Hunter of the Shadows
Title taken from a line in Metallica's 'The Thing That Should Not Be'
Chapter 8
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Special thanks to Sendintheclowns, Phx, and Neatybix for all their suggestions.
And of course to Jen Burch, who in spite of facing some pretty nasty bush fires, has still managed to step up to the mark.
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This time when Dean switches on the camera he manages it with little fuss, and he keeps his voice soft and low. He also sounds a little husky from lack of sleep.
"Been on the road what seems like forever but we finally made it. I think we'll be safe here 'til spring, but once the snow melts and the road opens..." He shrugs. "I guess we'll be moving on again."
He turns his attention to Sam, who's sprawled out across a comfy looking couch and snoring lightly.
"Poor kid's exhausted." Dean talks quietly as he tugs a warm woollen throw over the sleeping boy. "I guess spending hours scrunched up in the car with a healing bullet wound'll do that."
It appears the boys are staying in some kind of cabin; it's huge, obviously has more than one room, and the fire blazing away in its grate casts flickering shadows over the walls, giving the place a cosy feel.
Dean lifts up Sam's feet, slides underneath onto the couch and drapes them over his knees. After pulling off Sam's boots and socks, he leans back comfortably and stares into the flames.
"There's so much more to tell, and now we have the time to bring you up to speed."
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Back... again...
Tobius made arrangements for another rental and tossed me the keys to the Impala.
"I guess this belongs to you now," he said with a grin. Tobius and I were alike in that respect, both preferring to be in the driver's seat.
We turned at the sound of someone clumping dejectedly down the hallway, then Sam appeared in the kitchen looking sad and nervous.
"'Bout time you surfaced," I called out from my spot by the stove. "C'mon, breakfast's ready."
Sam said nothing, just trudged over to the breakfast bar and slumped down on a stool next to Tobius. He didn't even look up when I put a plate of my famous Cajun and cream cheese scrambled eggs on toast in front of him. Plenty of much needed fat and protein for the kid, not to mention tasty as hell. But he just picked at it with his fork, occasionally placing a small piece in his mouth and chewing without enthusiasm.
I tried to smother a sigh.
"Sammy, eat up now. You'll feel much better."
Still nothing. Tobius tossed me a kindly look of warning.
"Sam," it was his turn to try. "What exactly are you afraid of? Is it the pain?"
Sam finally, slowly looked up at us both and I nearly gasped at the fear and anguish in his eyes.
He shook his head just as slowly.
"No, not really. I'm too used to pain to be afraid of it," he whispered.
That I could believe after everything John did to him.
A line like that should have sounded macho, but coming from Sam, it just broke my heart.
One conversation that will stay with me forever, was Sam's explanation in full detail of what happened the night he was thrown down the stairs. I could only begin to imagine how alone and afraid he must have been, lying at the bottom of the staircase, leg broken and crying out in pain. John had turned his back on his crying son, and staggered away, slamming the door on Sam, probably thinking about his next meeting with JD.
On the cusp of passing out from incredible pain, the kid had dragged himself to the kitchen to perform some extremely crude first aid. A broom stick and several dishcloths served as a makeshift splint, before Sam lost consciousness. When he woke up ten hours later, he was still sprawled out on the kitchen floor, but the note resting on his chest told him John had left for another hunt.
My blood still boils even now whenever I think of it.
"Then, what?" Tobius pressed carefully.
Sam bit his trembling bottom lip.
"If I change... there's really no going back, is there? I mean, I'll always be different, about as far from normal as you can get."
It was on the tip of my tongue to point out it was already too late to go back, and by avoiding his first change he was just putting off the inevitable. But I think I understood what he meant. This was hard enough to come to terms with, but to change right now would make it all too real. And he was right about being different; we were a million miles away from normal and then some.
I just nodded.
"Yeah, but ya know something Sam? Normal ain't all it's cracked up to be. And besides, I think you're gonna like werewolf normal much more." His mouth twitched uncertainly so I added "Trust me kiddo. It's way cooler than human normal."
