"So Hikaru, why haven't you updated this fic yet?"

"Well, you see, that's a rather long story…"

"We've been waiting months, quite literally, for the next chapter. We can wait through your explanation."

"Uh…Okay…I guess it's all really my Muse's fault."

"Your Muse?"

"Yeah. Muse. Anyway, Muse was off visiting Mount Objective, the place where they come up with ideas and was on her way back—"

"Wait, her? You Muse is female?"

"Yes. Anyway—"

"What's she look like?"

"Uh…short brown hair, gray eyes, glasses and a strange sleeveless trench-coat. So, back to the—"

"What's your Muse's name?"

"Uh. I don't really know…she's never told me." Pause. "She's also married, so stop trying to get stalking information on her."

"I'm not—"

"Do you want the story or not?"

"…Go on…"

"Anyway, Muse was on her way back from Mount Objective, as we were supposed to have a get-together. However she met up with my friend's muse, Nausicaä Jones. And they started talking, and she was late to our meeting. Really late. As in, I ended up leaving because I needed my sleep."

"So…why didn't you just meet later?"

"Well, after Jones made Muse really, really late, she had to cross Denial River."

"The Nile River?"

"No. Denial River. The river writers go when they think they have no talent. Now, this river is treacherous on any day—not every writer consciously chooses drowning…some just kinda fall in—but this time the bridge was out. Not good. So Muse had to wait for them to build a new bridge."

"Why didn't she just swim across?"

"Did you not hear the warning about drowning? Besides, there's crocodiles."

"Oh."

"Yes oh. So the bridge building took a while, obviously. But after crossing the bridge, she started down the yellow brick road to my brain—"

"Yellow brick road?"

"Don't ask. Trust me. You don't want to know…anyway, she was on her way to my brain so we could finally have that meeting when she encountered a blockade."

"A blockade."

"Yes. Apparently my characters (and all those characters I happen to NOT own) aren't all that happy with me." Sighs. "So anyway, they all ganged up and blocked the yellow brick road."

"Okay."

"Yup. They had this series of completely absurd 'suggestions' for Muse to tell me."

"And if you didn't…?"

"They would refuse to cooperate. Silly things that I would never go for, like, no more emotional trauma. No more torture. Longer humorous scenes. Things like that. I mean, seriously, what kind of a writer do they think I am? I live for torture and trauma!"

"So…"

"Muse is still stuck at the blockade."

"So…"

"No next chapter as of yet."

"So…"

"I'm working on it! I'm working on it! We're trying to work out an agreeable treaty."

"Why don't you just work without your muse?"

Blank stare. "Work without Muse? Uh, sorry. But you just don't do that."

"So…"

"No next chapter as of yet. Didn't I already say that?"

"You suck."

"Gee thanks. Now get out of my computer!"