[ Part Twelve ]

Sharon heaved a quiet sigh and ran her hand across her face, conscious of the make-up now sticking to her palm and trying to remember to wash her hands so she wouldn't stain her black suit. Make-up stains were the worst, she thought with more apprehension than the notion warranted. Mere water would never get them off and while they might not be too visible on a gray or brown suit, they were absolutely disastrous on a black one. She was already having a tough enough time getting her things to the dry cleaners and back on a regular basis, having to monitor the Major Crimes squad almost constantly. She shook her head when she finally realized how much attention she was paying to what were really the smallest of her problems when Gavin was in the middle of the Murder Room, delivering a speech on how he would win the case against Brenda even despite the leak no one wanted to acknowledge existed. Despite everything, she found herself smiling. Watching him made her feel energized. He looked so confident, so in his element. The little show he was putting on actually belonged in a court room, not a squad room, but it was impressive either way. Instead of sliding her hands into her pockets as she liked to do when she was feeling confused or simply had to focus a little harder than usual, she placed her right hand in her neck and massaged it lightly. Being in FID wasn't exactly proper preparation for car chases and their outcomes. Sharp turns might look great to onlookers, but were really a hazard on the neck muscles. Sharon had been tense all through it and how she had managed to shoot their suspect right between the eyes with her beanbag gun was a mystery even to her. While she liked target practice and had always been a talented shooter, she wouldn't have expected to be this good in a charged situation like that.

Having Gavin here was more of a relief than she would have ever expected. Their paths crossed often in their lines of work, but knowing that there was someone here who liked her helped her forget about her dilemma: She had to admit that she was dreading walking in there so much nowadays that sometimes she had to will her feet to continue walking. Being in FID, she was used to antagonism from her fellow officers, but this squad was equipped with two people she hated getting it from. One of them was Brenda Leigh Johnson, the other was Andy Flynn. While the Chief's often downright obtrusive behavior and snippy attitude should have enraged her, her grudging respect for the other woman always held her back. She of all people knew how hard it was for women to thrive in a still rather male environment like this one and Chief Johnson's success despite her decidedly girly looks and, sometimes, behavior fascinated her. And then there was her hardheadedness, the way she liked to bend and break the rules and always got away with it. Where Sharon was trying to not give anyone a reason to be able to find fault in her and diminish her work as an officer, Brenda just didn't care. Although it shouldn't, it made her secretly admire the other woman for her boldness.

And then there was Andy. They had managed to meet up for one civilized but strangely awkward dinner that had been ended prematurely by a call to a crime scene that Andy had received before she'd been commanded to investigate the major crimes division. Where she had hoped a friendship or even something more might blossom, the same old disdain had filled up all available space. Andy was just as distant as all the other people on the squad and while she didn't mind them, every time he wouldn't meet her eyes, she felt a pang of pain surging through her. Truth was, she missed him. How she had gone without him for seventeen years was beyond her when now it took only five months to make her go crazy. Maybe it was the fact that they were now constantly crossing paths or maybe it was the absence of two loud children and a struggling husband in her home, but she found herself thinking about him more often than not. She hated being dependent, even if it was just because she felt so strongly for someone who wasn't actually in her life and it hurt.

Gavin finished his speech and walked out with flourish, so she followed him, eager to use his dramatic entrance to be able to vanish without further ado, too. She needed a hot bath and something to eat, maybe a glass of wine or a cup of tea. Something to take the edge off, make the pain go away. She willed herself not to look at Andy who was perched on a desk, looking attractive in his suit and tie, eyes alert and following her. It was unnerving how he would never look her in the eye while she felt his eyes on her more often than not. Gavin was waiting in front of the set of elevators with a self-satisfied smirk and turned around smoothly when the sound of Sharon's heels clicking on the floor signaled her arrival.

"How was I?" he asked her with an elegant little wave.

"Perfect, as usual," she replied with a smirk of her own, feeling instantly relaxed in the presence of her old friend.

