Rating: T
Summary: Melissa discovers what happened to Castiel when he was sent back to Heaven and something about herself that isn't normal
On a Wing and a Prayer
I pulled away from him. He looked down at me, expressionless. I shook my head.
"No, Cas, don't look at me like that." I said. I was almost begging. I stepped back. He was still as robotic as he had been when he walked in.
"Melissa." He repeated.
"What?!" I yelled. All the joy I had minutes ago had vanished. He didn't even flinch. "Cas, what did they do to you?" He reacted now. He looked away from me, fear and pain in his eyes.
"I can't tell you." He said softly. I had broken through that awful shell that Heaven had made him put on.
"Castiel, please, don't pull away from me like this." I said. He looked at me, pain in those beautiful eyes.
"I have to." He said in a strangled voice.
"Why? Because they told you to?" I asked. The tears I thought I had run out of were here now, stinging and falling from my eyes with as little effort as earlier. He shook his head and walked toward me.
"No, no, Melissa, no," He reached out to me, but dropped his hand, almost forcing himself not to touch me. "I'm pulling away from you so they don't get you. I'm trying to protect you, Melissa."
"So I have to lose you for me to stay safe?" I asked tearfully. He nodded. "Castiel…" I was at a loss at what to say.
"I don't want to leave you. But I can't stand the thought of you being hurt by them because of me." He said painfully.
"How come they haven't found us yet, don't they watch you?" I asked. He nodded.
"They watch me, always. But not when I'm with you," He said. "They can't see me when I'm here."
"Why?" I asked.
"You're special." He said.
"Castiel, if they can't see you, then please, come here," I pleaded. He seemed torn. I could tell that part of him desperately wanted to come to me, but the other wanted to stick to his original plan. "Please." I needed him, so much. I thought he was dead until now.
The side that wanted me won. He lunged at me, holding my face and pressing his lips to mine with a ferocity I hadn't seen in him before. I held the back of his neck, making sure he didn't pull away until I said so.
"Melissa." He whispered, right before he collapsed. I jumped and knelt down in front of him. He was on one knee, breathing deeply, his eyes shut tightly, sweating.
"Castiel, what's wrong?!" He was pulling on the sleeve of his trench coat and it took me a moment to understand that he was trying to get it off. I helped him pull it off. He started shrugging off the blazer, desperately, it seemed. I could tell what he was trying to do now. I pushed the suit jacket off of his shoulders and slid the tie from around his neck. His hands were shaking so badly he couldn't undo the buttons on the white collared shirt. I nearly ripped through the buttons, baring his chest. He held his arms to his chest, his face still contorted in agony that I couldn't see.
"Castiel, talk to me, what's wrong?!" I said, frantic.
"Melissa, get back," He said through gritted teeth. I scrambled back, tripping over my hands. "C-close your eyes." I obeyed, a little frightened now.
Through my closed lids I saw a flash of white light that faded quickly. I dared to open my eyes, and I gasped.
Two black, glistening wings had appeared out of Castiel's back, hanging down at his sides on the floor. But there was something wrong with them. One was bent at an odd angle; feathers were disturbed where they shouldn't be. Other than that, my God, they were beautiful. I had never seen anything so utterly magnificent in my entire life.
Castiel's breath was still deep and labored, but it was more relieved than pained. He looked up at me, his eyes growing in terror.
"Mel-Melissa, your eyes!" He exclaimed, voice shaking. My eyes were wide as well, but with wonder.
"I'm fine." I assured, distracted. I crept toward him, watching his face to see if he would tell me otherwise. He didn't.
I touched his face when I had reached him, still looking at his wings. Now that I was closer, I could see the blood on them.
"Cas…did they, did they break your wings?" I whispered, barely daring to say it.
"Yes," He said in an equally quiet voice. "Among other things," I looked down at his body instinctively. He shook his head. "You won't be able to see anything. They didn't do it while I was in Jimmy."
"Jimmy," I said, the thought suddenly dawning on me. "What happened to Jimmy?" Castiel bowed his head.
"He almost died. When they permitted me to go back I possessed his daughter so she would be protected from the demons that had taken her, like Jimmy asked for. He was shot by one of the demons. Instead of allowing himself to pass on, instead of allowing me to grant him peace in Heaven, he asked me to leave his daughter and possess him again. He would rather suffer and be away from the ones he loved than have his daughter go through it," He paused, not meeting my eyes. I could hear the internal pain in his voice. "I feel so terrible." I bit my lip. He cringed, squeezing his eyes shut. I gently touched one of the glossy feathers, being careful not to hurt him.
"Will they heal?" I whispered. He nodded.
"Eventually, yes. That's why I fell," I understood now what the loud noise had been. "I landed on someone's vehicle." I glanced at the bruise on his shoulder, the dark purple already turning a sickly yellow, healing faster than a normal bruise of that magnitude would.
"So, when you guys do that blipping thing from one place to another, you're flying?" I asked. He nodded, biting his lower lip and hissing.
"I'll be alright," He said, noticing my panicked expression. "I, I just need to rest." I stroked his cheek and gently kissed his forehead.
"Why would they do something like this to you? How can they hurt their brother like this?"
"I disobeyed," He breathed. "Disobedience is prohibited to anyone who calls themselves loyal. Look what happened to Lucifer." I bit my lip and shook my head.
I didn't understand it. What was Heaven anyway? What was with these angels, these beings that were supposed to protect humans and love like God does? They seemed to be nothing more than controlling, emotionless, faceless puppet masters that wanted nothing but complete control of those lesser than them.
And why could I see the things I saw? Why could I look at Castiel's wings and keep my sight? Could I see him in his celestial form as well? I didn't know. And I didn't really want to know.
"You need to rest." I said quietly.
"Yes." He said softly. I stood, taking his hands in mine and pulling him with me. I walked into my bedroom. I lied down, and he lied on top of me, his wings splayed out, the tips hanging over the sides and grazing the wooden floor.
His head rested on my chest. His limbs went limp, his eyes closing slowly. I ran my fingers through his already tousled hair. His wings were looking better already. The bones weren't bent in so many places and I could tell he was in less pain. I touched his wing again, marveling at the silk like feel. I watched his face, making sure I didn't hurt him.
"Are all angel's wings black like yours?" I asked. He shook his head.
"Some are. Some are white, some gray, some gold. It varies."
"They're beautiful." I whispered.
"They hurt." He said in a strained voice. I bit my lip and winced.
"Just sleep," I said, caressing his neck and back. "It'll be better if you sleep." It was a weak attempt at comfort, but he accepted it.
"I feel safe when I'm with you." He said. This frightened me more than if he had yelled at me. An angel feeling safe with a weak human like me. Why didn't he have some sort of comfort as far as Heaven went? Was it really as full of tyranny as I feared? By the sound of it, absolutely.
"I don't know what they'll want from me now." He said, sounding scared.
"So what they tell you," I pleaded. "No matter what it is just do it. Please." He looked up at me, confused.
"Why?" He asked in a low voice.
"I don't want them to hurt you again." I said, trying to keep the fear, desperation and tears out of my voice. He merely nodded and lied his head back down. I continued to caress his face and hair. He was so warm, and so soft.
I looked up, wondering how long we could stay a secret. How long we could remain like this. How long I could keep my home a sanctuary to him. It was only a matter of time until they figured out where he was when he disappeared from radar.
But they didn't know right now. Right now he was with me. Right now he was safe. If only I knew how fragile all of this was, and it was about to come tumbling down on top of us.