(A Complications of Life side story)
By: NightelfcrawlerDisclaimer: I do not own, merely covet adoringly.
Authors' note: This is a prequel leading up to events in Complications of Life. You needn't read it first, they can be read in either order if you prefer.
Warnings: This is a slash story, both with back history of violence and forcible M/M, as well as complications thereof and pursuant romance. You have been warned.
Chapter Two
Skyfire entered the makeshift medical ward after his rest, only to find the most peculiar sight.
Starscream hadn't moved, and was laying as he'd left him, but the little sparkling appeared to have gotten bored sitting still, and was currently sitting atop it's creator's chest, chewing on a piece of loose cable that appeared quite frayed. Skyfire wanted to laugh, especially given the grimace on Starscream's face that told him it HAD to be uncomfortable. "Oh dear… no, no, little one. That's not for chewing." He scooped the sparkling up, who chattered at him angrily at being removed from it's toy. "Here… how about some breakfast?" He asked, taking a cube of energon and emptying half the contents into a small bowl, setting it before the sparkling. Instantly it chattered happily and began to slurp it up, letting Skyfire return to Starscream's side and study the damage. "Well it's not that bad." He said, earning himself a cross scowl from the mech on the table. "Ok, I'm sure it didn't feel like a light tickle. I can tell that one's going to be trouble." He stripped the wire, and carefully re-attached it before turning and studying his friend. "How goes the data-chip repair?"
A burst of static lit his comm. up, and he smiled. "Well that's better than before. Keep working on it. I'm going to start constructing some new optics for you. In the meantime…" he hooked up another energon cube to Starscream's feed, letting the glowing blue liquid flow freely, then sat down next to the sparkling and began to pull pieces from his bins. "It shouldn't be too hard to make a new pair for you." He said conversationally, a little pleased that he actually had someone to TALK to now, his doubts temporarily forgotten so he could focus on the task at hand. "Primus knows I've had to replace one or two of my own through the vorns. The only catch is, I don't have any red crystals I'm afraid." He glanced over at Starscream, but his friend's expression was a mask of calm. "I'm sorry, they don't exactly grow on trees. I could offer you blue…" A flash of disgust made Skyfire smile. "Or not…" He chuckled, leaning forward and poking through the tray, selecting two crystals and beginning to construct the optics. He watched the little sparkling gorge happily on the energon until it was full. He then took the bowl away and returned it to perch atop it's creator. "Don't pull on his wires, now." He warned, though he knew the little one had no clue what he was saying. Nonetheless, it seemed to behave, amusing itself by peering down at it's creator's face and poking about. Skyfire kept a close watch on it to ensure it didn't cause any more trouble, but it seemed happy to amuse itself playing with it's reflection on Starscream's broken canopy. It was amazing how such a cold-hearted mech could have produced something so brilliant as a child. Though it was far too young to tell, Skyfire had the inkling from how it seemed curious about everything that it had inherited it's creator's intelligence and desire to seek out answers. He wondered idly if it would be a seeker model, or something else, only time would tell.
As he finished his work, he turned and leaned over Starscream, optics in hand. "All right, we're ready. Hold still and let's hope this works." His patient remained still as asked, and Skyfire began to hook up each wire into the node, which was a mess to begin with, and finally began to tuck the knot back into the recess before pushing the optic in all the way until it clicked and latched into place. Immediately it lit up. Bright violet light spilled forth from the new optic, and Skyfire watched as Starscream started his calibrations, the rotors zooming out, then focusing back in, moving from side to side, before finally shifting to focus directly up at him with a shutter of the lens. "Better?" Skyfire asked, smiling down at him. Starscream didn't reply, though his gaze did roam around until it locked on the small sparkling watching with bright optics. The little one stood up and scrambled over, peering at his face before reaching up and tapping the optic lens, chattering incoherently. Skyfire chuckled. "It must like the color. I'm sorry it's all I had, got them second-hand since they were a flawed by-product of a color mix-up. Better than nothing I suppose. We can replace them later when I go to do some more trade exchanges if you insist." He murmured, watching as the little one put it's hands flat on Starscream's optic, staring in with curiosity. "It needs a name, you know. I'm not sure if you've picked one yet… if not, you might want to think on it." Starscream shuttered his one optic briefly, which only served to further interest the little one, as it's own optics widened before it squeezed it's face down, trying to look inside. Skyfire just chuckled, as he set about installing the other optic. "It's got your curiosity." He remarked, amused. When he was finished, he leaned back as Starscream calibrated the 2nd optic. "Well, now that's done, let's see about restoring those servos to your limbs."
