Staking a Claim Part 8
See Part 1 for disclaimer and other information
Previously:
He was very serious about how much he wanted to make love to her though.
When they eventually disconnected thoughts about their marriage were the last thing on his mind as he pictured seducing her and vividly recalled that very first time.
A few weeks earlier – the morning after the night before…!
Jack's heart thudded excitedly as he unbuttoned Sam's blouse, his fingers smoothing over her firm breasts. She wasn't wearing a bra, as if she had anticipated this and maybe she had. Given her behavior that morning, it wouldn't have surprised him. The thought emboldened and excited him even more. Sam truly wanted him, she loved him. How had he earned such good fortune?
It so easily might have been different. If he had gone off with Dee Dee; if he had not got as drunk and behaved as his gut wanted him to by turning up here. Too many ifs but none of them mattered now. Nothing mattered except what happened next.
He was making love to the women he had long yearned for. The thought was both intimidating and exhilarating. He had wanted and waited years for this moment and attempted to suppress that fact most of the time. Fact, however, it was.
Jack had come close to losing her, to letting her go. Now, he could not imagine what had possessed him, why he had been such a pigheaded idiot. In all honesty, he'd believed it was the right thing to do, to let her follow her dream. It seemed part of this dream was about him after all and that made him very happy.
When he woke up that morning, Jack believed he'd done the wrong thing. Got too drunk, made himself look like a total jerk in Sam's eyes. Maybe he had been an ass but he couldn't regret that now because it led him right here into her welcoming arms.
Sam was terrific. Instead of berating him for his errant behavior, she'd been amused. He appreciated that open acceptance, the solidarity and trust that allowed her to welcome him come what may. They'd been through some tough times together and maybe this was why. She already knew he wasn't always a total jerk. Sometimes, yes, but who isn't? To find a perfect man, the perfect person, was to live in a dream world.
Jack realized he was very far from perfect and was aware of his many faults. Sam wasn't perfect either, although occasionally it seemed that way. Flaws make a person who they are just as much as all the good stuff, he thought.
Nuzzling her neck, he nipped it gently while continuing to caress the bare flesh under her blouse. She gasped in his ear and he smiled. She was enjoying this, which was good, right? He was both nervous and confident in almost equal measure. Jack wanted this to go well, to prove himself to her.
In the back of his mind, he dreaded disaster: that they wouldn't mesh, he wouldn't perform, he'd fail and embarrass himself, he'd put Sam off. Jack also understood he probably would not deter her that easily. The knowledge bolstered his confidence and self-esteem but he very much wanted this first time to be perfect. First times, however, rarely are and this was one reason he doubted himself. Expectations were high as well, perhaps too high - another reason.
Removing her blouse altogether at last, he pulled away to look at her, smiling at the sight of her breasts, her naked flesh, but saying nothing. She smiled back and indicated he should remove his top too. Then she ran her fingers over his chest while he groped at the zipper on her pants.
"We don't have to rush this. We've got all day," she whispered and Jack stopped what he was doing and met her eyes.
"Yet we've waited a lifetime," he responded, belatedly thinking his words sounded trite and school boyish, far from the impression he was striving to make. Jack was pleased to realize Sam hadn't seemed to notice.
"A few minutes here and there are nothing then, are they?" she replied. "Don't be nervous, Jack, you don't have to perform for me, you just have to be yourself."
He let loose a breath and smiled. She appeared to know about his uncertainty and fears. With anyone else that knowledge might have bothered him but not with Sam. He wanted to be himself with her, longed to be. Jack hoped she loved the real Jack O'Neill – along with his corny uncoolness - just as much as she loved the facade she had experienced more frequently. It was worth the risk that she would. Maybe she felt the same way.
Admittedly, Jack didn't think anyone could work as closely together for that long without gaining some kind of insight into the real person who lay beneath the veneer. Not when they'd been through so much together.
They'd held each other's lives in their hands, seen the best and possibly the worst too. Absolute trust, faith, hope as well as love of a special kind. Not the kind experienced by lovers, husbands and wives or even close friends, but of the type that only exists in special situations.
There is no way to describe the kind of relationship that develops in those unique circumstances. That kind of love and all the rest of those inexpressible feelings were not limited to Sam alone. They extended to the other members of SG-1 as well. Jack was sure each of them had experienced those kinds of feelings over the years they'd all worked together. They'd been close but never this close.
This new experience was something entirely different - no longer CO and subordinate, way more than special colleagues and friends. This fundamental change was mind-boggling to contemplate and Jack being Jack tried not to over think it. In fact, he tried to push it out of his mind entirely but this was no easy thing to do.
