I started to undo the huge boots Matt made me wear, swearing and cursing loudly. Shit, my feet were sore. All I did was a few paces across the room so I could walk properly in the stupid heels. Damn Matt. I don't know why I went along with the bet anyway. I heard Matt sigh loudly and started undoing my shoes faster. When I glanced up he was full on staring at me with one of those cliché lovey-dovey looks on his face.
"What?" I asked loudly, making him jump.
"Why do you keep teasing me?"
"What do you mean?"
"Getting really close to me and doing nothing, all those dirty things that you randomly say. Do you actually want me or are you just having fun?"
"I don't honestly know, Matt." He looked put down when I said it and I felt kinda bad, even though I'd only been honest. Well, sort of. It wasn't Matt that I was unsure of my interest in, truth be told, I had no idea of any interest in girls. But, I couldn't tell him that. If he knew straight away that his feelings were returned, wouldn't he get bored of me? How would I know, anyway? It's Matt. He's not exactly the type to be obvious with these things.
"If you don't know can you just stop leading me on like that?" He mumbled angrily.
"Just give me some time, okay? You're not the only thing in my head lately, y'know. Can you help me get these damn boots off, please?
"Yeah, sure, whatever." He walked over and helped me undo the other boot, then randomly let out a quiet laugh.
"What?" I asked.
"Nothing. It was stupid."
"I don't care if it was stupid, tell me."
"Just drop it, Mello."
"No."
"Forget it!" He concluded angrily, then let his tone sink back to normal, "you know I didn't get you to dress like a chick for some weird reason, right?"
"Yeah, I have a feeling you'd be a lot more tactful if you were going to do that... Hey, can you untie my hair for me? I don't know what I did to it, but it's all caught up."
"Okay." He stood up slowly and leant over so he could grab one of my pigtails.
"Did you enjoy the breeziness of a skirt?" Near's voice interrupted the moment just before I reached for Matt's arm, "oh, am I interrupting something here?"
"No, what do you want?" I shot my voice angrily across the room at him.
"Is dressing as a girl to please your boyfriend your new past-time?" Near smirked.
"No, it isn't. I lost a bet." I replied.
"And I am not Mello's boyfriend." Matt added. Well, I guess it was his turn to shut me down. Near's face turned into a satisfied smile.
"Go play with your dolls and fuck off." I snapped.
"Well gosh, Matt, based on that reaction, I think Mello thought you were his boyfriend or something. Pity that it doesn't look like it's returned, isn't it, Mello?"
Then he turned on his heel and left.
"I only said that because-"
"What, so it's payback because I'm confused right now?" I interrupted angrily, finally pulling off one of my boots and throwing it harshly to the floor.
"As well as I know you, I'd say you're not confused at all."
"As well as you know me, you don't know what's in my head, do you?" I argued, throwing the other boot down with equal force as the other, "you're so damn sure, I know, but I'm really not. You have no idea how much I dwell on it, so don't say that, okay?"
"Well it wouldn't hurt to tell me some of this. You don't have to try to be strong all the time, you over do it, especially with me, why is that?"
"You're overanalysing."
"Am I? I don't think you're weak, Mello! You don't have to act like that, I'm not going to use it against you!"
"You'll say that, but when I tell you-"
"Bullshit!"
"If you're so eager to listen, why are you so happy to argue with me and cut me off?"
"Because I have to to make you listen to me!"
"I am listening!"
"Then I would hate to see you ignoring me if this is what you call listening."
"How long did you mock me and call me a girl for?"
"That was because I thought you hated me."
"So what if I did? For all you know, I could still hate you. There, now you can give some reasoning to why you're so insecure about feelings that aren't even yours."
"I guess that leaves the question of whether they're yours either, doesn't it?"
"You make no sense. If you're going to accuse me of something, just say it instead of trying to sound smart. Why the hell should I act weak around you when I'm not? First you want me to be myself, then you want me to be weak. What the hell are you trying to say?"
"You're only weak because you can't believe anyone when they tell you that they actually care about you. Because you're always second, right? How could someone care about you so much when you're not the best, right? Fuck, get over your little inferiority complex and stop bitching."
"For someone who apparently likes me you're a real asshole, Matt." I glared at him and walked out of the study, collapsing down on the bed. He didn't get it. He never would. He was too relaxed about everything. He didn't actually care about it like I did. I didn't care that I was still second in front of him. The point was, I was always second. Every single waking moment, I always had been, and by the looks of it, I was lagging behind in his mind too. I took off the skirt and shirt and got my boxers off of the floor. I couldn't wear them with that stupid little miniskirt. They were too long. I sighed, pulled them on and retreated to my blankets. I didn't get why he was being such an asshole lately, what did I do wrong? Was it because he knew I wasn't good enough? I only noticed the first few tears fall, even though black drops were slowly creeping over my pillowcase. Stupid damn eyeliner. He was right, I was weak.