A/N: Hey sorry that it has taken me so long to post another chapter. I'm trying to be one chapter ahead of my story to help give me a bit of cushion. I hope that it's good so far! Please give me feedback so I can improve!

Chapter 3:

Upon arriving back at her apartment Hermione immediately set her things down and headed for her bedroom journal still in hand. She placed it gently on her bedside table were a stack of files rested all containing information about the Veil; then headed for her bathroom turning on the shower before stripping down and stepping into the steaming hot water. Hermione let it run over her body relaxing the muscles stiff from being on the couch for so long and then listening to a supposed dead man tell his story.

She was tired already and it was far from the end of the day. A good 30 minutes later Hermione stepped out of the shower towel wrapped securely around her and continued getting ready. She quickly brushed her teeth and applied a light coat of make-up, just enough to cover anything that could be of damage. She then dried her hair letting it fall in loose ringlets that framed her face instead of putting it up.

Hermione decided upon wearing khaki shorts with a white t-shirt that showed her frame nicely. A red toned stone necklace with black flip flops completed the look. She had to get out of the house for awhile and clear her head. Hermione exited her apartment building, slinging her purse onto her shoulder she headed down the street to a good deli she knew.

Ordering a panini and a diet coke Hermione quickly ate her food. Realizing just how hungry she was and deciding she still felt famished she ordered two chocolate chip with coconut cookies to go. Continuing down the street Hermione eventually came upon a park she visited often when she needed some air to help clear her head, so she could think better and concentrate. Sitting in her usual spot under the willow tree Hermione thoughtfully munched on her last cookie as she looked out across the small pond.

The air blew rustling the vines of the willow, so that they softly floated around her. Hermione took a deep breath marveling in the solace it gave her and how suddenly her nerves calmed and the fog left her mind leaving her fresh and rejuvenated. Her eyes caught the sight of a little girl fishing with her father. The girl had just caught one and her dad was giving her instructions on how to reel it in. The next minute she was triumphantly holding up the fish grinning broadly at her father as he praised her for such a good job.

Her mind wandered to her own parents and she started to wonder what they would think about her if they saw her now. Well she knew her mother would be a basket case fussing over how thin she looked and how tired her eyes seemed insisting that she take a break from work and vacation somewhere. She could only imagine the fit her mother would have if she found out how Hermione was neglecting her friends and secluding herself all because of research.

Her father would be worried. He would ask if she was alright how things were doing. He would watch her and he would know how broken she had become. How very little held her together and how it threatened to collapse. He would know she was still struggling. He wouldn't scold her and he wouldn't tell her to move one. He would wait until her mother went to bring her food and try to force it down her throat before saying that no matter what she could always come to him.

Hermione felt her throat close with emotion, a lump forming too big to swallow. Her next breath came out as a choked sob tears streaking down her face. How could she have let it happen? She hated herself for being so vulnerable, but wasn't that all coming to an end? Hadn't she discovered something that really would end her research?

Regulus Black wanted her help. She knew it dealt with Sirius and the codes that took up the rest of his journal. Hermione was itching to figure out what they meant, but she needed time. Regulus had yet to tell her what he had contacted her for and until then she refused to start breaking the codes. Sniffling Hermione wiped her eyes and quickly composed herself before heading back to her apartment.

She needed to release and let go of some of the pressure. It was too much too soon and she needed to feel like it was going away until she knew more and could start her task. The walk back to her apartment was faster than usual and Hermione soon found herself locking her door and setting down her purse. She moved towards her bathroom door where she could find the end to the build of all this pressure and pain.

Sitting on her toilette Hermione picked up a small razor and took a deep breath. Closing her eyes she pressed down on her skin and made a small incision before sighing in relief and cutting deeper. The soft flesh of the underside of her arm gave way to the sharp blades of the razor. The pain that alerted her of the cut made a smile cross her face. She felt the blood well up and spill over running down her arm in tiny trails to the end of her fingertips dropping onto the floor.

