Chapter 11 – Chuck's Reflections on Love
A.N.: Disclaimer in Chapter 1. Chuck makes some big decisions. We're backtracking, my apologies, but for the integrity of the story, we needed to skip around a bit. Chuck has just gotten back from the ceremony and is first stepping out to join the reception.
Chuck leaves the apartment and looks around in satisfaction. (Perfect. Romantic, happy, and awesome, of course.) Ellie approaches with a wide smile. "Hi," she says quietly. "Thank you."
Chuck feigns modesty to cover his surfeit of pride. "For what?"
"For what? For, for all of this! For my wedding gift! This is...I don't know how you did all this," Ellie replies, her eyes shining.
(A highly trained team of badass Marine Corps troops, an unparalleled CIA operative, and my loyal best friend.) "Uh, well, I can't exactly take all the credit."
"Well, first the beach, and now this...I don't know," she smiles and shakes her head slightly. "You're pretty amazing, little brother. Sometimes I think you have superpowers."
He laughs. "I wish!" he answers honestly. (If I did, I could be with Sarah without her having to give up a thing...)
"I know," Ellie teases. Devon joins her, adding his compliments to hers.
"Chuck, man, you saved the day. Looks like you're the big hero." Devon smiles at him proudly, holding his gaze meaningfully. "Thanks, bro," he adds.
(Captain Awesome giving me props. God, it's good to have someone I love know what I did. Life is pretty darned good.) "Well, now I really am your bro!" Chuck jokes.
"Yes, you are," Devon laughs. Ellie touches Chuck's arm affectionately before she and Devon return to their mingling.
(Now to tend to my other bro...) He spots Morgan standing by himself, admiring his earlier handiwork.
Clapping his hand on Morgan's shoulder, Chuck laments, "I can't believe you're actually leaving me..." (When it rains, it pours, huh? My entire life is changing all at once.)
"All right, don't, Chuck, I'll cry." Morgan holds up a hand to fend off the thought as he moves through the crowd.
"We don't want that now, do we..." Chuck answers with a laugh. ('Cause damned if I don't know that I wouldn't cry myself.) "I'm happy for you, buddy. I think you are going to be the greatest hibachi chef in the world."
Morgan shakes his hanging head. "I don't know, man. This whole...'making your dreams come true' thing is hard. And the bigger the dream, the harder it gets. You know, on one side, you know, the girl you love..."
Chuck's gaze automatically scans to find Sarah, smiling, across the courtyard, as Morgan continues.
"And then on the other, life as you know it. It's just, you know, friends and family, and job you can't stand. I don't know, man. I should just go with Anna, right? But then I, uh...I'm overthinking this, aren't I?"
(Focus, Chuck!) "Yeah, yeah, you are." Chuck's mind drifts to his own dream girl, conveniently located across the courtyard. "Go with your heart, buddy. Our brains only screw things up." (I know mine does. In multiple ways.)
He's swept up into the whirl of the reception, surrounded by well-wishers, and a fair number of insinuations about whether he would be next. (You have no idea how much I hope that's the case...) He catches glimpses of Sarah, usually with his father, strangely enough. (Or maybe not so strangely, seeing as how he's the architect of the Intersect. Oh crap -- is he going to be on the project with Sarah?)
"...so like I said, mijo, we need to support Morgan, okay? I know you always do but..." Bolonia trails off. "I'm just worried about him."
Chuck smiles at Morgan's mom. "Oh, of course! This is his dream. I mean," he lowers his voice to a stage whisper, "this is the first time in a long time Morgan's been excited about something that didn't involve a controller or an internet connection!" He gives Bolonia a quick squeeze, prompting a giggle.
"You better not be putting the moves on my woman, Bartowski. I may not be your boss but I can still whup your ass!" Big Mike laughs, clapping a hand on Chuck's shoulder.
Chuck removes his arm from Bolonia's shoulders and holds both hands aloft. "I surrender!" he says with an answering laugh. "She's all yours, Big Mike."