Why?
Skyfire blinked, and turned his attention back to Starscream at the sudden data-burst. "Why what?" He asked smiling that his friend was finally able to respond, sitting slowly back down beside him as Starscream turned his head to regard him.
Why are you helping me? The tone was flat, not quite bitter, but borderline near it.
Skyfire stared down at him, frowning slightly in thought. It was actually a good question, and one which he had no ready answer, even after his thoughts from the night before. "Do I need a reason?" He finally said. "I can't exactly turn away someone who's bleeding on my doorstep."
You could have. No one would have blamed you if you did. Many would have applauded you.
Skyfire grimaced and fixed him with a stern look. "Perhaps. But you know me better than that. Just because you nearly blew a hole in my chassis the last time we met doesn't mean I'm going to let you die when I could have helped. My conscience wouldn't allow that."
Starscream's optics narrowed, his face pulling into a frown. Why would you risk your life for an enemy?
Skyfire sighed. "Are you an enemy, Starscream? I know you didn't like it when I told you I'd not join your little rebellion… but I never fought against you at least. Does that make us enemies then, especially now when your own faction has ostracized you from their ranks?" Starscream looked away, his expression dark. "You almost sound as if you'd rather I had left you to die."
It would have been for the best.
Skyfire felt a jolt run down his spine, and scowled with rare anger as he fixed his friend with a firm stare. "Are you serious? You… of all mechs… have a desire to embrace death?" Starscream avoided his gaze, staring up at the ceiling with a blank look. Skyfire grabbed his chin and moved his head so he had no choice but to look at him. "Starscream, talk to me."
The violet optics that tried to avoid his gaze were oddly strained, and for the briefest moment, he saw deep etched pain reflected back at him before it was replaced with a placid cold expression. What is there left for me, Skyfire? Came the response at long last. I have nowhere to go, nothing to my name. I am condemned.
Skyfire's optics hardened in barely contained anger. "And what of your sparkling?" He asked in a quiet voice. "Would you just turn your back and abandon it?"
This time, he saw the flash of pain break through Starscream's hardened guard, and Skyfire immediately regretted what he'd said as his friend tried to look away, but was unable to do so in his grip. "I'm sorry." He said quietly, putting a heavy hand on his shoulder. "I know the sparkling was… not consensual… I know what you must have gone through… I can't pretend understand it, but I know it is not easy, and I know you did everything you could to protect it, even at the cost of your own life… that was a callous thing of me to say, and I ask your forgiveness."
You were in the right. Came the subdued response, and Skyfire watched as the pain in his friend's optics flashed live and sharply to the surface as his composure completely broke down.
"…I … have to ask one thing." Skyfire slowly said, regretting the need to ask, but knowing it had to be done. "…does he know?"
No.
He sighed in relief, feeling the weight of fear lift off his shoulders. "You're positive? What about the bond between creator and sparkling?"
I hid everything from him. Was the sullen response. He threw me in a hole and forgot about me after …that… happened. He could care less… if he had felt the bond, if there was one at all, he would have come and taken it from me. He does not know.
Skyfire sighed in relief. "Good… as long as he doesn't know, he won't come for it." He squeezed Starscream's shoulder lightly, his blue optics soft and gentle. "I know you don't like to talk about your problems… but Starscream, no one can bear something like this in silence without it taking a severe toll… if you want to talk about it, I'm here to listen. I won't judge you."
Starscream's violet optics flickered up at him as he carefully drew his barriers back up, but Skyfire still managed to catch a brief look of surprise with a flash of gratitude reflecting back at him. Though he didn't say it, Skyfire knew this was as close to a thank you as he was going to get for the time being.
That in itself was enough to make Skyfire think. Starscream NEVER thanked anyone, he was renowned for keeping everything personal to him well hidden. Skyfire could count only a handful of times that he'd actually opened up to him before, and now was no different. He had a weight of exhaustion about him, as if he were bearing the world on his shoulders. Given what he had suffered through, Skyfire DID feel a slight amount of pity for him, but he also felt a sense of justification, as if Starscream were finally being punished for the heinous crimes he had committed. It was a poor argument, and one he felt guilt for as well thinking his friend deserved to have his livelihood taken from him by force, it was something he wouldn't wish on anyone… but still it tickled the back of his mind.
