Merle Dixon knew he needed to become a better father not only for Amanda but for this new baby as well. He had another chance and he was going to do it right this time. Amanda needed him more than ever and he wasn't going to fail her again. Not like he did at Woodbury.

He fucked up big time. When the Governor invited him into his office after dinner and questioned his loyalty, it was all he could do not to punch the man in the face. He did every fuckin' thing that asshole asked him to even when it didn't sit right with him. He did some bad things that he regretted but dwelling on them wouldn't change the past.

He never hid the fact that he wanted to find his brother but the Governor shot down every request with some bullshit reason why Merle was needed at Woodbury more. Now that he had positive proof, he wasn't going to let the man stop him from reuniting with Daryl. He planned to bring him back to Woodbury. He didn't give a shit about anyone else. When he had his brother and his daughter together with him at Woodbury, he would be content.

The Governor acted like he was satisfied with his answer but Dixon had dealt with too many snakes in his life and his gut told him something was not right. Why didn't he listen?

Ladybug fell asleep right after dinner but Merle was restless. He had too much on his mind. He couldn't sit still. There was over an hour to go until his watch on the wall. He thought about waking his baby girl up and telling her he was going out and that wouldn't be back for a few hours but she was sleeping so soundly. He shook her shoulder, barely, and whispered her name but she didn't respond. So he left without saying a word.

Merle didn't go to the wall right away. He went to that little redhead's place. He couldn't even recall her fuckin' name. Joanie, Jane, no wait…it was Jenny. Maybe. Shit. Didn't matter anyhow. He knocked on the door and she opened it, completely naked, said she wasn't sure if he was coming so she started without him. Shit, he thought that was hot. He slammed the door behind him and fucked her until he thought neither one of them could walk. He knew he wasn't the only man in Woodbury she fucked but he didn't care. She always told him he was her favorite, the best. He snorted because now he saw it for the bullshit it was. If you have the best you sure as hell ain't gonna keep looking for it.

He found the best or maybe the best found him. The only woman he thought about now was Rowan. He didn't know exactly when or how but the young dark-haired beauty who accepted him just as he was, flaws and all, managed to banish the memories of any other woman he ever knew.

Remembering the redhead was just a reflection of another one of his many failures as a father. He should have been watching over his daughter that night, not fuckin' some whore. Then, maybe the Governor wouldn't have been able to get to Amanda through that bastard Crowley.

Dixon sighed and rubbed his hands across his head. His hair was getting long. He'd have to get Rowan to cut it again for him. He smiled absently thinking about her this morning.

She had rubbed her ass against him before he was fully awake. Lately, she had wanted him every morning and of course he was happy to oblige. He wondered if it was a side effect of being pregnant. If so, it was one he didn't mind at all.

She was so damn wet and he slid into her easily from behind. He buried his face into the back of her neck and groaned loudly as she ground her ass into his hips. "Shh," she whispered harshly and then let out a loud moan of her own when he slid his hand across her stomach to palm her pussy.…he chuckled at that because she was even louder than he was.

Rowan grabbed her pillow and buried her face in it. He thrust harder and rubbed her quicker with the palm of his hand wishing the fuck he had his right one so he could also squeeze her tits. She reached back and grabbed his ass while holding the pillow on her face with the other hand. If it didn't feel so damn good and if he wasn't about to come he would have laughed out loud at her predicament. Instead, he continued his sweet assault with no mercy until she shattered around him…between the tightening of her pussy on his cock and her muffled scream, his own climax was right behind hers.

He buried his own groans in the tangled hair at the base of her neck. Fucking her only got better. He put his left hand on her stomach, gently caressing the damp skin below her belly button and above the triangle of dark curls between her legs with his thumb.

She covered his hand with hers and began to move it around. "Can you feel the bump?" she asked softly.

He closed his eyes and lightly pressed his palm to her smooth flesh, slowly circling the area where she put his hand. He didn't feel…wait…he went back over the lower part of her stomach. Her stomach had always been flat as a board but…now…he felt slight swell…just a tiny one but there was definitely a swell. "Shit," he said with awe in his raspy voice. That was his baby in there. Rowan brought his hand up to her lips and kissed his palm.

