Logan is not stupid, nor is he oblivious. He sees Rory cry, he notices the spark gone from her eyes and he understands that her inability to care for Laylee is not normal. Everyone has their fears, but what's going on with Rory is more than just fear. He hates to see her like this. In the short 12 weeks that Rory has been a mother, she lost all the weight she gained during the pregnancy, and then some. She has dark circles around her eyes, her hair doesn't shine anymore and she looks like she is about to fall over. He had expressed worry one time to one of the nurses and the social worker at the NICU, but they both waved it off and told him to look around. Most NICU moms shave off the weight and develop dark circles, it comes with the territory. "Don't worry" the nurse said "You'll be out of here in a few weeks and it will all be better". He hoped against hope that she was right, but he saw that this is different. Rory was very concerned about her child- but when most parents wanted to spend as much time touching their child and holding it, Rory was simply happy to look at her and let Laylee grasp her finger.
He cursed himself when he remembered the first time he saw that look of defeat in her eyes. Way back when, when his father crushed her, took away her dreams and hopes. He saw it again, when he walked to the window overlooking Laylee's incubator, where his mother and Rory were standing. He saw it, as he overheard his mother tell Rory "It's for the best, some things are just not meant to be". He looked into the window and saw doctors and nurses crowding around his 48 hour old daughter, and he looked at the look of horror on Rory's face. "I think you should leave mom" He said, "You are not welcome here or anywhere around us anymore". His mother left, but the look of defeat in Rory's eyes has been there ever since. Laylee pulled through, his little fighter, but something in Rory died that day.
He should have known, really. When he called his parent's house to tell them about their new grandchild, his father was away on business. "You should really take this as a sign, Logan. You and Rory just are not good together" Shira told him, sounding cool and emotionless. "She's still alive, mother. The doctors think she IS going to make it" He told her and hung up. He never knew why his mother came to the hospital, but he knows that he will never forgive her for saying that to Rory.
Logan decided something that fateful day. He was holding crying Rory in his arms, her back to the window, watching doctors talk to the nurses as they give his tiny baby girl more and more drugs, just to keep her alive. He decided that no matter what, he will not let Rory sink. He will be there, for her and for their child. They, in his book, will always be number 1, no matter what is going on.
Laylee lived. Ironically, she had more caffeine pumping in her veins than Rory did. The doctor explained to them that it helps with both her breathing and her heart. "Yes, Gilmore girls do need their caffeine fix to survive" Rory joked, a little bitterly. They had talked about names the entire pregnancy, but none seemed to fit the itsy bitsy fighter they now had. All the boy ones were thrown out, and they were left with a whole list of names that just did not seem right.
"We should name her Lorelai" he said, looking into the surprised eyes of the mother of his child.
"Lorelai, really? Not that I don't love the sentiment and all, but don't you think that's getting a little repetitive?" She asked, wide eyed at his suggestion.
"Come on, Ace, I know you've always wanted to continue the tradition. And didn't you just say that shes pretty much a Gilmore girl already, actually needing caffeine to survive?" and there we go, she even managed a small smile.
"I just think the name is a little big on her. She's so tiny Logan, I just don't know. Lorelai is a rock, something with mythology. She's so fragile.." She looked at him with those sad eyes, almost asking for approval.
"She tiny, Ror, maybe fragile, but she's strong. We can also give her a middle name, maybe something that actually means strong, name her what we believe she will become" he said, hoping that he wasn't just talking, hoping that he is not just giving Rory false hope, and that his little fighter will continue fighting.
"Do we? Do we believe that she will grow out of this Logan? It's not so simple! She can't breathe on her own, her digestive system isn't working well, she is getting antibiotics that are weakening her heart, and no one can tell me what will happen! It's not just growing! She might… she might not." Tears were streaming down her face, she seemed horrified at verbalizing her fear. He took her in his arms and held her to him as she sobbed.
"She will Ace, she will fight. And we'll be here right next to her. You and I both, I'm not going anywhere Ace. We are meant to be, the three of us. Let's just focus on this little one getting better, ok? Let's give her a name, and be parents". He turned her so that she was looking at Laylee, looking at her tiny chest go up and down, and said "Hey there tiny one. We are here, Mommy and Daddy are right here". Tears were still streaming down Rory's face, he hugged her tightly to him, and he whispered in her ears how much he loved her.
