Crybaby!

...Chapter Six…

Comedy

Mai Yuzumari put down the telephone with a heavy slam.

"How dare she! Oh, the nerve of that woman!" She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. Her husband, sitting nearby, stood and put a soothing hand on her waist.

"What's the old bat up to now?" He asked with a sort of sad humor, expecting for his usually easily pleased wife to crack a smile. He was greeted with a frown; her deep red lips quirked downwards and she hugged herself and let out a short puff of air through her mouth.

"She's divorcing him. Just decided she was going to leave him, even though apparently she's been planning it for years." A pale, slender hand found its way to Mai's forehead, massaging gently as her husband stole a glance at the floor. "I don't understand it," She laughed dryly, "She has everything she wanted, and she still causes grief for that household…"

"How's your sister taking it?" He asked gingerly, unsure how his wife would respond. Mai stiffened and raised her eyes to the wall in front of her. Her mouth slipped into a soft smile.

"She doesn't know, naturally. But don't worry, she plans to break it gently over dinner." She moved out of his embrace and went across the room to the desk where he was previously seated, pulling out a small piece of stationary and its companion pen, tapping her lip thoughtfully before scribbling something down, obviously trying to distract herself. As she wrote, he could see the thoughts turn behind her head and he moved slowly towards the desk, leaning on it, eyebrows raised.

"Mai." He said softly. She let her gaze flutter from the paper to his eyes and she sighed, sitting up to push back her hair and sink into the leather seat. Her husband pressed forward further, forcing her to pay attention to him, "Mai, you have to do something about it. Haven't you had enough of these petty games? Honestly, she's almost graduated from high school. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life regretting the fact that you've missed out on the crucial parts of her life?"

Mai let her hand fall into her lap and closed her eyes, breathing in, and then opening them up again to reveal the slate grey that glimmered in the office's ambient lighting.

"She's still just a child. Her mentality is as naive as the day I left."

"Mai…" The woman looked away, as if to shield her pained expression, the tension that painted her face, crinkling her eyes and making her mouth twitch in discomfort.

"Everything I've ever done was to protect her, to shield her from all the things that will eventually shatter her little world…"

"That child thinks she can make it all on her own…but she has no idea. She has no idea how alone she really is." She glanced up at her husband, smirking, instantly changing the subject. "Do you know I received a very interesting letter from her high school's resident bachelor's club? They want me of all people to attend a graduation party. I'm sure my mother received the same invitation…"

"Your Mother isn't going to attend, we both know that Mai." Honda said coarsely, stepping back from the desk and his wife's dangerous, cat-like expression. He scratched his head tiredly and sighed, "All these years I've never understood it…she's such a good little thing. Any Mother would be lucky to have a daughter as sweet as that girl is."

Mai smiled.

"How funny you say that."

"Ehhh…That kid sure did leave in a hurry, didn't he? What did he say?" My fingers unhinge and I turn around, spying Kana-san with a tray full of sweet things and tea. I feel monsoons of relief wash over me as she comes and puts her handful down to reposition the chair Haruhi-kun was previously in and smooth out her apron. I don't answer her initial questions but Kana-san is a very 'in the moment' type person. She thinks it's better to simply go as life takes you, so she says what's on her mind and forgets things after only a short while, so by the time I'm formulating a proper reply she is already sitting across from me and preparing the light tea for two. Only now, she's replaced Haruhi-kun.

Sometimes Kana-san is very bold, even to me, even when we are good friends to one another.

"What do you have there Hoshiko-chan? A love letter maybe?" She chirps and I start shaking my head in violent protest.

"O-Oh No! N-not anything like that K-kana-san!" The invitation crumples farther into my fingers, poking at my skin and Kana-san just clucks her tongue and pours me a cup of tea.

"Ahhh…Young love! What I wouldn't give to be in high school and free as I please!" Kana-san pushes the cup farther onto the saucer and a little drop flecks the smooth surface. Instinctively, with her face still beaming, she wipes it with her pinky and passes it to me. My hands awkwardly dispel the invitation and I reach for it, accepting the warmth that passes into me.

