AN: Well our lovelies, we have a bit of a hard one for you at the beginning but it will cheer up, so please no worries. Thank you just never seems enough to the people that take the time to read this, myself and Nic are very appreciative of it. It's nice that people are enjoying something you've created.

I have to thank Shinata Riyoko who has been brilliant she's been really busy at the moment yet she always gets these chapters back to us in less than a day. You're awesome. Thank you to my Zoe she keeps my brain from running, don't know what I'd do without her and even though she will not like this but Thank you to Nic for doing this with me its been great fun hoping we can do something else together.

We hope you forgive us for any mistakes that have escaped and hope you continue to enjoy.

Chapter 14: Let's open our eyes, to the brand new day, its a brand new day

Everyday, live it like it's your last one. Ever kiss, kiss it like it's your first love

Dear Calliope,

It's been awhile since I've heard your voice because you're avoiding me. Actually it's been 117 days. I know because I am counting. But I get that and even understand you, but this can't go on forever, right? You are going to have to talk to me. We have a child, you can't give me the silent treatment forever. I guess since you aren't talking to me, this letter is an even better idea than just clearing the air. My therapist suggested I write to you, explain things. Yes, you read that right, I'm in therapy. You can close your mouth now, you're letting flies in.

Did you at least smile? I miss your smile. Will you ever smile again or did I ultimately break you forever?

I'm very early in this therapy thing so I have a lot of feelings and I don't know what to do with them. Please keep that in mind and bear with me, I'm not sure where this is going to go, but the more I think about it, the more I know that I have to write it. It's not always going to be pretty and I'll apologize now, but my ... our inability to really talk to each other has gotten us here and if we have any hopes of reconciling, we need to hear each other out.

I still hold onto hope.

139 days. I haven't held a conversation with you in 139 days. You've said maybe a total of 100 words since you boarded the plane for Pennsylvania. You can't still be mad at me, can you? I'm mad at you. We are mothers, Calliope. We share a child and you can't even talk to me. I'll give you credit with sending constant updates along with so many photos, I have had to seek another hard drive in order to store them, but that's not enough, Calliope! It's not enough! I miss you, okay? But I'm not giving up. You gave up too quickly on this marriage. I screwed up, okay? I, Arizona Robbins, screwed up. But how many times did you screw up and I just turn a blind eye? I started this letter with hope and I'm not giving that up, you can't make me.

I didn't send you to Pennsylvania to hurt you. I already had hurt you, I wanted to heal you. The distance was supposed to give us both the space to find ourselves again, but instead it's just made the void in my heart even bigger. That stupid saying you don't know what you have until it's gone? I knew what I had and I blew it, and I'm sorry. You being gone just makes it all the more real what I lost. Every passing day I mourn over you. I mourn over our marriage. I mourn. Will there ever come a day that I don't wake up with the weight of the world on my chest? Talk to me, Calliope. Talk to me, I'm begging you.

It's been exactly half of a year since I've seen you aside from a few brief moments onscreen when you're fleeing from my sight. Are you hiding or are you hiding from me? That question will remain until I talk to you, I guess. Until you talk to me. You will talk to me again, right? I guess since I still (hope) I have your attention, I'll talk for a bit. You can't interrupt me if you aren't speaking to me. That was a joke, please say you smiled. You know you were always cutting me off. Most times I was annoyed, but now I look back at those moments with fond memories. I used to find it disrespectful, but really it was your great enthusiasm for life. I miss that. You just couldn't wait to share, whatever was in your head. Maybe it wasn't always the nicest thing, cutting me off, but I'd rather you cut me off than this silence. I'm starting to lose my mind in this silence. Once upon a time, without saying a word, you could light up my dark. You always did say it best when you said nothing at all. The look on your face told me a million 'I love yous'. I never questioned your love for me; there was a truth in your eyes that said more than words ever needed. Once upon a time, I had it all. And then I cheated on my wife. But it didn't start there, it only ended there. Our story ended before it ever truly began. There'd be no happily ever for us. And I am to blame. It doesn't matter why. Maybe it does, but not today. Today I am admitting that I messed us up, or I pushed our already fragile existence over the edge. I'm taking that blame. Look, I'm losing my mind. I've gone cheesy. If you don't talk to me soon, I'm going to end up in a padded room for Christ's sake.

