I had another Johnny Depp dream. Haha. This time, I gave him both a thorough back scratch and acting advice. Haha.
Song for this Chapter: How To Save A Life -- The Fray
Chapter 46: Rip Torn
In the last chapter...
Ummmm...well gosh. Romeli has a meeting with her Guardians, and they tell her that she must start to train for the next challenge ahead of her. Romeli has a theory on what this challenge may be, with repercussions and factors that significantly alter her social life. Her relationship with James is also tied with this idea and she finds it incredibly difficult to even look at him.
When James walks into her room to talk and confesses his feelings for her and kisses her, she runs out of the room for no apparent reason and runs to Maryann.
It's amazing how one moment, you're treading in water, and the next you're drowning in it. It doesn't even take a lot of time for life as you know it to alter significantly.
Bam.
A snap of your fingers and it's done.
This wasn't the first moment that Romeli found herself drowning—and it certainly wouldn't be the last. It had happened multiple times under multiple circumstances.
But this, by far, was the worst.
It wasn't the pain; it wasn't the physical or mental challenge. It was the fact that it was her fault that history could now easily repeat itself. It was her fault that she would soon hurt everyone around her.
"You knew didn't you," she accused angrily as she sat across from her Guardians. The serenity of the forest reflected the exact opposite of how she felt. "You knew this would happen."
Sclythe looked at her grimly. "We only had a faint idea that something—."
"Bull shit," she snapped. Sclythe looked at her alarmed, but she didn't care. "You knew." She rounded on Old White. "I know that you knew. Every time his name was mentioned yesterday, you looked down. You looked. Down."
Old White met her gaze steadily. "Romeli please calm down."
"Don't tell me to calm down!" she hissed, absolutely furious. "Don't tell me to do anything. Do you know what this feels like? Do you know what could happen because of my own fucking actions!? Why didn't you warn me?"
Old White looked at her sadly. "We had no choice. We didn't know when—."
"But you knew," she pointed out, glowering.
He looked down.
"I can't believe this," Romeli whispered as she held her head in her hands. "Things were bad enough at the beginning, but now. What am I supposed to do now?"
Sclythe bent his head low. He looked at her patiently. "We already told you. Right now, preparing is the only thing you can do."
Her palms itched to hit something.
"They know I'm alive," she whispered, dread filling her. "They know I'm god damn alive. And all I can do is prepare? What am I going to do, fight the world single handedly? That's not possible!"
They didn't reply.
"I can't believe this," she whispered shaking her head angrily.
Old White nudged her knee. "Listen," he said sternly.
The change in his voice made her look up at him.
"Believe us when we say that we have no idea what's going on. We don't know what's going to happen, and we didn't know about James...it was honestly a lucky guess. The only thing that we, or any of the Gods know for that matter, is that preparing is the only thing you can do. We don't know what for. We don't know why. But please...this is the only thing you can worry about right now."
Romeli shook her head. "That's impossible," she said flatly, her voice beginning to quiver with the coming of tears.
"Try," urged Sclythe.
She shook her head harder. Tears were running down her cheeks now. "He's going to die."
"Romeli," Old White said sharply.
She looked up.
"Time passes. Even when it seems impossible."
More tears slid down her cheeks as she began to cry silently, unable to stop the silent sobs that overwhelmed her. She wiped her tears away frustratedly.
"You must start preparing Romeli," said Sclythe seriously, meeting her downtrodden gaze.
She sniffed as she wiped away another round of tears. "I'll try."
Old White shook his head, making her look at him. "Do or do not," he corrected. "There is no try."
Romeli nodded. She could not try to—she had to. If not for the sake of herself, then for the sake of James. For she knew it was now her actions that determined the possibilities of his demise.
OOO
When she woke up, she immediately realized that her surroundings were foreign to her. That, or the memories of them were too far back in her head to remember. She sat up, dazed and confused. She had been sleeping on a sofa in a small living quarters.