He got to work with the repairs. It was slow going, and Starscream was not good company. Half the time he was in recharge, the other half he was drugged up on painkillers as Skyfire worked. He just couldn't justify working on a mech without easing the pain of repairs, no matter what Starscream had done. He supposed it was for the best, as he filtered through the extensive damage to his frame. It wasn't just damage, there were entire parts of his body that needed to be completely rebuilt from scratch. Skyfire was not trained to be a medic, but he had done his share of studies while in the Academy, enough so he knew how to repair limbs and replace struts. He had to refer to schematics that he had on file in order to properly do the work. However, the schematics he had was not of Starscream's upgraded military schematics, but of his old Seeker model build. The military upgrades were of course classified and the honest truth was he didn't have enough supplies to rebuild the raptor-like design of his military build, nor the desire. He'd always thought it was a hideous design, and when he had told Starscream he was using his old tetra-jet build as a base, the seeker didn't protest. It worked well, since Starscream had not undergone an entire rebuild, but simply had his form upgraded, therefore the basic underlying sub-structure remained the same.
Several cycles after his arrival, Skyfire had finished patching together a complete sub-frame for him, and had re-attached his damaged limbs. It wasn't pretty, but it did the job. The rest of the sealing would be handled by Starscream's self-repair system as it solidified the soldering work and adjusted the welding. But Skyfire did notice one thing that kept his mind occupied as he had worked. Starscream was significantly more subdued than usual, post or pre-war. There were no insults, no screaming tantrums, and not even a disparaging stare. No… while he would not speak of it to the seeker, Skyfire knew his friend better than he thought. While he kept the cool calm exterior of a warrior in place, his presence virtually reeked of emotional turmoil.
"That should do it." He said, tightening the last strut as he finished work on Starscream's right leg. "You should be able to actually get up and do something rather than lay on your aft drinking all my energon supply now." That earned him an irritated glare, as Starscream flexed his ankle carefully, the cables and wires creaking with the tension of being newly installed. Skyfire sat back, placing the wrench aside as he studied the silent seeker. "But that doesn't give you liberty to start running around the ship. Now, how do you feel?"
Starscream shot him another glare, but it lacked real conviction. Everything is insufferably stiff, but nothing hurts when I move. It is an improvement.
"Good." Skyfire said, leaning back with a sigh to stretch his sore cables. "I'm sorry I couldn't do more… The armor will have to be done separately, as I'll have to melt down what scrap is left from your old set to make new plating. And I'm sorry I can't replace your vocalizer… without the full part, even if it was badly damaged, I can't craft anything. I just don't have those kind of parts laying around, as they're not critical systems. We'll have to find a trading outpost and barter if you want me to replace it."
It's fine.
Skyfire fixed the seeker with a stare, watching him. Ever since he had awoken, Starscream had been far more subdued than he should have been. Granted, from what he understood he had been in isolation for the last year, if not more, after having brutally assaulted in more ways than one, but could that truly have crushed the pride of the Decepticon fleet? There was more to this than that, he felt. But he was uncertain how to approach the issue without Starscream getting testy. He had known the mech well once… but he was uncertain how much of that person still remained. "How about a nice soak." He suddenly suggested, standing up swiftly. "It will help lubricate your new sub-structure, help loosen those bolts a bit, and help you relax. I also have some high-grade I've saved, we can enjoy ourselves for a bit, forget all this and just unwind, what do you say?"
Starscream lifted his optics, expression placid and cool as always, but his body stiff. For the longest time, Skyfire thought he'd refuse. After their last bout… well let's just say neither of them had indulged together after that incident. But then… he wasn't sure if his experiences in the Decepticon fleet had changed his perspective on the issue. Therefore when Starscream finally nodded in acquiesce, Skyfire smiled with a small bit of relief. "Good. Up you get then." He offered an arm. At first Starscream shied away from the assistance, the pride of his haughtiness reflecting back from his optics, but after he took one step and nearly buckled under his own weight, he accepted the aid. Skyfire led them both back into the rear chamber which contained his recharge berth, and a very large and comfortable bath that he had constructed in the cargo hold. It was one of his own needs, as his bulk just didn't fit in a shower. There wasn't a place large enough to allow him to bathe standing, so he had to craft the bath. Fortunately he'd made it large so that he could enjoy stretching out, meaning there was plenty of room for himself as well as the much smaller form of his partner.
