It had been a week since Herschel had talked to Daryl about his daughter and the younger Dixon had managed to avoid talking to her for almost that same amount of time. An extended hunting trip was his alibi though Merle was probably the only who would really guess why he was away for so long. Truth was, his brother was right. He was a pussy. He finally admitted it to himself. It wasn't that he was afraid to talk to Beth or Herschel, well he was a little afraid of the old man; it was that he just didn't know what to say.

Daryl may be willing to give a relationship with the teenage girl a chance but what happened if, not if but when, he fucked it up, which he would do because he was a Dixon? Would he be able to live under the same roof with the Greene family? Possibly, he was the master of avoidance, after all.

Merle and Caesar were planning to clean out another cell block. The walkers were long gone from it but the conditions were far from livable. The group would still share the same common areas but the sleeping arrangements would change. They wouldn't be so crowded. That was certainly a plus as far as Daryl was concerned. Maybe Rowan could talk Merle into moving into a cell with her and he could have a perch all to himself again.

He heard Beth coming up the stairs to the guard tower. He hadn't talked to her more than necessary since he returned yesterday. Daryl knew he couldn't hide forever. He was running out of excuses and hiding places. To be fair to Beth, she had backed off after her daddy lectured him. He owed it to her so he might as well just bite the bullet and get it over with.

He waited for her to reach the top of the steps before speaking but when he saw her he couldn't say anything at all. Her loose flowing hair glowed golden in the moonlight. The gauzy skirt swirled around her ankles and her pink toenails peeked at him from open-toed sandals. She was so fuckin' pretty that whatever little speech he had rehearsed in his mind had disappeared.

"I brought you some water," Beth said, smiling and holding it out for him. He took it with a thank you nod and turned away. He couldn't get the thoughts straight in his head if he looked at her. She came to stand beside him and images of the last time he touched her filled his vision when he closed his eyes and inhaled her fresh scent. He could hear her breathing. He could feel her looking at him. He wanted to say something but his mouth wouldn't work. Why was it so easy for his brother to talk to women when he couldn't say a goddamn thing?

She put her hand in his and didn't say a word. That was all it took. Daryl turned her toward him and wrapped her in his arms. He rested his chin on top of her head. "Beth, darlin', I ain't no good at this. Can't say I ever been in a real relationship before." Her arms went around his waist, but she didn't say anything so he continued. "If ya still want to be with me, I'll talk to your daddy." He sighed in relief. He finally got it out. He wasn't sure that was what he wanted to say before he said it but he was willing to live with his decision if she still wanted him.

He felt her trembling against him and he wasn't sure if she was laughing or crying. He pulled away just far enough to see her face. She was smiling but still had tears. What the fuck does that mean?

Beth reached up to stroke his cheek. "You're sure?" she asked.

Daryl nodded then turned his head and kissed her palm.

She rose on her toes and kissed his lips lightly. "Thank you," she said and trailed her fingers down his arm as she turned to leave.

He watched as she headed back to the cell block until he couldn't see her anymore. He was confident that he made the right decision. A least he hoped he did. Well, Maybe he did. Shit. Did I really tell her I'd talk to Herschel? What was I thinking? Awww, fuckin' hell.

As usual, Princess Judith Grimes was the center of attention at the evening meal. She giggled and inadvertently showered her loyal subjects in food with grand gestures. The seats closest to her were left for the hardy souls who had to serve her, mainly, her father. Beth and Carol had better luck feeding the baby girl alone but when the whole group was at the table she insisted on putting on a show. Tonight was no different.

Daryl dragged his tired ass in from watch and found the only chair vacant was next to the princess, across from Rick and Amanda. "Shit," he muttered looking at the little girl who grinned at him showing of her two tiny bottom teeth. He couldn't help but give her a little smile as he sat down. "What's for dinner, Lil Ass-kicker?"

Rick shook his head. He'd, along with others, tried to beat it into the redneck's head that since the baby had a name, that particular nickname was obsolete, but the man had a thick head and change didn't come easy.

Merle slid a bowl of food to his brother who served himself a large helping of Prison Surprise Stew. Daryl slurped a spoonful of the lukewarm mixture and then another and another. When he emptied the entire bowl, he looked across the table at Carol and Caesar and said, "That was damn good."

"Thank you," answered a feminine voice from the other side of Merle. Rowan leaned forward to smile at Daryl.

He didn't know if it was mocking or in gratitude. He couldn't read the damn bitch. Figures she was the one who cooked it. "My girl can make anything worth eatin'." Merle chuckled and patted his brother on the back.