"Why would you say that Kana-san? You and Kiku-san are very happy together." Kana-san just smiles dreamily and takes up her own cup of tea.

"Yes, but sometimes it's nice to revisit the days when you didn't think you'd ever get married to just one person. I'll have you know, I was quite coveted!" I smile into my tea.

I can believe that. If there's anyone in the world who I think is the luckiest, it's Kana-san. She is a bright, sunny person; she is like cosmos in a crystal vase in a tiny kitchen, the kind where you have to look at and smile without even thinking. She takes all your thoughts and all your attention, and as I've probably said before she is beautiful. Kiku-san must know how lucky he is because he complains about her working here too much.

If I wasn't so fond of Kana-san I would make her spend every minute with her fiancé, because I want Kana-san to be happy forever.

"So if it isn't a love note from that boy, then what is that Hoshiko-chan?" My face must fall a little as Kana-san interrupts my childish thoughts of happily-ever-after and she looks troubled.

"Wait, Hoshiko-chan, tell me it wasn't a rejection letter, was it? Because if it was, then you're not missing out because that boy is much too girly - !"

"It's not that Kana-san. It's just an invitation." At this Kana-san closes her mouth and just smiles at me breathlessly.

"Just an invitation? My my…you rich people and your parties! When I was your age getting invited to a movie was like Christmas!" I smile back and slowly form a tighter ball around the cardstock but I feel Kana-san's smooth hand on my wrist. "Now, what do you think you're doing? I just say that invitations are special and you go right back to crumpling it up again?"

"I well, its – ," Kana-san holds up a hand at my impending excuses.

"No no! I don't even care if its from the least likeable person on the planet, you should at least consider. You haven't even opened the envelope Hoshiko-chan! Now, let's see!" She pulls the messy conglomeration of calligraphy and heavy paper and begins smoothing edges and pulling the corners.

The scrawl becomes script and she bites her lip as she opens it evenly, something she's learned by opening many of Kiku-san's love notes. She thinks I don't see, but I do.

"Ahhh! Hoshiko-chan! The Senior Ball how exciting! You're going of course, aren't you? Oh…you'll have to let me do your hair! Wait…what's this…Star-crossed lovers? How romantic Hoshiko-chan! And the starry theme! Perfect for you – !" I can feel only small happiness bubbling to the surface as Kana-san gushes over the invitation. Kana-san couldn't attend college because her family was very poor, but she's always wanted to see the world. I could see the world any day of the week. I could attend a thousand balls if I accepted every invitation I got, and trust me, I got many. Kana-san has never been to a ball or a party like that. She's never dressed up like a princess and danced to live orchestrations and been with boys who have soft hands and soft eyes and soft smiles.

I don't know why I reach out over the tea tray and wrap my arms around her. She stops talking and looks at me, but I've already buried my face in her shoulder. I have never done this on my own, a lot of the time it's Kana-san hugging me briefly, but this time, I need to. I need to hug her and be close to her. I want her to know so badly that I care for her.

I feel her soften and her hands drop into her lap. She is very soft, just the way I imagined she would be. She smells like warm things. Baking bread is the first that pops into mind.

"I don't want Mura-san to see, she'll kill us." She whispers and I just hold tighter.

"I'll go to the party for you Kana-san. I'll do whatever you say to do." I murmur and Kana-san for once doesn't have anything to say in return. She just lets me hug her.
She knows very well how much everything means.

"Hai, Hoshiko-sama."

I have somehow fallen asleep on the couch in the living area when my Mother enters our home. She is wearing a dress I've never seen before. She smells like Givenchy perfume and fine leather. Its so funny how easily my Mother can be described even from a distance where I can't even really see her that clearly. Everything about her is clean; and judging by our house and its simple, yet somehow ornate architecture, you can derive this. She is the one who made all the decisions about the house when it was being built. It was a present from my Father after I was born. She is all angles my mother, but then suddenly she'll throw in something softer, rounder, and it's all just so pleasing to the eye. The tang of tanned leather, the sweetness of Givenchy perfume.