She watched as the pressure decreased and everything that had been building seemed to flow out of her just like the blood. Hermione sucked in air as the pain increased. She leaned against the back of the toilette holding her arm with her other hand she let the blood continue to escape her arm before pointing her wand at the wound to cease the bleeding. She quickly cleaned up the bathroom and then the cut putting a concealing charm on it so that no one would be able to see the bandage and question it.

Hermione felt a lightness about her as she stepped out of the bathroom before a sudden wave of exhaustion swept over her. Deciding to sleep some she quickly changed into a pair of baggy gray sweats. The moment Hermione had settled herself on her bed her head resting on her pillow sleep had took her.

Regulus sat at the stool that would've been right next to Hermione if she hadn't left. Usually someone in his position would be worried about her reporting him or never showing up, but he knew she was too interested to abandon him. Sirius's journal had given him insight into his brother's life. He felt guilt sweep over him at the knowledge that he never had a relationship with his brother and it was too late to start now. There was still a chance. If he could get Hermione's help, then maybe just maybe he would have that chance.

Pity resided in his gut as he remembered her expression as he told her about Sirius's journal. He had learned how much she had meant to Sirius and those feelings most obviously were returned. She had lost the one she loved and while her friends moved on she was kept in the past on what could've been; would've been. Regulus had felt shameful for using that particular passage from the journal, but he wanted to take no chances with if she would show.

He wondered if she was at her flat reading Sirius's journal this very moment. It would do her good to read it. She needed to know the truth about his brother's feelings. She deserved to know the truth and if this didn't work out he wanted her to be able to have some kind of closure.

Regulus glanced around the empty flat before aparating to a local bar he had visited frequently. He walked into the place sliding into a ratty booth waiting for one of the waitress's to take his order. A few minutes later a short blond with long legs and an enlarged chest wearing the required skimpy uniform came up to him asking what he would like to drink.

He ordered their best vodka and sat back taking in the other occupants of the bar. Most of them were middle age men eyeing the waitress's after a long day of work not wanting to go back to their wives just yet. He sneered at them disgusted at how they had blatant affairs with women and never thought about their loving wife waiting for them. After just a few shots he felt the dizziness of too much alcohol rush through his body.

Putting the appropriate amount of money he stood shakily ready to leave, the blond waitress who had served him hanging off his arm. He apparated back to his flat, not waiting to catch his balance as he caught her lips in a drunken kiss; immediately heading towards his bedroom taking stumbled steps forward as she continued moving backwards with him. Swiftly he had her on the bed and already had his hand halfway up her shirt.

Hermione leaned forward starring at the journal that sat before her. Her legs were twisted pretzel style on top of her bed clad in a pair of boxers. The baggy t-shirt she wore came to mid-thigh the sleeves covering down to her elbows. She had woken up around eight and hadn't decided if she should read Sirius's journal or stick to business and just try to crack the code. It only took her a minute more to decide before she snatched the book and carefully opened it to the first page.

July 13th 1971

I'm off too Hogwarts finally. Mother was giving me yet another lecture about upholding the Black name by getting into Slytherin. Something about "as the heir to the household I can't embarrass them in front of the other pureblood families". Father also talked to me about watching who I befriended to make sure they were only worthy enough for the Wizarding world.

Half the time I don't even understand what they are talking about. People are all the same, I can't see any difference. They talk constantly about pureblood yet I haven't seen anyone bleed a different color than red. James said that it didn't matter what house we made as long as we were together. He's right too. They can't split up the dynamic duo.

I think Regulus is upset with me. Lately mother and father haven't been paying much attention to him with me leaving. Last night we got into a fight I ended up breaking his nose, but he left my face pretty bruised with a black eye and swollen lip. Mother nearly had a fit when she found us in the hallway. I'm going to miss Regulus and I'm afraid mother and father might get to him about the rubbish they've been throwing at me. He would do anything for them to get attention.

