Disclaimer: Your face.
"Last time on- Survivor! ...Nothing happened! Because this episode started... you know, so this is like, the new last time... yeah... well, it was funny to me..."
The titles rolled... with drunken more like jokes.
Tribe Yamauchi
Peach (More like, Beach! ...You know, because beach sounds like b!&$h...)
Captain Falcon (More like, CRAPtain Falcon... because he sucks...)
Snake (More like, Sucke... Haha...)
Pikachu (More like, PINKachu... because he's gay...)
Toon Link (More like, Toon Doesn't Think... Yay...)
Popo (More like, Poop! I'm so witty...)
Nana (More like, Naan! Wait...)
Dedede (More like... Um... He sucks...)
Team Arakawa
Kirby (More like, Nerdby... I hate nerds...)
Zelda (More like, Delta! Yay, my college fraternity!)
Pichu (More like... Pichugly...)
DK (More like... OK...)
Yoshi (More like, Yo s^&t... Haha...)
Mario (More like Lucario! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA)
Lucas (More like... Lucario too... :))
Samus (More like... Manus... Cause he's a guy... right?)
Sonic (More like Zonic... XD)
Night 9
Tribe Yamauchi
"Well, that's just great." moaned Popo. "Not only was Roy perhaps the worst choice to take out, but there's a slight chance that everyone fell in love with him in the last 72 hours and are now whining to the producers."
Popo glared at the camera.
"SOMEONE HELP." yelled Toon Link. "GET ME OUTTA HERE. I. NEED. MYSPACE."
Day 10
Tribe Yamauchi
"OK. EVERYBODY UP." cried Dedede, despite the fact that it was 4 AM. "NOW GO GET SOME FOOD. AND, Nana, you, um... put out the lava."
"Sure, Mr. Dedede!" chirped Nana. "I'd do anything for y-"
Nana caught on fire.
"I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS YOU MOTHERFU-"
Nana died.
Snake decided that the proper way to get rid of the corpse was to blow it up, so he threw a grenade at it. However, this grenade was the size of a house, so it incinerated the entire camp.
Kirby
Age 17
Prime Time TV Producer
Tribe Arakawa
"Since we've won immunity twice in a row, I'm pretty sure that we'll make it to the merge on top. I know that it'll pay off having an alliance with-"
Kirby exploded, due to the fact that an overly large grenade blast killed him.
Tribe Arakawa
Everyone noticed that there was a large explosion of which the blast radius only reached the end of the camp. A dead body fell out.
"Oh my god... He killed Kirby!" screamed Pichu.
"You bastard!" muttered Yoshi.
The explosion grew, killing everyone and saving about fifteen minutes worth of writing.
Tribe Arakawa
"Hi guys." said Master Hand.
"I hate you." said Kirby.
"You are at a different location. It is -Cinnibar Island-. -We also got a contract this time so we don't have to keep moving-." said Master Hand.
"I still hate you." said Kirby.
"This has been Smashy Survivor in a Nutshell." said Pichu.
Tribe Yamauchi
Just repeat the above scene, but replace Kirby with Toon Link.
Toon Link cut himself.
"Now," ordered Dedede. "Move all this sand. I don't like sand."
Everyone grumbled, except for Peach, who sang about butterflies with autism.
"Did I ever tell you that I was setting a world record at a notable jungle river?" asked Dedede. "I got captured by natives, who tied me to a pole and sang The Song That Never Ends. I escaped with my awesomeness."
"That was me." mentioned Snake. "I told everyone a few days ago, only I had details and made it sound believable."
Everyone agreed, except for Peach, who sang about snakes with cerebral palsy.
Tribe Arakawa
"Kirby..." moaned Pichu.
"What?" grunted Kirby, annoyed.
"Am I winning yet?"
"Really, we should have a poll thing. Who do you think's going to win?"
Nobody answered.
"Damn."
The subliminal message ended.
Tribe Yamauchi
"Did I ever tell you that I climbed a high notable mountain?" asked Dedede. "It was hard, but I got my fruit back from a bird who stole it."
"That was us." said Nana and Popo simultaneously.
"Shut up, you're gay."
The prepubescent Newgrounds viewers voted 5.
Dedede
Annoyance
Age 44
Tribe Yamauchi
"I am in control of this game," boasted Dedede. "I know that everyone loves me because I'm awesome, and I have an alliance which I haven't even bothered to make yet. IT'S PURE BRILLIANCE."