It is impossible to not know she is there, and I am instantly awake the moment she steps through the threshold; that's how foreign she is to this place.

"Madame!" Mura-san beseeches, and I hear expensive heels striking the marble foyer sharply, echoing off of the vaulted ceiling and back down, each one like a shout. I've heard that walk many, many times. It is a frightening and vicious walk, my Mother's furious facial expression not even needed to convey her temper. When I choose to emerge, it is of course, the wrong time. It is always the wrong time for Mother.

"Mother!" I can't help but be happy to see her. She is stunning, and my eyes feel warm just looking at her. She twists her neck, long hair pinned back in a mother-of-pearl clasp, the Chanel slip dress caressing her every curve. Slate grey settles on me, sparkling due to the makeup she wears, burgundy lips twisting into a grimace. I feel myself lose my breath as I come into full view, "Welcome Home!" I stutter, trying to hide my happiness at seeing her again, bowing deeply. She lets out a puff of air through her nose.

"What in god's name are you wearing?" Her voice is like smooth polished rocks in a river bed, ice cold water flowing over them. I look up from my position and smooth the crinkle in the skirt of my ensemble. It was a newer addition to the growing closet I am in the makings off. A skirt with crinoline underneath, a cashmere undershirt and a ruffled sweater that goes to the elbow, a newer design by the Hitachiin enterprises and very limited in edition, or so Papa's letter said.

"Father bought it for me in P- !" She cuts me off with a tick in her jaw and a raised palm.

"I don't even want to hear about that wretch. Not even from you." She spits and I blink in wonderment as she taps her fingers furiously together, anxious and unnerved. Her gaze darts around as if she's unfamiliar with our house after so long away and then settles again on me.

"Go change your clothes, I can't even stand seeing you in something that pig bought." I feel startled for a moment and then she looks severe, "Go. Or I won't tell you what your Sister told me!"

"S-Sister?" I choke and she rolls her eyes condescendingly.

"ARE YOU DEAF?" She shouts and I am already up the stairs. Below me I hear her ask for a strong drink and her furious heels clack into the dining room where I'm sure dinner is being hustled into preparation.

The whole house shakes.
Its mistress has returned.

I pick at my food. Mother does the same, complaining and going on to the apologetic chef.
I can't say anything, but I do know that Mother insisted on shell fish even though she knows I'm allergic. Actually, Mother probably doesn't know that.

Besides, they're completely out of season, but Mother doesn't care about trivial things like global tides or global warming, or global patterns or anything inconvenient like that.

I clear my throat and she looks up from her Merlot, eyes hooded.

"You said Sister said something to you?" I ask cautiously and Mother just takes a deep sip of her wine, sighing as she does it. She looks worn out for some reason.

"Apparently she is attending some party being thrown by your School."

There aren't any words.

"They asked her too, appealed to her by formal invitation; can you believe it? I'm just glad they didn't ask me."

"I…I'm not…"

"I don't care frankly Hoshiko. Your Father and I are divorcing."

My fork drops to my plate, my eyes glued to the food I can't eat.
In the bluntest form my Mother can muster, she has told me the truth.
I have anticipated this; thought on it many times. Replayed the scenario over and over. It is very, very evident that my parent's don't love each other, but I never thought that it would sting this much.

"I've been planning it for years, but I'm finally going to do it, and there really isn't much anyone (me) can say." I just stare at the pooling lemon juice over my scallops.

"So you…didn't come home…" My Mother laughs.

"You honestly thought I was coming home for you? Oh you poor stupid child…" She just laughs and I watch in horror as the tears don't come.
They don't come, they don't fall, my eyes are completely dry. Why? Why is it like this when I want to scream and sob?

It may not be a family for storybooks, but it is the only family I have ever had, and it is breaking at the seams. I have been torn in so many places already. Planning it for years? My fingers are shaking.