Dixon shook his head. Shit, a baby at my age. Guess that's what happens when ya fuck a younger woman. To tell the truth, he was kind of excited about it. Never thought he'd feel like that about having a kid. He caught himself smiling at times when he shouldn't have been. It was totally ruining the grim outward demeanor he liked to show off. He didn't know about Amanda until she was already born so these feelings were brand new to him. He truly wanted this baby. But enough of being a pussy, now he had to turn his attention to taking care of his baby girl.

He caught up with her before she reached the garden. "Wait up, Ladybug."

"What do you want, Daddy." Amanda stopped but didn't turn around. "I have work to do."

"Just wanna talk a minute, Baby Girl," he said putting his arm around her waist. "C'mon, let's go where we can have some privacy.

"I don't feel like talking," she replied.

"Well, I do and I think we need to."

"You going to give me some fatherly advice?" she asked rather sullenly and not unlike a damn teenager, he thought.

He sighed but tried to keep his voice neutral. "Wasn't planning on it but if ya need some I'll do my best to provide."

Amanda rolled her eyes but followed him to the basketball court. They sat side-by-side leaning back against the prison wall.

She spoke first and the hurt in her voice tugged at his heart. "Why didn't you tell me Rowan was pregnant, Daddy?"

Shit, he already fucked up and he hadn't even started yet. "I ain't known that long, baby girl. Not sure it's sunk in yet." That much was true.

"Do you even know how old she is?"

"Yeah, uh…" he thought about it a moment. He had no fuckin' idea. He knew she was young but honestly he never thought about it. Her age wasn't important to him, she was legal, not like that really mattered any more but he had never gone after a girl as young as Beth.

"I didn't think so. She's twenty-five, Daddy," she answered for him. "One year younger than me."

Merle thought about that for a moment and shrugged. Okay, so his baby's momma was younger than his daughter. He didn't know what Amanda expected him to say. But he wasn't expecting to see tears roll down her face.

"Ladybug, don't cry." He didn't know how he was gonna get out of this one. He didn't mean to hurt her feelings.

"I can't help it, Daddy," She put her head back against the wall and tried to blink away the tears. "Rowan looked so happy and I'm so miserable and I don't know what I'm gonna do."

"I told ya, Amanda. You ain't alone," he assured her, squeezing her hand.

"But Daddy, how are you going to be able to love a grandchild who has a monster for a father?" Her voice was so small and pained and his fatherly instinct kicked in.

Dixon put his arm around her shoulders and made sure she was looking at him. "You listen to me, Ladybug, I'm gonna love your baby because it's a part of you and a part of me. How can I not?"

She shrugged, leaning her forehead against his. Everything he said made logical sense but emotionally she couldn't come to grips with the fact that it shouldn't matter who the father was, especially since he was dead.

Maybe it wasn't the best time to ask but Merle had to know. "What's going on with you and Grimes? You through with him, yet?"

"What?" Didn't we already have this conversation? She knew her daddy probably still had hard feelings for the man that made him cut off his own hand but she thought he had put that aside for now for the sake of peace at the prison. "Daddy…"

"I see Martinez hanging 'round all the time. Ya'll got somethin' goin' on?

So that was it. "Daddy, we're friends." Once her old man got an idea in his mind, he was like a dog with a bone, he never let go.

"Friends that sleep together?"

She ducked from under his arm and stood up to face him. "Oh my god, are you spying on me?" she asked, shocked and appalled.

He looked up at her, squinting in the sun. "Nope I was just fishin'. Guess I caught something."

"Damn it, Daddy," she replied angrily. She knew just how to push his buttons and wasn't afraid to do it. "Yeah, we are sleeping together but we're not fucking."

"Goddamn it, Amanda!" He stood up. "What the hell ya gotta say it like that for?"

"To make sure you get the picture, you jackass."

Father and daughter stared at each other in edgy silence. Merle just didn't know how to talk to his girl without them both getting pissed. Fuck! He was trying to be a better father but apparently he was going about it all wrong. What the fuck was he supposed to say? He could say sorry but he didn't know what the hell he was sorry for. What the fuck was he supposed to do? He had to do something because it wasn't in Merle Dixon to sit by and do nothing. Goddamn it, he would have to be the one to stand down and it just killed him. He never backed down, but, for the sake of his relationship with his daughter, he sighed and dropped his gaze, shaking his head. "Sorry, Baby Girl."

Amanda rubbed her temples. She was getting a headache. Talking to her dad usually resulted in headaches. There had to be an easier way to communicate with him. Wait a minute, did he just apologize? She met his gaze, to make sure. Damn, he did and it looks like he really meant it. "Me, too." She said and threw her arms around his neck.