"We'll figure this whole thing out, honey," Gavin told her, once again reading her like an open book, recognizing how tense she was in a heartbeat. "and then you can leave here and leave that Flynn behind. He is not that attractive, you know."

She smiled back at her friend, soothed by his low, calming voice. She had broken down after Christmas and had told him the whole story, including their little episode on her new couch. Maybe it had been the bottle of red wine they'd shared or maybe her bottled-up feelings, but she had felt ready to cry midway through but only actually allowing herself to when Gavin had told her to come to Uncle Gavin and snuggle up against his chest for a while. It was good to have someone in the know, someone in her corner who understood her and her motives for screwing everything up royally. He was even a little apprehensive of Andy, which she found cute even though it was completely uncalled for.

"I'd love to take you out for drinks now, Princess," Gavin said earnestly, making her smile grow wider at the once dreaded nickname. So far they had managed to keep their private relationship well out of the office and she should have cringed at the usage of it around here, but after the day she'd had she was well beyond caring.

"Why not? I could use a nice salad and a glass of white," she said, still hopeful that he would change his mind.

"Oh, if you want to. I just guess there's someone else fawning over you tonight."

"Excuse me?" Sharon asked, confused by his behavior. What on earth was he talking about?

"Hello! Excuse you!" Gavin was pretending to be offended. "Did you see how your Flynn was looking at you back there?" She was grateful that at this hour, the anteroom was blissfully empty, but maybe he wouldn't have spoken like that if it hadn't been. "You beanbag gun stunt is an instant legend, I can assure you. Heard a group of officers going on about it when I arrived earlier."

"It was a lucky shot," she insisted, aware that she sounded a little stubborn. Gavin touched her shoulder.

"Oh, yeah, Princess. An accident almost!" He grinned. "You're not fooling me. Anyway. I have got to run." The elevator doors opened in front of him as if on cue.

"Why the hurry, Gavin?" she asked, a little annoyed now. He leaned in as if to kiss her cheek but then whispered in her ear instead. "Because someone's here to talk to you." With a wide grin and a slightly darker look over her shoulder he made another flawless exit by stepping into the elevator the exact moment that Sharon chose to look behind her. Expecting Chief Johnson with a list of complaints, she was shocked to see Andy approaching, his hands in his trouser pockets.

"Oh, hi," she said, sounding completely surprised even to her own ears.

"Hey," he replied, his eyes surprisingly warm even if he looked a little awkward. "Um, I was wondering... actually, Provenza was wondering, not me so much- well..." He was fidgeting and she found herself frozen in place, unable to come up with a quip or teasing words or even a knowing smile. Her usual means of conveying sarcasm or superiority left her at the sight of a faint blush creeping up his neck. Suddenly all she wanted to do was close the distance between them, cup his face with her palms and pull him down to kiss her. Instead she said nothing and did nothing, feeling as if it was all she ever did.

"Well, anyway, we're going out for a round of celebratory drinks. The chief's going home so it's only going to be the rest of us, but you're welcome to join us- if you want to, I mean."

She was completely taken aback by the offer and only fleetingly wondered why Provenza, if he had indeed been the driving force behind it, hadn't made it himself. Andy's brow furrowed at her lack of response and he took his hands out of his pockets with a start, raising them as if to fend off an invisible assailant. "Look, if you don't-" He seemed embarrassed, not his usual, charming or aggressive self. It didn't seem as if he was offering her a way out; instead he seemed to be backing off to protect himself, to try and make sure that she didn't think he would mind if she didn't come along. It was the discovery of this weakness in him that convinced to go with him.

"No, I'd love to. Thank you. It is just a little... unexpected." She gave him a small smile, her heart missing a beat when he smiled back, still a little distracted.