The blood rushing to her head must have simultaneously triggered her memory. Instantly flashes of the previous night entered and left her mind.
The sensation of James' lips against her own.
Running down the hallway.
Bursting into Maryann's room.
Leaning her head on her shoulder, slowly crying herself to sleep.
She rubbed her temple, feeling a headache coming on. Everything seemed so unreal, and yet she knew that it was no dream—reality now was portrayed to her as more vivid than ever. The echoing voices of her Guardians reminded her of that.
The sound of a door clicking open alerted her to the fact that someone else was in the room. She didn't bother turning around. Instead, she suddenly found herself transfixed in the white-washed wall in front of her.
"Hey, little idiot," greeted Maryann as she sat down next to her. "Feeling any better?"
She didn't have the heart to reply.
They both sat in silence for a few minutes, neither of them bothering to say anything else for a while. The ex-spy drummed her fingers on her knee, almost like she was pretending to be preoccupied.
"I talked to my Guardians," Romeli eventually said. Her voice was distant as she continued to stare ahead of her.
"And...?"
"And what?" Romeli questioned bitterly. "They didn't say anything that could possibly help me. All they said was prepare."
"Well they probably meant it."
Romeli laughed blackly. "Yeah...well...all right. Fine. I'll go and work my ass off. For what? Why? How?"
Maryann didn't reply.
"I mean, what do I know? Sure, I know what my scars mean. And I know something bad is going to happen. Chances are that it's implied they're both connected. Put two and two together Maryann...do you see why I'm freaking out?"
Maryann's mouth was set in a grim line. "I do. But you never know..."
"I know," she replied wearily. "And it's killing me. I wish I knew exactly what's going to happen, and the one theory I have is the last thing I want to come true. I don't know what to do."
Maryann sighed. "Why don't you try listening to your Guardians then? The more time you spend preparing for whatever it is you're waiting for, the better chance you have of actually defeating it."
Romeli nodded. "I understand that."
"Then why are you so freaked out right now?" It's not like whatever is going to happen is coming along today or anything.
She sighed. How was she supposed to explain this? "You know my theory."
"How could I forget it," Maryann replied dryly.
"Well...if I'm even a fraction correct, James is in just as much trouble as I am. And it's all my fault." There was a hint of hysteria in her voice. "I've been trying to avoid him ever since I found out, because I knew...I knew there was already that risk. But that's only a fraction of it. That's just a theory, a minor one."
"Well then what's the major reason?"
Romeli closed her eyes and immediately wished she didn't as the facade of distant memories consumed her. "I can't get hurt again."
"Romeli, what are you talking..." her voice slowly tapered off, as realization hit her.
...I would do anything, and stand up against everything for you, and I want you to know that what ever happens in the near future, I will still love you. Even if it may seem that no one is beside you, and no one can help, I will be there for you. I will be there for you even if I'm not there...
...I wrote this before my death, because I wanted to let you know that I love you...
...You're probably wondering why I kissed you if I already knew...
...I'm not scared of death...
...it was my time...
Romeli shook her head to rid her thoughts. She told herself that she had no intention of loving anyone anytime soon, and she had meant it.
"What do I do?" she asked miserably as Maryann wrapped an arm around her.
"Have you thought about telling him?"
She shook her head furiously. "He can't know," she said with a steady gaze and a set jaw. "I love him too, and that's the problem. I can't—I can't allow myself to get any more attached. I can't slip. I can't let him into my life anymore. It's not safe...and I can't get hurt again."
Maryann shook her head, but she didn't argue. "Usually I don't promote such behavior in angsty teens, but I believe you don't have much of a choice."
Romeli sighed. "I'm glad you understand."
She almost laughed. "Oh trust me, I don't understand at all. But I don't want to see you hurt, so if you're going to do what you're going to do, then do it."
Romeli smiled weakly. Do or do not, there is no try. "I will," she promised.
"You'll be hurting him you know."