Merle hugged his daughter tightly. "I know I ain't always been there for ya…hell I guess I was never there for you but I wanna be now. I just don't know how to do it but I'm tryin', Ladybug. Give an ol' man a chance."

"I love you, Daddy." She hugged him tighter.

"Love you too, Ladybug."

After their talk, Merle walked his daughter to the garden where she joined Rowan and Cherry Blossom. He winked at Beth and she turned beet red. He shouldn't tease her but it was too easy and so much fun. His baby brother must have done something right because the girl couldn't quit smiling and she kept sneaking peeks to where Daryl was working with Oscar. The two men were cleaning up some of the trash around the prison grounds that they used most.

"Hey baby," Rowan said, brushing a strand of hair back that stuck to her sweaty face. Merle leaned in for a kiss.

"Be careful," he cautioned. "Don't get too hot. You either, Amanda."

"We have lots of water," The dark-haired woman gestured to a blue cooler. "And we promise to sit under the tent with Herschel and Judith if we need a break. Okay?"

Merle lifted the lid of the cooler and saw that there were in fact several bottles of water as she said. "I mean it, now." All three women saluted him. "Smart asses," he mumbled as he walked from their giggles.

He nodded to Greene as he passed and Judith toddled out to greet him. He swung her up in the air and she squealed clutching his prosthesis. "Hey, little booger," he said smiling and propped her against his right side. "Ya ain't big enough for guard duty yet so I reckon ya better stay here and take care of Herschel."

Hershel laughed. "Looks like it's going to have to be that way. I can hardly keep up with the little rascal now."

"Would you keep an eye on the girls…make sure they don't overdo it."

The old man nodded and took Judith from Merle. "I will."

Merle nodded in thanks and headed to the main guard tower. There was someone else he needed to talk to.

"Hey, Martinez. How's it look?"

"Quiet for the most part, Boss man," he answered.

"Ya ain't got call me that." Merle said taking the binoculars from him to scan the tree line.

"Habit, Dixon," the man said, rubbing his beard. "Seems like more biters showing up, everyday."

The older man grunted. He noticed that too. He handed the binoculars back.

"Do we need to start taking more of them out?"

"Yeah, but we need to do it as quiet as we can so we won't attract others. We don't need any more of the fuckers buildin' up along the fence and knockin' it down."

"Want me to start now?"

"No," Dixon answered thoughtfully. "When Chinaman and the Greene girl are on watch, you, me, Daryl, and Oscar can do it then. We should be able to put a pretty good dent in the dead population."

"Got it, Boss."

Merle shook his head at the term. "I'll tell Daryl and Oscar the plan. We'll meet here in a few hours."

"No problem." Martinez said, eyes scanning the area around the prison.

"What you doing with my daughter?" Dixon asked his younger friend, his voice was low and serious as hell.

Martinez had thought the other man has already left. Dixon was quiet and if he didn't want you to hear him coming or going, you wouldn't. Caesar lowered the binoculars slowly. There were so many ways this could go wrong. "You wanna be more specific?"

Merle gritted his teeth…he didn't want to punch the man but damn it. "Are you interested in Amanda?"

"Yes." Easy enough.

"In what way?"

Not out of the woods yet. "What exactly are you asking?"

"Damn it Martinez, are ya an idiot?"

No, he wasn't and that's why he was trying hard not to say the wrong thing and piss him off. "I like her, Dixon."

"You fuckin' her?"

Shit! "No. I'm not." Now this was dangerous territory. He'd rather face a herd of biters than an angry Merle Dixon.

"Ya planning on it?"

Holy shit! He was expecting that even less than the previous question. How did he answer that? Hopefully the truth wouldn't get him killed. "Only if she asks me to."

Merle didn't move but Caesar swore that his eyes turned colder, harder. "You do understand that if ya hurt my baby girl in any way…if she sheds one tear over you, I will kill ya."

"Yes sir, I understand." Caesar held his breath. Dixon was the only man that he was afraid of…physically, that is…he could hold his own with anyone but he didn't ever want to be pitted against the older Dixon.

"Ya still interested?"

"Yes."

Merle nodded and Caesar slowly let out his breath. Then Dixon asked, "What about Grimes?"

"What about him?" Martinez had thought, no, he had hoped this little talk was over, but he was wrong.

