Let me tell you what it is like to love you.
It's like pain and torture, because I know I can't have you. It's like joy and relief, because I get to see you every day. It's laughter when we talk. It's sadness when I'm away. It's comfort when I see you. It's teasing when you wink at me. It's good and it's bad. It's hearing you sing in the shower, you're actually quite good. It's my heart skipping a beat when you smile. It's hope when you say certain things or look at me a certain way. It's how I like the way you look, even if you've just woken up and you're dishevelled and your hair's a mess. It's me sitting in my room at night, thinking back through the day and grinning because of something you said. It's not being able to sleep at night because I know you are just down the hallway. It is the heart-crushing pain when you say something hurtful and it's the forgiveness after the fight. It's those eyes of yours and your clothes and your music taste and the food you eat and the movies you watch and the books you read. It's you.
Loving you hurts… But I love to love you.
Let me tell you what it's like to lose you.
It's absence. It's agonising silence. It's lonely nights spent curled up on my bed, crying. It's knowing you aren't just a few metres away in the next room. It's forgetting to eat because I was so busy thinking about you. It's staring at the wall for an hour, trying to decide whether to remember you or to try and forget. It's not wanting to forget. It's bitter hatred for you leaving me. It's self-loathing because I did this. It's trying with all my might to never forget the way your eyes lit up when you were passionate about something or how you would refuse to talk until you had had at least one coffee in the morning. It's shouting and screaming at other people even though it's you I'm angry at. It's not really being angry at you because I love you so much. It's having to get used to the idea of never seeing you again. It's considering all the ways I could see you again, but being too scared to.
Loving you hurts… But nothing compares to how I feel when I lose you.
Let me tell you what's it's like to get you back.
It's every happy memory I have ever had, combined and multiplied. It's an overwhelming joy that is hard to put into words. It's relief. It's never wanting to let you go, because I've lost you once and I don't want to again. It's getting to see you every day. It's happiness. It's singing and dancing. It's making you coffee in the morning just because I can (now you've taught me how). It's sleeping easy at night because you are just next door. It's hugging you, even when it's unnecessary. It's smiling when I hear your voice because I thought I would never hear it again. It's when every single happy feeling is connected to you. It's not being able to wipe my smile off my face. It's being teased for being so happy all the time and it's not caring because you are here. It's knowing you're alive. It's knowing you're safe. It's knowing you're here. It's everything I could ever want and it's everything I could ever need.
Loving you hurts, losing you hurts more… And getting you back is what makes everything worth it.