"Well, we are like that, aren't we." Their moment was interrupted by Provenza and Sanchez coming out, followed by Gabriel who was on the phone with someone and Tao who was still in the process of shrugging back into his jacket. Flynn announced to the rest of them that she was coming and they just nodded solemnly, but without the usual malice in their looks. She tagged along, her mood lightened by Andy's presence beside her and his small attempts to make conversation on their way to the bar. Once there, she found herself seated between Andy and Sanchez, right across from Provenza who was eying her curiously, she found. He seemed caught between two emotions and she guessed that he wasn't sure whether to hate her in general or to like her a little because of the beanbag gun incident. She was no fool and had noticed how impressed with her everyone had been. There was no way not to, actually. She remembered the look Provenza had given her back in the Murder Room and gave him a small smirk across the table, trying to reestablish that unexpected little moment of comraderie between them. The older lieutenant got up with a start and positioned himself at the head of the table, counting down the drink orders as if to show her how well everyone knew each other. She felt a little dismayed at how obvious he made her position as an outsider until he looked at Andy.

"Cranberry and soda for Andy..."

She turned her head in surprise, her own order forgotten at the discovery that he still seemed to have this particular drink regularly enough to be assumed to be his order by his best friend without having to ask. Their eyes met and she saw a flash of vulnerability in them that surprised her even more than what she'd discovered before.

"What about you, Captain?" Provenza asked, the fact that he was repeating the question obvious from his exasperated tone although Sharon didn't remember hearing anything before.

"White wine," Andy answered for her. "And don't pick the cheapest one."

Sharon smiled, the urge to pull him into her even stronger than before. He seemed to be remembering the very same conversation that she did, that time in her kitchen during their first dinner when she'd told him that for her, cranberry and soda was a mere replacement for the white wine she liked to drink when she was not pregnant. Although times had been rough back then, both emotionally and financially, she suddenly wanted to go back in time, to do it all again. She wanted to yell at her young, idealistic self to tell her that there was no use in trying to keep her family together when Jack was too self-centered and she was in love with someone else.

As per usual, she felt like a spectator to the other's interactions but this time she didn't mind it both because she didn't exactly felt excluded and because she was unable to concentrate on taking part in the conversation with Andy by her side, anyway. She sipped her wine and listened to the other's stories, to what Tao's son was doing, which one of Provenza's ex-wives was making demands again, why Gabriel never had time to go to the gym lately. It was all easy conversation that flowed past her and through her and she felt herself go light-headed with the wine on an empty stomach. Tao was the first to leave, Gabriel quickly following, and she was about to gather the strength to excuse herself and get up from where she was comfortably able to inhale Andy's scent when Provenza made a quick and hurried exit, his phone already pressed to his ear, grumbling at the caller while distractedly waving his goodbyes to them. She didn't want to look up from her glass when sudden silence fell across the table, the others gone, only leaving her and Flynn. His soft voice finally ended the silence that hung between them.

"I have something that is yours."

She looked up, confused, and opened her mouth to ask when he reached into the inner pocket of his jacket and, with a smile, retrieved a bean bag. Despite the tension she was feeling, she let out a throaty laugh, short and abrupt but merry none the less.

"You kept it?" she asked.

"Oh yeah, I did. Wouldn't let a trophy like that go missing," Andy was obviously trying to be his charming self but failing slightly. It wasn't blatantly obvious, but there was a strain in his voice that gave him away.

"You can keep it, you know," she replied. "You don't have to hand it back unless you want me to sign it for you."

Andy grinned, amusement now evident. "As if I needed a reminder where I got it from," he said. "I think that was the single most badass move I've ever seen in my whole career."

She chuckled, a warm feeling spreading through her, and took another sip of wine to hide how pleased she was.

"You're blushing, Sharon," Andy informed her, causing her to let her hair fall in her face. Before either of them knew what he was doing, he had reached out to tuck her hair behind her ear. After she had turned her head with a start, her cheek was now resting inside his palm. Maybe it was the wine talking, but Sharon blurted out the words that had been on her mind for weeks, months even, before she had time to carefully consider whether it was a good idea to be this frank with him.

"I miss you, Andy."

He dropped his hand as if it had been burned, staring at his glass. She noticed that his drink was empty and so was hers.

"We see a lot of each other, don't you think?" he finally mumbled, not quite looking at her. "Look, it's getting late. I should probably go."

