Disclaimer: I own no part of the Marvel movie universe.

Chapter 15

It was a very good thing Loki had stopped struggling.

They were a mass of mismatched pajamas, bathrobes, and bedroom slippers.

Steve held him up from behind, an arm wrapped around his chest just under his arms.

Phil had a trashcan in front of him before he'd gotten through the third proper heave.

Clint and Tony were both rubbing his back as best they could.

Bruce had gone to find fresh sheets.

Pepper was getting clean pajamas from the dresser, because wow Loki'd made a mess of himself.

And that left Natasha kneeling in front of him with a wet washcloth, wiping at his face whenever he managed to keep from vomiting for a few seconds. "It's going to be okay," she told him over and over. "No one is going to hurt you here. That's over now. Just calm down."

And eventually, he managed to, eyes darting among them, clearly trying to make sense of everything.

And, given the way he brightened at Bruce's footsteps only to immediately sadden when the man entered the doorway...

"I'm that much bad news?" Bruce joked. "Which reminds me: bad news, I couldn't find clean sheets for this size bed. Apparently we've maxed out use of Tony's original copious supply. And all the extras are due to be washed in the morning."

"I think he hoped you were Thor coming back," Natasha told him.

"Of all times for his brother to be gone..." Tony grumbled.

"Maybe that's why it happened..."

All eyes on Pepper.

"Well, it makes sense. He had to figure out why he left. Loki hasn't been completely away from him for more than a few days since his mind was damaged. And even then he was in Asgard with his parents there with him. He had to figure out why Thor leaving mattered. So he's probably done a lot of thinking and he was probably doing that when he fell asleep. Subconscious mind starts feeding him things through that connection to this memory hunk Dr. Strange mentioned and he can't ignore all that for protection anymore, he has to know what's going on even just a little."

Tony's jaw dropped a bit.

"I know you, Tony, and from what I've heard and seen you two aren't entirely unlike each other. You'd do the same damn thing if you were amnesiac and force your way through to mental connections whether they wanted to come back or not. Don't even try to tell me you wouldn't." She crossed her arms. "So, if you couldn't remember why we are important to you and I suddenly went away or Bruce started avoiding you, you'd try your hardest to figure out where the pain was coming from. And sleep is when the subconscious works."

"So, he'd have done this a while ago if Thor had spent the night somewhere else?" Phil asked.

Natasha tried to keep Loki's attention on her as he looked more and more frightened between coughing and gagging fits.

"It's scary when people talk about you like you aren't there, isn't it? Poor thing," she told him pointedly in soft but firm tones.

Everyone took the hint.

"I don't think he would have," Bruce mused a few minutes later. "Dr. Strange said he needed time. I'm not a psychologist, but I don't think a trigger alone would have been enough to do this."

"Thor said you've done better since you got here, haven't you?" Natasha wiped at the corners of Loki's mouth, sure there was nearly nothing left to come back up now. "Maybe you just need challenges at the right moments now."

"So, we get him cleaned up and settled in for the rest of the night?" Steve asked.

"Someone needs to stay with him. If Dr. Strange was right about cascading effects, he's going to have a bumpy few days and nights," Bruce offered.

"I was already spending the night, and I've gotten as much sleep as I need."

"I'll stay with you two," Natasha told Steve. "It needs to be two people."

"Right. Fine with me," he agreed. "Pepper, while you're up, can you go ahead and get a glass of water? He's going to need it when he's done."

"Got it."

It took a while to get him calmed down, both mind and stomach.

"See, Natasha told him,"it's going to be okay. You're safe here."

He was watching her warily, and Tony really couldn't be expected to resist stating the obvious. "I really don't think he believes you."

"And I really don't care about that right now," she shot back lightly. "Now, we've got his face cleaned up. Pepper, I think that glass of water would be useful right now.

And then came the miracle, because when she pressed the glass to Loki's lips he didn't fight. Not the slightest hint of struggle.

"That was easy," Clint whispered.

He took in a mouthful, swished it around, and spat into the trashcan.

"That's right," Natasha breathed. "Get the taste out."

He repeated it a few times, then gave them something Tony thought was probably a thankful look. He wasn't sure, because they hadn't exactly seen a thankful Loki yet.

Or at least not one who wasn't feeling completely servile and worthless.

Then, he took in what was clearly meant to be a good gulp of water.

They all moved towards various celebratory responses.

Only Loki's eyes filled with fear, he stiffened, and after a quick swish he'd spat that out too.

Clint swore.

Loki flinched, immediately looked towards him, and visibly braced his shoulders, clearly terrified.

"Not you, Loki," Clint told him with clearly forced calm. "Them. Not you."

Natasha seemed to think for a moment. "So, you are capable of still wanting to," she breathed.

"What does that matter?" Tony asked. "If he can't, he can't."

"I don't think it's that he needs to be forced. I think he needs someone else to think he's been forced."

