Lifeboats

Rapping her knuckles against the partially-open door, Kate peers around the frame and sees Alexis cross-legged at the head of her bed. The girl is tall, yes, but she's slender too and now more than ever she looks fragile, willowy and delicate like reed grass. The swollen rawness of Alexis' face is only made more stark in contrast with the creamy porcelain of her skin, and when the girl glances up at Kate there are no shutters, no barricade to hold back the grief.

Beckett slips inside of the room and closes the door behind herself, coming slowly towards the bed and the impenetrable fortress of Castle's daughter. The girl is nine, only nine, and Kate can't remember ever having seen a child look so brittle before. Any child, but especially not Alexis. "Mind if I sit?"

"No." Alexis shrugs, watching as Kate settles opposite and folds her legs up underneath herself, mirroring Rick's daughter in more ways than one. Both of them love him fiercely; both of them are struggling with grief and terror. She doesn't have a lot of experience with kids, but Beckett does know what it is to love Richard Castle. So this, then, is the thread that binds her and Alexis, their common ground.

Silence fills the room slowly, seeming to seep underneath the door and flood across the hardwood to clutch at the two of them. And then, right as Kate grows certain that it will choke her, Alexis speaks. "Kate, is Daddy going to die?"

Shit. Okay. The girl is smart, sharp and quick-witted and Kate cannot bring herself to lie to her. Not now. "There's. . .a possibility. But the doctors are confident about his prospects, Alexis. They're hopeful that the treatment will work."

"If Daddy dies, will I have to go live with Mom?"

Alexis picks at the ragged edge of a nail and carefully avoids looking at Kate, probably a good thing since Beckett isn't sure she can disguise her own heartbreak. She hasn't really had a chance to process everything properly, the brief moment in her bathroom earlier the only slip in her control. Earlier, after she asked him for a little time, she didn't let herself dwell on it. refused to really let it enter her consciousness, and once it did she had to see him so badly that she wound up at the loft without even really thinking about it. and then he was there and Kate was channelling everything into supporting him. So no, she hasn't had a chance to fall apart, but this now is not that chance either.

"Not unless you wanted to. You could stay right here with Gram if that's what you wanted."

"What about you?" Alexis murmurs, lifting her chin to meet Kate's eyes. Her brows are furrowed, the creases of her forehead so out of place that Kate's heart pounds desperately in her chest, her fingers rhythmically clenching against her palms with the need to reach out for the tiny girl before her. "Would you look after me?"

"Of course I would." Kate blurts out. And then it hits her, just how much she really means it. "Alexis, I love your dad. But that's not why I love you. You're smart, and funny, and amazing, and I feel very lucky that I don't just get to love your dad, but you and your grandmother as well. So if something did happen to him, and you still wanted me around, I'd be right here."

Castle's daughter takes a moment to process Beckett's words; when she meets Kate's eyes her own are wide with terror like a captive animal, but she seems to be breathing easier now. "Kate. . .I'm scared."

"I know you are sweetheart." Kate murmurs, the endearment escaping without conscious permission. It just feels right to speak to Rick's little girl this way, even though Kate has no claim over her whatsoever. "It's okay to be scared."

"Are you?"

"Yeah." Kate shrugs. Something about it, the admission that even Detective Beckett is scared sometimes, seems to appease Alexis and her carefully maintained control splinters apart. Her slender frame comes crashing into Kate and she wraps her arms tight at Beckett's waist, her head pillowed against Kate's chest.

Kate envelops Alexis in her arms and rests her mouth at the crown of the girl's head, humming soft words of reassurance there. The tension drains out of Rick's daughter like a slow-receding tide and Alexis goes limp, heaving a breath as she comes down from her crying jag.

Carding a hand through the girl's hair, Kate eases her to sit up so she can meet her eyes, swiping at the salt-slick trails on her cheeks with a thumb. "I'm here for anything you need, okay? Even if that's just a hug."

"Okay. Can I go see Daddy now?"

"Of course." Kate smiles, standing up and holding out a hand for Alexis to take. The girl's touch is cooler than her father's, a little less sure of herself but still wonderful. "I think Gram ordered food for everyone. You hungry?"

"Ooh, do you think she got pizza?" Alexis grins, already starting to bounce back. They head for the stairs and Kate lets go of the girl's hand, ushers her to go first. Castle is in the kitchen plating up takeout and Kate shoots him a thumbs up over top of his daughter's head. He stands up to greet his baby girl and draw her in for a hug, his grin as wide as the arc of his hands.

