I hadn't talked to Matt for a few days after that night, and I didn't know if he thought I was mad or depressed. How would he know anyway? He just thought I was weak. Always complaining about how I don't let him in, to what exactly? I didn't even know what it was that I was meant to be keeping from him. He just assumed that I didn't mean what I said or something. Of course, he was the only one allowed to have real feelings. To be honest, I really needed to get out of Wammy's house for a while. Just leave, move out or something. Not sneaking out with him at night had actually made me a bit irritable.
"Mello? I got you the book you wanted..." Matt said quietly, passing the book to me. I glanced up, then slammed my head back down again. He sighed loudly, "look, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean it, I was a complete ass to you, and I understand if you're mad but-"
"Why can't you just leave me alone?" I mumbled, digging my nose into the crease of my elbow.
"I'm trying to apologise."
"Maybe you shouldn't have said it in the first place. Now go away."
He sighed, dropped the book in front of me and walked away.
"Matt... wait..." I lifted my head to weakly yell after him, and he stopped in his tracks.
"What do you want now? My apology obviously isn't good enough."
I opened my arms and lifted them up.
"It was, it always is."
He leant forward and let me wrap my arms around his waist.
"I was hoping you wouldn't hold the grudge." He put his arms on my shoulders.
"You know how I…." I paused, trying to think of a way to phrase it so it didn't come out in a cliché slur of that 'I don't know myself, but I know how I feel about you' kind of speech, sighing heavily when I realised I didn't actually know how to phrase it.
"How you what?" He nuzzled his head into the side of my neck.
"Don't worry, I'll tell you when I can figure out how to phrase it better without sounding like a retard."
"Okay, I'll be back in a second, I've just gotta go get some stuff."
"Oh, god, it's not another skirt, is it?"
"No." He laughed, "although, it's not like that'd be a bad idea, seeing as how you liked that skirt in the end."
"Screw you, Matt!" I giggled, throwing a nearby object, which turned out to be a cushion on my armchair, at him as he turned to shut the door behind him.
"You missed." He poked his tongue out, provoking me to throw another cushion at him just as he shut the door behind him.
"I'm ba-ack." Matt announced loudly, throwing the door open.
"Shut up, I'm trying to work." I flicked my hand at him.
"I bring chocolatey goodness!"
"Okay, I'm interested." I spun around on my chair.
"All I need is chocolate, huh?" He held out a bar in front of my face tauntingly.
"Don't tease me with chocolate." I warned.
"Or what?" Matt continued.
"We both know I can kick your ass."
"True. But that doesn't mean I can't piss you off. It wouldn't be as much fun that way, would it, Melanie?" He smirked.
"Gimme the fucking chocolate. I don't care about that little fetish for anger and violence you have."
"Depends, are you coming out with me tonight?"
"Sure, I don't see why not."
"You should get reading glasses, they'd look cute on you." He said quietly when he leant in to give me my bar of chocolate.
"You should stop hitting on me, it'd be best for you." I glanced up to take the chocolate, then turned back around to continue reading my book.
"I'm only hitting on you in your own head."
"Yeah, that's why you haven't had a single cigarette in a week since I said I don't kiss smokers.
"You're hot, so what?"
"You won't admit you like me."
"You won't kiss me."
"Well, what if I don't want to?"
"Then just bloody say it."
I went too far again. Dammit. Now he was mad at me.
"Sorry… I didn't mean that." I said quietly, blushing a little.
"No, I mean it, if you're not into me then tell me."
"Well, I never said I don't, so go figure."
"You never said you do either."
"Matt, I-"
"I'm really not going to be mad if you say it, I just want you to tell the truth."
This was one of the few times Matt was anything but relaxed. Shit. I shut the book I was reading and turned back around. I didn't really mean to actually piss him off.
"Matt, I'm sorry, you know I don't mean it." I blushed deeper. Matt sighed heavily.
"I'll be in bed, come in if you need me."
He may have only been a few metres across the room behind and open doorway, but it still felt like miles. I checked my watch, study was almost over. Great. I sighed again and walked slowly over to where we slept and leant on the archway.
"Are you mad at me?" I asked quietly, resting my head on the doorframe. I just wanted to make sure he was okay, for some reason.
"No, I'm fine." He didn't even look up.
"You don't seem it."
"I'm fine." He glanced up for less than a second, and then casually went back to his game.
"Whatever then, study break's almost over."
"Mmkay."
"Are you coming out with me tomorrow night?"
"Yeah, sure, whatever."
At least he was still gonna go out to the park with me. I had to do something big before he got the idea I wasn't interested, even though I wasn't interested of course, 'cos I don't date guys.