"You ain't worried about the man?" Merle cocked his head to the side trying to read the other man's expression. "You know she loves him."

"For now," Caesar answered confidently, "If he loved her, he'd be with her, so, no, I'm not worried."

"Good enough for me, man." Dixon said clapping him on the back. "Now, there's one more thing we need to discuss."

"What's that, boss?"

"Killing the Governor."

Amanda stood up and stretched rubbing her back. They needed to plant some pole beans next year or have someone else harvest them. She had another basket full and she was finally looking forward to mealtime. Beth and Maggie were going to can what they didn't use today. It would be nice to have vegetables on hand for the winter.

"Here give me those, I'll take them to daddy to snap," Beth said focusing on something over Amanda's shoulder. She handed the bounty to her blonde friend and turned around to see Rick approaching. Oh shit!

"No, that's okay, Beth. I'll do it," she said quickly reaching for the basket of green beans but the younger girl was faster. "I got 'em," she insisted and headed rapidly over to where her father sat with Judith and Rowan.

"Hey, Mandy," Rick called out. "Wanna walk the fence with me today?" He ran his fingers nervously through his hair.

Not really, she thought but said, "Okay."

They walked in silence for while until Rick felt they were out of earshot of the others. He pulled a bottle of water out of his cargo pocket and took a sip then handed it to her.

"Thank you," she muttered and took a drink then handed it back. "Do you have something to say to me?"

Rick sighed heavily, not looking at her but watching the walkers following them along the fence line. He had lots to say but he couldn't get the words out. How did he tell her he was afraid for her? That he was sorry… "Mandy," he started, hesitantly.

She waited for him to say more, getting a little more pissed as each second passed. "Damn it Rick, if you don't want to be with me anymore just say so I can move on with my life."

"It's not that, honey."

"Then what the fuck is it, Rick? You're going to have to tell me because I have no idea." Don't cry damn it! She fought back tears because she didn't want him to see how much it hurt. "Can you just not stand the thought of me being pregnant with another man's baby? Is that it?"

"Mandy, stop."

"So if it turns it that I'm not pregnant, will that make everything okay for you? Will you want me then?"

He grabbed her arms. "Honey, please…" He didn't know how to explain what he was feeling when he didn't understand it himself. He loved her but he couldn't be with her.

"Because if it does, well…you can just fuck off because I don't need you!"

She tried to twist out of his grasp. "Mandy!" He pulled her against his body and held her.

"Let go!" she yelled out him, tears flowing freely now.

"I am scared out of my mind that you are gonna to die like Lori." His voice shook at his confession. He was hearing it out loud for the first time himself. "I love you, Mandy, and I don't think I can bear losing you like I lost her!"

"What about me, Rick?" She stopped struggling. "You don't think I'm scared, too?" Her voice was barely above a whisper. "Whether we're apart or together isn't going to affect the outcome."

"Honey, I don't…"

"Quit calling me that!" she demanded and shoved him away. "It's not just about you! It's not about you at all! It's about me and I'm scared of a hell of a lot more than dying while giving birth to my rapist's bastard." She turned away and ran toward the prison, blinded by tears. She didn't want him to see how she hurt and she sure as hell didn't want him to see her cry over him anymore.

Run after her! His mind screamed at him but his body wouldn't obey. Maybe she was better off without him.

Daryl was looking for his brother when his niece practically ran him down. He started to yell at her and then he saw the tears, Fuck! Why did women have to cry so much? He thought he and Merle had broke her of that nasty little habit when she was little.

"Possum?" He tried to grab her arm but she twisted out of his grasp.

"Leave me alone!" she yelled at him and ran into the prison.

He looked the direction she'd had came from and saw Rick walking along the fence. "Oh, fuck," he said. He was gonna have to have a talk with Grimes before Merle did.

"Whaddya doing, man?" Daryl caught up to Rick and yanked him around by the shoulder.

"Not now, Dixon," he said, turning away from the pissed redneck.

"You wanna tell me why the fuck Possum is bawling like…like a woman?" It had to be bad for her to cry like that. Shit.

"That's between us," Rick said and kept walking, doing his best to ignore the man snapping at his heels.

"The hell it is…that's my niece and I'll be damned if I stand by and watch you hurt her."

"I'm not the one that hurt her."

"But you're the one that should be taking care of her. Why ain't ya?"

"I can't."