Both Bolonia and Big Mike smile indulgently at Chuck. "Thanks, Bartowski," Big Mike says soberly. "I would've blown that hellhole up if it wasn't for you. I may have to quit myself, without you there to wrangle the animals."
"Believe me when I say...quit," Chuck deadpans. (One of the best things about having the Intersect gone, is the Buy More is too...)
Big Mike guffaws. "Yeah, I may just."
Chuck nods his approval and removes himself from their company. Seeing Anna standing alone, he grabs two champagne flutes and approaches.
"Aloha," he intones from behind her.
Anna whirls around, eyes narrowed. "Sneaking up on me, Chuckles?"
He smiles and holds out a champagne flute. "Yup," he replies as she takes it from his hand. "Gonna be harder to sneak from here to Hawaii, so I figure I should get my stealthy surprise moves out of my system." He clinks glasses with her. (Oooookay, not taking a drink...?) "Um, Anna, are you okay?"
"How can he ask me to give up everything?" she blurts out. "I mean, not like it's that great here but...we're going to be starting from scratch out there. We'll have no one else but each other!"
(Ouch. Close to home much?) Aloud he merely asks, "But I thought you were the one pushing him on?"
"Well, yeah, but I didn't really think about it being Hawaii, it was just...I don't know...the dream of it all?"
(Okay, punch to gut. Damn it, Chuck, how can you ask Sarah to do that? Damn it, damn it, damn it...)
"Chuckles!"
(Whoops. You do not woolgather when speaking with the Wu.) "Sorry, Anna. Listen, Morgan loves you. He wants to be a better person with you. He wants to build a new life in Hawaii with you. If that's not where you're at, you gotta tell him, sooner rather than later. Because I know my lil buddy, and when we were talking earlier, he was scared too...but I told him to follow his heart, and that's you. If you aren't ready to leave, just tell him. I promise, it's Morgan -- he'll listen."
Anna drains the flute in her hand and shoves it into Chuck's chest. "Thanks, Chuckles. Great party." She walks away without another look.
(Well that went well. I tell Morgan to leap and Anna gets cold feet. Ugh.) He drinks his champagne and scans the crowd absently, seeing Sarah talking to Devon and Ellie. (Oh crap. She might be...leaving.) His breathing speeds up to the point of near-hyperventilation and he drains his flute. (No, she wouldn't do that without warning. Get a grip, Chuck.) He closes his eyes with a sigh, and the noise of the reception seems to magnify. (Okay, time for a breather.) He walks back into the apartment, aiming for the bathroom. (Crap.) The line wraps through the living room. (Guess everyone is well and lubricated...) He smiles and nods to friends and strangers as he heads for the refuge of his bedroom. Closing the door behind him, he leans against it and runs his hands through his hair.
(You are about to ask the most gorgeous, intelligent, lethal, and amazing woman you will ever meet in your lifetime to give up the life of international mystery and glamour she's had for ten years. You sure about this?)
He walks over to the bed and sits on the edge, flopping backwards heavily. (What happened to not letting her go without a fight?) He looks up at the ceiling for a moment, hoping for answers or signs.
(To recap: one Caucasian female currently known as Sarah Walker is expected to sever all ties and return to the CIA to head one Intersect Project with one Bryce Larkin, spy and seducer extraordinaire. In the alternative, King Nerd Chuck Bartowski wants her to stay and live a regular life.) He moans in frustration into the darkness. (Who am I kidding?) He sits back up and looks outside, watching the lights twinkle and catching glimpses of friends and loved ones enjoying themselves. (I'm not kidding anyone. I just need to at least ask. I know she belongs out there, kicking ass and taking names. But I want to at least offer her the chance to share a real life with me, if she wants to. After my asinine reaction this afternoon, I have to. I care too much not to.) He stands then, resolved to give Sarah a choice at least. As he crosses the room to exit through the Morgan Door, his nose twitches slightly.