Romeli looked down. The thought had crossed her mind. "I'd rather see him hurt than dead. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make."
"Very well then," Maryann said, wrapping up the conversation swiftly. "How does breakfast sound right now?"
Romeli's stomach growled audibly.
"I'll take that as a yes," she said standing up. She turned and looked over at Romeli. "And I think I'll have it delivered here. You look like a mess."
Romeli sighed heavily, and collapsed onto the sofa. This was going to be difficult.
"You have become a part of me—a part that I can never stop thinking about, stop worrying about, stop loving. No matter what."
The same feelings were likewise.
And in Romeli's eyes, that was unacceptable. She had to push James out of her life, for the sake of both of them.
OOO
"No, no, no, put the blade higher so that you can easily block your face," instructed Maryann as she stood in front of Romeli.
Romeli nodded and put the dagger higher so that it was in front of her face.
"That's good. Nice form," she commented. "That is called the head block—for obvious reasons."
Romeli lowered her dagger and shook out her arm. They were both standing in Maryann's living room, sharp daggers in hand. Romeli had insisted they start dagger training right after breakfast. Maryann was hesitant in pushing her after she was already so emotionally strained, but when Maryann told her this, she got whiplash from a sharp reply.
"Everyone is telling me to prepare, so I'm going to damn prepare."
She couldn't fight with that logic.
So she had been perfecting Romeli's technique and teaching her new moves for the past hour, watching her slowly improve with each critique. Maryann had to admit that the girl was natural at daggers, but Romeli refused to take her seriously whenever she said so.
"Have you ever fought with two daggers?" inquired Maryann curiously.
Romeli chewed on her words briefly. "Yeah...well I mean, I tried to. When I went back to Scanra I stole a couple of the guard's daggers. I think I'm better at street fighting."
Maryann looked at Romeli's thin figure. "Doubt it," she said with a grin. She walked over to her weapons rack and tossed Romeli a second dagger, grabbing two of her own. "Let's see how well you do then," she said, her grin widening.
Romeli held the daggers in her hands, readjusting her grip on them. "All right."
Maryann caught her off guard as the ex-spy pivoted her weight and swiped the blade by her side. Romeli stepped back just in time, the blade whistling past her. Her eyes were wide as she set her jaw.
Maryann remained on the offense as she made numerous swipes at her. Her moves were nimble and quick—they looked effortless, as she balanced her weight through cat-like footwork.
Romeli blocked each blow as best she could. Her mouth was set in a thin line as she analyzed her opponent's style, trying to anticipate her every move.
Maryann dodged to the right and bluffed her skillfully. Romeli swiped at nothing, making her lose her balance and begin to fall to the ground. Somehow she managed to roll more or less smoothly and jump back up to her feet in one easy move. The action left Maryann confused for a split second—it gave her just enough time to make a move.
Romeli swiped at her side. When Maryann blocked it, she took a second swipe with her other dagger from the opposite direction. Maryann blocked that one as well and they quickly disentangled themselves.
Her competitor then span around quickly in a blur, doing a pattern of numerous attacks that left Romeli's heart in her throat. How she blocked each attack was beyond her, and when she caught both of Maryann's blades in a cross-block with both of hers over her head, she took the moment of mutual struggle to catch her breath.
"Tired yet?" asked Maryann with a grin. Her eyes were full of excitement, but her voice also held a tenor of concern. It was obvious that if they stopped now, there would be no hard feelings.
"Hardly," replied Romeli, through clenched teeth.
Romeli took Maryann's locked blade as an advantage. She twisted her own blades around in a move that was supposed to disarm her. Maryann's grip on her blades was unbreakable however, and it only threw her off balance. Romeli rose to the opportunity and pushed Maryann back with all of her weight. Fortunately, the coffee table was directly behind her opponent, and her knees buckled, sending her flying across the piece of furniture and tumbling over the other side.
Romeli blew her bangs out of her eyes. Her breathing was growing labored and her arms were glistening with sweat.
