Chapter Ten
Spencer looked around at the many, many blurry shapes all around her.
"Wait, so…you were his first?" Spencer slurred. Even through the slur, she was a little saddened. Then again, he wasn't her first.
Chanel nodded. "He was so sweet about it all. I really hate that I never realized how sweet he really was while we were dating. I was too busy trying to have it all. I never appreciated what was right in front of me," Chanel answered in perfect English.
Spencer let out a small, sad smile. "Sometimes, I feel that way, too. I feel like a bad girlfriend. I mean, he always tells me about how much he loves me…he buys me flowers…he paints me pictures…I feel like I'm his everything and he's just an adjunct in my life," she slurred.
Chanel tutted in disapproval. "You know, I felt the exact same way. Maybe it's not us. Maybe it's him. Maybe it's all a show, Spencer. I mean, do you think that he really thinks of us that much? Maybe he's just the kind of person who wants their girlfriend in the palm of their hand," she suggested.
Even though she was very drunk, Spencer shook her head, denying it immediately. "No, he's not the type. He loves me."
"And I thought he loved me, too. He was ready to propose to me!" she slipped.
Spencer looked at her strangely, almost sadly, though her mind was so clouded up. "Wait…when did you guys break up?"
"A few years ago?"
Spencer shrugged. "He's moved on," she said.
Chanel sighed, unsatisfied. "Still. I think he might be acting like a saint. He was always too good to be true," Chanel explained over the music in the bar.
Spencer thought about it for a minute, very sad about the whole idea.
Toby sat and stared at the Star of Bethlehems in a vase on the table.
He had hope. He had hope that Spencer would come home soon and they would quickly make up. He had hope that they would move on from this. He had hope that she would realize he never loved anyone more. He had hope that she loved him enough to abandon the past.
He sighed, listening to the clock tick loudly on the wall. It was agitating him with each second.
He began playing with his hands and throwing occasional glances at the clock.
After he had been waiting for at least an hour and it was well past midnight, he began to hear jingling on the doorknob from outside. About five seconds later, a very drunk Spencer fell into the apartment, grabbing the doorknob for support. She slid onto the ground, falling back on the door. She groaned slightly.
"Spencer?" he asked cautiously.
Spencer groaned, taking her shoes off tiredly and sloppily. She threw them near the coat closet, proceeding to crawl to their bedroom while mumbling something.
Toby followed her into their bedroom, attempting to help her proceed the simplest of tasks, but she quickly shooed him away.
"I can do bad all by myself," she mumbled, her eyes drooping closed.
He watched her with concern as she stumbled around the room, finally falling back onto the bed.
"Hey, I need to tell you something," she said clearly as he attempted to pick up some of her clothes.
"What is it, Spence?" he asked.
There was a moment of silence as it sounded like Spencer was thinking.
"I need to talk to Toby."
Toby held Spencer for a few minutes after he woke up.
He had just been watching her sleep very peacefully, undisturbed. He was troubled with what he saw last night.
He wondered if Spencer possibly had an issue with alcohol. He never wanted to accuse her of being alcoholic, but he was worried about her. He knew she had issues with alcohol after her son died, and lately, it had been showing up again.
He was most concerned with whether or not she was happy. Lately, she seemed sort of happy, but it seemed very…forced. He never wanted her to feel like she was stuck in this relationship. Even if it killed him, he would let her go if that was what she really wanted.
The thought pained him so much. He just held her closer, as if he wanted her to realize in her sleep how much he never wanted to let her go.
"Toby?" a pained Spencer called out.
Toby opened his eyes, breaking out of his daydream. He almost unwrapped his arms from around her, but she grabbed onto him tighter. It allowed Toby to breathe out a small sigh of relief.
"Spencer?" he asked.
"Did we go out last night?" Spencer inquired, clearly hungover.
"No, but you did. And you said you needed to talk to me last night, but we don't need to now, Spencer. I think you should just rest," Toby insisted before he got up to draw the curtains closed. Knowing from firsthand experience how much the light hurt when hungover, he kept the room as dark as possible.
Spencer smiled, thinking of how sweet he was. "Can you come back and hold me?" she asked after he closed the curtain.
He nodded, quickly jumping back into their bed and holding her. She let out a comfortable sigh.
Still, he was worried that there was something seriously wrong.
A few hours later, when Spencer had become sober enough to recall what happened the previous night, she finally stepped out into the main apartment. Of course, the first things to catch her eye were the Star of Bethlehem flowers sitting on the kitchen island.
"These are so gorgeous!" she exclaimed as she got a better view.
He smiled, glad that she liked them. She picked them up immediately to smell them. She then placed them perfectly on the dining room table.
"They're so perfect," she commented absentmindedly. "Why did you get them?" she asked curiously.