Sharon felt heat creep into her cheek and grabbed her bag, slinging it over her shoulder. She buttoned her jacket with one hand while getting up, soon running the other nervously through her hair. It had been wrong to be this straightforward, she conceded, feeling embarrassed and a little empty. Andy walked ahead, a little too fast for her to fully catch up with him and she was sure that it was deliberate. Something seemed to weigh on his shoulders. He was acting like someone who knew he was making a mistake. Suddenly it dawned on her and the shock seemed like something that was about to strangle her.

"Andy!" she called out, causing him to turn around somewhat guiltily. She used it to her advantage and quickly caught up with him, placing her hand on his arm. "Andy, I'm sorry. I should have known. You have a girlfriend, haven't you?"

He stared at her, his mouth slightly open, his eyes large and quizzical.

"Look, I never meant to do this, to intrude on you relationship, I-"

He cut her off unceremoniously. "What makes you think I am in a relationship?" His voice was sharp, the words so hard and unfamiliar in their sound that he might as well have spoken another language. Sharon was taken aback, having been so sure that this was what his distance was all about. She stood there helplessly, palms open and shoulders low. She felt defenseless and, once again, embarrassed, so she decided to just go for it.

"What is it then, Andy? Why-?"

He cut her off again, even more harshly this time, his bearings ruled by a type of anger she didn't recognize, not in him, anyway. It was cold fury, not his usual heated self. He seemed collected, as if the emotion he was about to express wasn't young, not just born by something that upset him but old and ripened and like a thorn in his side that he had learned to ignore.

"You think that this is about me being drawn to you although I am in a relationship with someone else?"

She just shook her head, feeling terribly uncomfortable under his hard gaze. She didn't speak in fear of being cut off again.

"You really don't understand?" His voice sounded strained now. Not as if he was going to raise it in anger, soon, but as if it was going to be ripped apart by the emotion it carried. She was shivering now although her cheeks were hot with shame. The parking lot around them was deserted and dark, providing just enough light to see the pain in his face. She still said nothing, her throat constricted by dread. He took a step away from her when she had expected him to get closer to be all up in her face. He shook his head, his face like stone but his voice full of the emotion he somehow managed to keep out of his eyes.

"I don't want to be your friend again, Sharon. I don't want to be close to you. I can't let it happen again. You're a thing of my past, a thing that almost tore me apart."

Sharon felt a lump in her throat, signaling her that she was about to cry. "I am not a thing," she whispered.

He shook his head slowly. "I wish you were," he said, somewhat defeated. "I only realized how much I love you when you were gone. You tore me apart and I was a wreck for almost two years until Provenza put me back together."

She remained silent, unsure of what to say in order to make it better, or at least not worse. He was not pathetic in his accusations. She could see the raw pain in his eyes and only now she realized how badly she had wounded him. Nothing hurt as much as rejection of a loved one. She of all people should have known. How could she have expected him to just forget about the past and move on when she had never as much as apologized to him? Although her actions had hurt herself just as much, they had to seem selfish to him.

"Jack and I have been separated for almost twenty years now," she finally said quietly. "He is long gone and I-"

Andy shook his head. "You're not divorced, though." He took another step back. "Look, I can't do this. I don't want to do this." He raised his hands as if to fend her off although she wasn't moving a muscle. "Who knows what fault you'll find in our relationship now. There are a million possibilities in your rulebook alone. I can't do it. I'm sorry."

He thought that she'd given him up just like that. Without feeling any pain, without questioning herself. How could she tell him how wrong he was when he kept running away from her?

Only when she heard his car engine start in the distance, she realized that he hadn't used past tense when he said that he loved her.

Sharon sat down heavily on the edge of the bathtub, barely able to keep her balance with how narrow it was compared to her large body. She tried to breathe through her nose but it only served to make her feel even more sick while the pain was starting again. She squeezed her eyes shut when it reached its peak, so intense that she clawed her hand around the porcelain, her fingers sliding off the smooth surface. She groaned, pressing her hand against the underside of her swollen belly until it was over. Sharon was shaking when she raised her wrist to look at her watch. Only seven minutes since the last one. She would have to go to the hospital soon. Only that she wouldn't be able to drive herself, it being too dangerous with her frequent contractions.