Maryann got to her feet nimbly, her expression impressed, but not even close to defeated.
She didn't exactly know what hit her, but one moment she was at the ready, and the next Maryann was jumping clear over the table and pinning her to the ground. Romeli felt the cool metal of a dagger at her throat. She put her weapons down in surrender.
Maryann helped her to her feet.
"Good duel," she commented as she clasped Romeli's shoulder.
Romeli nodded. It was a hard duel.
Maryann looked at her deeply. "Did you notice how quick I got you there at the end?" Romeli nodded. "Well this is lesson number one. Fighting with a dagger is a physical and mental art. Each duel you're faced with will be full with highs and lows. Don't let the lows defeat you, and don't let the highs automatically convince you of a victory. You must stay focused every second of a situation like this. If you hadn't of let your guard down after you pushed me, I wouldn't have been able to pin you like that."
Romeli nodded once again. "That makes sense. Thanks." She picked up the daggers from off the ground and handed them back to their owner.
"One more thing," added Maryann seriously. "The second we began this lesson today, you had a look of defeat in your eyes. When we began this duel, you already knew you were going to lose. If you walk into a situation like that, with the mentality of defeat, you will lose—that, or you'll make actually winning twice as hard as it needs to be. Now this doesn't give you the excuse to follow blindly with conceded confidence, remember that. But you must walk into every situation with pride, passion, and brains. This doesn't just go for daggers either—this applies to life in general. Savvy?"
"Savvy," replied Romeli with a grin. She watched Maryann sheath each of the daggers. Obviously her friend had taken much thought and observation into the mental structure of struggles and how it affected people. The thought fascinated her.
Romeli glanced over at the nearest candlewick to check the time. It was eleven. That gave her an hour before she had training with her father.
"You look like you need to go somewhere," observed Maryann lightly.
Romeli smiled weakly. "Yeah sort of. I have Gift training at noon."
Maryann nodded. "And you should probably make yourself somewhat decent before that. I'll be honest, you look like death."
"Thanks," she replied dryly. But she didn't deny it either. Romeli gave her a small smile before walking towards the door.
"Oh Romeli," Maryann called.
"Yeah?"
"Don't blow up the palace."
Romeli laughed blackly as she exited Maryann's suite. She couldn't make any promises.
In leaving Maryann's rooms, she felt that she had somehow left a haven of understanding as well. Now more than ever, the pressure of the world seemed to build on her shoulders—and she was alone. The demons of her negativity, of reality, began to enter her mind.
Romeli took a deep breath and shook away her problems with a loose shake of her shoulders.
Life was bad, she had to admit it. But it was not hopeless. Do or do not, there is no try.
She had to commit one-hundred percent, no matter how tiring, not matter how hard, and no matter how much it hurt her friends—or him.
Romeli was sick of failure. And it was not an option anymore.
OOO
"I have multiple theories," started Numair easily. They were both sitting on the soft grassy terrain that surrounded the lake. "And I'm not sure if all of them are accurate or not, but a large portion of improving is experimentation."
"Let's hear some of them then," replied Romeli, her attention fully glued to her father's words.
Numair gave her a hearty smile. "Well. Let's start with the biggest one—and probably the most advantageous: your ability to work with glass."
Romeli was confused for a minute, but slowly the realization worked into her. Glass was physically the essence of the Gift. Because glass was the purest entity in the accumulated ingredients of the Gift, using the Gift upon it was virtually impossible. It was not impossible in that it could never be done, but impractical in that the effort of even moving glass took so much magic that it could drain the mage to a deathly state.
However, because Romeli's Gift could never be drained, she had the power to use glass. It was by no means easy, but she had done it before during a duel with her father back at The Tower. That moment seemed like it happened years ago.
"You see," started Numair again. "Your ability to even work with the stuff gives you an advantage beyond any opponent you could ever duel. In the human realm that is."
