Note: Yeah, it's a "boring chapter" but I had to stress her doubt and insecurity within her façade.

Even though there was a reason for the other title, I decided this one made logical sense. Thanks to the reviewer who sparked this.

TO NEVER LOSE

By Reverse

Chapter 2 – The Reach of Shadows

My goodbye to this place went unspoken. There was no hostility in my gaze, for even hatred and bitterness were emotions and I only consciously allowed myself the raw minimal of it. I simply stared at the gates. It was fortunate that I understood the ulterior motives of this mission.

For Tsunade to assign me to it; I realized that she had taken me in as her student as hopes of healing me, but I just became more powerful and less human. If this mission was completed it might save Naruto. If not; it would kill me or remove me from Konohakure. I half-hoped it would just kill me; there weren't many more honorable ways to die.

Naruto… he had never really given up on me or Sasuke. I felt no sympathy as I knew he would experience my loss. Such is a shinobi's life; this mission was the ultimately perfect one to check out on.

With one last glance at the gates I turned and walked steadily away. This was the place where I had once had a happy care-free family and friends; a teacher who appreciated me. The place I was born and had experienced my first of nearly everything. It's funny how I etched the strange little village in my mind. It was the place where I had rivaled one of the legendary sanin in medical skills. This place was where I had learned chakra control beyond the limits that should have grounded me, and where I had dug up my roots to move when the place could no longer hold me.

A few more steps forward. My armor flexed as I began to pick up the pace. I kept my tan hood over my short dull-pink hair. It was too noticeable, so I had mixed in dirt. My mask was securely tied and I once again fingered my tattoo. When Sasuke had left, I was young, and walking away from the place I had once displayed great loyalty toward. Now I was wise and walking into a plan that would surely demand my head as payment.

No, I never did look back.

The trees seamed to fade into a blur.

There was a silence in this mission. A quiet basic acceptance of the outcome; sometimes knowledge is the best weapon, it was in this case. I was too weary and ragged by life to even lift a finger in protest about this development.

I stopped, and no my feet did not trip up; I froze like a statue, my body suddenly molding in an unwilling form.

Across from me, in my shadow, stood a suspicious figure. The shadow began to become smaller as the man walked towards me. I mirrored his steps perfectly, deciding to face the confrontation than fight the powerful jutsu. Even behind the white bird mask; behind the gentle iron swirls like smoke that spiraled over the left side… I knew exactly whose face would lie behind the mask.

Shikamaru; the lazy talented prodigy of the Nara clan. In the very back of my mind, the banished part that held rarely resurfacing emotions, I very nearly prayed I wouldn't have to see his face. I wanted to remember him with that bored expression on his face. Like another day before things became so desperate; a day when two viscous blonds would stop short of murder for his attention. That face had been replaced; as had mine. The shadow user had walked long enough in the shadows to be mistaken for one. Like a true ANBU he was all smoke and barely-there whispers. Vaguely I wondered how many days or weeks it would be before he joined the Red Ops just looking for an honorable way out. I wondered if he would be sent on this mission, or if Tsunade felt he couldn't be lost.

A part of me began to wonder whether or not this was in part pity. In the same sick justifiable sense that you shoot a dog when it gets too old, or is too injured to save, was I like that? I didn't understand how people could let others die of sickness, the emotional attachments caused others to suffer and Shikamaru was living proof that they would suffer. His eyes had been empty since death had been prominent. He was as alone as Naruto and Sasuke; and me. Team 7 really did fall to failure; even Kakashi was alone, I could hardly be considered company.

"Where are you going?" He asked; the roughness in his voice was filled with envy. A peaceful longing that failed to evoke any emotion in me; I was too far gone.

"A mission." I stated. That much was obvious; so in a show of courtesy I elaborated. "The last one," I stated darkly.

"Ahh." He sighed in recognition, his voice filled with enough bliss that I could somewhat confirm his former envy. "That time has come?"

I just stared at him with my soft emerald eyes, stoic and masking. There was barely anything left to hide, just the small ounce of self preservation and self respect that seemed to be disappearing everyday. Nothing was a challenge anymore. If I survived, and I half hoped that I didn't, I wondered if this would be a nice good challenge. Sneaking into the well hidden but recently discovered Akatsuki lair, and stealing something valuable from them… it wasn't going to be a stroll in the park. "I never expected to live very long when I spattered the shadows with blood."

He sounded rational. "If it were your mission, would you murder Naruto?"

"Yes." My voice was deadpan, yet not hesitant. "Maybe he'd manage to kill me first."

"You could betray him; just like that, one order…!" he seamed to challenge my new set of values.

I removed my mask as he untied his, the perfect mirror image being obedient. "Now I see why Tsunade wants you dead, she didn't want you walking around with what you have become!"

I was insignificantly puzzled. "What have I become?"

"You're like the second coming of Uchiha Itachi." He made the comparison.