Damn it, Callie, answer your damn phone. What if I was dying? I hung up on my mother because of you. You just ... you make me so mad sometimes. If I wanted to hear from my mother, I would have called her. Getting her to call me on your behalf is ... it's simply enraging. If only you'd fucking talk to me. 200 damn days of your silence is making me nuts. You didn't talk to me then, you won't talk to me now. Don't you see this is a toxic circle we're both stuck in? Maybe if you had tried talking to me then, maybe I wouldn't have felt so alone. Maybe I would have thought I had an ally instead of you placating me. You had to be so strong. I needed you to be weak too. I needed you to give some of that back to me; I'd lost it all. I was angry at you, with you. I was awful to live with. And you expected me to just accept things as they were without getting to grieve. I never saw you grieving, you just carried on like nothing had happened. Why didn't you let me see you grieve? I'm so mad at you.

Two hundred and fifty days and I still haven't even put my toe in the waters of opening up to you. The entire point of this letter. I keep trying, but I get so angry when I open this to write to you. The silence between us is deafening. That's my fault. I admit it. I'm taking my share of the blame. I don't do that. I don't admit such things. But for you, I'd do anything. For you ... I'd do anything. I always would. I gave up dreams and made new ones because I couldn't imagine a life without you, Callie. I never wanted to be a mother. Maybe it was part selfish. I wanted to sleep in on Saturday mornings and have sex on the dining room table. I wanted freedoms allotted to couples without children. And then the other part was fear. I was screwed up long before you ever came into the picture. I've suffered depression longer than most people realize, but only because I've never, until therapy, been able to admit that even to you, even to myself. I didn't want to screw up a child. I was terrified of being a mother. What if I said the wrong thing? Did the wrong thing? What if they spent their entire adult life in therapy trying to undo the damage I did? But I threw all of that away because you wanted children. Did that even penetrate your thick skull? How easily I gave up and jumped into motherhood? For you. Yes, it ended up being the best decision I've ever made. Sofia is the light of my life. I've never looked back. At least where she's concerned I never looked back. Speaking of back, I came back from Africa for you. I let Mark into my life for you. ... Into my heart. And that angers me too. If I hadn't, if he hadn't ... god damn it Callie, I lost Mark because of you. He was a good doctor and colleague, and I could deal with him as an acquaintance, but then I had to go and fall in love with him. He became the big brother I thought I'd never have again. He was my daughter's father and a good one at that. No, a great one. But you always knew he would be and I'm sorry I doubted you. And he was. And he was a great friend. I never wanted him to be my friend. And I miss him. I miss Mark. Sometimes I wonder how things would have turned out had he stuck around. Would I have let things get so bad? Would you have seen what you were blinded to because you had nobody to point it out? We both had a good thing in Mark, didn't we? He'd never have let me abuse you the way I did. He'd never have let you take it. He'd have bashed our thick heads together and told us to figure it out. He'd have held us both accountable. I'm sorry you lost your best friend. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you did. And I'm sorry I never let you grieve over him and told you, made you feel that you had no right to do such a thing. I'm sorry. Please tell me you won't let Sofia forget him? I know how you hold onto pain, bury it deep down and avoid it, especially when you never were given the chance to do anything with it and I know you'd never purposely hurt Sofia, but don't forget him. For both of your sakes. He was a good man, a good father, and a good friend. While I never wanted Mark, I got so much more than I could have ever asked for.

327 days...

329 days... ...

332 days... ... ...

350 days. I can't, Callie. I don't know where to begin. Or to end. Or what to say. I want to say so much. And I have nothing to say that will save you any pain because that ship has sailed. Are you at least happy? I want you to be happy. I know you didn't think I was happy, but you made me so happy. You and Sofia both. What can I say that will change the past? Or the future? They're both set in stone, aren't they? I can't do or say anything that won't remind you of the pain I caused. I can only hope one day your bitterness will find itself on empty. That you run out of the hatred I'm certain you feel for me and maybe find it in your heart to forgive me. To talk to me. I don't know what to say. I have so much I want to say.