(Huh. I could swear I smell Sarah's perfume...)
***
He spots Sarah leaning against an arch in the courtyard and makes his approach. (Either I'm getting better at this or she's totally distracted. And beautiful. And funny, even though she swears she isn't. And so smart. How could anyone not love her?) He looks around and takes a deep breath before speaking.
"Where's Bryce?" he asks. (I figured for sure he'd be here somewhere, putting the moves on you again.)
She turns to him briefly and turns back to face the courtyard. "Gone," she answers. "They're uploading him with the new computer tonight."
(The perfect Intersect, Bryce Larkin. How could I ever compare?) "Off to save the world...?" (With one hand tied behind his back, and you on his arm...) "I guess both of you are." (Say no, say no, say no...)
"You want to dance?" she asks with a half-smile.
(Huh? Dance with you? Seriously?) He smiles widely, eyebrows rising in surprise at the question. "You know I do," he replies sincerely.
He leads her to the middle of the courtyard, still smiling. They slowly begin to sway to the music. (Okay, Chuck, this is it. This is your shot.) Even as he soaks in the sensation of Sarah in his arms, so close to what he wants, his stomach begins to twist into knots. (And of course it's my #17 Sarah mix, also known as almost leaving with Bryce #1. I've gotta say it this time.)
"You belong out there, saving the world," he begins. "I'm just...I'm just not that guy."
He feels Sarah's sigh against him as she asks, "How many times do you have to be a hero to realize that you are that guy?"
(Really? You think...? Wow. Just...crap. But...) "I want more, Sarah," he answers softly, regret coloring his voice. "I want a life. I want a real life." (I want it with you.)
They slowly stop dancing and Chuck's heart begins to race as he takes a breath, preparing to speak. (You'll never know if you don't ask. Just say it, ask her to stay.) Before he can get another word in, Sarah begins to speak.
"Chuck, I don't want to save the world..." Her eyes search his, her expression starting to steal his breath. "I want..."
(Oh my God, don't freak out, don't freak out...the look in her eyes...could she really want to stay...?) An incredulous smile starts to bloom on his face-
"Chuck, Chuck!" His father runs, panicked, up to the two of them. He drops his hands to his knees and hangs his head for a moment, panting.
(Oh, come on! Seriously?! Damn it, Dad...)
"The agent, the agent who came for Bryce," he gasps, "he isn't a CIA agent. He's supposed to be dead."
(Huh?) "Dad, how could you possibly know that?" (Oh no. Why is he looking pained? Don't freak out...)
"Screw it...I – I have an Intersect in my head."
(Oh no freaking way! Come on! My life...)
"I tested the computer on myself, I was young and stupid, but the intel was good. Th-That man isn't CIA."
(Oh no...If the intel was good...) "Bryce. Bryce is getting the upload tonight." (Not good, not good...)
"They're going to kill him. They'll download the Intersect into their team instead," his father states flatly.
(Oh no, oh no...)
Sarah's eyes widen in concern. "Well, if they know about Bryce, they know about Casey," she says worriedly.
She looks at him then, and it almost breaks his heart. Her eyes communicate things he's yearned to hear and yet have never reached the air. The missed opportunity is a lead weight in his heart. (I know she was going to say something important. Damn Intersect!) She tears her gaze away and walks quickly out of the courtyard to her car.
(No. No. I will not let that be the last time I see her. And I can't let her take them on alone.) "Sarah..." He turns to follow but his father lays a hand on his arm.
"Let her go, son, you've done your part."
"No, I have to go," Chuck protests. (I won't let her do this alone, it's too dangerous and she and Casey and even Bryce deserve all the help they can get.)
"No, no you don't," his father says with a frown and a shake of his head. "You're not a spy."
"Dad..." ('How many times do you have to be a hero to realize you are that guy?' I guess I am. I won't let you face this alone. I love you too much.) "... I love her." (You have got to believe me. I have to go.)
