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Crowfeather's point of view, in first person. It has to be, or else it doesn't work, so hang tight. This may get intense.

My beloved angel let out a deep sigh and was gone. She was dead; her heart had stopped, and so had mine.

Why hadn't I died? Why wasn't I on the ground next to her, breathless? I took a shaky breath in, and breathed out hard. I was still alive, but my chest was hollow. There was a dead weight, no meaning. There was no meaning to life for me, now that my life had died in front of my eyes while I was being held back.

I look down at her broken body. Her amber eyes are closed, never to open again. I wanted to see them, my sole reason for being here in ThunderClan. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for her. I don't want to be here or anywhere ever again.

"Leafpool, I will meet you in StarClan soon. Wait for me, I will be there," I stand from my place next to my beloved, and I give her one last fleeting glance before I run out of the den, leaving Firestar and the rest behind me as the tried to figure out my words.

I flew past the cats that were immediately outside of the den, and I run into Stormfur. I fall to the ground from the force of hitting my friend. He looks at me with pity, which is what I don't want. Anger flares in me. I don't want them to be sorry for me! I don't need them! I need Leafpool, and there is only one way to get to her.

"He's going to kill himself!" Lionblaze shouts behind me, and I get up to take off again. Stormfur catches me by the scruff with his teeth in the nick of time for me to slam into the ground again, "Crowfeather, wait-"

"Let me go!" I screech, struggling against the sharp teeth in my neck. I don't want him to console me, I want to die! I can tell that Stormfur is trying to not hurt me, but I am making that hard for him. He tightens his grip, and I feel his teeth break my skin. He gasps and lets go when he tastes blood, and I scramble to my feet and run again. He pounds after me, and I hear other cats behind me as well.

"Stop him!" Firestar roars into the empty air of the camp, right as I'm at the entrance of the camp, near the clearing. As if they were already there, cats were trying to take me down. Berrynose took a snap at my tail, but I danced out of the way. Ashfur leaped at me, but I clawed him aside. A cat landed on my back, jumping me from behind. I turned my head to the side to see Spiderleg on me. I violently shook back and forth and he fell off, and I made a break for it.

I fly out into the trees, lit with dawn's light. It had snowed over night, deep and thick. It was hard to trudge through, but I had WindClan's speed on my side, and the ThunderClan cats would have a harder time in the snow.

"Crowfeather, please think this through first!" Squirrelflight yelled out behind me, but I only ran faster.

"Stop right now!" Firestar yells again, "Or else Crowfeather!" I laugh loudly to myself, so they can hear,

"Or else what!? I've already lost my home, my love, my meaning in life! I can't lose much else Firestar! Let me die!"

"Never!" The cry came from many different cats, and it only made me press on harder. If they didn't let me die, then my death would be taken by force.

As I rushed through the forest, I looked at all of the trees around me. I had gotten used to my home, and I sort of liked it here. The cover from the trees was annoying at first, but I had learned that there was so much more selection than just rabbits here under the trees. It was enjoyable enough, but I was a WindClan cat. And my heart was broken, so what was the point?

I am turning to the left a bit to get past a large patch of brambles when something, feeling like a head, slams into my side. I hit the brambles, and cry out in pain. From the impact against the sharp barbs and the fact that I was delayed from being with my Leafpool. I tried to stand in the bushes but my feet got thorns in them. I winced in pain, my vision blurred with my pain. I make out a golden and black pelt, and then I realize what it was,

"Don't forget that we have your WindClan speed father," Hollyleaf said calmly, while Lionblaze was fuming. His eyes burned with a rage that I had not seen in a long while from my son. It was hatred.

"Shut up, Hollyleaf," Lionblaze growled, "Just shut up." (I think she needed to be told this a long time ago. :P)

"Lionblaze-…" Hollyleaf gasped, but he just snarled at her. She silenced, and Lionblaze came up to me, his eyes glowing with loathing.

"You," He spat at me, "Are a low-living, fox-dung for brained tom. Don't you even care about us? We just lost our mother for StarClan's sake! Other cats have lost their mates, why should you be any different? Pull your self together."