"What the fuck do ya mean? Ya can't?" Daryl was fuming at his friend. "Because of what that bastard did to her? Is that it? It ain't her fault. I thought you loved her. What kind of man are ya?"

Angrily, Rick turned to face the other man. "Damn it, Dixon, you don't understand."

"Damn right, I don't. Why don't you explain it to me?"

"I can't watch her die…like Lori. When I look at Mandy all I see is Lori…or what was left of her."

Fuckin' hell. Daryl really didn't know what to say to that. He knew Rick took Lori's death hard. Went off the deep end. Maybe Grimes hadn't dealt with it as well as he thought he had. This whole thing was too fucked up. He put his hand on Rick's shoulder and tried to keep his voice calm and under control but warned him. "Ya gonna let Martinez take Amanda right out from under ya nose 'cause ya can't man up and to do the right thing."

"She ain't mine, Dixon." Rick saw the concern in his friend's face but there was nothing he could say that would make anything better.

"She was, Rick." Daryl insisted. "She loves you but she ain't gonna for long because she needs you right now and that fuckin' Martinez is standin' in your place."

"Doesn't matter anymore."

"Goddamn it, man! It ain't like you to give up on anythin'. If ya still love her, Grimes, fix it and get her away from that bastard. I don't care what Merle says, I don't trust the son of a bitch."

Caesar washed off the day's worth of sweat and walker blood in the cold water of the prison shower. He didn't mind it now in the heat of the summer but in the winter they would have to find another way to get clean.

Dixon's words lay heavy on his mind. The man was right; it was only a matter of time before the Governor raised another "army" and came after them. They left just over three months ago…that might be enough time. The Governor was not a forgiving man, nor would he forget their defection. At least his new army wouldn't be trained by Merle Dixon.

He thought about the last words the Governor had said to him. Keep an eye on Dixon. He told Martinez that he was beginning to question where his "right-hand" man's loyalties really were. Dixon had assured him that his loyalty was with Woodbury first; but the Governor saw something change in his trusted soldier when Andrea showed up.

Dixon was more determined than ever to look for his missing brother…said he wanted to bring him back to their town. He became quiet and secretive; nothing like the man he was used to…he reverted back into himself, back into survival mode. Martinez had the feeling that the Governor wasn't too keen on the idea of having two Dixons in Woodbury. He was probably right. Together, the brothers were a force to reckoned with and he doubted all of Woodbury would be able to contend with them if they decided to take over the town all by themselves.

However, Martinez liked the gruff Dixon. He never had any doubts about trusting the man. They worked together and talked quite a bit though Dixon never opened up about his personal life except to say he wanted to find Daryl, his little brother. He knew he was out there somewhere. Andrea confirmed that the younger Dixon had been alive last time she saw him. Martinez just couldn't see Merle turning traitor because his daughter showed up.

But that was before they found her half-naked and nearly beaten to death in the armory. Martinez was in shock. How could the Governor let that happen? How could he have a woman beaten and tortured to that degree? What the hell could she have known that was so important…the location of the younger Dixon? Did he fear them that much? There had to be another way to get the information from her…unless he wanted it immediately. Martinez knew that the Governor was only telling him what he thought he needed to know. But to beat a woman like that…

After he and Dixon deposited Amanda with Rowan, Caesar went to the Governor, confronted the man. In that slick way that he had, he told Caesar to help Merle escape with his daughter, go with them, find out where they were headed and to make sure they arrived and then report back as soon as he was able. He also told Martinez to leave Rowan and he would deal with her disloyalty personally.

Of course none of it worked out as planned. Rowan was a smart girl and there was no way she would allow herself to be left behind. Dixon was too wily to tell him of his plans and honestly Caesar would have been surprised if he had. Dixon trusted him but only so far. The man hadn't survived as long as he had by running his mouth.

Martinez never made contact with anyone from Woodbury. In fact, when Dixon went for his truck, Martinez killed two soldiers that got too close. He didn't want to wake the women. So he snuck out when they were almost to the house and hid in the bushes. When Marcus came within reach, he broke the man's neck then stabbed him through the eye. Jones didn't even see him coming. He slipped his blade between his ribs and into his heart and then he stuck it through his eye. He wiped off his weapon on their clothes and rinsed his hand in a puddle. He slipped back in the house and the two women were still asleep.

