Lifeboats

Kate glances up from her computer screen and sees both her boys gaping at something behind her. There's a clatter as Ryan drops a hole punch off the edge of his desk and Beckett rolls her eyes, turns her chair to see what all the commotion is about.

And of course, it's him. It just would be him, striding from the elevator like he belongs here. She can't deal with this right now. Maybe ever.

He grins when he sees her, his hand coming up to flutter his fingers at her. As if the boys weren't excited enough, and now the famous novelist is waving at her.

"Kate, hi."

Beckett stands to intercept him, fisting her hand in his jacket sleeve and dragging him towards the break room. She shoves him into a chair and towers over him, grateful she decided to wear the extra high heels this morning.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

The easy smile slips from his face at that. Good, so at least he can see this isn't a joke to her. This is where she works, this is the job she's fought for years to be respected in. She does not need a multimillionaire playboy dropping in for a visit, damn it.

"I wanted to apologize. What I did, kissing you. . .I don't regret it, but it wasn't fair of me. I'm sorry."

Oh jeez. Okay, so he's not going to dance around it. She has to clench her fists to stop herself tracing the seam of her mouth where she can still almost feel him.

"You couldn't have just called and told me you're sorry?"

"I didn't get your number."

He lifts a shoulder in a half shrug, like he's too weary to even bother carrying through the movement. Now she looks, she sees the swathes of shadow under his eyes, his skin papery thin and fragile looking.

Eh. He's tired. They all are. He's a single parent, and God knows what he gets up to at night. It doesn't surprise her that he seems worn out.

"Yeah. How did you even get them to let you in?"

"I called a friend."

He drops his chin to rest against his sternum, his eyes darting back and forth and never quite meeting hers.

"What friend?"

"Uhm. . .Bob. Bob Weldon."

Beckett takes a step back to lean against the counter, running a hand through her hair. "As in Robert Weldon? The mayor of New York?"

"He's a friend."

"Of course he is."

She grits her teeth, feels the tight string of muscle in her jaw trembling. He must see it, because he's swallowing hard and looking like he wants to get up. Bad idea, Rick. If he tries to touch her right now she is one hundred percent going to kill him.

"Look, Kate, I didn't mean to upset you. I just really wanted to see you."

"So you thought you'd embarrass me in front of my boss? What the hell, Castle?"

He does stand, then, coming to settle next to her at the counter. There's space between them, but he could lean in if he wanted. Brush his arm against hers, have their hips clash. "I wasn't trying to embarrass you. Look, I've been sort of stuck, lately. I don't know if you've heard, but I killed off Derrick Storm."

Has she heard? She had to buy a new copy of the damn book because the old one was crisp with salt water, the pages like sine waves. It tore her heart out. And that's ridiculous, because it's just a stupid character in a book, and it was time, but still. It still hurt.

"Yeah. I heard."

"I haven't been able to write anything since. And then I met you."

Whoa. Okay. What exactly does that mean? "You met me."

"Yeah. And now there's this whole new character in my head and she's amazing, Kate. Smart and fierce and strong and so very sexy."

"Okay. What does that have to do with me?"

Castle turns to face her and cups her elbow in his palm, like he feels he has to tether her. She's not going anywhere now. She wants to hear what he has to say.

"You inspired me. And I was wondering if I could maybe hang around with you for a while. Just for research, you know?"

"Research. Right."

Beckett brings her free hand up to circle his wrist, gives herself just a moment to feel the hum of his pulse against her fingertips before she guides him away from her elbow.

"Look, I know what this looks like. But it would be platonic, okay? Just a book thing."

"Castle-"

"Just think about it. Please? Look, why don't you come over for dinner tonight and we can discuss it."

"Dinner."

"Just as friends. My daughter will be there too. Please, Kate."

And there's something in the wide and supplicating blue of his eyes that reminds her of how he looked twenty years ago, always asking her to help him get out of some scrape. And there's nothing she can do. He's got her.

"Okay. Fine. See you tonight."

He asks his mother.

And even as he does he feels like such an idiot. Honestly, it is just so ridiculous that he needs his mother's advice about what to wear and whether he should cook or order in and if they should eat at the table or the kitchen island.

But this is Kate Beckett. And she's so different now, but somehow still the same girl she was. Underneath her sharp exterior and the hard edges of her professionalism, he can see the burn of her passionate need for the truth.