Tobius remained silent, but the small smile on his face told me he approved of the way I'd handled this one. As for Sam? I still don't think he was entirely convinced by this stage but I could tell he was interested.
"Now eat up runt, before it gets cold!"
At least he didn't let my Cajun scrambled eggs go to waste, and eagerly started scooping up great forkfuls.
"Thanks Dean," he mumbled between bites. "This is really great by the way."
I crossed my arms, grinning widely. Just call it Dean Ramsay's F Word.
Tobius immediately jumped off his stool.
"I think I'd better leave now before I drown in your culinary smugness,"he announced demurely, and with a quick grin left the kitchen.
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"Nearly there." Pulling the car onto a rough dirt road in the middle of nowhere, I glanced over to find Sam clenching and unclenching his jaw nervously. Once I found our place, I nudged him gently with an elbow. "C'mon, let's get ready."
As we leant against the hood I heard another vehicle pulling up beside us. Tobius jumped out from behind the wheel of a superb black Porsche Cayenne, dragging a back pack with him.
"We have good weather for it this time," he observed, glancing up at the wide blue sky with approval. The sun had been up a full hour by the time we finally arrived. Tobius had stayed on at the hotel, claiming he had some other arrangements to make, and then followed on after us. I was surprised to see him so soon, but then given what he'd been driving...
"Yeah, last time we got pissed on from a real great height." I explained to Sam with a grin. "Doesn't stop us enjoying ourselves, just means the car smells of wet dog for days on end."
Tobius clapped his hands together.
"Right! Clothes off gentlemen!"
Sam gaped. "Huh? What?"
"We won't need any clothes so we might as well leave them here in my pack out of harm's way," Tobius explained calmly, but Sam was already backing away and shaking his head.
"No way, nuhuh, there is no way I'm getting naked out here with you guys!" Sam glanced over his shoulder, worriedly scanning the area. "Supposing someone sees us!"
He lowered his voice to an almost whisper. "People might talk!"
"Sammy," I approached him slowly, trying not to laugh. "Lift your nose, open your eyes... is there anyone else here?"
He clearly hadn't thought of that, and equally clearly he hadn't been using his newly acquired senses all that much, except for when there was food available. But then, this was the first time he'd really been outside since being turned, and he seemed a little overwhelmed by it all.
He sniffed the air tentatively and tilted his head on one side. "I can smell... you guys... and pine needles? Uh... something weird... large... not sure how to describe it... it's moving!" Sam suddenly squeaked, nearly jumping into my arms.
"Earthy? Smells of the forest? Blood and sweat? Hear a rumbling like the ground's shaking?" Sam nodded quickly; I couldn't hold back any longer and started laughing my ass off. "It's a herd of deer Sam, that's what you can smell. Can you hear their heartbeats? Makes you think of food, huh?"
It was fascinating watching the different expressions cross his face as I spoke. All the same emotions as the night he first consumed raw meat came into play: hunger, longing, disgust, and revulsion.
The kid looked a little frightened.
"Uh... we're not gonna..."
"Not this time round." Tobius was already standing naked and proud. "Another time perhaps, when you're ready for a hunt. And besides, the deer are about twenty miles north of here." He grinned broadly. "We don't have that kind of time."
I started removing my boots and jeans just as Sam backed up again.
"Whatever. I'm not getting naked out here. And I really wish you guys wouldn't 'cos it's making me uncomfortable."
Sometimes you have to know when to compromise, and sometimes you have to learn when to quit altogether.
I stared at him, noting the stubborn set to his jaw and defensively crossed arms. But beneath the veneer of calm determination, there was a clear line of self-consciousness. Sam never was the kind to preen in the mirror each morning, in spite of my teasing to the contrary, and now I thought about it he barely looked at himself at all. He was ashamed of his body and that was something we needed to work on.
Obviously, he wasn't aware of his new, nicely developing physique, or even the smooth skin that now replaced his scars. That amazed me actually. Sam's a smart kid, definitely smarter than me, possibly smarter than Tobius, yet he hadn't questioned that he could now walk without limping, no longer hunched his shoulders in pain.