The next day Rory was discharged from the hospital and he took her to buy some needed things. Milk, pop tarts, breast pump. He caught her looking at a onsie that said "My mommy loves me", and told her to get it. She said she wants to buy some kid's books to read to her, and he pretended not to notice when into the pile she slipped a baby name book. He let Lorelai take her to a late lunch at Luke's and headed back to the hospital.
"Hey there, Princess, It's Daddy. How are you doing today?" The nurse walked by and told him he can let her hold his finger. He put his hand in the incubator, put his pinky need her hand, and she grabbed hold of it. "Wow there, little girl, that's a strong hold you got" he whispered to the sleeping child. It amazed him how much strength is in that little tiny thing. He looked at her, all diaper and monitor stickers and little hat on her head, and tears welled in his eyes. She was his, his and Rory's, and he loved her. She was 3 days old, and he loved her like he never loved anything else in his life. He loved Rory, but this was different. This was his baby girl, and so help him G-d, he will make sure she will live, will be happy, and will smile. Laylee opened her eyes, and he looked into those dark blue eyes. It amazes him how much of Rory he can already see in that little tiny thing. They had told him that all babies have blue eyes, and that it can change, but this one- this one was purely Gilmore blue. "Be strong, princess, Mommy and I need you to be strong." He sat there, her holding onto his pinky, leaning his face into the incubator side, when he felt Rory's head on his shoulder.
"How's the little Lorelai doing?" She asked, sounding a little more like his Rory.
"Little Lorelai, huh?" He had that smirk on his face, that look that use to annoy her so much, and now she just found adorable.
"I was always a fan of tradition. But I think you are right, she does need a middle name." there might not be a sparkle in her eyes yet, but he can hear the hope in her voice.
"Let me guess, Ace. You already have some ideas" he was looking at her fully now, finger still in the baby's hold, and he couldn't help but feel a little relieved.
"As a matter of fact, I do. I was looking at this baby name book, like you said- for names with a strong meaning, and I found two that I kinda like" She looked at the baby and he thought he saw something in her eyes. Maybe a name will help her grow more attached.
"Really? Want to share those names?" he could tell that she wanted this. She wanted him to have to get it out of her. She wouldn't just tell him, she needed to play the game.
"They are both a little on the unusual side, but then again, whenever have been the usual, boring people?" There was something more to that, but he wasn't willing to go into it right now.
"Ace, come on. Tell me. I'm sure I'll love them. No matter how weird they are" He hoped to instill confidence in her, show her that he trusted her judgment.
"Ok. They both have really similar meaning. One is not exactly English, but I actually like that one more. I know its unusual, but it just has this pretty sound to it, and really, you are right, she should have a strong name. Cuz, really, in the 3 days she has been alive she's been through more than we both have in our lifetimes, and she's a Gilmore and a Huntzberger and"
"Ace! " He stopped her nervous ramble. He thought she was adorable when she did that, yet he couldn't resist stopping her in the middle.
"Right. Ok. The first one is Brianna- it means noble, strong and virtuous. And the other is Adirah, that's Hebrew, and it means majestic strong and mighty. I have to say, I like Lorelai Adirah more than Lorelai Brianna. I think it's less of a mouthful, particularly when you add Huntzberger to it." She said, looking a little sheepish.
"Lorelai Adirah Huntzburger, I love it. Foreign enough to be interesting- but not weird, interesting enough to have a meaning- but not raise an eyebrow. It's perfect Ace." She smiled, something that Logan has not seen her do in days. "What should we call her? Its too confusing to have another Lorelai, and Lorie sounds like a puppy's name to me, don't you think?"
"I want to have the L's in her name. Hmm, maybe drop the R, Lo-lai? Lo-lee? No, that sounds dumb. Lilly? That seems too detached from Lorelai. LeyLai? Leylee? What do you think about that, Logan?" She was looking for his approval, but it looked like she had already made up her mind.
"Leylee, huh? Can we spell it with an a? Like, Laylee? Both L's, no R's. I like it."
"Laylee. Sound like a befitting name for such a tiny girl. Laylee Huntzburger." She looked at the little girl in the incubator and laughed. "I think her name is longer than she is Logan" There were tears in her eyes.
"She'll grow into it Ace, she'll grow into it".
The next morning when Rory walked into the NICU, the tab on Laylee's incubator read "Lorelai Adirah Huntzburger (Laylee)". That it, she thought. She has a name. She's real.
A/N: So here's chapter 2. 3 is almost done, and might be up by the end of the week. 390 hits and only 5 reviews? You can do better than that! I want to know what you think! Also, still looking for a beta reader.
Let me know what you think of this chapter, It was definitely challenging to write. Enjoy!