It always was that way. They'd find an abandoned house or a lost coat and he'd weave a story about who owned it, why they no longer need it. But Kate would always want to solve the mystery, find out for certain. She dealt in fact and he in fiction and they made it work.

He really, really hopes they can do it again.

Alexis keeps asking him about their dinner guest, seems fascinated by the idea that Kate knew him when he was his daughter's age. Rick doesn't want to tell her too much.

Usually he shields his daughter from the women in his life, doesn't want her to form an attachment that can't last. But this is Kate, and it's not about getting her into his bed. He wants her in his life again, however she'll have him.

And he's sort of counting on his kid to bring Beckett around.

"Richard, darling, are you going to shave?"

He spins in his desk chair to face his mother, scratching at the stubble scattered across his jaw. She's pursing her lips at him, her own hair immaculate as always.

"No. I like it."

"You're going to have to say goodbye to it once you start radiotherapy. You know that."

Yeah. He knows. The doctor gave him a long list of possible side effects, including patchy growth or total loss of the hair at the site. Where they're going to fire radiation through him in the hope that it will kill off the rebellious cells in his neck.

"I know. All the more reason to enjoy it now, don't you think?"

"Oh darling."

His mother rounds the desk and cradles his face in her palms, dropping a kiss to his forehead. He feels like a child, and it stirs something in him. An irrational anger at her, at his stupid fucking disease, at Kate Beckett for appearing like a beacon of hope when clearly she's not going to be there for him to lean on.

"Don't. Just don't. Where's Alexis?"

"Reading on the couch. She seems very excited about your guest. Are you going to tell me who it is?"

Really, he'd rather not. His mother will want to stay and catch up with Kate and she'll ask awkward questions about Kate's mother and Kate will never ever come back to the loft ever again.

"No."

"I know it's someone important to you. Otherwise you'd never let Alexis be here. Just tell me."

Castle groans and presses the heels of his palms against his eyes, tries to draw the strength to deal with her from somewhere.

"It's Kate Beckett."

"Katie?" His mother shrieks, clasping her hands and looking like she wants to jump up and down.

"Yes, Katie. Actually, she'll be here soon. You should go."

She laughs at that, shaking her head as she moves to sit in the armchair opposite him. "It's been twenty years, Richard. I'd like to see how she's changed."

"Mother, it took enough convincing to get her to even agree to dinner. I don't want you scaring her off, please."

If she even shows up. He has doubts.

"Oh Richard, darling. I'm not going to scare the poor girl. But fine, I'll go. Are you sure you want Alexis here?"

"Yeah. Kate's just a friend. I'm hoping she'll be around quite often. Alexis should get to know her."

And yes, okay, he hears himself. But he's not trying to take risks with his daughter's heart. He's kind of hoping that Kate will fall for Alexis as hard as Alexis undoubtedly will for her, and then she'll have to keep showing up.

Just to see his kid, and then he can work his way back into her heart.

"Do you plan to tell Beckett?"

Oh God. He really doesn't know, and that's the crux of the issue. That's why he asked his mother, if he's honest.

"I don't know. Do you think I should?"

His mother sits forward in the chair, her legs folded at the knee. She always looks so put together and most of the time it helps to have that slice of calm, to see her keep everything the same. Just, sometimes he'd like to see her fall apart.

So he didn't feel like such an idiot when he does.

"If you don't, and then she finds out, would she forgive you?"

"I don't know. But if I tell her now she might use it as an excuse not to stick around. And I really want her to."

His mother smirks at that and leans back again, gives him a long look. "Darling, you don't have to tell me that. You've been in love with that girl for as long as I can remember."

Huh.

He always thought that he'd grown out of it, that he just missed her the way everyone misses their old friends. But seeing her again-

She is a more beautiful, more intelligent, more fascinating version of herself. And his mother is right. He loves her. Already. Still.

What is he going to do?

She's nervous.

And she can't even tell herself that it's stupid, because this is Richard Castle and even the lobby of his building is intimidating. Even the damn elevator.

He's got a nine year old daughter, whom Kate is going to have to try to win over. While not getting her hopes up. She can't be a mother figure in this girl's life, can't allow herself to be anything other than perhaps a friend.

What is she doing? She has no time for this guy, really.

He wants to shadow her at the precinct, and she can't allow that. There's no way for that to work without everyone thinking they're sleeping together.

Which, by the way, they are really really not. She's not interested.

