Chapter 8: Leaving--Part 2

A/N: I thought everyone should know how Bella is feeling finally. This is taking place at the same time as last chapter. Thank you for reading and reviewing.

Bella's POV

Jasper woke me up and 9am this morning and handed me some clothes. I walked up to the deck and met him at the front of the boat.

"Hey, Jazz," I greeted him, leaning against the railing beside my brother.

"Hey. I wanted to apologize for last night. I shouldn't have said those things," he said, looking distant.

"You should be sorry. You hurt both of us very much," I replied, not really caring that he was regretful.

"You weren't ready for that step."

"How the fuck do you know what I'm ready for?" I was growing angrier.

"Because I'm your brother, and I can tell."

"How? You were only my brother every other summer since I was five. That's two months, and I only saw you six times. And these last five months, you had to be my brother, but I know that you don't like carrying a fragile, rape victim around."

"Bella," he sighed, turning towards me. "I can still tell. I just know, okay? And I'm glad you're finally here. I love being your brother."

"Do you remember why mom took me and not you?" I asked, blowing off his last comment.

"No, not really. I was six. A lot's happened since then," he dismissed.

"Yeah, tell me about it." I rolled my eyes. "But I still remember it clearly. Mom decided to divorce Charlie, and I remember you were really sad. I knew you loved mom. I remember that Charlie said that she couldn't take the kids, and we both were torn. I remember wanting to go with mom, and I wanted you to come, too. Then, you said that you didn't want to be near me, that I caused their divorce when I was born because of the stress I put on them. Hell, you didn't even know what you were talking about, or maybe you did, but it hurt more than anything. I remember crying and telling mom just to take me away, and with court orders, she did. I know Charlie had to force you to see me, and I didn't like it any more than you did." Tears were welling up in my eyes. "The sad thing is I loved you then, and I still love you, now."

"Bella, I do love you. I'm sorry. I want to make it up to you. I called dad, and we're all going on a vacation for the rest of the summer, just us three."

"No!" I yelled, then lowered my voice, when I saw Emmett walking into the dining room. "You're only doing this to keep me away from Emmett. Jasper, I love him, and he's the single, most important person in my life. He's the only one who's looked at me like I was normal. I see you try, but it's fake."

"I'm only doing it to protect you. I love you, no matter what you think or what John told you," he growled.

The tears overflowed in rapid currents down my face. "How the fuck could you even bring him up, you dick-eating asshole?! I thought you said you cared about me! Go jump off a bridge, Jasper Swan! Or better yet…jump off the ship!" I yelled in his face, then hit him hard across his cheek. He had a red handprint forming, and he grabbed my arm tightly.

In a low, menacing voice, he said, "You're going on the vacation whether you like it or not, Isabella Marie Swan. You have no fucking choice."

He dropped my arm, which caused me to wince in pain as the blood started flowing again, and for the first time since I met him, I was scared. He reminded me of…John. I wanted to curl up into a ball and die, but I knew I had to be strong. I wiped my tears away, nodded, and began to walk into the room in which Emmett just entered. I felt Jasper's presence behind me, and I knew he was close.

I went into the room in which everyone was eating and looked at Emmett's beautiful face. I looked away quickly, but tears were forming again. I would miss him so much. I walked over and sat in his lap, careful not to look at his beautiful blue eyes again.

"What's wrong?" he asked. He sounded so concerned.

"Nothing, Em. I'm okay," I replied lamely.

I heard him say something under his breath. It sounded like, "I should've let you sleep in my room last night."

"Don't blame yourself for my tears, okay? Never do that. Jasper just told me something, and it made me sad." That's an understatement. "Let's have fun." I forced a smile, just to make him feel better, but it didn't look like he bought it.

He nodded and kissed my forehead. God, this boy was so sweet. "I love you. Want something to eat?"

Every time he said those three words, it made my heart melt. It was the best feeling, better than the amazing love making we did the night before.

"I love you, too. And yes, I would love that. Do you have any fruit?" I asked.

"Of course." He sat me in the chair and retrieved some fruit out of the mini-fridge.

He sat a whole tray in front of me and sat down next to me, watching me eat with love in his eyes. When I finished, he put the fruit up and grasped my small hand in his big one.

"Let's go watch a movie," I said. I knew it would give me time to think about he upcoming doom that would rain down on my life. I didn't want to, but I would have to sometime.

When we got to the boat's theater, he asked, "What do you want to watch?"

I clutched his shirt tightly and rested my head against his chest. "Dawn of the Dead." It was the first movie we watched together. And it would be the last, at least for the rest of the summer.

I sat there thinking about my lovable Emmett. I suddenly had the urge to go pee, so I excused myself to the bathroom. After I relieved myself, I washed my hands and looked over at a box by the small trashcan. I picked it up and opened it. I knew what was inside before I even ripped the tape off. The small box contained my razors, dull from so much use. Without thinking, I pulled the newest one out, which had been used once before. I placed it against my wrist and slid it across my skin, relishing the pain for the first time in months. I placed it up higher, digging it into my scarred skin. I repeated this twice more, then washed my arm off. My gaze could not leave the red water traveling down the drain, nor could my thoughts of what I'd just done. I held in my tears, not wanting to cry because I had been gone too long already, and repackaged my blades. I went into my cabin and threw on some jeans and Emmett's hoodie, suddenly ashamed of my body. I walked back out and sat down in the large, leather chair next to my boyfriend.