"Well, I wanted them as a peace offering. I really wanted to talk to you."
Spencer sat down at the table, waiting for him to say more. He sighed as he sat down kitty-corner from her.
"I'm really sorry that I didn't tell you about Chanel. I wanted to, but…I don't know, Spence. I don't want this to affect our relationship, because I love you so much. But I'm worried about you. You seemed really upset about something yesterday. And I caught you the other day," Toby said vaguely.
Spencer let out a nervous laugh. "What? Caught me?"
"I caught you crying in the closet. What's wrong? Is everything okay?" he asked, taking her hand.
Spencer wriggled free. "Yes, I'm fine. Toby, nothing was going on the other day," she retorted somewhat harshly.
Toby watched her, confused as he watched her walk back into their bedroom, closing the door softly. It wasn't a door slam, but he kind of wished it was, just so he would be clear on where she stood—right now, things were just unclear for the both of them.
Spencer contemplated going out, uncharacteristically wanting to avoid Toby on his day off. But suddenly, the sun hid away and dark storm clouds festered over Rosewood. Those plans had gone out the window.
Spencer sighed as she walked out of the bedroom, pulling her sweater closer to her small frame. Toby looked up from the crossword, hoping Spencer would finally be willing to talk.
Spencer went into the fridge to get a water bottle. She observed Toby wearily, not saying anything to him. She kept thinking about what Chanel had said…that Toby was acting.
"Do you really love me?"
Toby looked at her, very confused. "Of course, I do. Why would you even ask that?" he answered easily.
She stared at him for a moment longer. Certainly, her question had caught him off-guard and rattled his nerves, but she couldn't tell much more. She shrugged. "I don't know."
"Are you having doubts about this relationship?" he asked with concern.
She shrugged again. "I don't know," she repeated.
"This is kind of sudden. You were perfectly fine last week," he commented.
Though he realized that with the mood she was in, this comment would likely be met with a bitter comeback, Spencer acted indifferent. "I'm just starting to wonder about my life, I guess. I'm starting to wonder what I want to do for the rest of my life, and I don't want to play games," she insisted.
He frowned. "Do you think I'm playing games with you?" he inquired sadly.
She sighed. "Given my track record, it just makes me really nervous. I don't want to relive my past relationships. They were self-harming," she explained.
"I'm not playing games with you, Spence. I promise you that that isn't what this is. I love you so much and I would never want to hurt you."
Though she tried very hard to ignore what Chanel had said the other day, she couldn't help but think of it in the very back of her mind. It agitated her.
Finally, she nodded, accepting this explanation. She began to walk back towards the room. She stopped outside the door, glancing back over at Toby, who looked at her sadly. She turned back and kissed him softly on the lips.
"Toby, I believe you," Spencer whispered against his lips.
She could feel a smile spread across his lips. That made her smile, as she realized it was right.
"I love you, too," she answered softly.
And she finally believed it.
Ugh, he knew he shouldn't have been looking.
But there was curiosity lingering in his mind. Yes, he felt guilty about looking where he shouldn't, but it didn't keep the inquisitiveness from flourishing.
He looked back at the door of the closet, hoping that he would hear Spencer come back and that he would have a viable excuse for not following through with his interest.
He knew it was wrong.
Still, he braced himself and looked for the box which Spencer had been shedding tears over just a day ago. He finally found it among her undergarments, buried under a bunch of knee-high and thigh-high socks.
He bit his lip as he pulled it out and put it on the floor in front of him. He became nervous just looking at it. He wondered just how much pain this could've possibly caused the love of his life.
Finally, he just decided to open the box. He saw all of the pictures and mementos of her son, or who he assumed her son to be. He never actually saw her son, or even saw her very pregnant, but he could just imagine. Looking at her son, he could see his features easily in his face. He had a smile much like his mother's.
He just thought that he couldn't even begin to imagine all the pain Spencer had to endure while looking at this box filled with bittersweet memories.
Outside, he heard the door open to the apartment, and he heard Spencer enter with a sigh. Quickly, he scrambled to put the box back properly, as if he was never even there.
A minute later, as Toby had finally gotten up and was about to leave the closet, Spencer appeared in the doorway.
"I got the takeout. We can watch a movie," she suggested.
He nodded with a slight smile. "Sounds great. I'll be right out.
She smiled and left the room.
He looked over his shoulder at the drawer, thinking about the box once more.
Onto those reviews!
Sunset13: I don't know if a smackdown, per se, will happen between those two, since I don't think they're that immature, but a serious talking-to will definitely happen. One day.