As they walked, Skyfire became increasingly aware of how small Starscream was without his armor. Of course he knew the reason why: Seekers were built light and thin with the main part of their bulk devoted to their armor so that they could maneuver quickly, allow their speed to be their assets, and excel in aerial stunts. Still, he felt that he might accidentally crush him if he moved the wrong way. It must have been just as unnerving for Starscream himself, who had always been so confidant, so proud… and now, to be reduced to something so frail…. It was no wonder he was so quiet.
Skyfire helped him through the door, and into the pool area, letting him sit and rest as he started pouring the water into the large tub, running back to ensure the little one was soundly asleep, and to grab the high-grade he'd promised. When he returned, he found Starscream leaning with his head back against the rim of the pool, optics dim, slumped in the hot water as it poured steaming from the vats where it was stored, into the pool. He couldn't help but smile at the small display of enjoyment, but it was gone just as quickly the moment he entered, as Starscream's optics blazed to full strength, and focused on him before he lifted it back up as Skyfire carefully lowered himself into the steaming water. "Here." He offered, passing across a small cube of bright green liquid.
Starscream took it, and then gave it a scrutinizing glance. Where on Cybertron did you get this?
"I um… made it." Skyfire admitted a bit self-consciously. "It's not the best stuff in the world, burns like the Pit, but it gets the job done."
Starscream gave it a precursory sniff, and instantly recoiled. What did you brew it FROM!?
"Er, trust me you don't want to know." Skyfire coughed politely, and took a small sip of his own cube, making a face.
Starscream lifted an optic ridge, but carefully took a sip. It was difficult for him, being that Skyfire had to rebuild a new series of throat cables and re-wire his jaw, but he made no complaint as he swallowed the first gulp, and promptly nearly spit it back out. Though he could make no sound through his vocalizer, Skyfire didn't have to go far before he could imagine hearing him sputter as he seized up, staring at the cube with wide blazing violet optics. Your cooking has not improved.
"Yeah I know." Skyfire offered sheepishly. "Bottoms up!" He did a small toast, to Starscream's demure nod, and forced a gulp down as he let himself slump into the water, sighing a bit. It felt good, the hot liquid drumming against his cables. He'd spent Primus knew how long working through entire orns trying to bring his friend back into operating order so he wasn't dependant on an energon feed to survive. The work had paid off well, as he watched Starscream slip into a contented state, relaxing in the water, and looking less haunted than he had yet. The distant look and the feel of something dark still echoed in his optics, but the pain had faded, the anger dim. It seemed his idea was paying off and helping the seeker forget some of what had happened, even for a brief moment.
What? Came the sudden question, startling his thoughts. Violet optics lifted, piercing through him, but there was an edge of exhaustion there too.
"Sorry?"
You're staring. Am I really that hideous?
The question surprised him. Never in his life had he ever heard Starscream give in to self-pity. Pride, always, glorifying himself, always…. But self-loathing? Never. He was always self-assured, confidant in who he was. Skyfire almost wanted to laugh at the absurdity of what he was facing, but he knew that this was no laughing matter. The bitter edge to Starscream's 'voice' told him that. He had to tread carefully in how he answered, especially given the danger of the high-grade influencing their discussion. "…well… you look better now than you did." He finally admitted, trying to smile lightly. "You know how much I loathed that re-design you had. It looked like something out of the stories our creators used to tell us to keep us out of the slums… and well… anything is better than how you looked a few cycles ago. So… no, I don't find you hideous."
The answer must have surprised Starscream, for a very faint twitch pulled at his lips as he took another sip of his drink, optics lost in the steam of the water soaking into their limbs. I don't want pity.