Carol nudged the bowl toward Daryl. "We're done. Go ahead and take the rest."

"Fuck," he muttered under his breath. He didn't want to eat the rest because he wouldn't give Rowan the satisfaction but now he didn't want to make Carol unhappy by not eating it. It was good and he was still hungry. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Grudgingly, he took the bowl and refilled his own.

Hershel was watching him from the end of the table. Did Beth say something to her daddy already? Maybe he wasn't hungry after all. He rubbed his chest, maybe he was getting indigestion. Between, Rowan, Beth, and Hershel he just might lose what dinner he already ate.

"Hey Little Ass-Kicker, wanna share the rest of this with me?" he asked holding the serving bowl up for her to see.

She slapped her hands on the high chair tray and squealed. "Fuck!"

Daryl froze, the serving bowl still in his hand but the spoon fell out hitting the table with a clang that reverberated through the room.

Rick stared at him in surprise and horror then anger. "You have got to be kidding me!"

Carl's eyes were wide and his grin even wider. "Finally! She's not so cute now, is she?"

Amanda tried to hide her laughter behind her hand but wasn't doing a good job of it. She scooted away from the angry Rick to lean against Caesar who also had a hard time controlling his mirth. Carol was more restrained but Daryl would have put money on the bet that she had to bite her tongue to do it.

Beth blushed but still giggled. "I'm sorry," she said to no one in particular. "I can't help it."

Hershel just glared at him but that was nothing new. He'd just chalk that one up to another thing the old man had against him.

Now, his own dear brother Merle didn't even try to hold back. He howled and slapped Daryl on the back. "Nice job, baby brother." Rowan just laughed, quietly at least, and looked at him with something akin to pity.

"Why the fuck is everyone looking at me?" Daryl slammed the bowl on the table and stood up. "I ain't the one that taught her that shit!"

"Shit!" Judith squealed again, loving the attention she was getting at the table.

Rick glared at Daryl. "Really? Are you sure?" he asked as he picked up his stew-covered daughter and left the table.

Amanda excused herself and jumped up to follow. "He may need some help cleaning her up."

"I gotta a bar of soap for her mouth," Merle called after them. He turned to Daryl. "I got two bars for yours."

Rowan punched his shoulder. "Stop it!" she told him but couldn't hold a smile back as she shook her head.

Daryl turned on his brother. "You taught her that, didn't you?" His fists were balled up at his sides. They both still sported fading bruises from their last altercation but the younger Dixon was ready to go at it again.

Merle held up his hand. "Calm down, bro. What ya so worked up for? All kids pick up bad words."

"Goddamn it, Merle! Her first fuckin' word was fuck! And her second was shit!"

Hershel pushed his chair back noisily glaring at both Dixons. "Neither one of you boys watch your language around here. Maybe this is your wakeup call to at least show respect at the table and around the women and especially the children." He grabbed his crutches and left the dining area.

Carol and Beth started picking up the dinner dishes. Carol looked sternly at them both and said, "He's got a point. You both should heed it."

Rick put his sleeping daughter in her crib and covered her with a light blanket. He turned to Amanda and sighed. He didn't know what to say about Judith's first word, or words. Lori would have never allowed that to happen. He wasn't doing such a good job at being a father. He could keep his daughter well-fed and safe but as for growing up into a lady, he was useless. Of course, there wasn't much use these days for that type of upbringing. Amanda touched his cheek and he kissed her hand and pulled her to him. "Am I making this into too big of a deal?" he asked.

She shrugged. "I don't know, baby. I know you wanted her first word to be daddy." She hugged him. "It could be her third word, "she offered, as they left Judith's room.

"Maybe," he said wryly. "But that will probably be 'Daryl'. He was there for her right after she was born…when I wasn't…after Lori died. If it wasn't for him…" If it wasn't for him, Judith wouldn't have made it. He found formula and bottles and made sure nothing happened to her when Rick should have been the one to do it. He was so caught up in his grief he couldn't even take care of his own children. What kind of a father does that? He was all they had left and he failed them when they needed him most. He couldn't forgive himself for that. He was trying but little things would remind him of those dark times and it would all come back and haunt him.

Other than his children, Mandy was the bright spot in his life. Rick wanted to tell her how much he needed her but now was not the time. He needed to be strong for her. He was trying; whether or not he was doing a good job still remained to be seen. She seemed so fragile and he was afraid she would break if he leaned on her too much.

Amanda expected Rick to be furious with Judith's vocabulary but he wasn't. Her heart broke at the sadness and guilt in his eyes. She pulled his head down for a kiss. Her lips touched his and she felt the shudder that racked his body from head to toe. He held so much in, trying to be strong for the others.