Callie, Today marks a year from the day I put you on a plane to lose you forever. I guess I did that sleeping with Lauren, putting you on a plane only cemented how gone you truly are. I've been writing this letter for a long time, but I've yet to open up to you and maybe because I kept hoping you'd call, and I could hear your voice and you'd hear me out in return. But I've given up on that so it's time for me to put it all out. I cheated on you to hurt you. I needed you to hurt as much as I was hurting because I couldn't tell you. You weren't talking to me, I wasn't talking to you; we were merely existing together, barely giving each other halves. We reached for each other in physicality, but that is where it began and ended. You craved touch to pacify your own guilt and I returned the sentiment to falsely heal the gaping hole in my world barely held together with bubble gum. It hurt me that you needed to reconnect physically so much that the stress in our home made it almost impossible to breathe. And instead of addressing that, I failed in my own promises to you. I let a year of hurts pile up until I was so deep under that I couldn't see another way out. It's been so long now that I can see things clearly and I know that while we were both very wrong, we didn't know any other way because we never made ourselves strong enough apart to be strong enough together. We could have been so strong together had we both just talked. We used to talk. Once upon a time we overcame barriers of silence. But that lead us to our first break-up, and maybe we were both so burnt by that, somewhere in our crazy heads we decided it best to keep conversations from the hard stuff. Were we protecting ourselves? Were we protecting each other? It burned us both in the end to the point of no return.

This is the last addition to this letter. I don't know if I'll ever have the courage to mail this to you. I regret a lot of things throughout the years. I wasn't happy but to no fault of anybody but myself, I didn't love myself and you know what they say, if you can't love you then who will?

I can openly admit this now, I have depression. It's not something to be ashamed of and it happens to the best of us. It's no longer taboo and it's something I can admit without blinding pain. It has built up with my inability to admit that there was anything wrong with me, I say me because I did this, this was me. It's like a car crash, you know the hit is coming, and everything around you is happening in slow motion, but your brain is still going at a hundred and there isn't a darn thing to stop it.

I thought I had it under control. I thought if I could project happiness on the outside, then the inside had to follow, right? I was wrong.

I can't remember the last time I had a full night's uninterrupted sleep when not on call. My brain drives in 6th gear at 200 miles an hour. It's always switched on. I feel inadequate; I have no self-esteem and have so many times, I wished that you had just let the infection kill me. The trouble I have caused you. Thoughts of death...I mean I'm here, alive and before you worry about me doing something (would you worry?) suicide is not on my mind. Just because I'm depressed doesn't mean I'm suicidal. I couldn't do it, but yes death is on my mind because I think a lot about how better your and Sofia's life would have been without me. I would have still been a loving wife, loving mother and not the slut you think I am now.

I hated you for breaking that promise. I hate myself for blaming you for breaking a promise I knew logically was out of your hands, but yeah that's where my brain went. My therapist tells me that she calls them garbage truck moments...I must say I laughed at the time, as in my head I had visions of a little garbage truck driving over my shoulder to stop at my ear and throw garbage bags in, ridiculous right?

Anyway, she said that people who suffer depression varies from person to person and varies in severity. Sometimes obsessing over things, the 'what if's'. Sometimes it can be viewed as a midlife crisis, a straight laced business man who now wants a motorcycle and tattoos, while someone else begins to think of a past love that, well 'what if'. In every case, the individual acts totally out of character.

I was so obsessed with who I used to be, trying to fix myself. The brain can torture you, always replaying the worst, you look for escapes. My escape? Well, that lead to our destruction. I wasn't happy with who I'd become. I hurt you deeply and then I tried to help, I thought the best thing was getting you away from me, giving you space so I couldn't hurt you again while I self destructed...and look how well that helped.

I was asked about leaving Seattle. Move away, start again, because only bad things happened to me in Seattle. Leaving Seattle would give me the fresh start I needed on my journey to heal. My answer to her was: 'No, I can't'.

She asked me to explain why I couldn't...well that's easy. Seattle was the place I met you, where I kissed you without a second thought. Where we danced just for the hell of it. Where we said our "I love you'". Where Sofia was born, where she took her first step. The first time she spoke. Where we said our I do's in-front of our family and friends...where our memories are...because no matter how bad the bad was, there was always the good that outshone it, I just couldn't see through the veil of darkness.

She asked me if I would ever leave Seattle.

My answer was yes, but only if it was coming home to you and Sofia. I hope one day I can and we can make better memories.

