A/N - Thanks everybody who took the time to review. Nice to know that at least some of you enjoy the story ;) This chapter is sort of an inbetween chapter, and turned out quite a bit different to what I planned. Hope you will enjoy - M
The Night air was cold and had a wetness to it. Making her close damp as she walked through the darkness. A darkness that was so dense, so that it almost seemed solid. How could the world be so dark.
She felt the darkness tightening around her. Dark, cold and damp – almost suffocating.
Though she couldn't see anything she picked up her pace and ran through the darkness, not knowing where or on what she put her feet.
Her lungs screamed for fresh air, but she felt that if she stopped her frantic forward motion, she would be completely engulfed by the darkness, and held hostage by it forever.
She didn't know for how long she had been running, but her limbs were tired and heavy, but still she kept going.
Suddenly the darkness seemed to lighten a little, a creeping greyness. In the distance she saw a warm glow, faint, but definitely there. At this she felt a surge of energy. The light would be her saviour. As she came closer, the darkness became more of a dark foggy greyness; mist swirled around her feet in dark tongues, trying to grasp her by the ankles. But she kept running.
Suddenly she noticed that the light had stopped coming closer, with every step she took, it moved a bit further away. She reached out as if she could magically stretch her arms over the wide expanse, and claim her saviour. As she did so her tired legs gave in and she fell.
Fell indefinitely.
She could hear a shrieking sound as she floated through the air at breakneck speed, she realised that the sound was coming from her. She screamed, as she fell.
Suddenly the world around her changed.
She realised that she had stopped falling, though she could still feel the freefall fright in her every bone. She was lying on something soft
She felt damp and bone very, the echo of her scream still reverberating in the room. As she became more conscious of the world around her she realised that it had all been a dream, and that she was lying in her old bed in her childhood bedroom at Tara. The same old dream again – only this time even more frightening.
She hadn't been to that place of fear since she had come back to Tara, somehow being at her childhood home had banished it, but now that spell was broken.
Why now? Even as her mind posed the question she knew the answer with almighty clarity.
She was going to Charleston, unwanted and unbeknown to Rhett, but she needed to go. She needed to know. Was there any hope still, for them, for her?
The task frightened her, in a way she had never been scared of anything before. Sometimes she contemplated if it was better to live in this limbo of not knowing, rather than facing a full on rejection yet again. But she knew that she couldn't turn back now, wouldn't turn back now. She had to go.
She was to leave on the train later in the morning, so even if she had really wanted, it would have caused too much attention if she was to turn back now.
Scarlett wondered what time it was. Probably far to early to be even considering getting out of bed, but she didn't dare to go back to sleep. She couldn't face another tour de force with her nightly land of dread – one go was more than enough. She shuddered. The land of darkness and swirling mist seemed more and more real with each visit. What if it someday became a real place, her thoughts quickly visited the feeling she had had the night of Mellys death. The darkness and mist had been so close to the vision she had in her nightmares, and the outcome had been pretty close to the normal outcome. She had fallen, only that time not physically, but fallen in love, and had been crushed shortly after this revelation
Scarlett shook her head at her own silliness. This was Tara for God sake, she was, and would always be safe here.
She swung her legs over the edge of the bed, her small feet touching the cold wooden floorboards. But she welcomed the shivers that this sent through her. At least this was a real physical feeling, not something that her own mind had created. She had always been able to deal with concrete things, she could challenge and control them; but the hidden imagined part of life scared her, as they were beyond her control and influence.
She had hardly had a drink since arriving. Her craving for her nightly brandy had at first been strong but then subsided. Tonight however she felt that she deserved it. A tumbler of that dark burning liquor were the only thing that could calm her inner turmoil. As oil on wild waters the brandy would keep her calm
Christmas had been a bittersweet affair, in many ways the most tightly knit family Christmas for many years, but the absence of Rhett and Melanie had been a thorn in her eye and her heart,
The peace she had found with Suellen had lasted, and Scarlett, had been surprised at how much comfort she aactually derived from the new found peace with her sister.
