"Five, four, three, two…." Wilson counted down to himself. The door to his office blasted open with an out-of-breath House racing forward to Wilson's desk.
"What was that!!!" House demanded.
"What?" Wilson said coyly.
"Don't act coy with me, you dog!" House barked back. "You were flirting with Cuddy! I saw it and you said something to her that freaked her out. What did you say?"
"Look, House, Cuddy is interested in you but you're too much of a candy ass to do anything about it which really means you don't deserve her." Wilson smirked. "You know you want her. I know it. Hell, everyone knows it…except Cuddy. You know it but there the two of you are still NOT a couple. I've been watching this charade for 5 long years. I've decided you have great taste in women and I'm going to give you just a one more day to make your move. If you don't then I will!" Wilson stood up, picked up two files and departed leaving House shocked, gape-mouthed and annoyed.
"Oh no you don't! House followed Wilson into the hall. "Wait up! Cripple here!"
Wilson ignored House. "Give it up House!"
House charged after him, "Wait a damn minute! Dr. Wilson, stop!"
Wilson sighed and stopped without turning around. "What?"
"Are you seriously interested in Cuddy?" House demanded. "Or are you just screwing with me.
"Yes to the first, no to the second," Wilson sighed.
"Seriously?"
"Seriously." Wilson said.
"Shit." House said blank faced. "Why?"
"You are SUCH an IDIOT!" Wilson said and walked away.
"Am not!" House snarked.
"Right." Wilson shouted back. "You're still first on her list so don't screw it up or I'll get the girl."
"Oh, I get it. You and Cuddy cooked up a plan to get us together! Well, I don't DO deadlines."
"Good, Cuddy's mine by the Saturday." Wilson continued down the hall unaffected.
"Oh Fuck You!" House shouted back. "Fuck you you shit!"
"Oh, that's Niiiiiice." Cuddy said sarcastically directly behind House who froze in fear.
"What?" He snarked.
"Cursing in the hallways at the top of your lungs?" Cuddy said, "Is this what I pay you to do?"
"What do you want now?" House changed the subject.
"Not a damn thing from you." Cuddy shot back "Where's Wilson going?"
"How should I know?" House retorted. Cuddy frowned.
"Whatever" Cuddy quickly moved past House and continued quickly down the hall after Wilson.
"What the hell?" House asked himself. He stood staring after Cuddy watching her walk away.
Damn, House thought. Cuddy was beyond attractive, she was classy and beautiful and really out of his league when he did the math. Physically, she pushed every single button House had from his penchant for a curvy firm posterior, tiny waist, slender legs and a sexy sway that became more pronounced when she hurried. One word came to mind whenever House watched Cuddy: Mine.
Something was wrong here. Nothing made sense and everything was moving past House way too fast. House headed to his office and told the ducklings to leave him alone. He grabbed the red and gray tennis ball and began bouncing it off the wall. What was going on? Wilson suddenly decided he had the hots for Cuddy? Now Wilson was laying down a deadline? When the hell did that happen? Cuddy was wrapped around his pinkie finger for the past twenty years so Wilson imagining he had a chance to cut-in? Ha, no way! No, this was a scam between Cuddy and Wilson to screw with him. He'd mess with them and make them recognize who the master was. A smile came across House's face. No problem. Let the fun begin.
The following morning, House stopped into Cuddy's office. She was focused on something important on her screen and hadn't noticed the gangly man enter.
"Nice to see you working for a change." House sniped before Cuddy heard him enter.
"Good morning to you too." Cuddy said without looking up. "Who do you want to cut open today?"
"Not here on a patient's House call. Today, I'm here on personal business."
"Oh?" Cuddy looked up from her computer screen. House was leering at her, leaning over his cane and hunched with a sort of vulture-in-waiting look about him.
"What?" Cuddy said, a look of confusion on her face when House paused interminably.
"What what?" House answered back.
"What do you want, House?" Cuddy sighed with exasperation
"To enjoy the view and I see the 'girls' are in fine shape today," House wagged his eyebrows at her. "Love the cleavage display but a tad lower if you're going to hook a man around here."
Cuddy ignored him. "What sort of personal business?"
"Curiosity, mainly."
"Well, what else," Cuddy sighed and leaned back in her chair. "What do you want to know?"
"Do you find Wilson….attractive?" House asked gently.
"Yes." Cuddy said flatly. This is not what House expected. He expected Cuddy to put up a fight and ask him why he'd want to know.
"Oh." House commented. "That's it, no yelling about personal questions?"
"Nope. Are you done? Curiosity satisfied? "
"Moi? Not bloody likely." House answered. "Why?"
"Why what?" Cuddy demanded.
"Why do you find Wilson handsome?" House rolled his eyes as if dealing with a slow child.
"You asked me if I thought Wilson attractive, not handsome," Cuddy corrected. "Why do you care?
House was a bit stunned. This wasn't what he expected. Cuddy was being a little cold and monosyllabic. Ordinarily it turned him on but more importantly she was deflecting. That was his territory.