Romeli nodded. It definitely gave her an edge.
"You can...theoretically move glass objects around you, and also extract the glass out from your Gift and morph it into anything you please."
"That's what I did during that duel," realized Romeli.
Numair smiled. "Ha ha. Yeah. Well that is one of the most advantageous aspects of having an endless Gift...that we know of."
Romeli looked skeptical. "I see how it can be helpful...but I remember that the last time I tried to mess with glass, during that duel, I was completely drained. If I were to use my ability to morph glass to my advantage, I'd have to be able to acquire the endurance to continue on afterwards. I practically fainted last time I used it."
Numair nodded. "Yes I remember that. Is that duel the last time you have worked with glass while using your Gift?"
Romeli nodded. She was positive.
"Hmmm. Well in that case, consider this." He leaned in closer to her, and Romeli followed suit. "That duel was more than a year ago. Considering all of the things that have happened since then, do you disagree that your Gift has not significantly grown?"
Romeli bit the corner of her lip. He made a plausible point. "I suppose I have grown stronger since then."
Numair suppressed a chuckle. "Well you have, whether you believe it or not. I'm positive that if you were to play around with glass right now, you wouldn't be even nearly as tired as you were in the past."
She gave him a half-smile, but was not entirely moved by his logic. "Well okay. I mean, yeah, I have grown a lot stronger since then. But do you really think that's enough? I may be able to use glass longer and with more control, but I highly doubt that that's enough to win what's coming in the future."
Despite her relatively pessimistic words, Numair didn't look in the least downtrodden. "This is true," he agreed. "And that's where the training comes in. I've never worked well with glass myself. I can extract it from my Gift, but I can not control it. Nonetheless, I have the theory that the more you work with it, the more you will become familiar and better at managing it."
Romeli looked at him incredulously. "If my Gift has grown only slightly in the past year, do you think that I will honestly be able to achieve what you are talking about in less time than that?"
He was not fazed. "Of course."
Romeli scoffed.
"Well first of all, your Gift has grown significantly since then," he pointed out wisely. "You already have abilities beyond any mage that our history knows of. Plus I'm positive that your powers are far from fully developed—in which case there are aspects of your Gift that neither of us knows about, and a full spectrum of power that is yet to be comprehensible. I'm not saying we're going to open the door to that raw power before your next challenge awaits you—it's probably a long term development. But in the mean time, training will always make you stronger. And what we need especially is to strengthen your Gift in the aspect of endurance. I think your Gift is powerful enough—but endurance is the weak link in using glass to your advantage."
Oh. Well that made a lot more sense. Not to mention the practicality.
She nodded. "I can flow with that I suppose," she said. "Where do we start?"
"We start," said Numair with a grunt as he got up off the ground. "With first determining where exactly you begin to grow drained and faint—like you did after using glass in the duel a year ago."
Romeli got up as well. "Tell me what to do, Coach."
Numair grinned. "Well I haven't put much thought in it, but theoretically, you should grow more and more tired the more you physically work with the glass and your Gift. In the duel, you grew faint after placing the glass shield around me. Though that was the moment you won, duels with the actual enemy introduce more complex factors."
A brief ripple of adrenaline coursed through her veins at the sound of his words.
"What I want our first session to focus on is your weaknesses and when you become tired."
Romeli nodded as she got to her feet. Numair followed her with a lingering gaze that made her slightly frightened. Numair's expression was morose, and she found herself wanting to know what he was thinking.
At last, he spoke. "Romeli, I don't know what is going to happen and I certainly don't know what I'm training you for. I am wise, but there are many things that I have no knowledge about lately. What I do know however, is that this training session is going to be very hard."
Under usual circumstances, Romeli would have shrugged off his statement, but the sincerity of his words and the tone of his voice made her reconsider her current position.
"I'm not just saying it will be physical exhaustion," he continued. "The mental weariness will be overwhelming. Your self-confidence and your strength will be gone for a while. You always have to break something down to build it back up again."
