A/N well, here is another update from me. I don't know if I should take more time to work through the different sections before uploading them. Do they seem to raw/unfinished?? (please let me know if you think so) But at the moment I just feel like getting the content down on "paper" and leave any finetuning ironing out bumps in the language later on to some time when I'm stuck story wise. On the other hand I don't want to have the story ruined by to hurried a dialogue etc... It's difficult ;)

Yadayada yada... I will stop now and leave you to the story. I hope you will enjoy, and that the conversation seems believable and true to the characters, their current state taken into consideration

The carriage moved slowly through the packed streets of Atlanta. The noise of the city was only a distant rumbling, as the plush covered sides of the carriage blocked out most of the sound. Will and Suellen had just been let of at the train depot, Will having to get back to Tara on the same day as they arrived or he would otherwise miss another day of sowing.

It had originally been the plan for Suellen to stay on in Atlanta, going back to Tara with Scarlett who had planned to leave the day after the funeral. Scarlett really hadn't looked forward to spend any time alone with Suellen as they always ended up at each others throats, but somehow it had seemed a far better alternative than spending yet another night alone, except for the servants, at that great monstrosity of a house that she had so far called her home. But Will who could sometimes be almost scarily perceptive, had without much fuss changed his wife's plans, sensing that all was not right between Scarlett and Rhett, and that it would probably be better for them to be left to their own devices. Suellen had put up a sour face, as she had looked forward to the rare treat of spending a few luxurious hours going through the shops of Atlanta, even if she didn't have any money to spend. But se had relented without to much ado, silenced by a stern glance from Will.

So here they were, finally alone. Yet uncharacteristically none of them had said even one word. Scarlett looked up, her eyes clearly posing the questions that her lips had not spoken.

Would he stay?

She tried to find the courage to speak out the words that were printed on the forefront her mind, but she wanted to hold on to the illusion of a normal marriage a little bit longer. And therefore uncharacteristically she chose the cowards way of silence.

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They entered the house still in silence, with her leading the way. She noticed how Rhett paused for several second in the doorway as if he weren't sure whether it was wise for him to enter the gloomy house. The house that in his mind bore a striking resemblance to what he thought Hell would look and feel like - had he believed in its existence. Finally with a great mental effort he entered.

At the foot of the stairs Rhett gave a short bow goodnight, and continued up the staircase alone. Scarlett didn't know whether to laugh or to cry, she didn't think she could face yet another rejection from his side, but also she could not bear the thought of an evening alone, without knowledge of what the next day would bring.

At that moment she couldn't take it any more. Her fear of being alone was stronger than her fear of rejection.

"Rhett, are you going to stay?"

She almost scared herself, so shrill did her voice sound after the long silence. He turned slowly, and for the first time she really noticed how tired and worn he looked. The night of Melly's death she had been to preoccupied with the discovery of her love for him to really see him, but right at this moment she noticed how changed he looked. Not only his physical appearance, but his whole attitude and bearing, told the story of a man in decline. A man deprived of all hope for the future. Even one as non perceptive as Scarlett could easily read the story of ruin and decay in the deep lines of his face. His formerly muscular frame and strong handsome build had been ruined, by lack of sleep in combination with the consumption of liberal amounts of alcohol. His muscular build had seemingly been dragged down by gravity, and now hung like an unshapely belt around his waist. His cheeks were hollow, and sharp lines were edged around the corners of his mouth. His formerly erect stance had deteriorated into a sagging posture which only served to underline the utter ruin of this formerly handsome man. She longed to reach out to him but didn't know how to comfort him in his almost tangible grief, or if he would reject her comfort as he had rejected her love.

At that thought she erected herself ever so slightly, oh she wouldn't show him how much his rejection had hurt her, as always her pride was her greatest pillar of comfort in desperate times, however lonely and hollow it might make her feel later on.

He sighed audibly

"Scarlett, I sincerely hoped we wouldn't have to go through this again" A quiet finality in his words, but sensing it would not be enough he continued.

"I came for Melly, because that was the only right thing to do; nothing has changed since our last talk. I cannot stay, No! I will not stay" His voice was as tired as his whole appearance.

Her face fell visibly though she desperately tried to not let her disappointment show. She hadn't counted on him staying but still hearing him say it out loud hit her right in her vulnerable heart.

Rhett registered the emotions sweeping over her face and for a split second he considered staying. She had been through so much this brave strong confident woman standing now before him as frail as she had never seen her before. How much more could she take? Even the strongest person had a breaking point. He himself was living proof of that. He had always considered himself as beyond breaking, but he had also thought himself incapable of falling in love, and that had been proven an erroneous assumption.

