chapter 4: hot and cold and very paranoid

Mathew wasn't aware when he had fallen asleep but when he opened his eyes he felt sore and groggy. He was barely conscious of a soft bed underneath him and soft light shinning in.

He yawned and tried to sit up only finding it extremely difficult to do so. He also realized his clothes had been removed except his boxers and covered in a white sheet that was now red with blood.

"Where….?" His voice felt sore and thick and he didn't really expected an answer but sat up quickly when he heard Alfred's voice at the side of his bed. Yelling out in pain and now sitting up the blanket fallen to the ground and his body covered with bruises and cuts no place on him but his face and hands left untouched Mathew yelped and quickly scrambled for another blanket.

"no need for you to hide…..I already saw…you were in bad shape when I brought you hear…..had to carry you…..wouldn't let me go…you kept crying and screaming incoherent things in your sleep…..you broke out into a fever…thought…t…..thought you were dying…kept wiping you down…you were covered in sweat…..I bandaged you up best I could…but I'm no doctor…gosh Mathew…why?...why?..."

Alfred's voice sounded funny, sunken and hallow and Mathew felt guilt rise in him. He had been so stupid thinking he could handle meeting his brother…..he had never meant for this to happen…he vaguely remembered loosing it at the restaurant and punching the glass. Looking down he saw his fist has bandaged tightly.

"…you just…just kept bleeding," Alfred's voice was high-pitched and hysteric sounding and Mathew mentally hit himself again. He just couldn't stop causing trouble could he, he just has to see Alfred…even though he knew this would happen, knew it would be a bad idea.

But he had missed him so much. He looked over at Alfred slumped over in his chair looking at him with bloodshot eyes huge bags under them. Alfred was also stripped to his boxers and he shinned with sweat his hand holding a book that was shaking like a leaf.

He looked unusually pale and his hair sagged looking greasy except for that stubborn Nantucket and even that seemed to sag slightly. Mathew didn't know what to say…what could he say? He would ruin everything he hated himself so much hated that he was so dirty so filthy.

"….I…I can leave…" he said thinking if he left maybe Alfred could go back to his life and not worry about him.

"YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE DAM YOU," Alfred roared jumping up livid his checks stained with tears and his fists clenched his jaw set with anger. Mathew shook where he sat unsure what to say.

"..S….sorry…." he whispered lowering his head like a bad dog in front of his owner.

"YOU ALMOST DIED…YOU JUST KEPT BLEEDING AND WHEN I TRIED TO CHANGE YOU BECAUSE YOU BROKE OUT IN A FEVER AND SAW YOU WHOLE FUCKING BODY COVERED IN…IN…WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU MATTIE? YOU WERE SO SICK…..YOU STARTED SHAKING UNCONTROLLABLY…I WAS READING BOOKS AND LOOKING THROUGH NEW…ME DOING THAT BECAUSE I THOUGHT MAYBE IT WAS A COUNTRY THING. MIND YOU I COULDN'T CALL A DOCTOR…BECAUSE ONLY HEAVEN KNOWS WHAT THE CITIZENS WOULD DO WITH A COUNTRY IN THEIR HANDS…..AND I COULDN'T CONTACT THE FUCKING DOCTOR WHO KNOWS ABOUT US. JUST LAST NIGHT YOU WERE ICE COLD….FUCKING ICE COLD…I READ IN A BOOK BODY HEAT HELPS SO I WAS UP ALL NIGHT STRIPPED TO MY BOXERS HOLDING YOU IN MY ARMS PRAYING…PRAYING…ME PRAYING!? I'M GONNA LOOSE IT MATTIE I TRIED CONTACTING FRANCE AND BRITAIN…BUT HELL IF THEY COME…I ALMOST…..YOU ALMOST…WAAAAAAH WAAAAAH!"

Alfred started bawling his pent-up anger and fear and just plain sorrow flowed down his face and was mirrored on Mathews own. They both stood or sat their bawling like little kids and had finally calmed down enough for Alfred to go downstairs saying he'd make some hot chocolate, his voice still high-pitched, and leaving Mathew alone with his thoughts.

What now? Over and over again going through his head what now? He sat then forced himself to stand only to shake so much he quickly sat back down again.

Then he saw Alfred's desk with papers everywhere and scrawling notes. One labeled "I'm going to kill whoever did this to him," him unmistakably meaning Mathew. He swallowed hard then carefully got up and walked over sitting down in the big swiveling chair Alfred always loved…and broke his bones in multiple times.

Mathew slowly leafed through the papers seeing pages ripped from medical books and messy scrawled notes. According to them he had been out for three days.

"Poor America…" he said softly…."what have I don't?"….."What can I do?" he began shaking again realizing there was only one reasonable answer.

Sure Alfred had always been a drama king and no doubt over half of this pile of papers was necessary but it was the fact that Alfred cared…..really cared that was what pushed Mathew to decide to tell him.

He slowly walked back to the bed still shaking and collapsed that effort alone making him feel weak and slightly stupid. But when Alfred came back with steaming, but not burning mugs of hot chocolate Mathew had made up his mind and called down.

"…..you like it," Alfred said after he saw Mathew struggle to lift the cup to his mouth but after taking a sip closing his eyes from the sweet taste.

"Mhm," he replied and drank more surprised his stomach was handling it ok and finished it quickly surprising Alfred and himself. Alfred having finished with barely three gulps had been watching Mathew carefully and now rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

"….sooooo….," he began his voice sounding a bit better than earlier. Mathew closed his eyes momentarily before looking down at his cup then up at his brother.

"…I'll tell you…" he said softly as Alfred's eyes filled with a mix of fear and hope which was when the doorbell rang, even from where they were, it sounded very loud and ominous like a warning for them both to run.

reader note: hope your all enjoying the story! so any guesses who the big bad guy is that hurt Mathew...if there is one o_o maybe Mattie's crazy...guess you'll just have to find out~! also a reminder i don't own hetalia or the characters

side note:

america:...now look here i did not break bones in that chair

canada: haha no you broke them when you fell out of it

america: THAT WAS ONE TIME

canada: *innocently* no theres that one when you fell spinning around pretending you were superman, and that one when you tried to scare Britain by rolling across the floor in the chair and he ended up scaring you instead and you fell backwards cracking you skull, then you fell down the stairs in that chair, and there was the one time you were naked and...

america: SHUT UP

canada: totally "one time" right

america: idiot

canada: hoser

me: what i wanna know is how that chairs still alive? (not to mention america)
canada: so do i...
america: ITS BECAUSE I'M THE HERO!