Yes, the kiss they shared was amazing and she couldn't stop thinking about it the rest of the night and then when it got too much and she had to slide into the bathtub with a book she imagined his fingers on her instead.

But she can't handle a relationship right now.

His door looms in front of her and Kate swallows hard, lifts her hand to knock. It's just dinner and a professional discussion. It's fine. She can do this.

The door opens suspiciously quickly, like he's been hovering nearby just waiting for her. She supposes he probably has. He ushers her inside and takes her coat, leaving her a moment to take the place in.

It's beautiful, which she expected, but in a comforting way. It feels homely and welcoming. Not at all how she'd pictured it. But then, he shares the space with his daughter and apparently his mother now too. It's not really a bachelor pad.

He comes back and starts to reach for her hand before seeming to think better of it and folding his arms across his chest instead.

"Can I get you a drink?"

"Sure, yeah. Whatever you're having is fine."

He pours wine for them both and directs her towards the couch, an easy smile in place of the terror he answered the door with. Kate folds her legs underneath herself so her knees can act as a barricade against his advances, but he doesn't seem intent on pushing her. Not tonight, anyway.

Beckett opens her mouth to break the silence before it can grow uncomfortable but she doesn't even get a chance to speak before his daughter appears.

A beautiful, tall little girl with red hair down to her waist and a shy smile. Alexis settles in her father's lap and offers a hand for Kate to shake, her eyes startlingly similar to Castle's.

"Hi. I'm Alexis."

"Nice to meet you, Alexis. I'm Kate."

The girl squirms in her father's arms and half turns to look at him, casting a glance at Beckett before meeting his eyes again. She seems very serious for a nine year old, and Kate can't help but wonder if she's always like this or if the detective's own presence has something to do with it.

"Daddy, the girl in the picture?"

Castle glances up, seeming startled, and Kate frowns at him. What picture?

"Yeah, baby. That's her."

The girl scrambles to get down and disappears for a moment, coming back with a photo frame clutched in both hands. She thrusts it at Kate and then climbs onto the couch again, hiding behind her father's shoulder this time.

Beckett studies the photo, feels the smile slipping across her face. "I remember this. My dad took it, right?"

"Yeah, I think so. You know, you still owe me at least one plate of fries."

Kate rolls her eyes at him, sees Alexis stifle a giggle against his shirt. They'd been at a diner after a day at the park with Kate's dad, and she still remembers Rick's shrieks as she'd reached across to take his fries once she'd finished her own.

"Whatever. Maybe if you'd been a little faster, you wouldn't have lost them."

"You wound me." He presses a hand to his heart, his eyes screwed shut, and his daughter laughs again.

"You two are funny. Are you best friends?"

Castle reaches around to grab his daughter, hauls her around to sit on his lap again. He blows a raspberry at her neck that has her thrashing with laughter and then he cradles her head as she calms down again, peppering kisses to her cheeks.

He's a wonderful father. She's seen him in action for all of five minutes and already she can see that Alexis totally adores him. And that does something to ease the panic in her chest.

She's always seen him presented as this playboy millionaire, swanning around with whichever woman he's landed that particular week. But now she sees that it's all a front, probably carefully crafted by his publicist. That this is the real him, this loving man who seems so comfortable playing dad in front of her.

"We used to be, yeah. And maybe we will be again someday."

He doesn't look at her when he says it and she reaches out to run her thumb over his knee, smile at him.

"Yeah. Maybe."

Alexis is falling asleep against him, her head pillowed at his shoulder.

And he really doesn't want to wake her, but Kate is getting up to leave and he absolutely can't just watch her go. He struggles to his feet and follows Beckett to the door, his arms already aching with the weight of his little girl.

Kate turns to face him at the door, offering him a smile before she ducks her head, her gorgeous eyes hidden beneath a sweep of charcoal lashes.

Before he can think better of it, he leans in and presses his mouth to her cheek, revels in the soft skin over her cheekbone. He hears her suck in a gasp but she doesn't pull away, just waits him out. And when he steps back from her, she smoothes a hand over his daughter's hair and smiles again, meeting his eyes this time.

"Thank you for dinner, I had a really good time."

"Thanks for coming. I did too."

She opens the door and she's halfway out before she seems to think better of it, turning back to face him again.

"Castle? I'll see you at the precinct tomorrow."

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Twitter: seilleanmor