Skyfire had to sigh a little at that, losing his own gaze into his own drink. "I can't promise not to pity you, Starscream. You were a mess. Anyone with half a heart would feel pity for someone in your situation, no matter who it was. And I do pity you for the kind of life you chose to lead, because I think you made a mistake, and a bad one that led to a terrible path. And I do pity you for the situation you find yourself in. I know that you have nowhere you can go. I know your history, and I know how much people would pay for you, alive or dead. I also pity you for what I know you've gone through, not because I think you weak, but because I know how shattering something like that is to anyone, strong or otherwise. In fact, weaker mechs would have emerged with their intellect and wits completely destroyed, where you did not succumb. This just proves how strong you really are… However, Starscream… you can't ask me not to pity you. Because you know me better than anyone, and you know pity is part of my programming. You're just going to have to deal with that."
Starscream actually snorted at that, air bubbling out of his exhaust ports and creating bubbles in the water. You are insufferable.
Skyfire smiled at that, relaxing a bit. "So you've always told me." He murmured, sipping his drink. "I suppose the cycles haven't changed me." His optics furtively looked up, guilt gnawing at him, knowing he was baiting him.
Starscream didn't miss the bait either, glancing up at him with unreadable optics, returning his gaze steadily. What do you expect of me, Skyfire? To be buddy-buddy with you after all this time?
Skyfire sighed, disappointment edging its way into his processor. "No, I suppose not. We've been separated by things that have drawn serious rivets in our friendship. I know that things will not return to the way they were once, I'm not that naive. But I suppose I hoped that we could at least call each other friend again." Starscream did not reply to that. Instead, he simply sat, optics vacant and distant as if he were lost in the past, reliving the moments spent with Skyfire before the war had torn them apart. Skyfire honestly didn't expect anything out of him. While he hoped for some kind of closure, he knew that he had to stop living in the past and accept the reality of the present. This was made even more poignant by the fact that Starscream hadn't immediately scoffed at the idea and laughed in his face. Skyfire ran a thumb along the rim of his cube. "May I ask you a question that I'm sure you won't like answering?" Starscream glanced up briefly, holding his stare without looking away. "I never understood the choice you made to join the Decepticons. When I last saw you, science was the only passion you had. We had dreams of becoming prize-winning scientists respected across the universe. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine you would abandon it for war. You never liked conflict, you shied away from fights with the larger mechs. So please, enlighten me as to why you chose to abandon your lifelong dream and pursue such a dark path. Perhaps then I might be able to understand you."
For the briefest of moments, Skyfire spotted a flash of something indefinable, but definitely an emotion that broke through Starscream's careful countenance. His optics did not lift, but his grip tightened slightly on the cube in his hands. Why do you wish to know such a thing? Came the careful response. I thought you wanted nothing to do with me.
"Well you're here now, and it's a little hard to avoid the issue." Skyfire said quietly. "We can continue to dance around it, but I know it must be on your mind as well. We have never had the chance to speak, that little skirmish in the back alley of the docks didn't leave either of us with much to go on. We're both here now, and we have the time and the privacy to talk. I would like to know what could have possibly driven you to such extremes that I was unable to recognize you when we met that night." Skyfire kept watching him, refusing to back down on the issue. "Primus, Starscream. The world I left and the one I returned to are two completely different places. I know that. I know that horrible things must have happened while I was gone. But I still don't know what happened to you. And if anything good comes of what brought you here, I would like it to at least be that we were able to finally speak and come to an understanding. I don't have to agree with your reasons, and you don't have to try and convince anyone how tough you are. Just you and I with the truth."
The silence was nearly deafening. The small plink of water dripping from the ceiling where the hot steam had gathered in condensation was the only break in the silence, save for the distant thrum of the ventilation and the usual buzz of the lights. But it could have been the vacuum of space for as quiet as it was, and just as cold. The water was losing it's warmth, and the high-grade was nearly gone in both their cubes before Starscream finally answered him. Things changed after you disappeared. Things started to happen. We never saw the signs because we were ignorant fools too blind to our world of experiments and expeditions to know any better. Things had been put in motion long before… we just never noticed.
"I can believe that." Skyfire said quietly, earning himself a sharp and irritated glare from his friend.
Do you want to hear what I have to say, or not?
"Sorry." Skyfire said demurely, grabbing a fresh cube and handing one to Starscream before taking another himself. "Go on."