Sarah: All in all, I'd say that the whole scenario between Chanel and Spencer could've ended up much worse, had Chanel been more of an evil, twisted person. Tiffany is so wise. I feel so weird hearing that because she's (supposedly) based off of me and I don't think I've ever been called wise. Maybe she's not actually based off of me. I don't know anymore!
mickeymack16: I know! I'm so sad! It's like tradition that there's some really cute/important Spoby moment in all the season finales! They're breaking tradition! And my grades might be good, but I wish I had the grades of these two kids in my classes, Trip and Wesley. This is going to sound kind of racist, but these stereotypes exist for a reason. Both of them are Asian, and I think they're both two of the smartest people I have ever met. They get like 100 on everything. They are going to graduate as valedictorian and salutatorian. I just know it. They're just geniuses.
Spobyforever259: Tiffany's probably like "whaaaaat?" when Spencer finally talks to her about this and then she'll be like, "Crap, I can't believe I'm the one who told her!" I love writing for Tiffany. She's probably my second favorite reincarnate (right after Selena Alexandra Rose, who will probably be introduced into the world in [I really hope] June-ish). I just love writing her. She is absolutely loyal and very open about her opinion. I promise Tiffany and Chanel have an awesome confrontation.
CarsasaAllakay: Just to confirm, yes, I'm fourteen and will be fifteen in March. I am a freshman in high school. Just laying that out right now, so there are no more surprises for anyone. I'm not twenty or whatever and spending a lot of time with fanfiction. I am a socially inept, basically friendless teenager who has six people she actually considers friends (not counting her mother and her computer). Are we good? Cool. Moving on. Yes, I will check out your story (I didn't even see that you had a story! I try to look at the stories of most of my readers since they're all just damn awesome).
AL3110: You're a psychic? Do you have clairvoyance or something? And yeah, good luck with getting me to tell, because I WON'T.
Girlz-Rule: Hmm, bad things will happen. BAD things.
Samsterhamster118: What? Um, I guess you press that line next to the centered button on the document editor bar/whatever it is my mouse is hovering over right now? I don't know if this is even what you're asking, but it might be, so...yeah...
Addictedtospoby: Ha, good one. "Lightning packing"...Chanel needs to do that.
Sylviecake231: Gah, I love Marina and the Diamonds so much. She is just so cool. I even love her in interviews. I never get bored with any of her songs. Her voice is just amazing. I'm sorry, but once I start with Marina and the Diamonds, I can't stop with her. And keep guessing! I'm really curious to see who everyone thinks it is! I've gotten people thinking it'll be Hanna, Spencer, or Chanel. Quite an interesting list, if you ask me. I'm very intrigued by everyone's speculations. Not confirming or denying any of these, though...
Guest (byebyeandrew): Hmm, I'll think about making Chanel nice. I think that sometimes, she's a bitch without realizing it. Obviously, in this chapter, she was trying to screw with Spencer and Toby's relationship, but I think she just has something which makes her less capable of recognizing people's social cues of when to BACK THE HELL OFF. I'm trying to develop her character, and I'm trying to get everyone to see where she's coming from with loving Toby, but I think a lot of people are just like, "BURN THIS BITCH AT THE STAKE! SHE'S RUINING SPOBY!"
Guest (Crazy Chick): Hey, Crazy Chica! Where have you been?
Guest: Oh, look at that! I updated! Right after you reviewed, too.
vondydora: Toby's smart; he realizes that Spencer doesn't do these things out of jealousy or spite. It's just her curiosity piquing interest, and he can't blame her for it. He knows Spencer is too smart to fall for jealousy and let it get the best of her. I feel Spencer's actions were very smart, and she didn't want Toby to see her in this kind of light, so she got out of the situation, which is both smart and a little bit maddening at the same time. I feel like the best relationships are ones where both parties will let the other see them at the most vulnerable of times, and I still don't think Spencer is ready for that. And things will get more complicated. Complications, complications.
Do any of you guys have iPhones and just get these group MMSs where you have no idea who half the people in the conversation are? As we speak, I am getting texts about this party that is supposedly happening on September 16th. I'm so confused, like this already happened. What is this? And even if it's October, that would be a Wednesday, which is a really awkward day of the week to have a party. And I also have no friends, so I'm probably not going. See how my life sucks sometimes? Like, forget this. Bump all of that. Ugh. It sucks being a social outcast sometimes.
And about you guys replying that I should stop thinking so lowly of myself as a writer, I'm well aware that I'm better than about 70% of people my age at writing (at least), but I don't want to be one of those people who are like, "I'm so fantastic" or "I'm better than most people." You guys also know how I feel about hype. I don't like it. I'm not going to say things like, "OMG, the next chapter is epic!" only to have you guys be so excited and then you're just like, "Well, this wasn't as cool as I thought it would be."
So, here are some personal hashtags: #LonerKayson, #Kayson+Fanfiction, #Kayson+her computer, #UnhypedKayson, #I'llBeYourInternetFriendKayson. The last one makes me feel all happy inside :) But if not, well...okay... -Kayson