Unnoticed by the former Belle of Clayton County she along with her dancing partner was the centre of attention for everyone at the ball. All eyes had more or less discretely followed Mr and Mrs Butler's entrée onto the dance floor. Amongst the sea of dancers this couple stood out – and would even without their scandalous story have caught the attention of the guests. All whether they would admit it or not had heard some rumour of the Butler marriage and had wondered about the absence of the Youngest Mrs Butler and consequently drawn their own conclusions. This sudden appearance of the presumably estranged wife had of course led to additional speculations. And their curiosity had been stirred by the Wife at her husband's side for receiving guests, and now as the couple took to the floor; even more nutrition was given to lively imaginations and tongues altogether too eager to embrace a chance for whispering rumours behind lifted fans.

All had to admit that they made a stunning couple.

The handsome Charlestonian gentleman who gave an air of danger and adventure that stirred something indefinable in even the most hardened of the ladies present. Even those who had been harshest with their critique of his earlier behaviour would if forced to tell the true admit that Rhett Butler was an intriguing man, the younger ladies in the room had for the most part made him into some renegade hero in their youthful fantasies of an ideal man – nothing better to foster imagination than scandalous rumours combined with dashing good looks.

And that was only the man.

All the men present was in agreement that Scarlett Butler was indeed one fine piece of a woman, slender yet full figure and a way to fling her hair and flutter her eyelashes that made the blood rush in a mans veins. Not that they would ever dare to openly discuss one of the ladies belonging to their ring off social acquaintances with anyone else amongst their friends, but a man had to be mighty cold blooded if not one or to indecent thoughts of Mrs Butler would flash through their mind.

All this however went unnoticed by the dancing couple.

Scarlett's mind was slowly taking in her husband's question. She didn't feel like speaking just yet, she was far to busy savouring the feel of Rhett's warm hands on her body, even if it was just in a very decent and rigid hold for dancing. She closed her eyes trying to block out his words – rustling silks and tapping feet were the only sounds she cared to hear in this instance - perhaps if she kept her eyes closed the world would magically transform and she could be locked in his embrace forever.

Rhett however who had been in a vexing mood all day, felt that the semi silence provided by his wife gnawed at him. Tense from the anticipation of seeing Scarlett again and short tempered after the encounter at his mothers residence the previous evening did not exactly call out his overbearing patient side so he felt the urge to drone on, on the subject he had just initiated. Deep down he knew it was unreasonable and that he also wanted to enjoy another moment of peace, however at the same time he also felt that it was crucial for him to demonstrate that it was HE who controlled the situation and that it was really of no significant consequence to him that she had chosen to show up at his party unannounced.

So stubbornly he repeated the question:

"Why did you come to Charleston, Scarlett?" A hint of impatience clear in his voice.

Savouring the sound of her name on his lips, ignoring the tenseness of his voice, she kept her eyes closed for another brief moment, and then forced herself to open them slowly, lifting her gaze until her eyes met his.

"Why? Does it matter?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact it does"

Even he could hear the ill concealed anger in his tone of voice. He didn't want to let the anger flow, knew it to be unreasonable, but in some twisted way he felt that anger would be the best protection he had against her. He needed a little bit of breathing space to clear his mind and to sort out what he wanted. He had let her come to close already - dancing and his silly little tale of his forefathers and the punch.

Why did she still have this affect on him?

He was slowly accepting that his feelings for her were not as dead as he had previously proclaimed, this knowledge had been creeping up on him from the moment he had left her, and holding her in his arms tonight only made it more apparent, but why did loving Scarlet have to come at such a high price? Was he willing to pay the price of loosing himself again? Risk loosing control of his life?

A small voice insistently tried to point out that there weren't anything to great about his life just now, and perhaps a little bit of Scarlett might shatter the numbing shell that always seemed to envelope him and actually make him feel completely alive again, but he quelled it with an imperceptible shrug and a blink of his eyes.

So without consciously deciding to do so - he did as he always had, pushed her away before she came to close.