Silence apart from distressed sniffling from Loki.

"Okay, we're going to try something. Someone get a set of towels put together, he's going to need to wash up in a moment whether this works or not, and if he feels like sneaking water in the shower again that's his choice."

Bruce walked into the bathroom.

"Steve, use your free arm to pin his head back against you. Not enough to hurt, just firm enough that he'd need to really fight to get away. And if he really tries, let him. Just bring him back slow enough that he knows what you're doing."

To Tony's surprise, he barely fought, not even when Steve gently turned his head to the side.

"Got it, then. Shh, Loki, it's going to be all right. Here, have a little water."

They took it nice and slow, sip by sip, until the rest of the water was gone.

"It's going to be that easy now?" Tony asked her.

"Looks like it."

"Great," Bruce told them as he walked in with the towels. "Less he fights, less risk he startles me."

They stripped the bed while Loki was in the shower. Everyone but Steve and Natasha went ahead and left, taking the mess with them.

Loki came out in in the fresh set of pajamas.

He looked around uneasily.

"They needed to go back to sleep, too," Steve told him softly. "It's all right. They'll still be around in the morning."

He hoped Loki got his language skills back soon.

Loki didn't seem to even understand the intent.

And then he headed straight for the bare mattress.

Natasha swore.

Loki froze, staring at her, back obviously braced for something bad to happen.

"Everyone on Thor's bed for the rest of the night," Steve said lightly. "He won't mind."

Loki looked even more confused now than he had before.

Steve gently took him by the arm and started pulling him toward the other bed.

Loki shook his head and pulled back.

"Well, it looks like you're still follow some of their rules, aren't you?" Natasha asked him. "I wish it was easier to make you understand it's all right." She walked over to the bed, ceremonially turned down the side of the sheets Steve had left the most rumpled when he'd gotten up so it looked a lot more inviting, and laid down on the side that wasn't turned down.

Loki looked puzzled for a few seconds more, and then this pained sort of resignation entered his eyes.

"What have we done this time?" Steve asked.

"Let's get him in bed, and then we can figure out how to fix it," Natasha advised him. "I doubt whatever we've just done would be worse than letting him think we think him sleeping on a bare mattress is acceptable."

"He'd think it was punishment," Steve predicted. "And the last thing we need is him thinking being ill is something we'll hurt him for."

Loki didn't resist. He laid down and let Natasha and Steve get the sheets up over his shoulders.

Steve laid down on top of the sheets on his other side.

Loki's shoulders shook. He curled up on his side, facing Steve, and his hands drifted him towards his face. One of them clutched at his pillow.

Steve reached out and held the other one.

Loki startled and looked at him sharply, surprise in his eyes.

"We're just keeping you safe," Steve told him gently. "And if you need us we'll be right here."

Loki settled back down, and at least now the dejection was off his face.

"I'll stay up with him, and let you know when I need to sleep for a while, Natka."

"That works." She clapped twice and the lights all turned out.

Steve was still trying to figure out why Tony had chosen that as a nonverbal lights-out signal to JARVIS when Natasha whispered, "Did you see what I saw?"

"He was terrified. Of drinking water."

"Not that. Terrified when he realized he'd nearly done it. Whatever they did to him..."

"We'll just have to be there for him when he can talk about it. Nothing we can do until then."

"Good night."

"Good night, Natka. And good night, Loki." He gave the alien's hand a little squeeze.

It honestly surprised him a little when Loki squeezed back.

He slept uneasily the rest of the night, stirring whenever they switched out who was awake and holding his hand.

There came a point where he felt like it ought to be time to get up, but Natasha - he remembered her name now, along with the displaced vague idea that her kindness came as a price but what choice did he have now? - just helped him drink a glass of water with only enough force to keep the fear down, then eat some sort of yellow fruit he couldn't remember ever having before while she still had his head pinned, and finally he got to lie down again.

He panicked a little later when he realized that had been breakfast and he had just spent the entire morning lying abed for something other than an injury and why did he feel that way...

It all fell into place.

Mind control. Conditioning.

And a deep sense that he should never be the target of either.

She wrapped an arm around his shaking shoulders and squeezed.

But he still felt worthless.

She pointed him to the closet, then picked clothes for him after a flood of anxiety kept him seated on the edge of the bed.

She left, he got dressed, and then she came back a few minutes later with a pile of cloth.

Making the bed that he had been using took a bit of work, not least because he either didn't remember how or hadn't learned and something about the entire process seemed off somehow even as she very patiently showed him exactly what she needed him to do to help her with it.

And then started another day much like yesterday, only with hours of the morning gone from it.

He remembered more names, though not all of them.

And then, glancing in the bathroom mirror that night, he remembered. Loki. Loki Odinson of Asgard.

But where or what was Asgard? And he knew with a sudden burst of fear that they wouldn't want him using a last name at all, but what did that name mean? And why did it feel like it ought to be two words instead of one?

Who had he been before them?