"Want to grab dinner tonight?" House asked Cuddy. Her heart pounded at the comment but her face remained unchanged.
"No thanks. I've got plans." Cuddy replied not bothering to look at him. It felt good to reject him a little.
"No you don't."
"Actually, I do." Cuddy said matter-of-factly.
"What, with a man?" House teased.
"Yes. Bye bye now." Cuddy stared back at him.
"Who?"
"None of your business."
"Oh come on! Cuddy, you're just playing …."
"House, why do you care?"
"I don't but I am curious what poor slob out there would be so desperate to have to spend time with you…"
"Apparently you were interested in spending time with me." Cuddy smiled. Touche!
"True, but I figured I'd never see the 'girls' if I didn't at least …
"House, what are you doing? Why are you playing these games with me? We've done this routine for 5 years and we both know this will never go any further than this. For one reason, I'm your boss, and second, you are too scared to take chances on anything remotely close to genuine feelings.
"That's it? That's all you got?" House smirked a little. "C'mon, what about how I'm a mean SOB and …."
"Well, Wilson has his own theories." Cuddy interrupted and crossed her arms on her chest.
"Yeah, yeah, I know…" House tried to cut in.
"…that you're never going to ask me out on a date because you're afraid you might enjoy yourself. You're afraid you might screw it up – as if you could do any worse on a date than you do here on a daily basis. Don't look at me, I told you this is Wilson's theory." Cuddy felt a little nervous suddenly and had to do something with her nervous energy brushing past him headed to her bookshelf in search of a reference journal before making her way back to her desk.
House was feeling exposed with Cuddy hitting so close to the truth. So when did Cuddy finally wise up to all this? Was it because she now had else waiting in the wings? James wanting her? Wanting her to get over House, maybe?
"I can't actually ask you out because you're my boss, Cuddy." House stated clearly.
"Yes, I mentioned that already." Cuddy murmured before adding, "but that didn't stop you from coming over to my house in the middle of the night and kissing me, did it?"Cuddy countered.
"That was a pity kis…" House laughed off.
"Pity -- with tongue?" Cuddy cut him off.
"Okay, point for you. I was drinking and I felt bad about hurting your feelings and…."
"House, for a bright and observant genius, you sure do miss a lot of basic details."
"I see everything" House countered uneasily. His sense of confidence shaken.
"I told you, you want me but you don't want me to know that." Cuddy placed the book on her desk, pulled up her computer screen and continued editing a science journal draft.
"I think it's the other way around," House said with a smug face. "You want me but you don't want me to know you want me. AH Ha!"
"I'm your boss. I am not allowed to want you. It would be illegal if I did anything along those lines. Get it now?" Cuddy said with a cute tilt to her chin. "Time to go, Greggie. Mommy's got work to do."
House looked shocked. "Hold on just a damn minute here. Are you finally, finalllllllly, telling me that the only reason you've not jumped my bones is because you're my boss?"
"Duh, you idiot." Cuddy answered too quickly adding "among other reasons."
House smiled. "So this boss-employee thing is the reason we're not doing the horizontal mambo?"
Cuddy frowned and smiled at House. "You're a real Robert Frost."
"So what would happen if I made a pass at you?" House said.
"You mean another one?" Cuddy smirked.
"Yeah," House encouraged. "Would you fire me? Or, would you fire me up? Slide your hands around my neck and kiss me back, again?"
"That doesn't count," Cuddy countered. "I had just lost Joy and I was….vulnerable. I wasn't thinking clearly and…
"Yeah, yeah whatever." House mumbled. This conversation had gotten quite interesting and despite its sexy direction, House was not satisfied. Who the hell was she seeing this weekend? Why did she turn him down? Obviously she likes him and this game of theirs was starting to fray. He wasn't ready for that. He liked the tension and the verbal foreplay. No way was this moving to the next level until he wanted to.
Cuddy looked up at the silent House. "Are you done ranting?"
"You can't have Wilson either." House shot back.
"What are you talking about?" Cuddy looked nervous.
"You're his boss, too. He's your employee, too. Haaaaaa!" House smirked obviously pleased with himself.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Cuddy said nervously.
"Wilson told me all about you two," House continued. "How he's going after you if I don't move things along."
"I know." Cuddy said quietly.
"You know?" House was shocked and his face showed it.
"That's what he told me at lunch yesterday. I don't really believe him. I think he's scamming both of us to move things along. He's a very determined Cupid." Cuddy mused. "Why? Do you believe him?"
"I don't know." House said honestly. "He was kind of weird yesterday."
"Okay, well that settles that. I've got a meeting and you've got clinic hours. So in conclusion: I'm the boss. You and James are employees. No one's quitting and no one's boinking anyone in this trio. Capish? No hanky panky and they all lived happily every after." Cuddy stated.
House grinned at her Italian references. "Well no one lives happily ever after without hanky panky."
"Going to have to if you're going to work here. Bye House. I'm going to my meeting. Don't touch my stuff." Cuddy commanded as she exited her office.
House smirked at her intuition and her lovely round bottom.
Reviews would be very welcomed!