I will love you always,

Arizona

Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow and when it's time, you'll know

As she wiped the remnants of the tears from the trails they had made down her cheek to pool at her mouth, Callie returned her eyes to the top of the letter to begin the torture again. Since she went into her room without Arizona, she had read the letter over and over again, the noises of the world beginning to wake outside her window made her look up at her clock. She must have looked a picture of scariness as dark, smudged, night before makeup painted her face. She was heartbroken, reading how messed up her ex-wife was, and the thing that stung deeply was that she hadn't helped what had happened. She was angry and betrayed, and with hindsight she had wished she had done a hell of a lot of things differently. She hadn't seen the signs. If she hadn't been so wrapped up in everything else, then maybe she would have seen it.

Looking back with clarity, less emotion and anger, she knew there was just so much that wasn't right with them. Before the leg issue... Maybe they shouldn't have gotten married. They lost each other, forgot who they were, they changed each other so much that they didn't even realise it. She wasn't sure about a lot of things right now, but she knew, in her heart, that she loved Arizona deeply.

She was a different person now; she was successful in her own field, sought after. She was more mature this time with the way she handled her relationship, so why was this so hard to give it another go? The love had never left, it just had hurt jumping on it...with snow spikes on. Arizona had changed, she was getting to know her again...they were both getting to know each other again.

Callie dropped the letter as she heard the commotion come from the guest room, placing the letter down on the nightstand; she made her way over to her bedroom door to watch the show.

"Sex is like a bridge game; if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand."

"Robbins?" Cristina raised her voice as the panic set in, she opened one eye, quickly shutting it again as Arizona's prosthetic came into view.

"I'm still pretty tired, but if you wanna go again…?" Wiping her eyes, when she heard Arizona's voice laced with humour very loudly fill the quiet. Cristina took another look at the prosthetic and then the Blonde lying next to her, noses nearly touching as they faced each other with their heads on the pillow.

Cristina's eyes shot open in shock as she watched Arizona bat her eyelids at her. Taking in Arizona's appearance, it looked as though she wasn't wearing anything. Connecting all the dots in Cristina's mind...Drunk...stupidly Drunk...in bed with a lesbian...extremely stupidly drunk...in bed with a fricken muff diving Lesbian...her mouth fell open as she almost threw the fake limb across the room in horror, wriggling manically, trying to get away from the Blonde in the tangled bed sheets as quickly as possible. Once she was out of the bed she grabbed a pillow and began to back away, almost as though she was backing away and trying to protect herself from a dangerous animal.

"Oh Cristina, come back to bed...that thing you do with your tongue…" Arizona never even got to finish as Cristina turned on her heels and scuttled very quickly gripping the pillow in front of her chest. Meeting Callie on the way out of the room, she stopped only slightly to look at her friend, her mouth wide and then shut as though she was going to say something, but the words wouldn't come out. Raising a finger, she opened her mouth again. "Say Nothing!"

When she caught the smirk from Callie, she moved her head looking straightforward, trying to block Callie's laughter out. That laughter that seemed to rumble to life mocking her.

"I'm going to sleep in little doc's room!"

Callie watched as Cristina disappeared through to her daughter's room. It wasn't until she was halfway down the hall that she realized she was still fully clothed, her bra and panties intact. "Very funny assholes. You got me, haha." She yelled sarcastically before disappearing.

Looking back to Arizona whose wide grin matched her amusement, she watched as the bed covers were moved in a silent welcome. She took in the view of Arizona in her vest top and sweats; she had moved the straps of her top to make it look like she had been naked. Callie smiled when Arizona patted the empty space next to her.

"I think she was pretty freaked out. You should have seen her face when she woke up holding my leg." Arizona giggled as Callie got into the bed and settled into Arizona's embrace.

They lay still and peacefully for ten minutes just listening to each other's breathing. Arizona fit perfectly around Callie, and she was just beginning to fall asleep when she heard Callie's quiet voice.

"I've missed us. I want to find us again. I think we can come back stronger this time, we've both had the time to heal and I'm willing to try...I'm willing to try." Callie felt her heart warm as Arizona's embrace only got tighter.

"That's all we can do...try." Arizona closed her eyes as the smile formed, this was the first time in a long time she found herself so settled she could fall asleep.