Lying back on the couch, Sam pulled him toward her. "Hold me," she murmured. "Just hold me."
Willing to take more time over their lovemaking, Jack relaxed a little then, resting his head between her breasts and stroking her pale skin with his thumb.
"How did you know what I was feeling?" he asked curiously.
"Apart from the trembling hands you mean?" she replied humorously and he chuckled. "Because I've known you for that lifetime we've waited and because I'm nervous too."
"You shouldn't be," he whispered sounding more certain than he felt.
"Neither should you."
"First times are rarely perfect," he said, echoing his earlier cynical and self-deprecating thoughts.
"You think I expect perfection?" She combed her fingers gently through his hair and he sighed, feeling the physical signs of his desire subside a little. Jack wondered if it was the hangover or his nervousness that affected his libido. He'd never had much of a problem before. Perhaps he wanted this too much and had a lot to prove to the far younger Sam.
"I don't know what you expect," he admitted truthfully.
"I don't know what you expect either."
Jack chuckled again at a thought, which he voiced. "Have we been up on each other's pedestals for too long?" Sam laughed appreciatively and Jack moved his head so he could see her face, placing his chin where he had been resting his head.
"Aren't we a bit beyond pedestals?" she asked.
"You mean I fell off yours years ago?" he said with a smile and she grinned back, shaking her head.
"Jack, I don't worship you, I just love you."
"Dang!" he exclaimed with tongue firmly in cheek, liking her words but unable to greet them without kidding around. He was crap at that, he knew - had to cover unease with a wisecrack or two. "And I always hankered after that bow down before your god worship thing."
She smiled but remained silent for a few moments. "Worried that anticipation is better than the real thing?" she said at last.
"I guess," he confessed.
"I don't expect perfection. Do you?"
"Don't know what to expect, Sam."
"But our hopes are high, huh?"
"I think."
It was true that Sam's expectations were high. Probably his too, she thought. They had both wanted this for too long. Had years to think about it too much. Dreams and fantasies. Could be a killer.
Sam had never believed this would be easy for them. Not at first. So far, it had been way more effortless than she had imagined but anything could happen from now on in. Unexplored territory. More scary than walking through the gate into the unknown. Exploring without the benefit of a MALP. She shivered with apprehension and Jack looked at her with concern so she smiled as reassuringly as she could.
"Decamp to the bedroom?" she asked. "More comfortable, more space."
Nodding, he got up, reaching for her hand but remaining mute. Sam stood, facing him and leaned forward to peck his bare shoulder briefly. Holding onto his hand and intending to lead him through her house to her bed, she said, "Come."
"I intend to," he quipped and she laughed lightly. Nevertheless, the tension was palpable.
When they reached her room, Jack pulled her close for a kiss and Sam scrubbed his bare back with her fingertips. He could feel his slightly faded lust returning with a vengeance.
Taking her courage in her hands while she still had some, once they pulled away from the embrace, Sam quickly removed the rest of her clothing. She stood still, watching his reaction, both amused and flattered by his obvious awe.
Jack stared at her brazenly, taken aback by her move but overwhelmed by what he saw. He'd kind of been looking forward to removing the rest of her clothing but didn't really object to her actions. Naked Sam. She was quite something to gawp at.
"As… um… stunning as I remembered," he stammered and she arched an eyebrow curiously, trying to think of any previous occasion he'd seen her naked and coming up empty. "You know, that time on P… something or the other." He waved a dismissive hand in a typically O'Neill like way, unable or unwilling to recall the planet designation as was his habit. "You drank that stuff that made you take off..."
"Oh!" she exclaimed, recalling the mission and her mortification. "Don't even go there." She looked embarrassed and this made Jack smile. "I was much younger then, Jack." The occasion had been many years ago, back when SG-1 were still finding their feet as a team.
"Still just as hot, Carter."
"You thought I was hot back then?"
He rolled his eyes as if it was a given she should have known about. "What do you think?"
"It didn't show."
"I was your CO, Carter! Couldn't let it show. But… well…" He smiled and shrugged. "Didn't stop me thinkin'."
She stepped forward and reached for the waistband of his pants, unfastening the top button and brushing her hand over his now obvious erection. Jack thrust toward her with a groan as she started to unzip his fly and slipped her hand into his jeans.
He grunted, grasping her hair and pulling her head toward his. His breath heated her face and he kissed her ravenously before maneuvering her to sit on the edge of her bed. Still standing, Jack smoothed his fingers over her face and neck while she started to remove his pants, slowly pulling them down his thighs.