Mother's calling for dinner. No sense in sending Kreacher, the filthy thing, to my room.

August 25th 1971

James is coming over today. We are going to be getting school supplies together. Which means a trip to Diagon Alley! I haven't been there in a while so it should be fun. I can't wait to check out the latest Quidditch stuff and it would be nice to pick up a new broom cleaning kit since I lost mine. Though really I think Regulus might've taken it. We've grown distant resonantly. It's probably just a phase though I'm sure he'll grow out of it.

Mother has been especially frustrating the past week. She won't let me go anywhere except to these stupid parties she keeps having before I leave. All the people, lavish things, dancing, it's just not my scene and they all ask the same questions. Am I excited? Do I doubt making it into Slytherin? Am I ready to honor the family name? It's a show to them. See whose kid is the most competent. Who will make the most money, be the most successful.

I've only been eleven for a couple months and people expect my life to be planned. Hell I don't even decide what I eat let alone what I'm going to do with myself ten years from now. And did I mention mother makes me dance with at least five girls a night? It's like they're planning my betrothal and I don't even like any of them. They're not even pretty to look at!

Oh well James is here!

August 31st 1971

Tomorrow I go to Hogwarts! Can you believe it! I'm so excited I can't sleep. I'm over at James house. I'm leaving with the Potter's for the train station. It's already 2 a.m. and I haven't even yawned. And there's no way I'm sleeping on the train ride! I'm not missing one thing! In exactly six hours Mrs. Potter is going to send Tibby to wake us up so that we can try and make it to the station in time.

James and I have yet to pack. It just wasn't important we were devising some new ideas for pranks tonight. We'll have plenty of time to pack in the morning. It's hard to concentrate on what I'm writing. James is snoring too loud for me to think! I need to cork his mouth. …..that's a great idea……

Sirius is an ass!

Hey now let's be nice. I happen to have a nice ass, but I'm not an ass. Your just mad because I put a cork in your mout….

Sirius keeps a diary! Just like a girl!

It is not a diary! It's a journal. Excuse me one moment as I go tell James if he steals my JOURNAL one more time I'm going to kick his ass.

Alright, James got the message. As of now he his holding an ice pack to his butt. Anyway I guess I should turn in and try to get some sleep.

Hermione leaned back against her headboard resting her head. A smile was strechted across her face at the thought of James and Sirius's friendship. She felt her throat begin to tighten, even at that young of an age Sirius was defiant to his parents. She didn't know if she could keep reading it was too hard. Remembering him, seeing his writing, reading what he wrote. It hurt and the thing about James snoring made guilt twist her gut. Harry would love to be able to see this and here she was keeping it to herself.

Closing her eyes Hermione tried to clear her head, but that was a bad idea. Images of Sirius past under her lids, rushing by fast snippets of conversation, his voice, a slight brush of his hand against hers when passing something on the table. His deep bark like laugh sounding in the background mingled in with images of him comforting Harry, times when he let his guard down enough for her to see the broken man that felt confined trying to heal, but not able too.

Hermione tried to take in a breath, but choked her throat closed tight lungs painfully empty heart pounding blood rushing in her ears. Her eyes shot open as she struggled for air. Wheezing she reached over to the bedside table grabbing a bottle of pills she clutched the bottle as she popped some in her mouth. She made herself chew them, but when she tried to swallow they ended back up in her hands.

Stumbling she unlatched the window pushing it open with difficulty. It took all she had not to double over from the pain that seared from her lungs. Shoving her head out the window Hermione sucked in oxygen. Each breath of polluted city air rid her head of the assault it had put her through. Finally breathing at a regular pace Hermione pulled herself back into her bedroom. She had fallen to her knees by her window and now sat with her back to the wall, eyes wide so that the memories wouldn't come back again. Not thinking she got up from her spot grabbing her coat and leaving her apartment without a second glance.