His father locks eyes with Chuck, searching for something. He seems to find it, as he looks around and slips his hand up his sleeve. "I can't follow you, son, but take this." He hands Chuck his wrist computer.
(Whoa.) Chuck looks across the courtyard. (I can actually help even without a government supercomputer in my head. My dad's is fine too. Ha. ) "Thank you." (I hope I bring this and them back safe and sound.)
"Be safe, Charles," his father says emphatically.
"Thank you," Chuck answers meaningfully, as he follows the path Sarah had taken. He glances back at his father one last time as he leaves the courtyard. (I love you, Dad. I hope you know that, 'cause I have a sneaking suspicion you won't be here when I get back...)
***
He pulls Ellie's car into a spot outside the Orange Orange. (Thank goodness we arranged for me to borrow her car to give them the night alone.) As he enters, he runs directly into Sarah and Casey coming out of the back of the store in mission gear.
(Team Bartowski intact. Awesome.) "Hey, I'm coming with you."
"Stay here, it's not your mission," Casey grinds out.
(Is that an ice pack on the back of his head? Crap. Ah, but I still have a trick up my sleeve.) "Wait. This is the Intersect we're talking about, and I'm a Bartowski." He pulls back his jacket sleeve to reveal Orion's computer. "You need me."
He sees the look Sarah and Casey's exchange, and the raised eyebrow and nod Casey gives her. (Aha. I'm in.) Casey looks at him and nods directly.
"Let's go," Chuck says as he heads for the door.
***
The ride to the facility where the Intersect is housed is deathly silent. Casey drives, one hand holding the ice pack to his battered head, the other deftly maneuvering them through traffic.
(I don't even need to ask to know that every second is vital.) He sighs and looks around the van, trying vainly to get Sarah to make eye contact. (Damn it, we were so close. Another thirty seconds, even, and I would know what Sarah, the real girl, feels about me in real life. What do you want, Sarah? Can't you tell me?)
He resists the urge to bang his head against the side of the van. Barely. (It's all Agent Walker now. There's no way I'm getting it out of her on the way to a mission.) As he stares unashamedly at her silhouette, he is determinedly optimistic. (Which is why we're going to take care of whatever is left of Fulcrum and then I'm going to take care of whatever this is between us.)
A near soundless stop to the van, and Casey gestures them out. (Benefit of a portable computer with the map and imaging capabilities this baby has. No more wait in the car!) He allows a small smile before they enter the building. As he guides them down one hallway, then around to the next, Casey gestures them to a halt to peek around a corner.
Gunfire greets him.
As Sarah joins Casey in the gunfight, she tosses over her shoulder at Chuck, "Chuck! Go get help."
(That's a task I can get behind.) He nods quickly and retraces his steps back down the hallway, but just before the turn, he stops. (And that's a task I can do from right here.) Tapping commands furiously into the computer, he realizes from a schematic that the air duct over his head leads into the vault with the Intersect. (Their poor planning is my entrance...)
The low ceiling is an ally as he hoists himself into the duct. (This looks much easier when they do it...as Casey learned the hard way. Ew. Shouldn't think of hard, Casey and that incident. Enough, Chuck. Move.) He shimmies through the duct, consulting his computer along the way when he reaches his destination.
(Aw crap. Now I have to get through to the other side. The duct is too small to stand and kick the panel out. Gotta kick it out laying down...Here goes...everything...) Chuck works the panel loose and drops unceremoniously into the vault. A strangled "help" seems to escape him as he falls. (Oh God, I hope I didn't break anything.) He touches a hand to his ribs gingerly, and starts to roll over when he hears:
"Hello, Chuck."
He turns to see Bryce sitting against the wall.
A.N.: Had to stop it here, please don't hate me, but it was just the perfect point, as you'll hopefully see. What do you think, did I get Chuck right? Reviews can tell me so... ;)