When he lets her go, Alexis scurries off to help her grandmother set the table, her footsteps light and unsullied by sadness. Rick comes for Kate and laces one arm low around her waist to draw her hips in close to his. With his other hand he palms the back of her head to bring her in for a kiss, more heat than she was expecting flaring to life in the touch of their mouths.

"I don't know what you did, Kate, but I can't thank you enough."

"Mostly I just hugged her." Kate admits, untangling herself from his embrace and threading her fingers through his so their knuckles clash. Stretching onto tiptoe, she kisses his cheek and hums against his ear. "You have an amazing, resilient kid."

The glint in his eye has her frowning before he even opens his mouth and when he does she smacks at his chest and shoves her shoulder into him on her way to help with laying the table, his delighted laughter loud enough that it draws the attention of both his mother and his daughter.

"So you're not the evil stepmother then?"

While Kate was upstairs and his mother ordering dinner, Rick carried his girlfriend's bags through and left them on his bed. Half of him wanted to start clearing space in his closets and on the bathroom counter, but he doesn't know how much she might need and what kind of things she has with her.

No, this is something he wants them to do together. Just maybe not right now. It's late, he's exhausted and Kate's flagging fast. After dinner they watched a movie and then when Alexis went to bed the three adults discussed arrangements for the next couple of weeks.

It feels good to dispel some of the uncertainty, but now he just wants to pass out with the warmth of Kate's body close to his and sleep for a solid eight hours. At the very least. Nudging at her from behind, Rick slides an explorative hand around to her stomach and up underneath her shirt, seeking skin and heat and the beautiful way she sinks into him.

"Come on. Time for bed." He says against her ear, his voice pitched low and gravelly because he knows it gets to her. Sure enough, she turns over her shoulder to lift an eyebrow at him and steps carefully out of the cage of his arms.

Half of him expects her to shut the bathroom door in his face, but instead she faces him and drapes her arms at his neck, her body fluid and lovely against his. "Just sleep, Rick. We're both exhausted."

"I'm not suggesting anything otherwise." He laughs, palms quick where they skim the dip of her waist. Her huff of incredulity earns her a soft kiss from him that moves easily from mouth to cheekbone to temple. "I didn't unpack you."

"Good." She bites back at him, her mouth unravelling into amusement. "I have some surprises in there. Wouldn't want you to ruin it."

Oh shit. She's amazing, and so very sensual, and now she's living with him and that's wonderful of course but also really quite terrifying. She's a mystery to him and he's constantly surprised at every new side of her he gets to see. So having her with him all the time might just be the end of him.

"Of course. We can clear out some closet space for you tomorrow."

"Babe, I have to work tomorrow." Kate says, far more apologetic than he'd like. He knows she works, harder than anyone else he's ever known. He doesn't expect her to suddenly become a kept woman or anything like that.

Rick shrugs, kissing the tip of her nose because even when she looks like she's disappointed in herself she still manages to be totally adorable. "I know. I mean afterwards."

"You don't mind that I'm working on a Saturday?" Kate heads for the bathroom, trusting that he'll follow. It's always been like this for her; she hates to be static for too long. Her blood sings out with the need to move, louder than she can ignore. So he's become adept and taking the moments of stillness she can spare and following right along with the rest of it.

At the counter she reaches for the glass where his toothbrush sits and then realises that hers is still in her bag, almost crashing into him on her way to retrieve it. Rick leans against the doorframe and watches her lean over to dig around in her bag. Mm, he really does like her penchant for tight pants.

And her uh. . .other tight things. Growling low in his throat, Castle stalks towards her and waits for her to straighten up, claiming her mouth when she does. It's hot and deep and she lifts into him with a sigh of pleasure, her fist wrapped around her toothbrush and resting right over his heart. Rick slicks his tongue past the sweet plumpness of her lips and drops his hands, palming her ass to bring her hips in flush against the cradle of his.

"Castle, Castle, no-" Kate pants, pulling away and staring at him with dark eyes and a kiss-smudged mouth. "Not- Just sleep. Okay? Tough day. Just sleep."

"Okay." He nods, touching his forehead to hers and pressing a last, tender kiss to her lips. It earns him a smile and he returns it in force, taking her hand to lead her into the bathroom. Not quite ready to let go of her just yet.

In the mirror, he watches her tie her hair back from her face and run her toothbrush under the cold stream of water from the faucet, loading it up with paste and turning to prop a hip against the counter and watch him. Even here, even in this, she still somehow manages to be the most gorgeous person he's ever seen.