I growled softly, and I felt my anger burst into a fire of rage. I leaped out of the brambles, claws unsheathed, on top of Lionblaze. He struggled underneath me, and I struggled to stay on top of him. But I leaned down to whisper in his ear,

"I am so different than any other who's lost their mate. I've lost my soul. And you can't live without a soul, so let me die." I pushed down on him once more, then I turned back towards my destination, and ran off. They were following me, and I heard the others catching up with them. I had to hurry now.

I caught scent of what I was headed for and I smiled.

The lake.

It would be a quick, less painful death than some other ideas that I had. I thought I may go over and try to steal prey from ShadowClan, or maybe steal a kit from WindClan. But they may not kill me, just hurt me. This was sure fire way of killing my self.

I saw the clear blue water and I knew that I was home free. No one could catch me before I was far out in the middle of the lake. It was golden.

I hit the sandy shore and plunged into the icy cold waters. It was frozen near the middle, a sign of the harsh leaf-bare coming.

"Crowfeather!" I froze like that water when I heard Stormfur's voice behind me. He was starting to splash in the water, getting closer to me.

Curse you StarClan, I thought, for putting a RiverClan cat in our clan. Thanks.

I launched myself off the bit of sand I was on, and I fell deeper into the water, far away form Stormfur. I struggled to keep my head up, but I paddled myself closer to the middle of the lake. I was much farther than any cat should try to be. I hated the water, but I had to be in it.

"Crowfeather, don't do it!" I turn, gasping for my last bits of air, and see Squirrelflight looking at me with horror. There is Firestar, Hollyleaf, Lionblaze by her, along with Ashfur and Thornclaw. They were all yelling for me to come back, to think things through. I try to laugh, but I swallow in water. I cough out my final words,

"Don't try to stop me now! This is what has to happen."

I let myself drop, and feel the water all around me. I open my eyes a little, and see Stormfur's dark grey legs pushing towards me. I felt my head get dizzy, and I closed my eyes. Bright colored lights flashed in front of my eyes while I got even dizzier, but black closed around the edges. It quickly got darker, and I fought to keep myself under the water, to not go up and breath. Stormfur is getting closer now, but I don't care. I feel myself ebb away, my breath leave my lungs, and everything goes black.

Oh…ow…my head hurts so much…is…is this what it feels like when you die? Wh-where is Leafpool? Feathertail? Tallstar? Anyone?...

All I can see is darkness. I take in a breath, a ragged one at that. It hurts to move, to breath. I try to blink, but it doesn't work. I tighten my eyes, and I hear a voice in my ear,

"Don't try that again dearest, not for me, not for anyone." I try to open my eyes, but they stay shut. I recognize the voice, and it makes me shake with anger that I can't see her.

"Leafpool," I growl, "Show yourself to me, let me see,"

"That is not in my power," She whispered again in my ear, "Since you are not dead."

"NO!!!" I howl, throwing my head back, "OH, NO!"

"Stop," She hissed in my ear, "Don't yell like that, Crowfeather. I love you, and you know that," I just cried out louder, my voice a pitiful wail, "Stop that." She snarled. For some reason, I loved her when she was mad. If only I could see her…

"Why Leafpool? Why didn't I die? I threw myself into the water…" My voice trailed off as I tried to figure out what was going on. I had to have died right?

"Stormfur pulled you out, Crowfeather. You didn't stay under long enough for your heart to stop. You are merely unconscious."

"NO!" I wailed, screaming up into the air, "I won't live without you! First Feathertail, now you…Oh, Leafpool, how will I survive? Did you see how Lionblaze reacted towards me?"

"Shh…" She whispered, "He was just upset with Leafpool's death, as you were. Now, wake Crowfeather, wake and go see our family."

I start to whimper, and I feel Leafpool's presence leave me. My whines turn to howls of misery, cries of horror. I screamed, but no one heard me. No one tried to comfort me, no one stopped me. I just cried out, begging to die, to be with Leafpool. No one answered me, no one cared.

I felt like the thick water was covering me again, and I imagined that I was drowning myself again. It slowly got darker in front of my eyes, if possible, and I sighed, giving into the heavy feeling.