Thus retracting the possibility for her to speak for herself, he put the words in her mouth. Malicious words that he knew would sting, whether they were true or not.

He lifted an eyebrow, making his face and features adopt his mocking attitude.

"No my dear, don't bother to answer – I know perfectly well why you've come. For some reason the mighty glorious Ashley Wilkes have completely lost his sheen, and as only rotten eggs are available for you at the doorsteps of Atlanta high society, you concocted this little devious plan to try and get into my graces. Amazing what you will do just to avoid being alone in your own company for too long – but I guess it is understable." His voice was soft and silky, but she who had been at the receiving end of his barbs numerous times, new that this was a voice only used in his most dangerous moods.

He sent her out at arms length, still keeping the dance going – and pulled her closer again, leaning closer to her ear and saying in something akin to a whisper. His breath warm on her earlobe – though the words did not contribute to the warmness.

"But you are wasting your breath my dear – God knows – as you can se I am doing absolutely fine on my own. And have no urge to save you from your exclusion from society of Atlanta, I am also quite convinced, that if you look closer – you must be able to rediscover some of Mr Wilkes more favourable character traits, after all you've been seeing him with rosy glasses for so long, that you MUST be able to muster as much" His dark eyes bore into hers, revealing nothing of what was going on underneath their surface.

Withdrawing a little bit from the rather tight embrace he held her in he continued.

"Though I must admit I am a bit curious as to what you would actually do if I were to accept your – ahem – proposal of joining me as my wife in more than name"

Had she looked carefully she might have seen a glimmer of hope and fearful curiosity as he uttered his last words, but the flicker of real emotions was gone as quickly as it had erupted, and all that was left was his harsh words, and his black boring eyes that if anything held a look of slight indifference.

"Though as you are probably aware – Charleston is not really lacking in beautiful and…. Inviting women who makes your proposal less interesting or necessary – however despite your age no one can deny that you are still a mighty fine piece of female" He continued as though on an afterthought, adding just another malicious edge to his previous statement and let his eyes wander over her body in the most insulting way he could master.

Scarlett felt her heart cringe at the same time as her blood started boiling. Damn him, damn Rhett Butler. He could go to Halifax and stay there with the rest of the snotty inhabitants of his good damn stuck up city. She didn't need him or anyone else for that matter, but if that was true why did his snide comments hurt as much?

All of a sudden the air in the ballroom seemed too heavy and scented for her to breathe properly – her airways felt constricted by the combined impact of warm air and Rhett's mean words. The slight smell of flowers mixed with the heavier scent of the women's perfumes, which a moment ago had seemed to add just the right amount of decadence to the atmosphere now all of a sudden made her nauseous.

Old memories from scenes much like this flashed before her eyes. Why did he always have to ruin any good moments they had with some biting comment. Did he really suspect that here motives was as calculated as he had just stated, or did he do it on purpose just to hurt her. She newer seemed to be able to learn to understand Rhett and his inner musing.

"No" she muttered barely audible.

"What?" he questioned – still a slight mocking expression lingering in his eyes.

"No" she repeated – a bit more strongly but still no louder than it was only him who could hear her.

"No – I won't let you do that again".

She stopped abruptly mid motion as if realising something – causing one or two other dancers in addition to several of the onlookers to raise an eyebrow at this disturbance of the dance rhythm.

She disentangled from his dance hold and put a gloved hand on his coat sleeve.

"Remember something you once said to me" She paused and looked directly into his eyes before continuing with a for Scarlett unnatural calmness.

"It hurts to see you throw something away that could so easily make you happy while grasping after something that will never make you so – well, Rhett Butler – who is throwing what away now?? I am trying to learn and make up for past mistakes – what about you??"

She held his gaze for just a split second longer and then slowly turned and walked away from him, her back erect, her chin at a perfect 90 degree angle to her neck, and her steps calm and even. Though inwardly she was trembling, from the effort of keeping calm in spite of her urge to spit and rage at the world for its unfairness, and also from the immense sadness of knowing that she had lost.