I petitioned the Guild to lead a rescue team to go back for you. Starscream continued in the same emotionless empty tone of voice. I knew there could be a chance no one would find you if we didn't return soon, and so I pressed them to allow me to take a crew back. They denied my petition, citing that it was careless endangerment and I was at fault for taking unnecessary risks. They claimed there were not enough resources to spare to mount a rescue party. Skyfire's optics widened at the news, and while he didn't dare interrupt, he felt indignation flood through him. The Science Guild was one of the most wealthy entities on all of Cybertron, and they couldn't spare any resources to rescue one of their own? Not only did he find that difficult to grasp, but rather suspicious. When I refused to let the issue drop and leave the hall, they revoked my membership. A shock of cold icy apprehension flooded down through his processor. Revoking a membership was a serious thing. It was never done lightly, and not to the key prize-winning scientist who had made countless discoveries since graduating the Academy. They threw me out onto the street without so much as a severance. Was the bitter response. I was less than dirt to them, and they used my disgrace as a dumping ground for everything that was starting to go wrong… fabricated data, stolen supplies, forged work. They pinned everything on me. Not only did their ban disgrace me and put me out of a job, but it ensured that I would never be respected in the science community ever again. They gave me no quarter… and so I returned the favor.
Skyfire jolted. "What did you do?"
I blew up the Guild.
Skyfire was floored. He stared at Starscream with a mix of disgust and horror, a cold sense gripping his spark. "Did… anyone…?"
No. I did it in the middle of the night. Starscream replied, a low sigh escaping his exhaust. But it didn't matter. I might as well have murdered them all. It destroyed mega-cycles of work, relics that were irreplaceable, data that could never be reproduced. I destroyed the entire science community.
It was hard pressed for Skyfire to grasp just what his friend had done. "But… why? I understand why you would be angry, resentful even hateful after what you say they did to you… but to destroy the Guild…?"
I spent all my credits getting slagged to the Pit. Starscream grudgingly admitted. I was furious… angry that their ill-conceived politics would stand in the way of rescuing a life… it wasn't right. I probably wouldn't have done it if I had been in my right mind… but I wasn't in my right mind at the time.
Skyfire rubbed his temple, trying to wrap his processor around what he was being told. "What did they do?"
They issued a warrant for my head. Was the simple reply. They planned to lock me up where no one could remember me for the rest of my life. There was a very high bounty attached to it. But I didn't care… Starscream frowned. I had nothing left to lose at that point… so I decided to return and look for you myself.
Skyfire's optics widened. "On your own? Back to that death trap after what happened to me? What were you thinking!? You'd have been dragged down just as I, or worse smashed into the ice and permanently offlined yourself!"
That was the basic idea. Was the dry response. I figured if I couldn't find you, then what was the point in returning anyway? I had no credits, no job, no life to return to with the bounty having been spread to all corners of the galaxy. I had nothing to lose by trying to free you on my own.
Skyfire frowned. "Obviously it didn't work, though."
No… I made it to the surface fine… I even managed to pinpoint the general area I thought you were… but no matter how much I blasted the ice, how much I dug and tore at it, the more I worked, the more it froze over… Starscream's story had taken on a distant and mournful tone, one that Skyfire felt he had no right in interrupting. I would have probably gone into stasis-lock there trying to free you if my brothers hadn't come for me. Skyfire sighed, lowering his gaze. Thundercracker and Skywarp had always resented Starscream's tendency towards the science arts. While the three were not brothers in the typical sense, they had been raised as such, being of the same mold they had been trained together since younglings, and had formed a tight if a bit unique bond between them. Skywarp and Thundercracker had always been good friends, and the two of them had always held a bit of animosity towards Starscream. But when trouble brewed, they would back each other up despite their differences. That's what brothers did, and that's what they continued to do, even now. They brought me back to Cybertron… and we hid out while the dissention started. I don't remember much of what happened then… despite being without jobs we managed to scrape by, which included some ample supplies of high-grade which I consumed regularly. All I really remember from that time is a lot of hiding, running and stealing. The thefts started small, then got bigger, more wide-spread as more mechs lost their jobs and were forced onto the streets. Muggings, murders, vandalism… those things began to rise… we had to learn to fight for ourselves, protect ourselves from the others, defend ourselves from those trying to exploit us, and teach others that they couldn't mess with us. Starscream seemed distant, lost in the darkness of his memories as the cube in his hand went untouched. I don't know when it was, but the natural progression of things led us to join the Decepticons… We were angry about what was being done, that the Autobots weren't doing anything to help those of us forced out on the streets. They locked their high towers and kept us rabble out… energon supplies ran short, and we had to do what we had to do. The Decepticons were more organized than some of the other street gangs, and they had the best chance of getting fuel to their ranks… it was really the only option we had. Things just… continued from there.