They would never be completely close, but at least now the open warfarring had been put on hold, and each had discovered that the other held some redeeming qualities.
Wade and Ella was another chapter, her relationship with them had definitely approved as well, she would never, how ever much she tried, harbour any deep motherly feelings towards them, but at least now she could be in the same room with them, without only seeing them as something put there to spite her for her two first failed marriages and the husbands she had married out of either spite or the pure need for money.
Scarlett even felt that perhaps in time she could come to see her two elder kids as persons in their own right, and respect them for their own qualities. But that was still something to do tomorrow. Right now she had to focus on the far more daunting task of going to Charleston.
---""""---
In an equally dark night another light burned strongly, a strongly built man walked the empty halls of a grand mansion. Taking in the beauty of the restored house, his restored house! He was admiring the fine details of the old house that after years of being left to its own premises – a decaying ruin - had once again been brought back to life. Rhett Butler was proud of his work, and took joy in his recurring nightly wanderings. But the restoring job, hadn't provided him with the peace of mind he had expected. She still haunted him.
His physical appearance had been completely restored, but still his eyes held a sad gleam to any one who cared and had a keen enough eye to observe it.
Most of the time however, he was able to mask his hidden sorrows and hurts. He was skilled at that, perhaps too skilled for his own good even.
He felt that the only one who didn't quite believe his happy face was his mother. They never talked about it, him to proud to broach the subject. Her too reserved and held back, by her upbringing as a lady, to ever dare interrogate her eldest son about his true state of mind.
But Eleanor who was a keen observer of the human nature, and better than anyone understood the complex nature of her eldest soon sensed that he kept a deep sorrow in his heart. A sorrow and defeat to the world that went beyond even that devastating task of outliving your offspring.
She had a fairly clear idea that this sadness that she saw, was, to some extend, connected to Rhett's beautiful wife. She had only ever met Scarlett once, but she had divined that this was indeed a special girl, full of life and spirit, even as she was then burdened by the loss of their beautiful daughter. Eleanor didn't know if she had particularly liked the girl after the first impression of her daughter in law. But she had sensed that her son loved the feisty girl with an urgency that could never be quelled, no matter how much he at this point in time tried to deny and dispute that fact.
She had seen the inner fight even then at her grand daughter's funeral, and seen the state of ruin Rhett had arrived at her doorstep in only months later, and made the connection but never asked.
She had also seen through Rhett's well thought out reason for making an event out of inviting Scarlett O'Haras Charleston residing aunts to their new year ball at Dunmore Landing, and had without question made sure that the invitation was relayed to their niece in a subtle way – but yet put in a way to make sure she indeed did show up. In all honesty she had actually herself worded and penned those words herself, not that she did put a great deal of enjoyment in medling in other peoples affairs, but she sensed that some sort of intervention was needed. And however much she had felt disinclined to encourage a woman that had caused her beloved son so much distress, driving him almost to the brink of insanity. She knew that this very same woman was probably the only one able to heal those very same wounds. If only Rhett would let her.
Rhett entered the magnificent ballroom, high ceilinged with large window doors opening out into the expansive garden. How beautiful it was. He almost looked forward to the upcoming New Year's ball. The ballroom would be disguised as an enchanted garden of silver and warm glowing candles. The band that had played in the prewar days had asked their leave for the day from their current employees. It would be the greatest ball in a long time. Resurrection this old tradition had luckily been met with approval from all the peers of Charlestonian society, and thus destined to be a roaring success.
Only three days away.
Only three days 'til laughter and smiles would be heard and seen in his restored hallways. Only three days 'til the swishing sound of ball gowns would echo in the room, accompanied by the light footed dancing steps of gallant gentlemen. The essence of the south distilled from the remnants of the past.