She pressed her forehead to his, eyes still closed. "What is it, baby? What's wrong?"

Rick's arms tightened around her. "Nothing," he lied. He didn't want to burden her with his guilt.

Amanda pulled back to look at him. She didn't have to see his eyes to know that he wasn't telling her the truth. Silently, she took his hand and led him to his cell, like he did for her all those weeks ago. She sank down on the edge of the bed, pulling him with her, her fingers tightening around his. She urged him to lay back and when he did she curled up against him, slipping a hand inside his shirt to rest against his chest. She just wanted to feel his skin against hers. "Talk to me, Rick."

She felt a slight rumble in his chest and looked up. "What?" she asked.

"I've been trying to get you talk for weeks, Mandy."

True. Why should he open up to her when she refused to open up to him? He was the one hurting. She couldn't dump her shit on him, now. "My problems can wait. I want to help you," she said

"Then tell me why you don't want to be with me again."

Oh god, that's not what I wanted to talk about. "Rick."

"Mandy, hon," he pulled her closer. "Please, it's killing me. I'm so sorry I let you get hurt. I'm sorry I didn't find you in time. God, I never should have let you go. Please forgive me, honey."

His hot tears fell into her hair.

"Rick, sweetie, I don't blame you. I never blamed you. It was my own stupid fault. All of it. If I had stayed closer to the truck on that supply run…I wouldn't have gotten separated…if I had stayed in Daddy's house at Woodbury…it was my fault, all of it."

He wiped her tears away. "If you don't blame me, Mandy, then why don't you want to be with me? Is it because of what happened with Merle in Atlanta?"

She shook her head. "I already told you…"

"All you said was that I wouldn't want you anymore but that's not gonna happen, Mandy. Why would you think that? I love you."

"He raped me, Rick. Crowley, the man you killed, raped me."

Rick exhaled heavily and kissed her forehead. He knew what that bastard did to her. He knew that the moment he saw her battered body when he and Daryl found her. In his mind, he could still see the bruises on her neck and arms in the shape of handprints. Though, she didn't say anything to him about her ordeal but he knew what had happened. It didn't change the way he felt, though. "I know, honey, and I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you. I still love you. That doesn't change how I feel, baby."

"Why would you even want me anymore?"

"That's what love is, Mandy. I don't know how else to make you understand. It doesn't go away because some other man hurt you. If you're not ready for me to touch you, that's okay, too. I can wait until you are. There's more to us than sex, right?" He lifted her chin and gently kissed her on the tip of her nose.

She nodded. She wanted to think so. But what if I'm pregnant? Does that change things? What then? Could she wait until Caesar found a pregnancy test? He didn't have any luck last time out. How long could she wait before telling Rick the rest?

"Mandy, sweetheart? What are you thinking about?" She shook her head. "Please, baby. Don't hold it in. It'll just eat away at you."

She was supposed to be comforting him. How the hell did he turn it around on her? She wanted to ask him what was upsetting him. But she couldn't get the words out. Her own worries choked the problems of others out of her thoughts. Her voice was small and he couldn't hear her words with her face buried back in his chest. Rick gently pulled backed and tilted her chin up again. "I couldn't hear you, Mandy."

"I think I'm pregnant."

Rick felt like he'd been punched in the gut. He couldn't breathe. He needed fresh air but how could he leave her? He sat up on the bed.

"Rick?"

He wanted to wrap his arms around her and tell her it would be okay. He wanted to but he couldn't. He didn't know if it would be okay. He was surprised that the first thought in his head wasn't that she carried another man's child but that she might die. God, the thought of losing her to childbirth paralyzed him.

"Rick?" She put her hand on his knee. "Say something. You're scaring me."

Merle stood in the doorway and watched Rowan as she wiped down the counters. She was unaware of his presence and went about her business humming a tune he didn't recognize. Her dark hair was pulled back in a high ponytail with loose strands falling in her face which she kept tucking behind her ears. The tank top she was wearing showed off her tanned shoulders while the shorts revealed her long brown legs.

He wondered if he could fuck her on the counter. She probably wouldn't want to mess up the clean surfaces, but if he bent her over one…

"Merle?"

"Hey darlin'; ya caught me!" he said closing the distance between them. He covered her mouth with his and pressed her back against the prep table.

"Caught you doing what?"

"Thinkin' 'bout you."

She smiled. "Really?"

"Always darling." His right arm went around her waist and his left hand rested lightly on her neck, his rough thumb stroking soft skin. She pressed her hands against his chest.

