actions. "I mean, I just need someone to talk to."
"You really think I'm the best person to ask?" she asked dryly. "Sex usually leads to trouble, have you learned nothing from my cautionary tales of woe?"
"But if it's with someone you love…"
"Are you planning on sleeping with Dylan?" Kelly hissed, trying to keep her voice down, her shock evident. "Bren, don't you think it's a little soon? I mean, I know Dylan McKay has swept you off your feet, but, I mean…you're…" Kelly fumbled to finish her sentence. Brenda nodded.
"Yeah, you can say it. I'm a virgin."
"Bren, I really have to go," Kelly sighed, biting her lip and shifting uncomfortably. "But if you want my advice, that's all the more reason to wait. I wish I had. Don't rush into something because you're caught up in the moment. If Dylan's got a brain in his head and a soul in his body, he'll respect that and he'll be patient." She gave Brenda a smile and turned to head into the school. Suddenly she pivoted back and faced Brenda again. "Be strong, Bren. Even if tonight is utterly romantic and you think you're going to float away you're so overcome in the moment, think about me. Take your time."
"Thanks, Kel," she whispered, genuinely touched by her friend's impassioned plea. Kelly winked at her, a kind expression on her beautiful face.
"Call me tomorrow and tell me everything."
"I will, I promise. Have fun at that party."
"Not likely!" Kelly called over her shoulder, waving as she walked into the building and Brenda lost sight of her. Brenda sighed, a wave of relief overcoming her, feeling as if a giant weight had been released from her shoulders.
She sat back down, knowing she only had a few minutes of lunch remaining, and she was starving. She popped the tab on her diet soda and unwrapped the chicken salad sandwich from its tin-foil pouch, taking a bite and chewing while she contemplated Kelly's advice.
Sex was not something Brenda believed had to wait until marriage. Neither of her parents had ever exactly preached purity, but she also knew them well enough to know they wouldn't expect her to take intimacy so lightly. She also suspected that her father would be more edgy where Dylan McKay was concerned. Jim Walsh already harbored feelings that Dylan was not the right man for his daughter.
She continued eating her lunch quickly, her mind wandering as she ate. She knew she was overthinking things; she and Dylan really were just going down to Santa Monica for a romantic dinner, and Brenda knew she'd be expected to make her midnight curfew. She wasn't even sure in what context the opportunity for sex could have presented itself, but she definitely didn't envision her first time in the back of Dylan's Porsche. This was the 90s, after all, not the 1960s.
The bell rang, and Brenda crumpled up the tin foil and brown bag, taking a last sip of her soda before tossing her refuse into the garbage cans near the main doors. She breezed through the halls, heading to her locker to collect her books for her afternoon classes.
"Hey Bren," Brandon called, waving casually from across the hall where he was standing just outside the office of the Blaze. Andrea Zuckerman was at his side, and Brenda concluded that they must have worked through lunch, as Brandon was apt to do often lately. He walked over to her locker, Andrea hanging behind, lingering as if she wasn't quite ready to leave his side. Brenda smiled to herself inwardly; it was evident Kelly was not the only girl succumbing to her brother's charms.
"Where were you?" Brenda asked, fairly certain she knew the answer.
"I was trying to compile a list of leads for a compelling student athlete profile, since someone," he jerked his head playfully in Andrea's direction, "gave me a fluff assignment for next week's edition."
"It's not fluff!" Andrea protested. Brandon smirked.
"Sure it's not," he said stoically, hiding a broader smile. "Did you ever get the chance to apologize to Kelly?"
"Yes, I did, thank you very much, and things are good now," she replied, checking her reflection in the mirror on her locker door, running her tongue over her teeth to remove any hidden food. She flashed a smile in the mirror and was satisfied with what she saw.
"Well, that's good," Brandon nodded. "I bet you feel much better now, right?"
"Much," she agreed. "But I can't chit-chat unless I want to go for a personal best and get a third late pass today. I'll see you after school, Brandon."
"I'm leaving right after 8th period, so try to be by the car on time, okay?" he called after her.
"Sure, Dad," she retorted, sticking out her tongue as she flounced down the hall to her next class, hopeful the rest of the afternoon would pass quickly.
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Author's Note: Well, I wrote and rewrote that Brenda/Kelly conversation more than a few times…I hope it addressed the falling out adequately and hinted at some things to come. I had a few other things planned to come out in their chat, but I felt like it was getting wordy, so they'll be worked into the "morning after" phone call. :-P
Merry Christmas to everyone, and I'd especially like to thank some of you who aren't registered users for your kind thoughts on this and Viva Las Vegas. I like to try to personally respond to each review, but the anonymous reviewers I can't answer. So for those like brankel1, Sandra and piper, I do really appreciate you guys too! And as always, Jianna, thanks for all that you do to inspire me and motivate me. I'm thankful our paths crossed, and your friendship means a lot to me. Enjoy your time with your family this Christmas.
Happy Holidays! ~Court~