I could tell by the sad look on Tobius' face he'd come to the same conclusion.
All right Sam. For now you can keep your garments on, but later when we start the change I strongly recommend you take them off. He added for comfort, and we won't be naked for long.
Sam hesitated before giving his grandfather a quick nod of agreement.
Within seconds, Tobius and I were shaking out our tails and giving our ears a good scratch, and Sam watched, open-mouthed. The only time he'd ever seen this was when he'd been shot by John, so it was doubtful he remembered much beyond the pain and shock.
Lifting my muzzle and sniffing the clean air, I let out a loud joyful bark and started leaping around like a mental patient.
God it felt good to be back in this form! After so many days and nights without even a chance to change, too worried about leaving Sam whilst he was sick, wanting to be there when he woke up... and now here I was, free as a bir... wolf.
Oh... yeah baby!
Laughter, the sound so sweet it warmed me from ears to paws, put a stop to my happy dance. Sam was laughing, not freaking out, but laughing.
I padded over, tongue lolling out my in best 'big friendly dog' routine, circled round him a few times, my bushy tail brushing his waist, and sat back on my haunches in front of him. Then I was up on my rear legs, large front paws on his chest and burying my muzzle in his neck, snuffling loudly. All of which made Sam giggle all the harder.
Stop! Dean.... that tickles... stop!
But I kept up my gentle assault, anxious to show him that everything was ok, that there was nothing to be afraid of.
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How does it feel? Sam asked tentatively, and I fixed him with a look of pure happiness.
Like you wouldn't believe kiddo. And this will be you before the day's out.
The small smile twitching at his mouth gave me hope.
Tobius was padding on ahead of us. You'll love the freedom this gives you, Sam. But trust us to watch out for you, and we'll keep you safe.
Sam nodded and stroked a hand over my head, down my spine. I rarely allowed anyone but hot chicks to touch me in this form – and there ain't nothing like a long-legged, big-breasted girly giving me the aw shucks ain't you a beautiful boy routine - but Sam was different and somehow it brought us both some comfort. He'd been a little disconcerted at seeing Tobius in wolf form, remembering the night I was turned, but Tobius soon fixed that by rolling on his back in the thick grass like a giant puppy, allowing Sam to rub his belly and stroke his silky ears.
Tobius is a slut, frankly, and I say that with great affection. In spite of being the big bad fierce werewolf, he loves to be touched in this form. There's nothing sexual in it, and I'll admit it can be relaxing, but he's way more touchy-feely than me any day of the week. I was starting to wonder if Father wasn't more of a girl than Sam in that respect. But then, you don't say that kind of thing to an eight hundred plus year old werewolf who could easily kick your ass into the middle of next week.
Even I ain't that stupid.
In a few hours we were there. And I gotta tell ya boys and girls, when I was human this shit never impressed me. Sam saw it as natural, beautiful and was pretty much a damn tree-hugger; I saw it as a bug fest, all those little fuckers with wings ready to take a chunk outta me just for the fun of it.
But now... yeah I saw the point alright. And it never failed to amaze me every time.
I once privately speculated that this land was charmed in some way, having escaped the so-called progress of modern life, and even voiced it to Tobius. He just gave me a mysterious smile and said nothing. There were thousands of acres of forest and meadows here, and no one seemed to own it.
And in way, maybe no one ever should.
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Sam was sitting by the river, his back against a fallen tree, eyes closed. He looked fully relaxed, half asleep even, as Tobius padded up and down in frustration.
Nothing seemed to work. At first we thought Sam was deliberately blocking the change, but Tobius was sure that wasn't even possible, the desires of the wolf too strong to fight. Then it emerged hours later with a pretty decent hypnotherapy session that Sam's sub-conscious was blocking it. His freaky, galaxy-sized brain was stopping his change and all for the same reasons he'd given us that very morning.
So we were trying relaxation and meditation, something Sam seemed to be really good at. It was hoped that relaxing him whilst still awake would allow natural instincts to take over.