Never run from the enemy, tackle them

Buried deep under her covers, her head under her pillow, Sofia began to stir. She could hear the snores and grunts come from her floor, partly the reason she was awake so early. Why was Aunt Cristina cuddling a pillow on her floor?

Getting out of her bed as carefully as she could, to not wake the sleeping noisemaker, Sofia grabbed her oversized robe, huddling deep into it until only her head stuck out. She stumbled her way out into the hall as she made her way toward the front door, dancing to herself when she saw her National Geographic Little Kids Magazine, which her Pops had subscribed to for her.

"Oh YAY! Baby Otters!" Sofia was so focused on the front cover of the magazine through hazy eyes, that she was oblivious to anything else going on around her. She squealed happily, not realising that Toby was on the couch. The noise startled him and he looked up through blurred eyes. The shift in the leather alerted Sofia to the other person in the room. "Good morning your Majesty, too many grapes?"

King mumbled as the colorfulSofia blur moved past the couch. He continued to follow, his eyes clearing the longer he looked. When she was about to disappear, he yawned and rolled over to face the back of the sofa. A few seconds later he turned around so fast that he nearly fell off the edge, looking confused as to what he thought he had just seen.

Putting her magazine on her counter, she went to get washed and brush her teeth before anybody else woke up and ruined her reading time. Hygiene came first in her family, before anything else.

A bloody scream erupted from the bathroom, echoing off of every wall in the apartment causing both Toby and Cristina to scramble, running at full speed toward the source of the noise where Sofia was found in complete horror, pinching her cheeks, still screaming.

Toby, quickly realizing the extent of what he'd previously seen, remained in the doorway as Cristina raced to the young girl's side in panic. He could barely contain himself as the realization of what was going on took over. He could kiss Callie and Arizona.

"Oh my god! Little Doc why are you blue? You're blue...like a fricken blueberry. What did you do!?" Cristina was freaking out as the little girl threw herself into her arms.

"I'm a blueberry." Sofia sobbed. "I ... I ... I ate too many blueburrssss." Her words were muffled into Cristina's neck as she held on tight, scared out of her mind. "Don't juice me." She sobbed so hard, she slobbered all over her aunt's neck.

"Gross. You're getting me all wet." Cristina pulled back, the mirror now in her line of vision and seeing the proof clearly marked on her own body. It was kind of priceless, both of them falling victim in one swift kick, and she couldn't help but be proud of her little protégés.

"Don't juice me, Aunt Cristina. Please. I'll be good. I'll never eat no more blueberries ever again. Please, don't let Mommies juice me neither." Sofia wiped at her tears, smudging her bright blue face.

Meanwhile Callie and Arizona had been listening, cuddled in each other's arms at the horrifying exchange taking place in the next room. They didn't expect tears and they felt shame for having made their daughter cry, but it was perfect, both recipients and their freak-outs. Hearing Sofia beg her aunt over and over again, they decided to end her misery; Callie leading the way toward the bathroom as Arizona followed shortly after, once Callie threw her the leg Cristina had tossed across the room after her panic.

Standing next to Toby in the doorway, the three huddled together as Sofia looked up at their arrival.

"Don't juice me!" She cried.

"Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-doo. We've got another puzzle for you. Oompa Loompa, do-ba-da-dee. If you are wise, you'll listen to me. Pranking's fine when it's once in a while. April first is the acceptable style. But it's annoying and completely wrong. Pranking and pranking all day long. The way that you do. Oompa loompa do-ba-dee-da. Listen to your mothers, you will go far. You will live in happiness too. Like the oompa loompa do-ba-de-doo." Both women sang their rehearsed song, smiling as their daughter came to realize what they'd done. Sofia balled her fists by her side, biting her cheek trying hard not to smile at the dorkiness of her moms. She'd been had and they were brilliant. She was a proud daughter, even if they'd scared the poop out of her.

"I'm taking your badass card and burning it." Toby shoved Callie's shoulder after their song ended. "What happened to you? This carefree Callie is..."

"Happy. Completely happy." Callie smiled looking between Arizona and Sofia. And she was, for the first time in a very long time, Callie was really happy.

"I like her." Cristina shrugged acting indifferent. She liked this Arizona too, but admitting that was far off.

"Hello?! Is anybody going to help me? I'm all blue!" She tapped her foot, hands on her hips, waiting for an answer.

