Chapter 18: The Calm

Krista sat in silence, slowly absorbing Ymir's story. The two had sat up over the course of the retelling to give Ymir more space. The blonde sat with her knees against her chest, arms around them leaning against Ymir. The brunette sat with her feet planted firmly on the floor and her head turned to Krista.

Ymir watched her aptly, gauging her reaction with attentive brown eyes. Her expression remained emotionless, but inside, her emotions tripped over each other in their rush. Ymir blanked out, thinking about Krista's reaction. Would she blame her for Berik's death too? Just like Reiner had?

"Marco said Berik died in a bus accident."

Ymir blinked and looked at Krista again. "Huh?"

"I said: Marco told me that Berik was hit by a bus," Krista repeated, peeking up at Ymir's face.

"Why would Marco tell you that?" Ymir questioned, a dangerous undertone to her voice.

"Because I asked him? I, uh, went around asking everyone about you before we became friends. T-to get to know you, that is!" Krista stammered nervously.

"So you went around the school, asking everyone about me?"

"Yes."

"And none of what they said turned you away?"

"Well I'm here now, aren't I?"

Ymir smiled. "Yeah, you are." She leaned down for a kiss, which Krista happily reciprocated. Krista tightened her grip on her knees when Ymir began to move her lips against her own. She slowly pushed herself back on the couch and allowed the brunette to drape over her body, continuing the kiss. Krista moaned slightly when Ymir gently rubbed her tongue along the blonde's top lip. The brunette placed her elbows on the area above Krista's shoulders and leaned further down, angling her head. She remained on her knees, Krista's legs between hers. Krista reached her arms around Ymir's neck and pulled her harder against her body, craving the physical contact.

Finally, when the necessity of air woke them from their bliss, they pulled back, a string of their combined salty fluid stretching between them. They panted heavily, eyes hooded and cheeks warm. Ymir slowly relaxed her body on top of Krista's and kissed her forehead before placing her head beside hers and on the couch's arm. Krista turned her head and caught her eyes, seeing the admiration and fondness. She smiled, and Ymir couldn't help but return it.

"I love you," Krista murmured, heart hammering.

Ymir scrunched her nose up and stuck her tongue out. "Do I have to say it?"

"Ymir!" Krista cried, heartbroken.

"I'm just kidding, I'm sorry. I love you too," Ymir whispered, rubbing Krista's arms soothingly.

Krista pouted but sighed. "Apology accepted. Don't do that again, okay?"

"Okay."

They lay together in silence, listening to the other's heartbeat and steady breathing. They stared into each other's eyes for a long while before Ymir started to blink rapidly, as though holding back tears. Krista, worried, quickly sat up and pulled Ymir's expressionless face down to hers, seeing past her tough façade.

"Ymir? Are you okay?" the blonde asked worriedly.

The brunette offered no response and kept her gaze blank, head tilted forward. Just as Krista opened her mouth to repeat her question, Ymir glued their lips together in a passionate kiss that made Krista's insides tangle and heat up. She squeezed her eyes shut and followed Ymir's frenzied rhythm, though her heart told her something was wrong – this kiss was desperate, almost as though Ymir was making sure that this was actually happening.

When they pulled back for air, Ymir buried her face against Krista's neck and expelled hot air onto the blonde's pulse point. Krista squirmed slightly in her seat but remained calm, if only to disallow any escalation and try to understand what was wrong with Ymir.

"Hey," Krista murmured, "what's wrong? Are you upset about something?"

Ymir shook her head and grunted.

"Talk to me."

Ymir slowly lifted her head, eyes vulnerable. Krista gasped quietly and put a hand to her cheek. The brunette took a shuddering breath and leaned forward. She closed her eyes and put their foreheads together.

"Don't..." she whispered in a choked voice, "don't ever leave me! I need you."

Krista trembled and tightly wound her arms around Ymir's neck. "I won't leave you. I'll never leave you. I love you, I love you, I love you!"

"Good, 'cause I'm never letting you go."

Krista bit her lip to choke back her sobs and nuzzled Ymir's nose lovingly. The brunette chuckled brokenly and rearranged their positions on the couch so that she was behind the blonde, arms around her stomach and legs curled under. Ymir closed her eyes and relaxed, yet Krista could not follow. Her mind was still buzzing from Ymir's moment of desperation. The emotions she saw swirling in those brown orbs made her stomach churn something pleasant.

The blonde moved one of her hands and intertwined her fingers with Ymir. Ymir, in turn, moved the other arm and rested it under both their heads. Krista traced the back of Ymir's hand with her free one.

"Ymir?"

"Yeah?"

Krista felt the rumble of Ymir's soothing voice against her back and smiled widely, burying her face against the arm under her.

"I still have a few questions."

"Go for it."

"Why does Reiner hate you so much? I still don't understand that part."

Ymir sighed and tightened her grip on Krista's hand. "He blames me for Berik's death – not that I disagree with him."

Krista jolted and turned her head sharply. "What? You blame yourself for his death?"

"Yeah, if I had been just a little bit faster I could've – OW! Goddamn it!"

Krista grinned triumphantly at the red mark she was sure was also on her forehead. Ymir rubbed her forehead, wincing in pain.

"What the hell was that for?" she asked angrily.

"That was for blaming yourself for something that wasn't your fault!"

"It was totally my–"

"No, it wasn't! It was that Titan's fault, the railing's fault, the mall's fault – not yours!"

"But if Reiner and I hadn't argued–"

"You could not have known this would've been the result." Krista sat up and grasped Ymir's hands in hers. She raised them to her lips and kissed them lightly. "Please believe me, Ymir – it's not your fault."

Ymir sat up slowly and sighed. She nodded and looked Krista directly in her eyes, moving one of her hands to stroke a lock of silky hair behind the blonde's ear. "Fine, midget, you win this time."