Day 11
Tribe Yamauchi
"Tree mail!" said Popo, grabbing aformentioned treemail.
"If you like suprises, get ready
As this challenge involves going steady
And once you win, you'll have to see if
The reward is... Screw this, where's my paycheck? I'm outta here."
Pikachu stole the treemail and began to chew on it, muttering children's songs under his breath.
"Aren't these poems declining in effort every day?" pondered Popo.
"I DEMAND THAT MORE EFFORT IS PUT INTO THESE POEMS." screamed Dedede. "After all, I was a princess that was kidnapped by a dinosaur three times a week."
Everyone looked at Peach. She noticed that people were paying attention to her and started hitting herself in the face with her own shoe.
Tribe Arakawa
DK tried to read the treemail, but threw it away, thinking it was a burning flame. It hit Mario in the head. However, it was on fire. Bet you didn't see that coming.
Mario burst into flame.
Reward Challenge
"Survivors!" yelled Master Hand, being unessecarily loud and shattering several windows. "Today you will have a reward challenge! This is exciting!"
A sign with the word "Applause" on it was raised. Falcon and Peach clapped.
"Now, out in the ocean over there, we have bottles with small animals stuffed inside placed every two feet! Get as much as you can in three minutes. No use in letting them out though, they're dead anyway. Now go ahead for all I care. Oh yeah, you're playing for a dinner."
The two teams ran into the water, with no sense of order.
"WE MUST STOP LITTLE BABY!" cried Falcon, pulling Toon Link underwater for several minutes.
Pichu cried as he pulled back a bottle containing a Minun. However, he tripped and the water made a ton of sand stuck to his face and he suffocated too.
Kirby just died somehow.
"Oh my god, he killed Kirby!" realized Popo.
"You bastard!" muttered Yoshi.
Peach grabbed about nine of the bottles and put them in her nouth before running to shore. Six of these were ones that the other tribe was assigned to get.
Lucas stayed to the side and cheered. With pom-poms and a miniskirt and everything.
Sonic, now beleiving he was the second coming, grabbed five bottles and moonwalked back to the beach. He then made a horrible movie based on that dance.
The three minutes went up.
"And the winner is Tribe Arakawa wow raise your hand if you weren't expecting that." said Master Hand, uninspired. "However, this one doesn't matter, for the dinner is tomorrow, and then, you will dine... in hell!"
Thunder clapped.
"Wait, no, you're dining in tribal council. You're both going so there's no immunity and none of you are special. Now hand back immunity and go away."
Tribe Yamauchi
"So," started Popo. "I assume that the rest of what appears in the final cut is uninteresting crap meant to take up spac-
The film stopped suddenly, and switched to a scene of Falcon chasing Peach. While on fire.
Zelda
Princess
Age 25
Tribe Arakawa
"I hate this place!" cried Zelda. "It's too hot, there's too many insects, I have no perfume, it's too humid, the magicians are always casting dark magic curses on me, this tribe is full of idiots, I have a stupid name, Miley Cyrus is still preforming, the new Star Trek movie did not live up to my expectations, and I have a rock in my shoe!"
Zelda pouted.
Tribe Arakawa
Sonic and Kirby were just stting at camp. Sonic, predictably, was getting high.
"The cOloRS..." moaned Sonic approximately eighty times. Per minute.
"Shut up!" cried Kirby. "I've had it up to here with your moaning! Now stop before I kill you!"
Sonic blew smoke into Kirby's face.
"What are they doing?" thought DK, forgetting how to talk.
Kirby
Prime Time TV Producer
Age 18
Tribe Arakawa
"Why am I stuck on this tribe?" moaned Kirby. "Sonic's a pothead, DK's a dunce, Zelda won't shut up, Pichu's like 10 years old, Lucas is a retard, Samus doesn't do anything, Yoshi won't do anything social, and Mario's... annoying."
Tribe Yamauchi
"So," said Popo. "I was hoping that the three of us could seriously discuss who's getting voted off."
"SHOW ME YOUR MOVES." screamed Falcon, attracting the attention of the entire camp.
"Damn."
Tribe Arakawa
Kirby died somehow so I can make that damn South Park reference one last time. Wait, no, screw that joke, I'm going home.