"He's waking up," A hushed, far away whisper. It's faint, but there, "Every one out but Firestar and Jayfeather." There's a shuffle of feet, and I can tell that all the other cats are out of…where ever we are…

I felt my eyes get heavy for a moment, but then they felt light, and I tried to open them. I braced myself for bright light, but no light entered my eyes. It was fuzzy, but I could make out Jayfeather's grey pelt and Firestar's ginger one. I moaned, my head pounding with sudden weight, and threw my head back, moaning again.

"Well," Jayfeather said to Firestar, "He seems to be fine. If he can make noises like that then he is in little pain."

"I-" I opened my mouth to try to speak, but I started to cough up water. I spluttered until my stomach had rid itself of all the water I had swallowed.

"Another good sign," Jayfeather whispered, "He's expelling the water…Very good…"

"How-…where am I?" I whisper, raising my head, ignoring the throbbing, "Where did everyone go? Where's…where's Leafpool's body?"

"We had to burry it, Crowfeather. I'm sorry you didn't get to pay your tribute…You've been unconscious for two days. It's nightfall."

"Well," I say, trying to stand. My whole body aches, "When can I go to the-" I stopped, seeing the resentful look on Firestar's face.

"What?" I asked my facing starting to scrunch up with worry. Firestar looked at Jayfeather, who merely nodded, and blindly stared at me.

"Crowfeather…you can't leave this place. It's a small cave by my den…we want to make sure that you don't try anything like…the other day…"

"So I am a prisoner, in my own camp?" I ask, anger flaring up inside of me. How dare the keep me prisoner like some mangy outsider?

"I'm sorry it has to be like this Crowfeather," Firestar said, not looking at me, "But we have no choice. We don't want you killing yourself. Now," Firestar yawned at stretched out, "There will always be a guard outside, so call if it need be. If you wish to see me or Jayfeather, you will be escorted by three cats along the way, to ensure you don't run. When I see it fit, you will be able to leave this place."

I stared at my leader in horror and in disbelief. There was no way in the Forest of No Stars that I would be staying here! "Firestar, with all due," I spat at him, "respect, I will not go through with this. If I wanted to be a prisoner, I would go do something to another clan."

"Crowfeather, don't say such things," Jayfeather cut in angrily, "Now, get some sleep. Have good dreams for StarClan's sake. Be happy."

Rage tore through me, eating me up. I wanted to make my son suffer for saying such words to me, at the point of pain I was in.

"Jayfeather," I whispered, "You are lucky that I am so weak and that Firestar is here right now. I would have pounced on you any other time, so watch your back-" Firestar's paw flew out and smacked me on the side of the face. I tumbled back on my back, hitting my head on the side of the rock cave. I saw stars for a moment before shaking my head heavily, clearing my thoughts. I glared at Firestar, who glared right back at me,

"Don't talk to your medicine cat, your son that way, or else." He snarled, and I laughed again, like those days before, when I tried to kill myself,

"I've already lost everything Firestar, don't test me. Sooner or later I will get my way."

He stared angrily at me again, lashing his tail back and forth.

"Be that way," He spat, "But don't think you'll win this battle Crowfeather. I've got all of StarClan on my side."

He hissed at me coldly and left, leaving me with my son. His blind eyes where hesitant, but he left me without a word.

I knew that this was not going to be my way of life, but I had no idea what I was going to do.

Okay, I'm stopping there. We will go back to normal perspective next chapter, as Lionblaze then Jayfeather. I know what you are all thinking, so don't say it in the reviews…*cough hack hack "Starlit Pool" hack hack cough die*

Now, leave me reviews me pretty little reviewers! I am giving out not one…not two…but THREE plusies for the best reviewers! One is a Mudfur plusie, in honor of her awesome guide! A…Spottedleaf plushie! *oooo's and awe's* and last, but not least…a AWESOME SECERET PLUSHIE! THE ONE WHO LEAVES ME AN "AWESOME" REVIEW GETS THE SECERET ONE! And maybe another one too…another secret one…

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