"Bella, let me see your wrists," he said, surprising me. I knew I had been gone for ten minutes, but I didn't think he'd jump to that conclusion, even if it was the truth.

"They look the same as when I left."

"Bella, let me see your wrists," he repeated, his voice becoming louder.

I crossed my arms and held them close to my chest. He grabbed my left hand, and his thumb was pressing into one of the cuts.

"Ow, Em. Stop…"

He loosened his grip to where it didn't hurt anymore and raised the sleeve of my jacket. He gasped and dropped my arm. Then, he stood up and ran away.

Great, Bella. You're such a freak. Why can't you be normal and stop scaring people out of your life? A voice in the back of my head was telling me.

I blew it off and began to cry, noticing that I disgusted the one person I loved. A few minutes later, Rosalie came back to comfort me.

"Are you okay, Bella?" she asked in her kind, sweet voice.

"I'm fine."

"Sometimes pain feels good. I understand." I looked at her, my expression confused. In a voice barely above a whisper, she said, "I cut myself sometimes. The pain gets to be too much when I remember my mother laying in a pool of blood, while the man who beat me is holding a dagger in his hand, dead next to her. I was glad he was gone. I wouldn't have to suffer anymore. But my mom was everything to me. She was such a caring woman, and she would've killed Joseph if she had known what he was doing to me, but he somehow kept it a secret from everyone but Emmett for two years." Tears were running down her face, but her voice was even, like she didn't even know they were there. "So yeah…pain is needed at times."

I nodded. Her past was similar to mine, yet so different. "You're like the sister I never had."

She smiled, as did I, but mine quickly faded when I saw Jasper enter the room. Rose wrapped her arm around me, as if she were protecting me. I glared at Jasper with all the hatred I could muster up, but I was still scared of him, and I was shaking slightly with that fear.

"Damn it, Bella! Cutting yourself? Really?" He ran a hand through his blonde hair.

I unconsciously moved closer to Rose.

"Instead of scaring her or judging her, why don't you be a good brother and see if she's okay?" she asked, her voice dripping with disgust.

He nodded and walked over. "Bella, can I please see your wrist?" he asked in a quiet, calmer voice.

I held my hand out to him, afraid that if I didn't, he'd hurt me. It was silly, but I had been through it once. I remembered one day when John came over.

I had just finished a cutting session. Yes, they began before I even started dating John.

I opened the door and forced a smile when he walked in.

"How was your day, babe?" he asked in his melodic voice.

"It was fine. How was yours?"

"I played some football with the guys. Nothing big," he shrugged.

We went into the living room of my suburban, Phoenix house, and I turned on the television. He grabbed my hand, and I winced in pain. He noticed and looked down.

"Holy crap, Bells! What happened to your arms?" Shock was written across his face. His dark hair covered his eyes as he examined the small cuts. "Did you do these?" he asked quietly.

I had never been able to lie to John successfully, so I just nodded.

"What the hell?! There's no possible reason to go all emo like this!" he exclaimed, scaring the shit out of me, and he stood up, pacing the floor.

"I know. I just…had to." I had no real explanation. I only did it when my mind felt like it needed some relief.

Before I knew what happened, he hit the side of my face with the palm of his hand. It was hard enough to knock me out of my seat. Tears blurred my vision as I looked up at him. Anger was the dominant expression on his face, and his eyes were smoldering as he glared at me. His image haunted me as I faded into darkness.

I vaguely remembered waking up in a hospital with a doctor standing over me.

"Glad to see you finally awake, Miss Swan. It was quite a fall you took there," he said.

That was when I knew that that wouldn't be the last time John Thomas hit me. It would be the first of many, but I was too afraid to get out of the relationship. He was the type of person who would track you down and beat you to death. I only realized later that sometimes he did.

I came back to the present, finally aware of my surroundings.

"Bella? Bella. Bella!"

I kept hearing my name repeat, but I couldn't draw my attention away from Jasper. Rose repeated my name until she realized it was no good and swatted Jasper's hand away from mine.

He sighed and said, "Why don't you go downstairs, Bella? You should rest…"

I knew what he meant by that. It translated into, "Go pack your shit up so we can get the hell out of here."

I nodded and went back into the dining room.

"Bella, honey. Are you okay?" Emmett asked.

I just nodded solemnly and headed downstairs to the cabin I shared with Jasper. I began to toss all of my clothes into my suitcases, not really seeing through my tears. A couple of hours later, Jasper came down and started packing as well.

After forty-five minutes of silence, he said, "I do love you, Bella, and I have a feeling this is going to help us all."

I forced a sad smile and continued to gather my things. I finally went to bed at about 8 o' clock, but I just laid there for awhile before I went back upstairs. I recruited Alice and Rose to help me with a present for Emmett. They didn't know I was leaving, so they happily obliged. I got my gift together after two hours and sneaked into a sleeping Emmett's room. Jasper told me his plan, but not where we were going, so I wrote a note from the information I knew and placed it on the nightstand. I watched him sleep for a moment more. He was smiling happily, and I only hoped that he was dreaming of me. I finally left, kissing his lips softly before shutting the door behind me.

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The next morning, I woke up early and gathered my things.

Jasper and I walked up to the lower deck where Michael was and waited for him to give us the keys to our boat. He handed us a set and helped us down into the large motorboat. We thanked him and set off. We weren't far from shore; I could see the marina from where we were at. Jasper said he was sorry again, but I tuned him out, watching the sun making it's rise into the sky.