She felt she had just played her only semi good card in what she felt would be a loosing hand.

Coming here to Charleston she had thought she could stand the fight, stand his coldness – and fight against it indefinitely until he would finally yield to her persistence. But only now she realised that that was not an option, either he would relent to her now – at least in the form of a polite truce – or she would have to go. She didn't know where, and her heart was breaking at just the thought of doing so. She just felt with almighty clarity felt that fighting for Rhett with her heart on her sleeve, against his wall of indifferent malicious mockery was more than she was ready to stand for. She would end up hating him or slowly crumbling from the inside, and she wanted neither. She felt a moment's disgust for her own weakness, but then decided to let it go – she would either win him or find some other way to live without him.

She had lived without requited love for so long – she could do it again. Her heart shuddered from the thought of barren loveless years stretching out in front of her. But with her natural strength of mind she pushed the thought away. She couldn't think of it now, or she would break.

One thing worse than showing her weakness to Rhett would surely be to let all the old geese of Charleston see her as a broken women, which was enough for her to steady herself and continue as if nothing was amiss. Her mothers educating words, and Mammy's loving scolding once rang through her, and her back was straightened just that tiny bit further.

So she kept her calm face – pretending to just needing a breath of fresh air. She felt their eyes on her back, but she was sure they could not find anything wrong with her outward appearance, and any new gossip that the old croons would already have started based on her leaving her husband behind on the dance floor would be quelled at the root. Dying like an unnurtured fire would die from lack of air to keep it alive.

She was almost there, at the doorway to freedom. The glass doors opening out into the dark night promised her some peace and quiet. The garden would provide a place for her to get full control over herself again, before she would have to go back and face the rest of the evening. Also she had to cook up an excuse to Rhett's mother for what would be an early morning departure.

A new year – a new beginning. She huffed at the irony.

1874 – She definitely hoped it would turn out to be more promising than the previous year. Well by no means it could turn out to be worse, of that she was optimistically sure, even given her current situation. Hopefully to lose your child, your dearest friend and twice lose a love is something that only befalls a person once in their life.

As she set her foot outside on the gravel she felt a strong urge pulling at her to turn around – to get a glimpse of how Rhett had reacted to her departure – but she felt that it might be her undoing. If she saw something else than what her heart so strongly wished for she might not be strong enough to keep the tears at bay– and seeing something that would actually bring her comfort she feared was a not too likely scenario.

She kept her pace calm and her back upright until the lights from the ballroom that streamed out of the large windows was nothing but a faint glow. Only then she let herself slump and her face crumbled into a sorrowful grimace full of anguish and pain. She felt the tears well up in her eyes, and as she was sure that she was all alone she let them flow, not caring about the damage it would do to her face. Hard silent sobs shook her body as she slowly wandered deeper into the garden, her only companion the soft moonlight that cast its silvery glow over the trees and bushes.

Her anguish were a mixture of self pity and a genuine heartfelt sadness over the loss of her love anew – mixed with regret of all the past chances she had unknowingly let slip, and had steered her unveeringly to this point in time where she was now.

She found a lone abandoned bench, partially hidden by unkempt branches from a nearby shrub, and flung herself down on its mossy surface – not caring if she would ruin her dress – completely giving in to the emotions flowing through her.

----""""""----

For a moment he stood frozen after Scarlett's departure. Her words had struck a nerve with him, but he had no intention of letting anyone guess the nature of the quiet conversation he just had with his wife. His eyes followed her exit and when she disappeared out of the door he stared at the empty entrance for just a second longer than necessary before letting his gaze sweep the room to divine the impact of her exit.

No one however openly let on that anything out of the ordinary had just happened.

Letting his eyes flow further he caught his mothers gaze. A stern look and a not to pleasing frown was what she sent his way, she obviously had not been fooled by the calm nature of their exchange and by the looks of it she blamed him for the untimely exit of his wife.