Kate spits into the sink and rinses off her brush, dropping it into the glass right next to his. The two brushes, his and hers, stretch out and knock together and it makes his heart kick in his chest. She's really here, for the long run.

And yes, he knows that after his treatment is done she'll probably want to go home again, but a part of him can't help but hold out hope that maybe by that time she'll be so settled here, so comfortably a part of his family that she'll want to stay.

Kate shoots a look at him and he shakes himself out of it as best he can, brushes his own teeth and watches the rest of his girlfriend's night time routine through the mirror. Of course she must see him staring, but she doesn't call him out on it. He thinks maybe a part of her sort of likes it, enjoys the way he's always completely drawn in by her.

Finishing up with brushing his teeth, Castle fishes around in the cabinet for the cream the doctor gave him to combat dry skin. The radiation makes his neck peel like a bad sunburn, but the cream does help. In the mirror, Kate catches his eye and comes to stand at his side, her palm gentle at the base of his spine where his hips flare out. Already changed, and those tiny sleep shorts he loves so much draw his attention for a moment before he drags his eyes back up to meet hers.

"You okay?" She murmurs, dropping her head to rest against his chest. Rick untangles an arm to curl around her shoulders even as he massages the cream into his skin with his free hand.

Kate's brow is furrowed in concern and Castle turns his head to kiss her forehead, fingers stroking at the ball of her shoulder. "Yeah. Radiation makes my skin dry, but the cream helps."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Just keep being you." He grins, dropping his arm from her so he can wash his hands. A part of him expects her to creep away, but she stays right by his side as he dries off his hands and then she follows him into the bedroom, settling cross-legged on top of the sheets to watch him change into sleep clothes.

Once he's done he peels back the sheets and waits for her to crawl up the bed before he climbs in himself. Castle arranges the covers around them and hooks an arm around Kate's waist, pulling her easily across the rippling expanse of grey silk until she's nestled safely against his side.

"You're an amazing distraction. I know it's because you didn't know, but you've been wonderful. You haven't treated me differently, haven't looked at me like I'm sick, and it's been such a welcome relief. So, even though you know the truth now, can you try to carry on like nothing's wrong?"

Kate's fingers seek out a slice of the bare skin at his waist and stroke there, her cheek pillowed against his bicep so he can feel the work of her jaw as she speaks. "If I can see that you're hurting, I won't just ignore it. But I promise that I won't dwell on your cancer. I won't make it everything."

"That's all I'm asking." Rick kisses the crown of her head and settles his fingers at her hip, the hard crest of bone nudging his palm when she shifts to get comfortable.

He feels sleep beginning to take her, slow and gentle in the way it makes her body go limp and her breaths come further apart. She's still with him, though, her awareness flaring every couple of minutes. Castle forces himself to stay awake, knowing that exhaustion loosens her tongue and she'll almost definitely want to talk more before she lets herself sleep.

Sure enough, she stirs a little and nuzzles her nose into his skin, sighing heavily and cracking wide open on a yawn that seems to drain the last vestiges of tension from her. "Rick, I'm still hurt that you didn't tell me before. But I'm so glad that I can be here now."

"I know, baby." He murmurs, bracing himself for some sort of backlash against the endearment. There's nothing, though, and he stores that information away for the future. If she's tired enough, he can get away with sweet nothings. Good to know. "I'm sorry. And I'm glad you're here too."

"When's your first chemo session?"

"Tuesday."

"Mm-kay." She sighs, sleepy and adorable and he's trying so hard not to let on how absolutely endearing he finds this side of her. "I'll ask Montgomery if I can have the day off. Be there with you."

Rick manages to contort himself enough that he can kiss her cheek and she smiles softly at him. When she rolls to face away disappointment flares in his gut, but she gropes blindly behind herself for his hand and uses her grip to draw his arm around her waist and pull him close.

Okay. . .so exhausted, in love Kate Beckett wants him to spoon her. It's ridiculous, how fiercely joy erupts inside him, and he has to bury his grin against the nape of her neck. Kate pulls his hand up to her mouth and kisses his knuckles, dropping his hand on another sigh.

"Go to sleep, sweetheart." Rick hums at the shell of her ear, stroking his fingers at the plane of her stomach. Gentling her rather than arousing, for once, and she nudges backwards a little, closer into his warmth.

He thinks she's out, and then he sees a shard of a smile, more the lift of her cheek than anything, and her fingers seek his at her abdomen again. "Night, Rick. Love you."

It's slurred, nearly incoherent. The most beautiful thing he's ever heard.

"Goodnight, Kate. I love you, too."