I felt something! Sam's mind whispered to us. He sat bolt upright in the same instant and held his hands out in front of him.
Look! It's happening... ewww! That's gross!
His knuckles were widening, shifting, contracting, fine hairs growing and thickening. Sam let out a sharp hiss of pain when the nails suddenly sprouted and changed into claws. But something was very wrong here. The rest of Sam's body didn't appear to following suit at all.
Whilst I was on the verge of a major freak-out, Tobius seemed to understand what was going on.
Sam let go! Let go Sam! If you fight it you'll be in even more pain.
Sam grit his teeth, clenched his eyes shut with a nod, and I could see the effort it cost him. I... I'm trying... can't.... oh God! NOOOOOO!
Sammy what is it? What's wrong? I was about ready to change back when he slumped against the old tree, panting heavily, all signs of the change fading quickly.
"I'm sorry... so sorry." He spoke aloud, tears rolling down his face and dripping off his chin. "I tried but it just wouldn't... I don't know what happened. So sorry I let you guys down." Sam rested his head on his knees, shoulders shaking with silent sobs.
I changed immediately and gathered the disheartened kid into my arms.
"Ssshhh Sam. It's ok, ya know? We can try another time."
Tobius trotted over and stood behind him, muzzle resting comfortingly on Sam's shoulder.
He's right. Just take a rest for now and we'll head back.
"It's just... I always wanted to be normal, and as a human I couldn't manage it... and now I can't even manage it as a werewolf." Sam stifled a few more sobs and swiped angrily at his tears. "Guess John was right about me; I'm just one big loser all round."
"Stop that!" I held him tighter and Tobius let out an angry growl. "You ain't a loser Sam, alright? You've been through hell for Christ sake; maybe we shoulda taken that into account."
It'll happen when you're ready Sam, Tobius licked gently at Sam's ear. We all just need to be patient he huffed out an embarrassed sigh. Especially me it seems. I'm sorry pup; I shouldn't have pushed you so hard.
"Let's leave it for the rest of the day huh?" I rubbed his back in soothing circles, feeling the tremors gradually subside. "You're tired and hungry. And you have made some progress Sam."
Sam sniffed miserably.
"I really wanted to, Dean. I wanted to be ready today."
There was something about his statement that nagged. Tobius shifted off Sam's shoulder and trotted round to confront the kid face to face.
Look at me. Sitting back on his haunches, he stared deep into Sam's eyes. His massive head dipped forwards and gently lapped at the kid's tears. You wanted to be ready for all the wrong reasons. You can't do this just for us. If you truly want to let go, truly wish to change, you must do this for yourself.
Sam nodded jerkily.
"Yeah, I guess."
Tobius sat back again. Are you ready for some food?
A small smile crept onto Sam's face.
"Does that mean I get to see Dean fish now?"
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Careful, taking it slow.
I moved slowly through the shallows, demonstrating my awesome hunting and fishing skills.
Move slow and calm; don't let them know you're there.
Smoothly and slowly moving each leg and placing each paw in turn, with barely a ripple I watched and waited.
Splosh!
There was a large dip, hidden by sunlight reflecting off the river, and I disappeared beneath the surface, swallowing what felt like several gallons of river. Large ripples carried through the water in my wake as I leapt and spluttered, catching glimpses of the shining rainbow trout darting ahead of me. I could hear Sam laughing in the background, and I'm pretty sure the fish were also enjoying my humiliation.
Tobius, of course, couldn't resist putting in his own two cents worth. You're supposed to swim in the river Dean, not drink it.
Needless to say, my angrily growled response was easy to interpret; the air should have turned blue. Sam started applauding loudly.
"This is great! It's like a dinner cabaret act!" He carried on grinning and throwing more wood on the campfire. None of us had any matches or a lighter but Sam, Boy Scout Extraordinaire, knew a little camp craft and soon had a nice blaze going. "But without the dinner... speaking of which, Dean? Should we order pizza?"
I scowled. We're having fish even if it kills me!
I'm sure it will kill us all, Tobius snorted and huffed through his snout. Probably from starvation.