I feel angry. Why do I cry when I see Takashi-kun but not now? Why is my body betraying me? What could possibly be wrong with me? Was it me? Is that why she's leaving? I can change. I'll do anything just don't go! Mother won't answer any of these questions. She has never owed me an explanation. Never.

"Are you going to say anything?" She continues, voice tinged with exasperation and false fatigue. If only she could know how I felt.

How I can't feel.

"No." I whisper, "I am…happy when you are happy…"

"I will be happy when I am free of this mangled household…"

Mother is always happiest when I am alone.

The days to the ball drift by in a haze. My Mother leaves for the last time in a flurry of confusion; it appears she has forgotten an important date and must call her packing and dividing of objects and arguments short.

She does not say goodbye to me, and I am almost relieved.

Almost, save for the intense pain in my chest that makes it hard to breathe at times that it's important to breathe, such as when I am preparing for seeing my Sister for the first time in years. She will be exactly as I remember her, and that is all I can ascertain because I have seen many photographs of her and she hasn't changed at all. I'm sure you think that I am heartless, that I am someone who doesn't care about the abrupt divorce of their parents, but I can't convey what a blow this is. Something has happened and it is rocking my world from side to side, and I am adrift in the center, simply rolling with the motions. Going with the punches, is something Kana-san says. There is nothing I can do.

I have no power. I can't even cry.
Nothing I would ever have said would change or justify my Mother into not divorcing my Father.

I am forced to accept it, but it has done something to me I can't really understand. It has left me asking "why?" yet again.

I just want to know why this family wasn't good enough for them, but why it was always good enough for me.

"Hoshiko-chan, when this is all over, I want you to feel good about going. I don't want you to feel as if I'm forcing you to go." Kana-san is being very gentle with my hair today as she twists it, snapping in the corsage and brushing a stray piece of fluff off of my bare shoulder. Kana-san is silly sometimes.

No one will ever think she forced me to go; she's a maid.

I am swathed in midnight blue with a full skirt showered in crystals that have the distinct appearance of stars in a midnight sky. Kana-san has outdone herself, and I have allowed her to out-do herself.
She is leaving for New York when I begin my first semester at college.

I accept it numbly.

My hair is shining, the ribbon I am so used to wearing is glimmering in the lamplight, a glossy sheen on its hook in my jewelry box. My feet already ache from my heels, but I do look beautiful. Even I can agree when she pushes me up in front of the mirror and shows me not the child I am inside, but the woman I am forming. My face looks cold.

The girl in the mirror is covered in spiderweb cracks; they lace her arms and her face and all over. Small cuts, tiny chips I her façade after years and years and years.
I am almost 19 years old, and this, within itself is a startling revelation. I am not a little girl anymore to the world; I am not a child to the world, no matter how I feel.

I pinch my cheeks and instantly blood pools and I am blushing by design.

Kana-san smiles.
She hugs me very closely. Again, I note that she smells like sunshine and sleeping in.
Kana-san shouldn't be bothered with me when she has everything that she'll ever need to be happy. Kana-san goes home to Kiku-san, and she hasn't told me yet, but I can tell that it is even better than that.

I can tell by the way she touches her stomach when she thinks no one is looking.

"You are going to be fine tonight Hoshiko-chan."

You'll be alright.

"Kana-san?"
"Hmm?" She looks worried for me and it's a look on her face I never want to see again. Not on Kana-san, not after how she's been with me for such a long time, after she's been such a confident and friend and somewhat like a Sister or a Mother to me. I want to tell her that I'm not going to be fine, that I am going to crash and burn, that this is the end of the tunnel and the light is going to blind me.

But I don't, and its better this way because I'm not being so selfish with Kana-san like I was with Sister. This time, with Kana-san, I am holding on just a little more to what I want.

I just want to love someone, was that ever so much to ask of anyone? But even she is out of reach. Her heart won't ever belong to me, because she has a family.

I just wanted…

"Oh, nothing." I smile, and she returns it with a grateful laugh.

The girl in the mirror cracks just a little more.

But still, she just won't break.

Next time: The final chapter :'D

xoxo,
Spoons