When he stood as naked as she was, Sam returned the compliment he had given her by leaning back and staring shamelessly. She liked what she saw. Jack had put on a little weight since he'd been less active but in her eyes, he was still as attractive as ever with a fine physique for a man of his age.
He felt a little self-conscious as she looked him over but then she smiled.
"I can't believe I'm finally getting to see Jack O'Neill naked," she commented hungrily.
"Nothing to write home about," he responded, quietly pleased by her reaction.
"I could think of a thing or two to say." She winked at him and he grinned, his desire acute now, although Jack's pragmatism kicked in.
"We should use a condom. You don't know where I've been," he quipped, only half joking. Jack knew it was likely Sam used contraception and believed both of them were probably clear of nasty sexual diseases. Nevertheless, that kind of thing was important.
"Shit! I don't think I've got…"
"I have some," he announced, remembering the small supply he'd bought from a vending machine in the bar the previous night in anticipation of Dee Dee's attentions. The sudden recall made him feel slightly uneasy. He crouched down, removing them from the pocket of his jeans and holding them up for Sam to see as he straightened again. She noticed his discomfort.
"Always carry those around with you?" she asked with a teasing smirk.
"Scouts. Be prepared," he retorted continuing the bantering tone.
"A likely story," she replied with a hint of mockery.
"What, you don't believe I was a scout?" Jack tried to look wide eyed and innocent but his expression made him look guilty of wrongdoing instead.
"Let's just say I'm cynical about coincidences." Her tenor became more serious, changing the tone of their exchange.
"I didn't get them expecting this to happen if that's what you think."
Jack didn't want Sam to perceive him like that, to think he'd turned up at her place with one thing on his mind, because it was very far from the truth. He'd never for one moment expected this to happen, hadn't come there anticipating anything at all in fact. A sort of gut instinct fueled by alcohol had induced his arrival on her doorstep.
He didn't really know what he'd been thinking but suspected he hadn't been thinking in the least bit clearly. If he'd given it any rational thought, Jack probably wouldn't be there at all.
"Oh?" she queried and although he wasn't a man given to blushing, Jack felt heat infusing his cheeks. Guilt, perhaps, at what he had considered doing with Dee Dee, which he thought ridiculous to say the least. It wasn't like anything had actually happened after all.
Nevertheless, that sense of discomfiture and shame had an impact. Once again, he could feel the obvious signs of his desire waning and Jack cursed inwardly. This time it would be more than evident to Sam as well. He was beginning to believe making love to her was getting beyond his reach and the more that thought occurred to him the worse it was likely to get.
Jack could see Sam was aware of his unease because she was openly gazing at its physical effects, which made him feel even more awkward. He was wishing men weren't cursed with having to keep their recalcitrant bodies under control. It seemed he'd just lost command of his.
"I swear!" he proclaimed wondering what she was thinking.
Abruptly, she tore her eyes away, her mind racing with the unthinkable. Sam didn't imagine Jack to be the kind of man who walked around with condoms in his jeans' pocket just in case. This made her wonder what he'd been doing the previous night before arriving on her doorstep smashed out of his head.
She felt a pang of irrational jealousy, not relishing the idea that he might have been with another woman and then turned up with expectations about pursuing a relationship with her.
"You weren't with some other woman before you came here last night were you?" she asked in a slightly peevish tone.
Despite nothing having happened with Dee Dee, Jack gulped guiltily, standing stock still for a few moments with his desire evaporating even more rapidly at her question. Sam couldn't help but notice, apparently taking his reaction to mean he had slept with someone before he'd arrived. He could see that hint of disillusionment in her body language as her shoulders drooped a little and she didn't meet his eyes.
"No," he denied trying to keep calm and sitting on the edge of the bed next to her. This was something he didn't really want to get into but he needed her to understand the truth.
"I wasn't with another woman, Carter," he continued when she didn't respond. "I can't deny I considered it. I could have but I didn't. I turned up here instead." He sighed with frustration. "Hell, Sam, why am I even trying to explain? I don't have to justify myself to you because I haven't done anything wrong. Jeez, do you really think I'm the kind of guy who would do this after I'd just had sex with another woman?"
It hurt that she seemed to doubt his integrity because Jack knew he was more honorable than that and thought she should know it too. He did not have many illusions about himself, didn't believe he was god's gift to womankind or anything. In fact, under his often brash exterior, he was more inclined to be self-effacing. Sometimes he might be a bit of an ass but Jack knew treating a woman he loved with such disrespect was not one of his many faults.
Hoping Sam knew better too, he waited for some kind of reaction. Anything, preferably positive - one of the longest few seconds he'd ever had in his life.
To be continued in Part 9