********

Harry and Ginny stood in front of the wall in their living room trying to decide on the color they wanted to paint the walls. So far they had narrowed it down to a light toffee color and an olive tone. Neither knew which one since each color brought out different parts of their furniture.

"You know what Harry I like the toffee for the wall. We can get some accessories for the room in some olive and forest greens to make that couch and chair pop more." commented Ginny.

Harry nodded his head in agreement tired of looking at the pieces of colored paper scattered on the wall. Ginny smiled and flicked her wand, instantly the color appeared on the wall and the sample colors zoomed back into their respectful places in the stack. Ginny turned and scrutinized the kitchen. It was so open to the living room it didn't make sense to be a different color and so she flicked her wand turning it the same color. Allowing the apartment to feel more spacious and flowing.

About to head to the bathroom and decide on a color for that they heard the doorbell sound throughout the household. Harry looked at Ginny who shrugged her shoulders. Neither were expecting visitors and from what either could recall no packages.

Harry pressed the button on the speaker, "Who is it?"

"Harry it's me. Look I'm sorry for dinner, but I need to talk to you." rushed Hermione her adrenaline pumping she had run the six blocks to their apartment.

"Come on up." replied Harry unlocking the bottom door to allow her entrance fearing something was wrong.

In burst Hermione, door swinging madly hair wild a desperate look in her eye with her coat hanging off one of her shoulders. Her checks were flushed from running and she was still slightly out of breath.

"Hermione what is it? What's wrong?" asked Ginny instantly worried.

"I can't do this. I…I don't know where to begin. So many things…it could get messed up…all those hopes for nothing…I" rambling Hermione put her hand to her head trying to slow her thoughts as Harry led her over to their couch gently helping her sit down.

Harry seated himself besides her, stressed over his friend's current condition. He felt horrible for snapping at her the other day; he cut her off.

"Hermione slow down. What do you mean?"

"Harry it's…you're going to think I'm mad." shaking her head as she stared at her hands.

"Hermione for all the years I've known you you've always proven to be right. I'll believe you." said Harry.

Taking a deep breath Hermione lifted her eyes straight to his, "Regulus never died. He went into hiding. He…contacted me because he found a journal Sirius kept. At the back it had these codes and he thought I could help him. But I don't know how to start and try to crack the code. I figure that reading the journal would do it, but it's so difficult…I don't know if I can."

Harry and Ginny stared wide eyed at her both still processing the information. Ginny was the first to recover.

"When did he contact you?"

"The night before I came to your apartment for dinner." stated Hermione.

"How did he get Sirius's journal? Where was he hiding? Who did Kreacher see die?" Harry began firing off questions as he got to his feet seeming to get more frustrated by the minute.

"Let me tell you from the beginning. Hopefully that will help answer all your questions." Hermione said.

Harry nodded as he sat back down, intent on listening to every word she said. Hermione looked down at her hands once more as she slide a ring on and off her finger and habit of hers when concentrating. Collecting her thoughts she plunged into the story.

It was late in the evening when Harry and Ginny had finished the last of their questions, after Hermione told them the events of the past day and a half. She was exhausted with her stomach full from entrees served by Ginny as everyone became hungry.

"Hermione….I know I've told you to move on…..but…I'm glad you've stuck with it. I….I want you to work with Regulus. I….he never should've died." Harry's head hung low as he said this guilt lacing his words.

"I am Harry and it's ok. It's in the past ok?" Hermione replied putting a hand comfortingly on his shoulder.

Harry looked up and gave her small smile nodding his head. She gave a reassuring smile in return before collecting her things.

"Well, I need to be off. It's late and it would be better if we all went to bed to help process everything I've told you two. If you have anymore questions don't hesitate." stated Hermione.

They both nodded their head and walked her to the door saying a brief goodnight.

Hermione apparated back to her apartment feeling better than she had in months; it had felt good to open up to someone for once. She didn't always have the solution. Truly tired she went straight to her room barely getting in the covers before falling asleep on her bed.