You're not helping! I sent Tobius a baleful look and went back to my hunt.
Searching, I moved into deeper water, legs kicking slowly but powerfully. Ah, there was one lonely fishy, just waiting for me. I stopped moving, watching the large shadow below, waiting for my chance... then, quick as a flash, I dived down like a torpedo, jaws wide open, and snatched at the trout. It wriggled in my mouth, desperate to get free, but I sunk my fangs in further until it finally got the message and croaked.
I emerged victorious from the depths, leaping up onto the bank and trotting over to the campfire. Dropping the fish at Sam's feet like a gift, I turned to Father. Tobius lay panting delicately, the regal patriarch of the family, front paws crossed, head held high... until I shook half a ton of river water on the smug bastard from my thick fur.
He howled long and loud, and chased me through the trees, threatening all kinds of retribution I had no doubt he'd delight in if he ever caught me. But I was faster, more refreshed from the dunking in the river, and dashed in and out, round in circles and finally back to the campfire.
Sam was watching us with amusement and wistful sadness. He was obviously dying to join in the fun, and I prayed that he'd change soon just for that alone. Sam deserved better than to be on the outside looking in.
Sam was clearly going to be the practical one amongst us though, because he was already at work on the fish. I watched eagerly, saliva filling my mouth as he carefully selected a rock, began to file a few sticks of wood to sharpened points and used them to gut and clean the trout, then hold it over the open fire to spit roast. Not sure if I could wait that long, I plunged back into the river and resumed the hunt.
Four fish later, I clambered back up on to the bank one final time and bounded over to Sam. He was pulling the cooked fish to pieces and laying them on thick green dock leaves. What can I say? Kid's always been resourceful like that.
Tobius was content to gnaw away at raw fish, but then he's a big sushi lover. Now, I eat raw beef, pork, chicken and venison – my mouth waters at just the thought - and at a push I'll eat raw fish... but cooked rainbow trout was guaranteed to have me sitting politely at attention. Hell, I'd roll in a patch of nettles if asked!
This was another thing that had changed for me since my induction into wolf hood. Never was a great fan of fish, always preferred a large juicy burger, and though I'd still happily get stuck, nose-first, in a slab of minced Daisy the Milk Cow, you could always tempt me with slow cooked Flipper.
I knew I was panting, my snout following Sam's every movement, drool an unbecoming mess clumping up my fur, but I just didn't care.
Come on Sammy I'm hungry!
I was also well aware that I was whining, pathetic little doggy sounds escaping my throat and I couldn't help it. But if I thought Sam would be repulsed in any way I was so very wrong. He smiled softly, eyes glowing with sweet kindness as he pulled apart the last of the fish. I pawed at the ground, whining a little more, unashamedly using his soft nature to gain more sympathy for my hunger.
Honestly Dean, Tobius rolled his eyes and spat out a fishbone. You're not a bloody Labrador! You're a wolf for heaven's sake, now have some dignity!
I'm a growing boy! I countered with poorly concealed laughter.
He just glared at me in fond exasperation. You'll still be using that excuse when you turn first century.
Sam shook his head, grinning, and pushed over a dock leaf full of freshly cooked fish. I pounced and quite literally wolfed it down, barely pausing to breathe or chew.
Yeah, man that fishy didn't stand a chance around me! I strutted around the campfire, muzzle up, chest out.
It was dead, you killed it so ya know... whatever dude. Sam answered with an amused shrug.
But I was still hungry and sniffed around, shoving my snout up close and personal with the remains of Sam's dinner. He'd eaten half and it was a large trout so...
Hey dude, I fixed him with my own version of his puppy eyes, head swivelling between him and the cooked fish, and licked my chops with a loud wet smack You gonna finish that? 'Cos it's a real shame to waste good food...
Sam started laughing. Go ahead, help yaself.
Yep, life is good.
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Author's notes:
I thought the boys could use a little family downtime, especially in light of what's happened...and with what's coming...
Cheers guys.
Kind regards,
ST xxx