Skyfire shuttered his optics, taking a deep breath to calm his jolted nerves. "I see. I'm sorry I was so harsh before… I had no idea how bad it really was. I suppose I should have expected something like that… but I didn't want to believe that there was any real strife… I heard different stories from the Autobots about how the dissenters blew up facilities, vandalized property and lead murdering rampages… that it was due to that the energon shortage came about, that the war started."
It is perhaps that too. But that was the result, not the cause. Starscream responded bitterly. If they themselves had not been so greedy and elite in their philosophies, close-minded to the true problems going on around them, none of this would have happened. But the 'superiority' of the upper class corroded their logic circuits.
"And I suppose you believed in the Decepticons' cause then?"
It was just, at first. Was the firm reply. We wanted to fix things, make Cybertron the way it should have been, not hoards of elite keeping the profits to let the others squander in squalor. We thought that by overthrowing their broken system, we could implement a better one that would fix the problems. He hesitated. Only… it lasted far longer than we thought it would. Instead of a rebellion… it became a war. And through the cycles we eventually lost focus of our original goal… it became all about hate… about revenge… power and eradication. I don't think any of the recruits remembered what we had started fighting for, we were all so caught up in the bloodlust of battle that nothing else mattered… Megatron made sure of that when he saw to upgrading all his troops with the best gear, the best armor, the best systems upgrades… I never used to seek out violence… I did after that.
"Programming changes." Skyfire muttered. "I suppose it makes sense. The Autobots had to adapt as well to the war… It doesn't surprise me."
You are fortunate to have missed it. Starscream said bitterly. It is like a vortex… it sucks in everyone equally no matter how much they fight to resist.
They sat in silence for an extended period of time, letting their drinks swiftly go to their heads as they consumed the intoxicant. While Skyfire was grateful that Starscream had answered some of his questions, it seemed to have left more questions behind in it's wake. Mostly, his thoughts revolved around the 'why's of the matter. Why had the council refused to let Starscream lead an expedition back to find him, why had Starscream overreacted upon being told this, and what on Cybertron had possessed him to come back on his own to dig him out with his own bare hands. And furthermore, this lead to the question of why then would this be so much trauma that his friend had given up his entire life, thrown it all away and not even tried to reclaim it. He of course had no idea being that he hadn't gone through this himself, and could not relate… still… the question bothered him. Even in his most wildest dreams he hadn't imagined that any mech would lose their composure so much to go completely stark mad. Not based on what he knew.
But then, there was a slight touch of madness to what Starscream did. There always had been.
As he studied him, however, another thought pinged his processor. Perhaps it was the high-grade talking, or perhaps it was just his wishful thinking, either way the thought did occur to him…. What if the reason behind all of this, the reason why Starscream had lost all reason, the reason he had gone berserk that day they had met up again… what if it was because after thinking his friend was gone, after losing him and going for hundreds of vorns thinking him dead, changing everything he was and going through so much…. What if there was one simple and most ridiculous answer for it all?
Skyfire's optics lifted minutely, studying his friend with a new light. Could it be possible, just possible…. That Starscream considered him more than just a friend? Could this explain why he had gone completely and utterly over the edge after losing him? Skyfire was floored at the thought. It seemed ridiculous, after all he had never noticed any affection directed his way, had he? But then, Starscream had never been one to SHOW affection… to anyone. Even those he was closest too, his trinemates and brothers, there had never been any outward show of affection from him. He cared, of course he did. But he never said so, nor showed anything to resemble the feelings that he must have carried within him. He had always been closed when it came to do with himself. Skyfire knew why, of course. Though he himself did not know much about Starscream's upbringing, he knew it had not been easy for the seeker. Most seekers had tough childhoods, raised by their own expected to be the elite of the elite, most with egos just as big. They weren't known for their kindness, nor for their family bonds. No, most sparklings who turned out to be seekers often were taken away from their families to be raised in group homes, in hopes of shaping them from their childhoods. Though Starscream had never spoken of it, Skyfire suspected this had been his life as well. He likely had not ever known who had even sired him, or if it had even been a mech or femme bond. From what Skyfire knew of Starscream's brothers, they too had similar stories. He himself was a rare exception among fliers, having been raised by familial unites that had cared for him until he had been ready to leave for his own education. But then, he was no seeker. The seeker class had been an experiment, and a rare one, that had been terminated after too many of them had turned out to be high-strung and unpredictable. Unfortunately, someone had managed to smuggle the schematics out of the testing facility at some point and thus the 'test' had been made public and had created a whole line of new mechs. They had still been rare, and these days sparklings themselves were rare enough anyway, he wondered idly if there would even BE any more seekers. All but the three brothers had been utterly wiped out, to his knowledge.