He had come to look forward to the evening. And he knew that it was one of the most important events for his sister and mother, in a very long time, perhaps even since the war. They had been occupied with planning every minute detail from the decorations creating the atmosphere, to the delicious canapés that would be served in due time and their ball gowns. They had both agreed, albeit reluctantly at first to get new ball gowns for the evening, and looked very much forward to accept their friends and guests at the old plantation house, dressed in brand new gowns. They had naturally been very careful not to overspend, or to seem overtly frivolous with money as they had planned the evening. The nature of Rhetts money and their origin, was still a sore issue among the old guards of Charleston propriety – they hoped that they had done their job well, and that all who would attend the ball, would take as much pleasure in it as they had had in the planning process.
Rhett however had been mainly focused on getting the building fit for company, and he rightfully felt that he had succeeded admirably.
He often questioned his motives for putting in such a dedicated effort to making the house and the ball ready and ensuring its success. Was it really only to please his mother and sister that he had went along with or did he perhaps have an underlying motivational factor that made him work wholeheartedly to make the ball all it had ever been. He knew that it wasn't, for behind is every motion a question kept surfacing.
Would she come? Would se answer his well hidden request and come to Charleston?
He hoped and feared so at the same time.
His mind had played out the evening over and over again since plotting the little rendezvous, but he still didn't know how to react if she did show up, or if she didn't?
What would he do then?
He had finally admitted out loud if only to himself that he wasn't as over and done with her as he had let her and himself to believe. This acknowledgement had been lurking at the edge of his mind for some time, but he had wilfully pushed it away, not wanting to examine the consequences of such an admission.
The acknowledgement had come slowly and gradually, the first glimmer of consciousness had shown itself already as he left Atlanta, and later on, he had seen it but not admitted it. But know he saw it unconcealed and with clarity. His love for Scarlett O'Hara was not dead.
Should he return to their marriage like a slunken dog, begging its mistress not to let it go or should he keep on defying his need for her.
He was not inclined to submitting himself easily to yet another dance of disdain from her side, and even if he had sensed the sincerity in her word as he had left those two times in Atlanta, first crying in their gloomy hallway on the night of Melanie's death and later at the train station after Melanie's funeral; he still did not fully believe her capable of loving and relying any one but herself. How funny and ironic that she whose husband had played such a big part in the physiological separation of him and Scarlett during their marriage, should now mark the milestones of their physical separation.
He would probably fight this feeling even if it would leave him forever maimed. And he hoped that she would show up on New Years Eve so that he could start proving to himself, that he could and would live without her.
---""""---
Scarlett hesitated for a moment in the doorway of her first class train compartment. For a moment feeling the urge to turn around and leave everything behind her. Running away to a place where she wasn't know, and where her current hurt couldn't reach her. But she knew it would be futile she couldn't escape. And she Scarlett O Hara was not a coward, she didn't run from challenges, she faced up to them and conquered all resistance, and that was what she set out to do this time as well. Her foe this time, not being hunger or money craving Yankees, but her damned husband's elusive heart.
On that note she resolutely stepped onto the platform.
She briefly nodded her thanks at the luggage boy who had sprung to quickly, sensing a quick gain by helping out the beautiful lady. She looked rich in her handsome dress, and would probably pay him well for his services.
While the young lad struggled with her expansive luggage Scarlett looked out for her aunts who were to pick her up. She had sent them a brief note giving the time and date of her arrival, and she hoped they would have had sense enough to come and pick her up. She didn't want to rise more gossip by being found arriving in Charleston without any connections, it would probably start enough tongues wagging that she wasn't picked up by her devoted husband or his Mother.
She had considered contacting Rhett's mother directly, but what if Rhett had filled her with lies or even worse, the truth about the state of her daughter in law and her son's marriage and so would refuse to receive her. She didn't think even Rhett would sink that low, especially as that would not help him on his quest to get back in the good graces of Charleston society, but Scarlett was not in the mood to test her husbands integrity or thus chance her opportunity to see him again.
