" Cas, no matter what happens, I want you to promise me you won't give up. Promise me Cas.
I can hear his words in my head all the time. I remember how tightly he was gripping my arm. Looking me straight in the eyes, voice full of desperation.
I promise Dean. I promise.
I had reassured him. Made a promise. Told him that I would always keep fighting for him and with him. No matter what. Told him that I would always find a way through. A way back to him.
My words are worthless now. I let him down. I let him die.
You know, I can remember every single day that we spent together. Before and after the fall. The good and the bad. Fighting, talking, laughing, planning, driving, smiling, teasing. I can remember his lack of patience sometimes when I failed to understand something.
Cas it's not that complicated. He would sigh. He would be frustrated at me. Wave his arms around a lot. Eventually though, he would always explain to me what it was, what it did, how it felt, whatever it was I didn't understand and he would always be patient. Understanding. Kind. Underneath his i-don't-care, bad-guy act, he was a loving, genuinely good person. I knew that better than anyone. I knew his innocence and his belief. Belief in me. Belief in the promises I made. But I let him down.
The worst part hadn't been watching Dean die, you know. The worst part had been seeing his trust and hope in me fade from his eyes when he realised I couldn't save him."
Cas sighed, closing his eyes.
"He trusted me Father. He trusted me. This man, this man who never lets his guard down, trusted me. And I couldn't save him. I couldn't save him.
God, Dad, if you can hear me, I need you. I don't know where you have gone but I need you. I need you to, please, just... Bring him back... Bring him back Father..."
Tears poured down Cas' face as he prayed, aloud, to a Father he wasn't sure could hear him.
Sam stood a little way off, his presence unknown to Cas, watching the broken angel sob. He couldn't comfort him; it wasn't his place to comfort him. Anyway, Sam suspected that the only person who could make Cas happy was Dean... And Dean was gone. Gone...
Hours later Cas shivered in the cold, whispering Deans name under his breath. Sam had gone inside the motel, leaving Cas alone to grieve. Sam was hurting too but it was nothing compared to the grief that Cas was feeling. "Dean... Dean..." Cas whispered Deans name over and over, finding comfort in it. An arm stretched around Cas, pulling him in. Cas leaned into the arms, assuming that it was Sam. Even if hugging Sam was usually awkward, it was needed now. Cas' body heaved with another loud sob.
"Cas, Cas, it's okay. It's okay. I'm here."
Cas' head shot up, the top of his head hitting Dean's chin. "Ouch!" Cas yelled. "What the Hell Dean? You- You were dead! And now you've got a solid chin." He added lifting his hand up and rubbing it.
"Cas, it's really me. And Cas, it wasn't your fault. None of it. It's not your fault I died. Please, please, stop blaming yourself."
Cas eyed Dean. He pulled out his silver knife and grabbed Dean's arm, dragging the blade through the skin.
Dean sighed. "Cas, I'm not a shifter. It's me." He stood up and stepped away from the bench where Cas sat. A burst of sunlight shone through the trees and Dean seemed to grow as he stretched out his wings. His wings could be seen in shadow on the ground and Dean twisted round to catch sight of them. "You gotta admit," He said. "That's pretty cool." He grinned down at Cas' stupefied expression.
"They... They made you... An angel?" Cas spluttered.
Dean laughed. "Yeah, that's what I thought. But they seemed to think it was a good idea. Now, where's my little brother? I have just got to show this off." Dean grinned at Cas once more before clicking his fingers and vanishing.
Cas lunged out to grab him half a second too late. He stood there in the spot where Dean the angel had been a moment ago. Cas looked up at the sky, laughing.
"Thank you."