Damn Scarlett, damn her to hell – why did she always have to make things so complicated for him – he breathed in and made his way to the drinks bar – this time for something a little more fortifying than the punch. He knew he would have to go find her eventually, but first of all he needed to reflect on the words she had tossed at him.

He had wanted her to come – yet not wanted her to know that. And now that she was here he had had to acknowledge that his heart was not as sealed to her as he had earlier professed. But he was still in a clear conflict as to whether or not he wanted her to know that. All the while her words resonated through his mind – was he really doing what he had once accused her of? Throwing away happiness that was so easily within his grasp?

But what if it was all just a trick – what if she would turn from him as she had so many times before once she had him where she wanted?

Could he survive another rebuff from her? Could he risk losing his heart and his sanity yet again? Would he be able to pick up the pieces of his shattered heart once more if she tired of him? Did he even have a choice?

He emptied his glass with a flick of his wrist and asked for a refill.

A soft hand on his arm disturbed his thoughts, for a second he thought it was Scarlett who had returned but turning around he realised it was his mother. He nodded his head in greeting.

She gave him a small smile, yet her eyes were far from smiling, and gestured for him to follow.

Loudly, probably for the benefit of their guest, she said.

"Rhett my dear, can't you give me a small tour of the house, it's been so long and I want you to show me all the places that has been fixed up and helping me avoid the rooms that haven't yet"

At a tone of voice meant for his ears only she added.

"What did you say to her?"

As he didn't answer she gave him another stern look but held her tongue until they had left the crowded ballroom and was in a place where they could speak a bit more freely.

As her son still did not indicate any willingness to speak she took the lead herself.

"I love you Rhett you know that, but contrary to you, love has not made me blind, and it is hurting my eyes to see the way the two of you behaves. I know you probably think that I am overstepping any possible boundary by broaching this subject with you. But enough is enough and even if you will never speak to me again I have to try" Eleanor Butler rarely was, but when she chose to she could be refreshingly blunt and to the point.

She cast him a sideways glance but continued without giving him a chance to interrupt.

"I've seen you Rhett – perhaps not that often – but still with regular enough intervals to know a little bit about what have been going on in your life for the past years. I remember your stolen visits during the war. To begin with you had a care for nothing recklessness about you that worried me. My heart was sad that you had not found a place to settle down, or rather that you had found no one to love – for I knew better than anyone how much you deserved love. Gradually however I perceived a change in you – not that you ever openly admitted anything, but call it motherly instinct, I knew that something or rather someone had changed your view of the world"

She squeezed his arm tenderly, and felt his tenseness and his reservation. She recognised the stubbornness he had inherited from his father, this shielding of emotions from the world. His father had been a hard man to love, but she had loved him, and been happy for the greatest part of their marriage, though the shunning of their eldest son from their home had been something she had never forgiven him for, but she had understood that he had been a result of the world he had been brought up in, just as the son that now stood before him was a result of his upbringing and the blows that life had dealt him. The older Mr Butler had never relented to any of her pleas for inviting their son back in the family and she knew that he had inwardly suffered all kinds of anguish because of this, but to his death day he had been ruled by pride and stubbornness. Because of this stubborn shield he had kept over his emotions, he had not been a happy man. Always thinking more of what the world saw, than what would make him happy. She only hoped that she would be able to crack a hole in the armour of her son's shield, as Rhett seemed to be on a track not unlike his fathers, a track that was sure to bring him no joy or happiness either. Damn those stubborn Butler men, too god damn stubborn for their own good.

"It wasn't clear signs that you gave away, no specific details or even a name, only a smile here, a glint in your eyes whenever the conversation touched on your frequent trips and prolonged stays in Atlanta, and something in the tone of your voice when you spoke of a small household that you often visited in at Atlanta – but it was enough. This gleam in your eyes had grown stronger between each of your visits here. I was waiting patiently for your announcement, but nothing came, even though your love had clearly not died away. I wondered at this hesitance on your side, and hoped that you would allow yourself to give in to the feelings at some point. The reason for this hesitance I later found out was of a more pragmatic nature, the girl had married again and I saw how it tormented you – all the same as you were unable to let go of her completely. It puzzled me greatly why you had let anyone beat you to her, and I felt like shaking your father for I blamed him for this reluctance in you to show your true colours"

She paused again – looking for some signs that her words were sinking in. But the complicated man at her side that was her son did not give anything away. A blank unrelenting face the only answer she received – she nevertheless took it as an encouraging answer that he had not run away but was at least willing to hear her out.