Day 12
Tribe Yamauchi
"PIKACHU." commanded Dedede. "HAND FEED ME GRAPES."
Pikachu was laughing manically, fondling a knife and coming ever closer to Dedede.
"PIKACHU. DO IT NOW."
Pikachu crept closer do Dedede, muttering something about bullets not being good enough.
The footage sped up, speeding through murder, meaningful discussions, and people doing the Can-Can.
Tribal Council
"Tribe Arakawa!" said Master Hand. "Welcome to your second tribal. Or eighth. I could never count that high."
Everyone looked around awkwardly.
"Now, Lucas, have you really done anything this entire episode?"
"Nope!" cheered Lucas. "I wanted to sit back and let others take the spotlight! This just helps showing the value of teamwork! I-"
"Your brother is dead."
Lucas cried.
"Kirby, how are you getting along with the others? Has there been any tension?"
"It's too early in the season," explained Kirby. "Aren't we prohibited by law not to have any real tension or alliances until there's 15 people left?"
"OH WELL LOOK UM DK, do you know the Muffin Man?"
"Who's the Muffin Man?" cried DK. "What's a muffin? What's a man? Where are we? I'm hungry. Why am I hungry?"
"And on that note, it's time for voting. Just go up and cast your vote, I don't really care who gets out."
Montage funtime ensued.
"Alright, now, they're pretty much all for Mario, so what's the point. You're out."
Master Hand blew Mario's head off.
"You're going to be feasting on his remians."
Everyone cheered.
Annoying voting thing comes early this time!
Mario silently held up a vote for Sonic.
"My shoes command me to do so," confessed Sonic, voting for the Pope.
Everyone else just voted Mario.
Later
"Tribe Yamauchi! Why are you here again?"
A cameraman came up and whispered in Master Hand's ear.
"Oh. Sit down, whatever."
They did so.
"Now, Dedede-"
"Mario, shine my shoes. Kirby, fetch me some water." proclaimed Dedede.
Everyone stared.
"So, Pikachu-"
"THE FIRE." yelled Pikachu. "IT BURNS ME. WHY?"
Everyone stared.
"Let's just vote."
The montage was tired, so the medly stepped in.
"Now, let me read the votes."
Master Hand got out the votes.
"First vote, Mr. T."
Clips from The A-Team showed.
"Second vote, Pikachu."
Pikachu breathed heavily.
"Third vote, Pikachu."
Pikachu breathed heavilyier.
"Fourth vote, Toon Link."
Toon Link was cutting himself.
"Fifth vote, Dedede."
Dedede brought out his gun.
"Sixth vote, Pikachu. With all of these votes, the logical conslusion is, you're out Pikachu."
Pikachu ran down the path.
The credits rolled.
Pikachu's last words.
"Turn you back to me, please Henry. I am so sick now." muttered Pikachu. "The police are getting many complaints. Look out. I want that G-note. Look out for Jimmy Valentine for he is an old pal of mine. Come on, come on, Jim. Ok, ok, I am all through. Can't do another thing. Look out mamma, look out for her. You can't beat him. Police, mamma, Helen, mother, please take me out. I will settle the indictment. Come on, open the soap duckets. The chimney sweeps. Talk to the sword. Shut up, you got a big mouth! Please help me up, Henry. Max, come over here. French-Canadian bean soup. I want to pay. Let them leave me alone."
Voting time!
"I'm honestly concerned for the safety of the tribe." whispered Popo, voting for Pikachu.
"You're cute! AND I DON'T LIKE CUTE THINGS." screamed Nana, putting in a vote for Pikachu.
"I PITY DA FOO'" yelled Falcon, writing down Mr. T.
"I drew this picture of you! It's made of french fries!" confessed Peach, showing Pikachu's name.
"Yes... Yes..." mumbled Pikachu, writing down Dedede's name.
"I WANT OUT" cried Toon Link, voting for himself.
"Stop stabbing me. It is against the law now." proclaimed Dedede, deciding on Pikachu.
"I have no idea why I'm still here." confessed Snake, voting for Pikachu.
"Next time on-"
"BREAKING NEWS!" said Crazy Hand, the anchorman. "MICHAEL JACKSON IS STILL DEAD. I REPEAT MICHAEL JACKSON IS STILL DEAD."
Gah, this chapter's a lot worse than the others in my opinion. Not like anybody cares what I think, but still.