He didn't feel remorse about it. He knew the men but he also knew that they wouldn't hesitate to kill him if ordered to do so. Some gut instinct had kicked in and he felt the need to protect the women. He had four sisters. The two older sisters lived in other states and he prayed to God that they had someone to watch over them.

Caesar lifted the crucifix that he never took off and kissed it. Sometimes he wondered if God cared about his people any more. More than once he thought about ripping it off and throwing it as far as he could but Eva, his baby sister, gave it to him at Christmas…the last Christmas they had spent together as a family. So he kept it hidden under his shirt where he didn't have to see it.

He had watched helplessly as biters tore apart Maria and Eva, the youngest of the Martinez girls. He couldn't get to them though he tried his damnedest. He screamed, out of his mind with grief and would have been taken down himself if it hadn't been for a one-handed stranger who shoved a blade through the eye of a biter poised to rip out his throat.

The man yanked him out of the fray and was shouting at him, shoving him towards a truck with the engine running, two men stood in the bed shooting the biters with automatic weapons…funny how he didn't hear the shots before…he could only hear the screams of his sisters…and then the deafening silence. Dixon practically lifted him with his one hand and threw him in the back of the vehicle then he jumped in the passenger's seat as the truck tore off leaving the biters and the bodies of his sisters in the dust.

Reliving the tragedy made him realize that he couldn't, no, that he wouldn't let Rowan or Amanda suffer the horror that befell his sisters whether it be from the living or the dead.

Hot tears mixed with the cold water of the shower as Caesar bent his head and cried for the first time since his sisters died. He clutched the wet crucifix in his fist so tightly that the edges of the cross cut into his palm drawing blood. The pain in his hand drew the pain away from his heart long enough for him to pull himself together.

Martinez dried off with a rough towel and dressed quickly in some clean clothes. He caught the scent of dinner and knew he should get some before it was all gone. He didn't feel like eating anymore but missing a meal wasn't wise. He needed the strength to keep going not only for himself but the others. In Woodbury, he was just another survivor, trying to live some semblance of a normal life. Now he thought of this small ragtag group as family.

He wasn't sure when he started to feel that way but that didn't really matter. What mattered was that these people were his family and he'd do what he had to do to protect them.

A few had already gathered in the dining room but Amanda wasn't one of them. He went to kitchen to ask Beth if she'd seen her. Carol intercepted him. "There you are, Caesar." She handed him a large pot of green beans with potatoes. Amanda's favorite. "Would you please carry that to the table? The natives are getting restless." She smiled and patted his arm. She reminded him of Carmen, his oldest sister, the nurturing one. She always worried about others more than herself.

"Do you know where Amanda is?" he asked Beth before he stepped out of the room.

The blonde shook her head and said she hadn't seen her since she went off with Rick. Fuck! He just lost what little appetite he had.

Caesar placed the pot of beans in the center of the table. What he really wanted to do was check on Amanda but he sat down next to Carol. She served him some sliced fresh tomatoes and passed the plate around the table. Rick sat at the head of the table with his baby girl on one side and his son on the other. He didn't look particularly happy but the man never did. Not since Caesar had known him. He didn't know what Amanda saw in him.

Martinez ate his food hurriedly, not really tasting it. Amanda still hadn't shown up and he wanted to find her to make sure she was alright. He glanced over at Merle Dixon, who was watching him. The older man gave him an almost imperceptible nod toward the door. Martinez swallowed his last bite, excused himself, and took his dishes to the sink. When he left the dining area, he felt Grimes eyes following him but he didn't give the man another thought.

Amanda lay on her bunk in Cell Block B. She still loved Rick but was she done with him. That still didn't make the pain go away. Damn it…why did she have to go on that last run? Why did she let herself get separated from Maggie and Glenn? Why didn't she just stay in her daddy's apartment until he came back? There were so many things she could have done different and any one of them would have changed the outcome of the event that ruined her life.

When Amanda realized it was all her own doing, she couldn't be angry at Rick any more. If her being pregnant caused him to be haunted again by the death of his wife, there was nothing she could do to make it better. If he couldn't deal with it, that was his problem. She hardly had the strength to maintain her own sanity much less help him keep his. She wanted him but she didn't need him.

The thin mattress sank in behind her. She sniffled and wiped her eyes. "Go away." She didn't feel like talking.

"I can't."

Caesar. Of course it was Caesar. Why the hell would he want to be her friend when she had nothing to offer? She was a mess. "Please, just go."