Krista pouted but perked up, leaning for a kiss. Ymir grinned and pushed Krista down lightly by her shoulders. Their lips touched for but a moment before they both toppled over the edge of the couch in a jumbled mess of limbs. They laughed loudly, Krista on her back with her head thrown back, and Ymir resting her head against the blonde's collarbone, body between her legs. After their amusement died down, Ymir crouched on her hands and knees and slid down to her elbows, bumping their noses lightly. She pressed their lips together for another kiss, moving sensually, lovingly and carefully.

Soon, the need for air separated them again, and they returned to resting against each other on the floor, between the coffee table and the couch. The window was open a crack, and they could hear the orchestra of insects playing a symphony for all to hear. A cold breeze, a product of the rain cooling the Earth down, filtered in through the screen of the window and chilled the occupants. Krista snuggled closer to Ymir's side – who had taken to resting next to her – and relished in her excess body warmth. Ymir always seemed to exert more body warmth than what was seen as average for a human. The blonde smiled and curled up tighter against her love. Ymir tightened her arms around her and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Ymir."

"Hmm?"

"What happened after Berik's death? And why do people think he died in a bus accident?"

Ymir fidgeted but pressed on, determined to explain everything to Krista. "We had a long talk with the cops after that, along with Erwin and those Titans that messed with him. We all agreed to keep this hushed, if only to avoid bad publicity for the schools and the mall. So, officially, he died in a bus accident, but really–"

"–he was murdered."

"Yeah."

"Okay, I get that, but… Ymir, you are so different than from you used to be. What happened?"

"People change, dumbass."

"I know that! You know what I mean."

"What do you want me to say? That I was a complete train wreck after that? That I no longer wanted to associate myself with people? That I hated everything with all my heart? That I valued my life above others because no one cared about me?"

Krista's eyes softened and she sat up to lean over Ymir. Her hair fell to one side, curtaining their slow kiss. As Krista leaned back, eyes fluttering open, she saw that Ymir still had a pained expression. She was determined to remedy that immediately.

"I care about you," Krista whispered softly, "I want to be with you."

"..."

"Ymir, you won't ever have to be alone anymore. I'll always be on your side, no matter what. With you, I can overcome anything that happens – every obstacle in my way is nothing when you're with me. We can do this together."

"You don't know that."

Krista tilted her head to the side. "Don't know what?"

"You don't know if you'll always be on my side. What if we get into a nasty fight and break up? Or you fall in love with someone else? Or you fall out of love with me? You can't promise anything you don't know."

"You're right, but... what's the point in holding back? Why should I push down my feelings for a bunch of 'what ifs'? Ymir, I know that right now, in this moment, I want to be with you forever. Can't you just let go of the rock around your heart to love me?"

"I do love you! It's just..."

"You don't want to be hurt, like you were hurt with Berik. I understand, Ymir, but unlike Berik, we have something special, much more intimate. And though Berik was content to have you as his sister and his comrade, I want something more. Can you let me be selfish and indulge in my desires? Can you be with me, Ymir?"

"I can, but, damn it, Krista, it won't always be like this! Why can't you understand that two girls loving each other is not–"

"Don't you dare say what I think you're going to say!" Krista snapped. "Sasha and Mikasa love each other very much, even if they don't realize it yet, and our love is just as special! Love isn't meant to be understood."

"Krista, I want you to know that despite your bravery, the words of others will tear you down. You're not like me – you actually care about what others think. Are you sure you want to love me, even with all of the troubles that are sure to follow?" Ymir looked up into her cerulean blue eyes, sparkling with determination and warmth.

Krista smiled beautifully and kissed Ymir passionately. "Of course."

Hours later, and the two were snuggled together on one bed, sharing the other's warmth. After Krista made Ymir promise not to try anything suspicious on her, she agreed to Ymir's proposition. However, this nagging thought kept at Krista's mind as she listened to Ymir's soothing breathing.

"Hey Ymir, what happened to Berik's stuff? And his bed?"

"Why do you care?"

"I just need to know."

"I threw out his bed. I burned his stuff, and I sold his valuables."

Krista gasped and sat up. Ymir grumbled angrily and turned on her side, facing away from Krista and the lecture sure to follow.

"Ymir! How could you even think of–"

"Here we go..."

Ymir grabbed the pillow from under her head and covered her visible ear from Krista. A sour look scrunched up her facial features and displayed her annoyed mood.

"Are you listening to me?"

"Nope!"

"Ymir!"

"You're annoying me; leave me alone."

"Why did you do that? I thought you loved Berik!"

Ymir sat up abruptly and glared down at Krista. The blonde flinched but remained firm. She refused to allow Ymir to get away with running from her problems and issues – no, Krista would help her face them head on and repel her demons, one by one.

"I did," Ymir muttered, "and I do, but–"

"It's painful, isn't it?" Krista murmured gently, caressing Ymir's face, "having to come back home to an empty house, knowing that the one you genuinely liked was gone, forever." Ymir bit her bottom lip and Krista thumbed it gingerly, silently pleading Ymir to release it from her teeth.

"It's okay, I'm here for you, Ymir. You're right – I can't promise forever... but I can promise now."

Ymir took a shuddering breath and nodded, hugging Krista to her breasts tightly. She threw them back on the bed and covered them with the blanket. Krista smiled and snuggled deeper into the sheets. The rumble of Ymir's voice relaxed her completely.

"You're right, it was painful. So I got rid of everything – except for the picture I'm sure you've seen."

"How do you know I saw it?"

"'Cause you're a curious monkey, brat."

Krista giggled and pressed a kiss to Ymir's throat. "Your curious monkey."

"Yeah," Ymir whispered, "my curious monkey."