"Nope, it's all you kid. Nobody was there to hold me when I woke up holding your mom. Take your little blueberry self into the shower." Cristina pointed.

"You woke up holding Mama?" Sofia questioned, an amused look on her face.

"You could say Cristina had me spread eagle." Arizona winced in pain as Callie's elbow came into contact with her side.

"Arizona! Sofia!"

"What's spread eagle, Mommy?"

Toby roared in laughter, Cristina was not amused, Callie feigned anger, and Arizona pulled away from the door, stripping her daughter and turning on the showerhead. "It's something you do during exercise. Shower. Now." She picked her up and plopped her in the tub.

"You two must be proud of yourselves. Out-pranking the masters is a difficult thing." Cristina headed for the coffee maker as the other three settled in to wait for their morning shot of hello to be brewed.

"What can we say, we learned from the best." Callie grinned, her smile widening even more as Arizona grabbed her hand, lacing their fingers together.

Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out. Honestly I wanna see you be brave

"So Callie? Last session I asked if you could read the letter Arizona gave you?" He watched the panic shift to the front in both women's eyes. They hadn't spoken about it. Callie hadn't told Arizona she had and Arizona didn't push Callie. They both had been so preoccupied with working together to get Yang and their daughter back; that they had totally forgot about the worries of the next session coming up.

Jay sat up straight in his chair taking in the two women sitting before him. This was different; he kept his smile to himself. The distance, okay the crater in the distance, in previous sessions had been steadily decreasing, but today both women sat next to each other. Their hands at their sides, as they tried to subtly keep contact. It was good; he didn't know these women before he had started work with them, but he could see that the love was there even through the shouting and words thrown to hurt.

Tears streamed down Callie's cheeks, her head hung slightly as she tried desperately to compose herself. It haunted her. Every word on the page was like a little dagger in the heart. Arizona hadn't meant for the letter to cause so much pain, but it did because with Callie's clarity came the grief she'd been unwilling to let herself feel. "Yes, I did read the letter…" Callie watched as James lowered his brows in an indication to continue. "Arizona" Callie turned to face her, taking the shaking hand in hers. She offered a small smile in return when she felt Arizona relax to her touch with a gentle squeeze of reassurance. "I would like to apologise, I'm sorry that I kept throwing your trying back in your face, it wasn't fair. We took vows, and yes I know you broke them, but I broke them too. Through the good and bad...I disappeared, I blocked you out and didn't see the bigger picture. I didn't see that you weren't yourself, I had blinders on when it came to us. I'm sorry I turned my back on you instead of trying to sort things out. I'm sorry I let my anger and hurt get the best of me. So I'm asking you, can we forget about the past and move forward. I'm so tired of fighting the past." Callie looked into Arizona's tear laced eyes, when she sucked in a breath and tried to nod, the movement of her head dislodged the tears and the floodgates opened.

Arizona went to respond, but she choked on her own tears, shaking her head in the negative to collect her thoughts, Callie froze, panicking at Arizona's quick denial. "I didn't ... you don't ... I ... are ...?" She was stuttering, trying to figure out where to go now that Arizona didn't want to continue forward.

"No, no Callie." But her response was lost under Callie's stammering fear-driven speech. If you could call it a speech.

"But you said, and I thought, and we were getting there, and I don't get it. You said you wanted this. I know I'm not easy to be with, but you ... and I ... and we and I just assumed. Oh god, that's my problem. I always assume things. I figured and damn it..." Callie tried to pull back from Arizona's hands, but the blonde only squeezed tighter refusing to let go.

"Calliope Torres, stop right now." Arizona's voice was commanding. "I didn't say no."

"You didn't?" Callie's voice, uncertain and scared.

"No, god no. I, this is what I want. You are what I want. Us is what I want. I'm so sorry that we took this long to find this path again. I'm sorry for everything. Callie, you are what I want. You and Sofia. I didn't say no." She repeated. "I want this."

"You do?" She asked timidly.

"Yes. We just have to promise things and keep them this time around. Real promises. Based on mutual trust and love, and not fear." She ended quietly.

Love. Something neither woman had been able to say. Neither woman could admit since they started trying again. It was fear. Nothing more. Nothing less. Neither had ever stopped loving the other. Neither ever wanted to. But to love the other meant there would be pain, and in the world of Callie and Arizona, that pain was always to the extreme and they were scared. The sheer enormity of the word was beyond frightening.