Instead of honoring her plea, he lay down behind her and pulled her into a hug. Amanda was to emotionally drained to argue. He brushed the black curls away from her face but didn't say a word.

"Don't you have something else you need to be doing?"

"I'm doing it."

"That's not what I meant."

"Why won't you accept the fact that I want to help you?" he asked softly, stroking her cheek.

Because Rick said he loved me but he can't help me get past this shit. "Why Caesar? I don't understand."

"Because," he said softly, hugging her closer. "I care for you and I want to make the pain go away."

"It will never go away," she replied miserably.

"The memories won't, babe, but they will fade into the background if you replace them with better ones."

"I don't know how to do that without him." God, why did she still have to love Rick?

Caesar's lips touched her outer ear and he spoke softly. "Let me help you."

"Nobody can." Amanda's body began to shake in his arms. "Crowley hurt me bad, Caesar." Her voice cracked. "Really bad…he broke me."

He kissed her hair but kept his thoughts to himself, letting her say what she needed to say without interruption.

Her voice was quavered, "He put a bag over my head…it was hard to breathe. I tried to be strong but I wasn't," she gulped a noisy sob. "He hit me so many times…I couldn't think straight. I-I think I fell of the chair. I'm not sure…but I remember being on the floor I-I could hear him circling me. My feet were loose and I tried to kick him…I don't know but he jerked me up and slammed me down on the table. My ears were ringing and he said, 'I'm gonna ask you one more time, bitch, where is your camp?' I told him to go to hell. He laughed….I still hear it…in my dreams…and sometimes when I'm alone…I hear hear his awful, cruel laughter. H-he put his hands on me again. I knew what he was going to do…but I thought….if I can keep the others safe…if I can get out of here….I can take whatever he was going to do to me.

"I was wrong. It hurt so much…I struggled, tried to get up but he slammed me back down on the table and…he made it worse…I didn't think it could hurt more but it did.

"I begged him to stop. I'd do anything to make him stop. He asked…he…he asked if this was how my daddy did it to me….and did I beg him to stop or did I…"

"Amanda." Caesar turned her toward him and pulled her to his chest while she cried into the angle of his neck.

"Or did I ask him to fuck me harder." She starting sobbing again.

"You don't have to tell me this, baby."

She shook her head against him. "I have to tell someone, get it out, because it is going to eat away at me until there is nothing left."

She sucked in a shaky breath and continued. "I don't even know how I got the words out but I told him I'd tell the Governor whatever he wanted to know if he'd please just stop. He…finished…first…s-said…said he wanted to make sure he got me pregnant so he could see Daddy's face when he found out…he hated my daddy. He took the bag off my head. He laughed right in my face and said he bet it would kill Daddy to see me grow fat with his bastard but that I probably wasn't Dixon's brat anyway because I was too easy to break." She shuddered remembering clearly the ugly man's parting words.

Martinez just held the trembling woman, rubbing her back, knowing that nothing he could say would help.

"Caesar, if you and Daddy didn't find me…before Crowley came back with the Governor, I would have told him everything. Rick, the children, Beth, Daryl…the entire group would have been in danger because I was too weak. I am so ashamed. I should have been stronger."

"Baby, you have nothing to be ashamed of."

"But, I am. I can't help it. I can't stop thinking about what would have happened if…"

"But you didn't, baby, so stop torturing yourself with things that could have, but didn't happen." He tilted her to face to his and gently held her chin. "Crowley was bigger and stronger than you and intent on causing you pain; there wasn't a damned thing you could have done to stop him. But you can stop doing this to yourself."

"But…"

"Amanda." He cut her words off by softly pressing two fingers against her lips. "Hush. You can't win this argument, baby. You want to blame yourself but that's not where it lays…it lies with Crowley and the Governor. Rick and your uncle put Crowley down." And me and Dixon are going to put the Governor down. He brushed the hair out of her eyes. "Don't let that bastard win. You are strong. You will get through this and you will be happy again."

He kissed her forehead and then her cheeks, tasting the salty tears that covered them. "Shut your eyes, baby." He tenderly kissed her forehead again and then each closed eyelid. "You're safe with me. I'll stay with you while you sleep." He turned her so her back was against his chest and he adjusted his arm under her head helping her get comfortable. "I won't let anything happen to you." I promise.

Thanks to all my readers! Drop me a line and tell me what you think.

Thanks to siarh for taking the time to editing after I posted.

Happy Reading!