"We aren't doing it here," she warned him and not for the first time. He approached her two or three times a week about having sex in the kitchen.

"Why not?" he asked, while lifting her onto the table and pushing himself between her knees.

"I told you before; this is where we fix the food," she reminded him with a kiss.

Merle put his hand behind her head and pulled the band from her ponytail. "We can clean it up afterwards," he suggested pulling her hair down and spreading the dark silk across her bare shoulders.

Rowan, snorted. She'd like to see the day Merle Dixon cleaned the kitchen. "We?"

"Okay," he said grinning, and holding her hands so she couldn't smack him. "You, then."

She rolled her eyes. "And someone might walk in. Don't forget that one." How many times would they go over this? As many as it took him to wear her down most likely.

"Makes it more excitin' but if you want, we can make enough noise to scare 'em off," he said, running his hand down her back and into the top of her waistband.

She laughed and scooted closer to him, resting her feet on the top of his calves. "You have an answer for everything, dontcha?"

"Pretty much, sweetheart. Got any more excuses?"

Damn, she couldn't think of any she hadn't used before. Rowan shook her head. "Guess not." She looked at the older man she had thrown her lot in with. Never before would she have thought of spending her life with someone like him, so hard, so coarse, so everything that she wasn't. But, believe it or not, she was happier than she'd ever been with a man. Did he feel the same way about her? "Merle, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, baby doll," he said leaving a little trail of kisses from her neck to her cleavage.

"Stop a minute and listen," she ordered and tried to bring his head up. "Merle! I'm serious."

"Okay, darling," he said, reluctantly tearing himself away from the bounty of her chest.

She rested her slender hands on his broad shoulders and looked into his hard blue eyes. "Do you ever get tired of me?"

What the fuck? Was this a trick question? She had on a damned good poker face if it was. He couldn't tell. "How can ya ask me that when all I ever wanna do is fuck ya?" It is a trick question! Shit!

"Well, back in Woodbury…I know you had more than one…girlfriend."

That's 'cause I didn't have you. "Fuck girl, I ain't even started to do all the thing I wanna do to ya, or with ya." He rubbed her thighs from knee to hip. "I can't get enough of ya." He kissed her with what he hoped was a reassuring kiss but he tasted salty tears. "Ahhh hell, Rowan, what did I do? Did Daryl say somethin'?" Did I fuck up the answer to the trick question? He racked his brain for what he might have done or said to upset her. Why was he doing that? He fuckin' cared about her, damn it.

"I'm pregnant."

Okay, that answer was from far left field but he wasn't upset, in fact, he was relieved that he hadn't done something wrong. Merle sighed and asked, "Is that all? Is that what your all upset 'bout?"

Rowan shrugged and then nodded, wiping away tear that slid down her cheek. "You aren't gonna ask if it's yours or if I'm sure?"

"Hell, baby," he laughed, hugging her. "Who else could be the daddy? I know you ain't been with the Governor since Blondie showed up and you and me just about fucked everyday 'cept when you was sick. Ya got time for anyone else?" Merle leaned forward and kissed her.

"You aren't mad?" Rowan asked sheepishly.

"Why the hell would I be mad? I suspected as much for a week or two. You've been bitchy as hell and ya tits are bigger. Thought it was my imagination at first, 'cause they used to be just a handful," he said, gently cupping one. "But now they fill out my whole hand nicely."

"Merle," she started to chastise him but realized he was just being honest with her. He always was. He was crude and gruff but he was also loyal and he meant what he said. That was one thing she could definitely count on with him. She leaned her head on his shoulder. "I'm scared."

"It'll be okay, darlin. I'm gonna take care of you." He kissed the top of her head.

"I love you, Merle," she admitted just loud enough for him to hear.

"What the..." Oh she didn't say that, did she? She just thought she loved him, must be all those female hormones and shit like that.

"I have, since the day I overhead you tell your brother you'd kick his teeth in if he called me a whore again." That's when she realized that he liked her and maybe his side of the relationship wasn't all about sex, though it was mostly about sex.

"Well don't expect me to say it back," he grumbled. He didn't know what it was like to be in love. Did he love Rowan? Was his little brother right? Fuck! He hated it when Daryl was right!

A laugh escaped her and he pulled away to look at her, puzzled. "What?" Most women would get mad if he said that and here she was laughing at him. What the hell?

"I think I'd fall over dead if you did say it."

Merle pulled her back against him and stroked her hair. "Bitch," he said, smiling to himself. "Now, ya want to sit up here on the counter or do ya want me to bend ya over it?"

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