Before Callie could respond, Arizona kept going, her own fear tramping any room for Callie to break her heart with a response not in kind. "And we need to talk. Not just talk, but communicate. Listen to each other. Really listen. It's not going to happen overnight, but..."

"But if we take things slowly and see where they go, we can do this, Arizona." Callie blinked several times. "Because I love you and I want this too."

Jay smiled. After weeks and weeks of going back and forth, his office being more like the frontlines of world war two than a vacation in the Alps, they'd reached Normandy. He was impressed. Granted he didn't think that they'd actually get here, but now that they were, he was impressed. "Well Ladies this is fantastic, but there's one thing I need you to do?" Both women eyed him suspiciously.

"I want you to take sex out of your relationship…" Jay saw the look of sheer panic from Callie and smiled, holding his hand up in surrender. "Just for the time being, you both used sex in the past both against each other and to bury things, so I want you to take that away. Arizona's letter has brought up obvious issues you both have been skirting around, so tackle them, together, but tackle them without falling into bed together to avoid them or fix them."

While Arizona couldn't disagree with him, she wasn't exactly thrilled about the prospect of no sex. Part of what made coming out to Pennsylvania less traumatic was the thought that when she landed, Callie would screw her brains out and make her forget all the fears that the plane ride brought with it. It was for healing ... and selfish needs too.

"For how long?" Arizona's was the surprising voice that asked the question.

"I'll tell you at our next session. In life you don't get instant satisfaction, you get slog. You can't fill the void with anything but self-actualization. That's your homework for next time. Now ladies your time for today is up. I'll see you in… let's say a month?" He got up and moved toward the door trying to keep a professional front on as he saw the shock continue on the women's faces. Hustling them out, he quickly shut and locked the door. Counting backwards from ten, he got to seven before they both growled.

"A month?" Callie bellowed.

"A month." Arizona agreed despondently. "That's four visits out here!"

"And that's tentative. He said we'd talk about it next session." Callie frowned as they made their way to the elevator holding tight to Arizona's hand.

"What are we supposed to do now?" Arizona asked feeling lost. Not that sex was all the time, but damn it, for when it was, it was out of this world amazing. It made the pain worth it because the pleasure was that much greater. "Wanna play a game? Sofia's with Mom for the night and Cristina's ... I don't know."

"Scrabble?" Callie smirked feeling naughty. Sex was off the table, but teasing wasn't. She was in a mood, a carefree, great mood. And she wanted to do something with it even if she couldn't do something with it.

Pouting, Arizona shrugged not catching on. "Scrabble works. I'm going to pass on the alcohol though, no use getting drunk if I can't do dirty things to you without feeling embarrassed."

"I'm pretty sure when Cristina and Toby caught us on the kitchen floor, you were embarrassed, and you were pretty drunk."

"Yeah well, every time Cristina eats carrots in my presence, I kinda wanna die. She doesn't believe me that they fell on the floor during our race to get me naked. She swears we were sexually experimenting with food. According to her, nobody gets horny making a salad. She won't let me explain that your drunk ass waltzed into the kitchen in your birthday suit telling me I had an hour to do whatever I wanted, safe word out the window. Not that I'd tell her that exactly anyway but still." Arizona wished she hadn't mentioned it as she felt herself throbbing at the memories.

"Best hour ever."

Nic's Notes.

Oooh, I like that. Nic's Notes. It sounds professional.

Enough of that. As Sadie said above, thank you to everybody that has taken the time to read this. We admit there were some bumpy reviewer moments and we apologize that anybody had to witness the sadness of the fandom reaching its ugly heights. It's a good show and we love the pairing and are looking forward to seeing them striped bare this season.

In saying that, we're bringing this to a close with the greatest possibility of that being the next chapter but it's been a pleasure to write with Sadie and for our wonderful readers. Writing with Sadie has taught me a lot and I am really grateful that she took the time to work with me. We've had loads of fun. None of this would have been able to happen had it not been for Gene, Sportsfan, Zoe, Sportsfan, Trace, and Shinata-Riyoko. Between your constant support and enthusiasm and ass-kickings, along with great help, we have been blessed with such a great circle of friends. Okay, enough of the sappy. Enjoy.