Your name is Karkat and what the hell did you just agree to?

Two hours earlier.

I was sitting on the couch with Gamzee and started to talk to him about our situation. What I didn't expect was a confession. He told me how he had wanted to ask me out for a while.

Well I figured why not give him a chance. I'm not going to lie but the prospect of dating my best friend didn't sound that bad.

Plus it would be like that one movie I like.

We agreed that if it didn't work out after six months we would get a divorce. If we got a divorce then I would help him find a new apartment.

The current predicament.

I didn't think our conversation would lead up to this.

Being locked in the bathroom with just a towel around my waist.

And a crocodile.

A FUCKING CROCODILE.

LIKE HOW THE FUCK DOES A CROCODILE END UP IN MY APARTMENT!

Be panicking Gamzee.

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh fucking shit.

How? Why? What?

Some motherfucker dropped off a crate and said we ordered it. Why would anyone in any state of mind order a crocodile? If anything I would've gotten a goat.

Deep breath, now how the fuck am I gonna get that croc out of the bathroom and save Karkat at the same time?

I pull out my phone and call Equius. "Yes, hello?" I hear him pickup. "Hey, Equibro, I got a real important question." "Considering your lack of rude language, I will have to assume you're sober." he replies. "Yeah man, serious situation, there is a crocodile locked in the bathroom with Karkat, what do I do?" I ask. "I stand corrected, there is no possible way for there to be a crocodile in Karkat's apartment." he states. "Motherfucker, may I remind your sorry ass that we live in fucking Vegas! Sin city bro, where motherfucking anything can happen!" I don't mean to yell but this is a dire situation. "Oh, My, I need a towel." He responds after a few seconds. I take a deep breath and decide to ask one of those what if questions. "Okay motherfucker, let me put it this way. What would you do if Nepeta was locked in a room with a crocodile?" "I would break down the door and have the beast's jaw in a strong vice grip, while Nepeta runs to safety." he declares. Eh, what other choice do I have? I hang up without saying good bye and break into the bathroom.

Miracles everyday man.

Be the naked guy.

You are now Karkat Vantas.

Before the crocodile got the idea to eat me I hopped up onto the bathroom sink. I decided to call him ass muncher pervert extraordinaire. Ass muncher for short. Anyways the ass muncher couldn't quite reach me from where I was perched. It looked my biggest problem with ass muncher was the fact he had giant fucking jaws. Well I guess if I had a way to keep his mouth close I would be in the clear. The bathroom is too small for ass muncher to use his tail, so I don't have to worry about that. Goddammit I don't have anything to tie his mouth close.

Except for my towel...

Fuck it.

The door's locked so no one is going to see me.

I carefully remove my towel and get into position. When the crocodile closed his mouth I jumped onto his head and held his mouth shut while I tied the towel around it. Ass muncher flicked his body side to side in attempt to get me off. Lucky for me the bathroom was too narrow and he only knocked me into the cabinets under the sinks.

After I double knotted the towel and felt confident that his mouth will stay shut I moved back off of him and stood up. I was about to go unlock the door, until Gamzee broke it down and knocked me backwards.

Be the guy staring in amazement.

You are now Gamzee.

And damn if that wasn't the most, fuck I don't even have words for it, thing I have ever saw. The cutest motherfucker I know is sitting on top a crocodile all pretty like. Oh shit where did his towel go? Wait it's tying the croc's mouth shut. I could just get my stare on for hours.

"Hey, fuck ass, quit staring like a retard. I'm not letting this ass muncher pervert extraordinaire escape the bathroom until animal control gets here." he shouts at me.

Author's note: I like to thank everyone who reviewed so far, It has been a great encouragement for me. Thank You. I will probably post one or two more chapters for this story, then a one-shot sequel.

Have a nice day.