But there WAS the little one. Skyfire couldn't help but smile. Despite how it had been created, in an act of brutal violence and violation, it said much to him that Starscream had not simply refused to feed it and let it die. Instead, he had chosen to care for it, hide it, and give it life, however reluctant and probably repugnant he must have felt. That told him a few things about his friend: that he did care, and that somewhere inside there still existed a shred of decency about him.
A loud clang drew his attention immediately back to the present, and with a blink he noticed Starscream's head had collided with the back of the tub, his friends' optics offline and dark, the empty cube that had been in his hand floating in the water, empty. He couldn't help but smile a little, finishing off the last of his own with a sour expression. He kept forgetting that it took so much less for Starscream to become overcharged than he, due to his sheer size. Normally he was considered a lightweight, as only three or four cubes would do him in where others could hold their own, but Starscream had always been far more of a lightweight. It only took him one or two good cubes to go into stasis. Sighing, he stood, water gushing from his extremities as he did, the pool nearly half empty without the majority of his bulk in it. He bent over and scooped the limp form of his friend into his arms, marveling at how light and unresisting he was as he carefully stepped out of the pool. Starscream's head lolled against his chassis, his expression oddly peaceful and calm in his slumbering state. Skyfire carefully carried him through the hallway back into the rear chambers where his own recharge berth was, and set him down gently there, sitting beside him with a small sigh.
"What goes through your mind…?" He asked rhetorically, knowing he'd get no answer from his offline friend. "What I wouldn't give to know." He stood and made sure that everything was set, before returning back out into the bath chamber to recycle the water and purify it for his next use. After he finished cleaning, he staggered back to the lab, feeling the high-grade affecting him at last as he tried to judge the distance between his feet and the table and missed, stumbling into it with a grumble. "Dang it." He muttered.
A small beep startled him.
Blinking, he turned his head and saw the little sparkling standing a few inches away from him, it's white optics wide and curious as it peered at him. He smiled and lightly patted it on the head with a finger, his smile widening as it chirped at him, optics crinkling with cheer at the affection. "Aren't you cute." He mused, lightly scooping the sparkling into his palm, watching as it scrambled about and peered curiously at the residual liquid still pooling from his joints, poking at it with a coo. "Curious too, just like your dad." He mused, watching as it grabbed a handful of water, only to find it had slipped out of it's grasp. It immediately returned to the water, poking and studying it intently. Skyfire sighed, moving out of the lab, taking the little one with him. "I just hope that you inherit everything from him, and not the other of your creators." He peered critically at the small one, who regarded him with curious optics, unaware of his references. "No…" he mused smiling back at it. "I imagine you wouldn't have anything of Him in you, not considering who cared for you all that time." He smiled and tickled it's backside, which made it chatter at him cheerily, twitching at the attention. But it's optics flickered dimly at him as it settled down, and let out a small pining keen, looking up at him pleadingly. "I know, I know." He smiled kindly at it. "You're tired and you want your dad. Come on, let's join him. I think we all deserve some rest." He moved back into his cabin and closed the door firmly so the little one wouldn't sneak out on him, then moved over to his slumbering friend and placed the sparkling down on his chassis. The little one beeped happily, scrambled over Starscream's chest and curled up in a small niche in his body, right along one of his warm pump lines, before letting out a pleased warble and offlining it's optics, slipping into recharge. Skyfire smiled, watching the two sleep peacefully, finding it nostalgic and calming. "No matter what you've been through, there's still enough kindness in you to care for a new life." He murmured. "That has to say something." Moving to the corner, he positioned himself to sit where he was most comfortable. It didn't take long for him to slip into recharge.