chapter 12: a warm embrace to keep the nightmares away

"w...w...w...what?" he heard Alfred stammer and he closed his eyes repeating again very slowly

"get out…..please…..," he added his voice cracking, he waited and opened his eyes expecting to find himself alone as he had heard shuffling feet and the door close but when he opened his eyes he found his brother leaning over him concerned a few inches away from his face.

"..a….alfred?" he yelped pushing his head back into the pillow as America straihtened forcing himself to smile half heartedly.
"serves you right for saying I should leave…..that hurt my feeling you know~" he pouted though Mathew saw the pain hidden behind the pout and he felt guilty.

"….y….you just shouldn't…..be here…..," he added his heart weighing down on him heavily as he gripped the mattress forcing himself to stay calm to stay in control though he could already feel the tears well up, he had let America see him upset and vunerable and down right pathetic quite a few times and that was ending starting now, he already had troubled his brother enough.

It was his fault Britain had gotten a hold of his brother and ..t…..tortured him…the word hung in Mathew's mind and he closed his eyes again forcing his voice not to break.

"please go…please," he winced as he heard the pathetic whiny and pleading behind his words and almost lost it completely as America denied once again he would leave canada's side.

"AMERICA GO NOW I DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT YOUR FACE IM TRYING TO RECOVER AND YOU MAKING ME ANGRY!" he yelled or at least proclaimed loudly.

That did it he kept his eyes closed unable to look at the pain he knew would be on his brothers face though he heard it clearly in his response.

"s…s….sure mattie…whatever you want..f….feel beter ok…..?" with that he really did leave the room and Mathew broke down sobbing almost screaming hysterically his tears so hot they burned his face filled with scratches and he chocked back the bile in his mouth shaking the whole bed as he cried and cried unable to explain to anyone how much pain he felt.

He didn't even realize the door open again and it was only when he felt the Velcro straps be unwrapped that he blinked through his tears seeing Alfred which just brought on a fresh wave of new tears that streamed down his face.
"…why didn't….you….hic….leave," he chocked out as America pulled him up from laying down.

"because im your brother you dummy…." America said seriously blinking back his own tears as Canada laughed hysterically curling into a ball as he kept laughing and sobbing laughing and sobbing.

He clutched his side laughing so much it hurt though he had no idea what was so funny he assumed it was because he was completely broke after all…just the fact it was over and the fact no one would be able to comfort him to truly help him…at just how hopeless his situation still remained was more than the Canadian could handle.

Finally stopping as he broke down into a fit of coughs he straightened to see Alfred had not been laughing and pain shot through him as he saw the tears in his brothers eyes reminding him this was his fault it was all his fault. He wiped his tears forcing himself to sit even straighter.

"im fine now Alfred….really….," he added smiling at the statement but Alfred simply shook his head.

"your a lot of wonderfull and good things Mathew but you are not fine," Alfred said seriously unnerving Mathew at the completely serious look and tone America was giving him which completely contracted his brother's character. At least that's what most countries would have thought but canda new his brother could be serious, this of course, did not stop him being unnerved by it. Canada's smile fell and he looked down unable to meet his brothers eyes suddenly.

"I see…..," he replied lamely unsure what to say and they sat in silence which was neither comfortable or uncomfortable it was just there.

"you look horrible…." Alfred finally said to which Canada almost burst out in crazed hysterical laughter again which contradicted the screaming agony encircling inside him.

"is Britain…?" Canada started to ask unable to finish but America understood and simple shrugged not knowing which filled him with fear…if his father was still out there…..if …if….if? he tensed as America put a hand over his.

"Mathew….I'm scared….," he admitted his voice sounding higher and childish Canada said nothing nodding in agreement and he scooted closer till his brother was holding him in his lap rocking him back in forth in that once comforting way, he used to do when Canada had been sick, and France and Britain with duties as a country had left them alone in the house, which always would appear 10 times bigger and scarier when he was sick.

"You never left my side then….." Canada whispered offering no explanation when America asked what he had said. He used to always be with me that was until…Mathew suddenly pushed himself away from America or tried to but America wouldn't let me go.

"no no no no," he repeated shaking in his brothers arms punching him flailing around but Alfred wouldn't let go and finally Mathew sunk defeated and curled back into the embrace listening to Americas heart beat quickly.

"mm tired," he murmured almost feeling safe allowing himself to pretend he was simply a sickly kid again which wasn't hard to do in his current feverish state.

"I'll let you rest," Alfred said laying his brother down and tucking him in turning to go grab a chair or something but stopping feeling a small hand grab his sleeve.
"dnt go….," the slurred words came out and America smiled gently unprying his brothers hand from him.

" Let me just go get a cold rag for your head and turn off the lights ok? I won't leave the room. The nurses seem to think youll be unconscious for awhile so the shouldn't bother us.," he said softly and went to do as he promised returning with a rag and placing it gently over his brothers head. He paused a moment wondering if he should just stand as there were no chairs in the room.

"cm hr…," a now completely drugged Canadian said patting the spot beside him on the bed, Alfred didn't hesitate crawling next to him as they had done when the were kids and scooching close to him so not to fall off the edge and because the closer he felt to Canada the more he could assure himself his brother wasn't going anywhere.

"ill fix you mattie….ill make it ok again…I promise" he said allowing himself to feel tierd now that he was sure canda wasn't on deaths bed and was more mentally hurt and damaged then physically. Of course he would later find out just how hard it was to keep that promise especially since America had no idea just how many and how deep his brother's scars were.

writers note:...er yeah um once again i haven't done a good job on keeping updates regular its a very hard thing to do. I will work hard on getting better at that i promise. Also last time i forgot to make the important announcement that Anonymous Pride another writer on this site has become my editor. I noticed the changes immediately and Anonymous Pride not only did an excellent job making corrections but kept me posted on the changes that were made and made sure i was OK with them. Also Anonymous Pride gave excellent feedback and its thanks to Anonymous Pride that i updated seeing as keeping me on track is a difficult thing. So anyone who is in need of an editor check them out also they have there own assortment of stories and i suggest reading them when you get the chance. On a less serious note there will soon be AmerCan as i promised seeing as it was the winner of the competition. I will also be doing other things like this as well as more pairings in the future and plenty of fluff and action. a quick remindder i do not own hetalia or any of the charecters and with that a bid my followers goodbye till next time.Anonymous Pride