He took a moment to take in her appearance. Her black dress made her seem almost unbelievable pale, at least he hoped it was the dress, as it could otherwise be a sign that her health had suffered like his had. She had dark circles under her eyes which she had somewhat skilfully covered up with a discrete dap of powder, which would have perhaps fooled anyone less familiar with her face than he.

But the worst part was her eyes. Her eyes that were normally so full of life and could sparkle with joy like those of no one else he knew, was now dull and dead. She, who until now to him had seemed as though untouched by time, was also starting to show faint age lines around the eyes, and by the corner of her mouth. And when she was wearing a frown as she did at this precise moment, clear lines marred her brow as well.

To be quite honest he didn't know if this was a new development, or if she had looked this tired for a long time. For the past many months he hadn't really seen her though they had lived in the same house, sitting at the same dinner table. His vision of her had been blurred by the fogs of alcohol and the all consuming bitterness he had felt towards her for not loving him, for blaming him for Bonnies death, when he had needed nothing but comfort, and countless other "misdeads" of hers that had prevented him from really seeing her. He had become so used to seeing her as some coldblooded monster who had no feelings and consideration for others, that he had forgot that she had lived the same hell as him, and had probably been as greatly scarred by the recent events as he had. So even if he still didn't believe her capable of much selfless consideration for others, he must at least admit that she had feelings that had been hurt greatly by the recent losses, and perhaps also by the regime of punishment that he had subjected her to for not being the wife he had imagined he could turn her into.

"I didn't beg you to stay, I simply asked if you were going to" she said trying to sound aloof, as though it didn't matter to her whether he did stay or not. A shrillness to her voice however gave her away.

She took a deep breath trying to dam the tide of emotions that threatened to overflow her defence but failed.

"But oh Rhett, why did you come back if you are only going to leave straight away again" – her voice quivered dangerously.

"Don't you see how hard all of this is to me? I want to understand but I just can't"

If she hadn't been on the verge of tears she would probably have stamped her foot in her normal display of anger. But the day had been too emotional for her, and she didn't have the energy to turn the sadness to anger as she normally did as a means of survival.

"I'm not asking you to love me, I'm not asking for forgiveness or your presence her forever, I just can't stand the thought of being here alone" She was on the brink of hysteria now and continued her uncontrollable rambling

"I can't stand this house, I can't stand that I have to wear black for yet another person taken away from me, I can't stand…." the rest of her tirade was muffled by the sobs that she could no longer hold back.

"Scarlett, stop it you hear me"

"Stop it" – She must be even more knackered than he had thought in order to loose control over herself to such an extent and show such uncharacteristic behaviour.

He grabbed hold of her shoulders and shook her quite forcibly, in order for her to snap out of her current state of hysteric despair. He knew that no matter how much she hurt in this moment, she would hate him and herself for seeing her in such a state, once she had recovered.

"stop it" he repeated a bit more gentle, as he could sense that she was a bit more relaxed.

"Listen to me carefully" he lifted her chin and looked her in the eyes, oh how much it still hurt him to see her hurt in such a way. He wished he could do something to ease and lessen her pain, but knew it to be impossible. His heart ached far to much for him to see how he could be of any comfort to anybody, let alone this woman standing before him who where such a great part of his current misery.

"I cannot, and will not stay" – she pulled back slightly.

"I still meant every word I said to you the other night, staying would mean my utter destruction, and I will not let that happen." Not even for you my dear he added in his head.

"I need to find my own two feet again, and I cannot do that in this place where I'm constantly haunted by the very images that I am trying to digest" he continued in a flat voice.

"I will stay tonight, tomorrow we can have breakfast together – then I will take you to the train station and you go back to Tara as was the original plan"

He could hear how empty, disengaged and devoid of feelings his words sounded. But he too was raw and tired out from the passings of the last months, and so, not able to provide her with any real comfort. He needed to get away, needed to find some peace and quiet which would enable him to sort out his mind. Even now he could feel the atmosphere of the house closing in on him, suffocating whatever life he had left in him.

He felt the urge to take her into his arms and give her the comfort she so desperately needed and which every fibre in her body begged him to provide her with. He wouldn't allow himself to give in to that urge, he knew that if he did, he might not be able to leave her, and he had to do that. Even if he would regret it later. For contrary to what he had said and believed the other day he, tonight, had to admit to himself that he still cared for her. Cared for her beyond the two meagre emotions of kindness and pity, that he had claimed was all that was left of his love for her. How much he didn't know, and now was definitely not the time or the place to investigate.

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