"Then all of a sudden news of your wedding reached my door, and I knew that something had happened, so you could finally have your girl – and my heart sang out in joy for you. My dearest son who had had to shoulder so much of life on his own had finally found someone worthy of sharing the burden with. Even if it hurt me that I was not able to attend your wedding and see her for myself I decided to think of her as worthy, after all she had been able to take the step that you at a very early age proclaimed you would never take"

"Learning of your wedding was one of the happiest days of my life" She smiled sadly in remembrance.

"My joy was not forever, for you never brought her to visit. You came yourself only a few times – and I sensed that all was not as happy as I had hoped. Something was not right, though you never spoke a word of it. Again it was just a hint of bitterness in you voice, and the smallest twist of sadness in your eyes. Loved her however you still did, so I hoped that you would eventually be able to sort it out between you. Rumours travels fast as you know, and of course rumours about my daughter in law also reached my ear – she supposedly – pardon me for being so frank – had a romantic interests outside of the marriage. I of course refused to listen to such nonsense and therefore never learned of the details of these stories. Time went by, you were clearly not as happy as I hoped, but you loved her, of that I was sure. Then there was Bonnie..."

He flinched visibly as she spoke the name.

She gave him a look of pity, but decided to continue unaffected.

"…and I hoped that she would be the solution to your troubles. But it seemed not as you came here to visit, with her as the only company – I sensed that something had happened with your relationship with Scarlett – something that had made you finally give up. However it didn't trouble me as much as it had previously, for now you had your daughter. And what a joy it was to see the two of you together"

Eleanor felt her voice thicken at the mention of the granddaughter that no longer was, but leaving her out would help no one.

"Then disaster struck, my hope was, that this devastating loss would somehow unite you and Scarlett, but my brief visit around the funeral clearly told me otherwise"

She paused again, as if contemplating which words to best use in order to get her meaning through.

"and then… then you came here. I've never seen you look so lost before. I wanted to help you but knew that my love was not the one you needed. I secretly raged at Scarlett for letting you go like this, hated her for not loving you as she ought to, and I hoped that you would be able to heal yourself and find some comfort in an uncommitted life here in Charleston. However I soon realised, that though you physically healed – some wounds was not yours to heal on your own"

"So I did what I thought – and still thinks – for the best. I interfered. I made sure that Scarlett came here. In part because I sensed that you despite all still needed to see her again. If for nothing else then at least to get her out of your system or perhaps you would be able find some common ground to start over. Last but not least also in part because I was curious as to whom this girl that had such a hold over you for the past many years actually was"

She paused yet again. A look of immense sadness in her eyes. She gently patted his arm urging him to meet her eyes. As he slowly lifted his gaze she saw the same sadness in his, eyes but also other things, confusion, disbelief, fear, loneliness. He looked so like a small lost boy that her heart was breaking for him. So big and strong yet so fragile. The wonders of human nature that we can believe us untouchable and without the need for someone to rely on, she thought and gave a small sigh before letting herself continue.

"I must admit Rhett that I genuinely like her, I was definitely not prepared to do so but I do. She fascinates me, she seems so alive, so tough, yet she definitely is not as tough as she likes us all to believe. So I like her in part because I find her interesting, but also and no less, because after seeing her, I can see that she definitely love you… She might not have loved you before, but know she does. She is just as stubborn as you are Rhett, yet she took a leap of faith and came her, didn't she? I see it in the way her eyes sparkle only when you are around, and many other small signs. Yes she definitely loves you. And you love her too don't you Rhett?"