Chapter 4: Saying Sorry
I heard a light tap on my door after school.
I was the only one home - I had been all day - so I got up and went into the foyer.
"Who is it?" I asked loudly.
"It's me, Bella. Can I talk to you? Please," she begged.
I opened the door and saw her face. She had a small bruise forming on her cheek. I went from being furious with her to wanting to hug her and make it better.
I let her in and asked, "What happened?"
"I…fell down…the stairs," she lied lamely.
"Tell me the truth."
"Your sister slapped me," she whispered, as if I was going to get mad at her again.
I wanted to yell at my sister, but I knew why she did it. I would've, too, probably…if I was a girl. But I completely forgot Rose at that moment. I should've brought her home also, but she had her car anyway.
"I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to go through that."
She had a zip up hoodie on, and it was pretty hot, so I asked, "Want me to take your jacket?"
"No," she answered quickly.
I noticed she always wore baggy hoodies, as if she was hiding something.
"Why do you always wear such big jackets?" I wondered aloud.
"No reason…"
"Okay…well, what do you have to say?" I sat down on the couch, and she sat far from me on the other end, like she was scared I would hit her, too.
"I'm sorry. I used the first thing that came to mind to distract them. I shouldn't have. I'm a terrible person, just like John said…" she muttered.
"No, you're not." I went to tuck her hair behind her ear, but she just moved away. I dropped my hand quickly. "Who's John?"
"The guy who raped me…" she cried.
I felt the need to wrap my arms around her, so I questioned it. "Can I hold you? I won't hurt you." It came out as a whisper.
She smiled sadly and nodded. I picked her up and held her close, rocking back in forth in slow, soothing motions. Her tears were becoming more and more scarce.
"Th-thank you, Emmett. I wish that I could take it all back. Everything I said to that guy. I was just so scared, and I thought it might work. The one with the black hair reminded me…" she drew in a shaky breath. "He reminded me of John."
I knew I couldn't stay mad at her, so I said, "It's okay. I'm okay." I tilted her chin up with one of my fingers to get her to look me in the eyes. "And so are you."
She grinned and mumbled another "thank you". "I really do want to be your friend. Will you please consider that? I want to help you, and I feel like you can help me, too, by letting me."
She nodded slowly. "I think I can handle that. I'll let you know if it gets to be too much."
I smiled. "Thanks, Bella." An idea came to mind. "I want to give you something. Be right back."
She looked confused as I ran upstairs, and she had the same expression on her face when I came back down with a big, maroon hoodie in my hands. I held it out to her.
"For you…"
She shook her head. "I can't possibly take this. It's yours."
"The last time I wore it was a year ago. I want you to take it. Please."
She smiled again, and it warmed my soul. She took off her hoodie, and I now understood why she wore it. She had fresh cuts on her wrists, and I could see some of the raised scars from the beating on her shoulders through her shirt.
I grabbed her right hand gently. "Bella?"
She withdrew her hand quickly. "I shouldn't have come," she said to herself. She put her jacket back on and stood up.
"Does Jasper know?" I asked.
"No. Please don't tell him…" She pleaded with her eyes as well as her voice.
"I won't if you let mehelp you."
She scoffed. "How can you help me?"
I took off my shirt, contemplating if it was a good idea first. Scars from where I cut myself on my chest showed. I wasn't ashamed of my scars - they showed what I'd been through - but I'm not one to just allow people to see them. Bella, however, was different. We shared so much. She reached out her hand and grazed one of the bumps with her fingertips. A gasp escaped her lips.
"What…happened?" she whispered.
"I started the cuts when I was eleven. I stopped finally when I was fourteen - three years ago. Some of the smaller scars faded away, but I always have these here as reminders."
I pushed the sleeve of her hoodie up to her elbow. Cuts were all over her forearms - some from the beating and some from herself. I kissed her arm all over, trying to comfort her. She winced, and I let go.
"Did I hurt you?" I asked quickly.
"No. The kisses reminded me of…John," she forced out.
"Sorry. It won't happen again. Do you want to go see a movie tonight? We can always rent one…" I suggested.
"Sure. I'd like that, but before you get any ideas about us, I'm not ready for that step. No matter how much I want to be." I'm sure confusion was the main expression on my face, for she added, "Don't think I haven't seen the way you look at me. I mean, I probably have the same expression when I look at you…"
"And what expression would that be?" I questioned, but I had an idea of what it may be.
"You look like you just want to protect me, to keep me safe always. And you stand up for me all the time, and I know you always will by the look in your eyes. The way you look at me makes me melt, and…this is embarrassing…"
"Please continue," I said softly.
"And I want to be with you because it feels like you can help me through anything and vice versa. I know I just met you a couple of weeks ago, but I can't help but think of you, now. Instead of the sad songs and morbid images crossing my mind, it's your name and your face. Everything I see reminds me of you, and I don't want to feel like this because I don't think I'm ready. But at the same time I do…I'm just so scared."
I pulled her into my chest, and we just stood there for a moment, letting Bella calm down.
After a few minutes, I whispered into her ear, "I feel the same way, and I can wait as long as you want me to." I could feel her smile as she buried her face into my exposed chest.
"Let's go rent a movie. What do you want to see?"
"Dawn of the Dead!" she yelled enthusiastically.
She was definitely my type of girl.
----------------------
Two hours later, the horror movie was over, and we were both laughing so hard. I could tell she hadn't in a while, and I was very happy to see that she was.
"Everyone knows zombies aren't that fast!" she yelled through her laughter.
"I know! So funny!"
We were having a great time.
The cell phone rang, and by the ring tone, I knew it was Jasper. I crossed the room and answered. "Yeah, man. What's up?"
"Do you have any idea where my sister is?" He sounded frantic. "I have no clue where she could be!"
"Chillax, Jazz. She's right here. I'm sorry, but we were watching Dawn of the Dead."
"Oh, wow. What is she doing over there?" he asked.
"She came to apologize."
"For what?"
"Spreading the secret about my parents." I mentally slapped myself. He would have no idea what it was because he was sick today."I haven't heard. What's the secret?"
Could I trust him? Yeah, he was like my brother. "It's kind of depressing."
"Is it about the car accident?"
"Uh…well, you see…they didn't die in a crash."
"WHAT?!" he yelled, and I had to hold the phone away from my ear. Bella giggled, and I flashed my dimpled smile at her.
"When I was eleven, my dad beat my mom and stabbed her. Then, he stabbed himself. He made me watch the whole time, then blamed me as he died. Rose came in and saw the mess. She was only sad about mom. Joseph…he beat her all the time." I was in tears again, and Bella rubbed a hand up and down my back.
"Oh, god. I'm so sorry, man. Why didn't you tell anyone?" He sounded very concerned.
"The same reason you told no one about your parents' deaths. I didn't want sympathy, and besides, it was too painful."
"I know what you mean. Can Bella crash at your place? It's late, and I can tell Charlie that she's getting to know Rose better."
"Let me ask." I held the phone away again. "Hey, Bella. Do you mind staying the night? We have an extra bedroom."
"Yeah, sure. I guess that's cool."
"She said okay. I'll bring her home tomorrow whenever she wants."
"Thank god Charlie's working tomorrow," he laughed. "Bye, man."
"Bye." I hung up and turned towards Bella. "Let's go get your bed set up."
She nodded and began to get up, but she stopped and breathed in nervously. "Emmett, I know it may be uncomfortable and weird, but I can't sleep alone."
I understood what she was saying. I slept in Rose's room all the time when I was little, and we still do sometimes.
I grabbed her hand, and we began walking for the stairs. "I don't mind."