She couldn't leave Tommy on his own either, worried that he would awake in the middle of the night to find both of his parents gone. But Jack hadn't been at the office anymore when she'd called it almost an hour ago to tell him that she was in labor. His whereabouts were anybody's guess and she wanted to slap him for being so careless, her being only two days away from her actual due date. She ran cold water over her wrists to calm herself and then took a deep breath. She would be able to do this on her own, she assured herself. The doctors knew about her condition, they would take the necessary precautions and she would get through this. But doubt was never far away these days. Jack was a loving, but absent father. How would he be able to deal with two kids on his own if something was to happen to her today? She knew that she was beginning to panic, that she had to calm down. Sharon reminded herself that she needed to call Alexa and ask her to come over and watch Tommy, that she needed to do it soon. She knew that she would have to call a cab to get to the hospital, that she had to get her bag from her bedroom. Yet she felt so alone, so in pain, so terribly afraid.

Andy.

The thought struck her light lightening. She needed Andy. She wanted Andy, more even than she wanted Jack right now. He would calm her down, he would make a terrible joke, he would be there. As much as it hurt to admit it, Jack wasn't even there when he was. Even when he was present physically, his mind was somewhere else and he never caught up on her more subtle emotions. The thought of Andy was what helped her step onto the landing, to gingerly walk down the stairs to her phone. When she had reached the small table in the hallway, another contraction overwhelmed her. It had started to built on her way downstairs but she had been too focused on her destination and on what she was about to do to fully realize it until now. It was worse than the last and caused her to whimper despite her resolve to keep quiet in order not to wake Tommy. In this moment of raw pain, the realization was coming for the first time. She was making a mistake. Drowned out by the adrenaline and later by the happiness and love at the arrival of her child, she would forget about it again, but at that moment it was present and as clear as the agonizing pain she was in. She didn't want to be with Jack and she didn't need to prove anything by staying with Jack. She wanted Andy and Andy was who was good for her. Andy who was trying hard to be a good father despite his own problems. Andy who listened, Andy who really saw her. She had no doubt that Jack loved her, but the only kind of love he was able to give was not the kind she needed. Or anyone needed.

She took several deep breaths to stay on top of the pain and picked up the receiver. Still knowing Andy's number by heart she dialed the first digits then was interrupted by the sound of the key in the lock. She dropped the phone, shocked by the fact that Jack had been about to walk in on her begging Andy to take her back, not because she was scared that she'd hurt him, but because she knew that it was wrong. Or thought that it was. She had been raised to make the "right" choices, not possibly the easiest or the best ones for herself and she couldn't shake it off.

The look in Jack's eyes at the sight of her brought tears to her eyes. It was soft and concerned and she felt guilty for what she had been feeling a moment ago, for what she had been about to do.

"Oh god, the baby is coming, isn't it?" He was already next to her, running his hand down her back soothingly. "You need to sit down, babe."

She wanted to cry, to throw things. She hated herself and she didn't know whether she loved or hated Jack.

"They're only seven minutes apart," she said and felt him take her hand and squeeze it.

"Don't worry. I'll call Alexa," he said, surprising her with the fact that he even remembered her friend's name. "She can be here in a few minutes to watch Tommy. I'll get your bag from upstairs." He lifted her hand to his lips one more time then grabbed the phone and guided her to the living-room and on to the couch where he wrapped his free arm around her and gently pulled her into his side.

She felt numb while he was making arrangements, calling Alexa, the hospital and Sharon's mother, all the while stroking her back and occasionally kissing her temple. She closed her eyes, hugging her stomach. In a few short hours she'd be holding their daughter and everything would be okay.

Only everything wouldn't.

A/N: I promise the next chapter will be less angsty. And published sooner. Or so I hope. I have so much to do, it's ridiculous, but I will finish this story. And "The Uninvited" when I am done with this one. I am really sorry for the long wait! I hope you liked it!