So instead she had written her aunts with some dim-witted excuse of her wanting to be able to spend some time with her sister Careen who resided in Charleston, a nun in the convent which were situated conveniently close to her aunts residence. Suellen had helped her concocting the plan and writing her letter, they had agreed that even if the aunts saw through her excuse. As they probably would, They would be hindered by their good breeding and prim and proper ways to enquire into her real reason for going to them and not her husbands family as would be the correct ting to do. They would most likely spend many hours contemplating this and going over the question in their minds. But she didn't care as long as she had a roof over her head, a soft bed to sleep in, and a foolproof way of getting to her husbands ball. She had even had a fabulous new ball gown created; that she knew would turn heads. And looked forward to a night of dancing, even if it would also be a terribly emotional evening.
She spotted her aunts easily, as they stood hudled together at the edge of the platform, looking out of place in the hustling and bustling train station. Two worn out birds in worn out finery. Scarlett for a moment felt a pang of sympathy and sadness at the sight of them. They looked so lost and tired. Life hadn't been easy on those two. Like so many others Pauline and Eulalie had not been raised for a life in the world they had been thrown into.
She had been the one to provide for them for the last many years, her contribution to their upkeep had never been discussed, but she sensed that it was greatly appreciated. After her grandfather had turned down helping her when she had needed tax money for Tara she had realised that he was unlikely to be any more generous towards his daughter than his granddaughter, and she had started sending whatever money could be spared.
Scarlett raised her arm and waved at the two aunts, and she was grateful to receive to big smiles in return.
She edged her way through the crowds.
---""""---
Already on their walk back to her aunts house Scarlett's initial feeling of kindness and sympathy towards her aunts started to melt away. And now sitting down for tea Pauline and Eulalie's endless chit chattering was driving her crazy, how could any two people use so many words yet saying so little? She started focusing on other things and her aunts voices faded in to an annoying background noise that could easily be ignored.
Suddenly she snapped back into attention. Eulalie had mentioned a familiar name. Eleanor Butler. Scarletts eyes narrowed, and her voice even to her sounded more shrill than she had intended.
"What did you say about Eleanor Butler?"
Pauline gave Scarlett a rude look, how crude her Irish side sometimes could be when it showed itself to bluntly, she was surprised that Ellen had not been able to tame the girl in a better way.
"Eulalie just stated that we ran into Eleanor Butler the other day" Pauline said
"And she enquired about you" Pauline continued raising an eyebrow at Scarlett.
"Yes yes, she seemed to expect you to come to visit us" Eulalie interrupted, always eager to please.
Scarlett kept her face blank, why would Eleanor Butler ask for her? And why would she expect Scarlett to show up at her aunts doorstep, not at her own house by her husbands side. What had Rhett told Mrs Butler. Oh, she would claw his eyes out that mean low down skunk.
"We of course told her that you were coming here to spend New Years with your sister" Eulalie yammered on.
"My sister and I explained how you had wanted to stay with us out of convenience regarding the close proximity to the convent, but she insisted that you came to her house immediately, and we of course accepted, or it would have seemed odd" Pauline interjected.
Scarlett froze, staying at Rhett's mothers?
Her mind went into a spin, would that be a move that would be beneficial to her cause or not?
"We of course accepted on your behalf" Eulalie proudly stated before Scarlett could think of an excuse to bid her time to consider her next move.
Scarlett quickly gather her self from the surprising and unexpected turn of events and put a smile on her face. Perhaps it wouldn't be too bad, if she could charm Rhett's mother she would have a valuable ally, it would be much harder for Rhett to chuck her out in the street if she had his mothers sympathy. And also, if she was in his mothers home, he couldn't be openly rude to her.
Her smile deepened and became a real smile. Her slanted green eyes glimmered, making her look as feline as ever. Had her aunt's been more superstitious they would have crossed themselves.
No staying at the Butler home would definitely improve her stand point. Also she wasn't sure if she could have withstood several full days of nothing more to entertain her than her aunts mindless droning.