I laughed a sick half-panicked sound. The ring of insanity was evident in my hysterical edge. I hadn't laughed in a long time; even in this maniacal tone. "Of all the people to compare me to –His brother?!"

"Is that even a bad thing?" I stopped laughing, but my voice still had the aching ring of insanity and jealousy and it simply sounded sharp. These last few words were spoken before he called of the bind; he probably couldn't hold it for much longer as I had began to fight off its paralyzing nature. He was shocked at my response, but managed to voice his last thoughts before leaving.

"You disgust me." He spoke, his words twisted and contorted with hatred.

I laughed once more, a small bitter chuckle after he completely disappeared. I could not even sense his chakra signature. "I used to too."

"Then I discovered what I could do." I remembered the cultivating of my emotions, of ripping them from my heart and soul. It had created the weapon I was today. …Even if it had taken all my innocence and opinion away with it. By the time all my baggage was gone; I had forgotten what price I had even paid.

All I knew was when it came to the end; the price would never be worth it, the cost was too high. The stakes were already drawn; and I had lost. I had failed at life. There was nothing left that I could do now but move forward and see what happens, I truly was living beyond my time. Nice thing about it was that I had nothing left to lose.

With the final confrontation between me and Konoha, the last vows and diminishing or any possible regret; I began to venture towards my destination. It would take me a good four days to arrive and I was all for putting as much distance between me and Konoha as granted.

It wasn't like anybody would come after me. Sasuke, was gone and he would remain gone. Kakashi had been preparing himself for my death since he saw the tattoo on my arm. And Naruto… he was always so ever-cheerful and put on such a brave face for somebody so young and so alone. He was the last to give up on me, realizing that I didn't even care for anyone anymore. He was always trying to provoke me into responding, but after a while it stopped working and he focused more on other things. I don't think for a moment he was ever discouraged. Maybe he saw something in me that everyone and I had failed to notice. I couldn't afford to hope so; so I brushed aside any feelings I had on the matter. Or any matter.

I sped up my pace, taking to the branches of the trees that surrounded the leaf. Even though I wasn't under radar, from force of habit I stayed out of the moss and was careful to not disturb dirt and leaves. No matter what happened my training seemed to dictate my actions, in this case it was natural for me to be untraceable.

The day wore on as I reached the one-third mark. The forests had wavered and surrendered to the sparse vegetation on the edge of the desert. It struck a broken chord inside me. To see the beautiful strong trees give way to the erosion of wind, falling valiantly and shamefully before this sandy place; almost like a sick worshiping. I brushed aside the haunting feeling as I found a place under a tree that seemed secluded enough to stay out of the wind.

I leaned lightly against the tree, untying my mask and pulling out a ponytail holder. I snapped my hair up in a short ponytail. Vaguely I wandered why I hadn't dyed it. The bright cherry-pink had been there all my life and I had gotten used to it, but it stood out worse than any other color under the sun.

Unconsciously I wrapped my arms around my knees. It wouldn't be a good thing for me to dwell on how I had gotten to this point. I decided to just get through each day and each hour. Even though I had second thoughts about going to my death; I dismissed it with my strength in repressing my emotions. I had taken the one trait I still admired in the child Sasuke; he had no regrets.

I pulled a portion or the small amount of food I had stuffed in the pouch I always carried around. I ate quickly before finding a secluded bush and small stream to take care of things.

Cautiously, I made my way back the tree I had been leaning against earlier. Long ago the tears had run out and dried up. Too much time had passed for anything to hurt barely at all. After all this time, I wondered how much I had let pass by me. Surely this gamble was not what life was supposed to be.

I could have been lighthearted and disappointed, or I could have clung to my friends when Sasuke left. But I did just what he did, and pushed everyone away.

This rare feeling of nostalgia quickly passed when I groped for my usual fearless attitude. I needed that inner strength that I had harvested and reaped from my soul. It wasn't hard to find.

My emotions rapidly scattered under my learned calculating demeanor. It was dominant; no matter what, I always seemed to be able to suppress my emotions and fall back into rational.

Just another trick to survive.

I brushed off any feeling and started towards my destination. The traveling was long and my stamina was tested before I came into the view of the place I had been sent to find. I was staring at my death and it was looking far too simple and plain for me to be anything but uneasy. Still, my resignation was undeniable. I was to die here, far from home and far from sane.

Rocks and sparse desert trees erupted from the ground in a clash of angry defiance. It was against nature for anything to grow in this way. But it was only naturally impossible, casting an eerie effect that I didn't let go unnoticed. Underneath this disaster were my impending doom and the lair of the fabled Akatsuki.

All I had to do was wait for my informant to show up; a double-agent that worked for Tsunade, but paraded as an Akatsuki. He was a strange, innocent trickster whose naivety shone through the blood on his hands. A murderer; unaware.

He may not be here yet, but I knew the time would shift, slowly when I was in anguish of waiting. But fast when I would count my shallow breaths and consider them foreplay, the very countdown to the one that would be my last.