She frowned. Mental exertion? "I don't understand..."
He held up his hand. "You will by the end of this session—and you'll rise again. You asked for me to push you, so I will, because I can tell that it's a necessity. I will push you, Romeli. Harder than any student. The only question now is, are you willing to commit to it?"
Romeli did not even have to question her answer. Failure was not an option. "Yes."
"Well then," he said, rubbing his hands together. "Let's get to work."
Romeli stretched her hands, feeling her Gift itch underneath her skin. "What do we start with?"
"We start with stretching you to the limit. Since I am able to conjure glass, I will shoot it at you through different forms, and you are to defend yourself through any means you find appropriate. Understand?"
She nodded an affirmative. Slowly she felt her Gift begin to center as every vein in her body began to fuse, focusing on one goal.
Numair rose a single hand, illuminated by charcoal fire. There was a bright, disorienting flash and shards of crystal glass were suddenly flying at her.
Instinctively, she brought her Gift up in a shielding wall. The glass hit it heavily with each blow slowly weakening its foundation. It held through the attack, slightly weaker than before, but still steady.
Numair came at her again with a secondary attack. Thicker shards came at her, looking more like large icicles than broken pieces. Romeli pulled back her shield, knowing it wouldn't last, and instead shot her Gift out at the icicles, wrapping her emerald magic around all of them and dragging them away from their designated pathway and into a nearby tree.
The repercussion of her action gave her a monstrous headache as her plant magic began to burn incessantly. It felt nearly like the glass had entered her and not the wooden trunk. The thought was disorienting and she nearly doubled over as waves of nausea hit her. Surprisingly she held her ground.
Numair executed an identical attack two more times. Instead of repeating the same defense maneuver, she disintegrated the both of them.
He then came at her at a different angle. He took more glass out of his Gift and morphed it into a jar that he placed around her. It was the same exact move that she had used on Alanna a year ago.
Romeli frowned, feeling caged by the glass surrounding her from every angle. She used the state as a temporary shield however, and hastily caught her breath. A moment later, she channeled her energy towards the object around her and lifted it up and over her, discarding it on the sidelines. The act of such a move was taxing, and she found herself growing weaker.
Numair gave her no mercy. He shot at her again, this time with flat round discs that looked sharp enough to cut straight through her. Romeli's eyes widened as they flew towards her at an alarming speed. She dodged one and stopped another in mid-air. The third and final one she broke into dust with a gathering of her magical energy.
While her Gift was focused on the discs, Numair shot another attack upon her, leaving her completely unprepared. She attempted to flash another shield but she was growing weaker with every extraction of her Gift. The shield held briefly but flickered and died. The failure gave her just enough time to dodge another shard, but it did not pass without grazing past her leg, making her fall to her knees. Another shard whistled past her head. She shot the final shard away with her Gift and immediately wished she hadn't. Even taking out her Gift now made darkness begin to reach into her eyes.
Romeli was beginning to black out. One second she was on her knees, and the next she was on all fours. Too weak to hold up her hand in forfeit, she closed her eyes and let her body fall as darkness consumed her.
OOO
Her eyes fluttered open and the sunlight that pooled in through the weaves of the treetops hit her hard. The eyes adjusted to the light, but her body refused to adjust to a foreign pain coursing through her body. It was nothing immensely traumatic, but it was enough to irritate her immensely.
"Woah there," murmured Numair gently, steadying her as she sat up. He then grabbed an object from his coat pocket and handed it to her. It was a bar of chocolate.
"Is this supposed to help?" Romeli asked confused as she unwrapped it and took a bite.
Numair shrugged. "No idea. Everyone likes chocolate."
Romeli took another bite, talking while she chewed. "How long was I out?"
"Not too long," assured Numair. "Just a few minutes. You were really on a roll through. It was definitely an improvement from the last time."
She felt a surge of relief at his words. How shameful would it be if she had not improved at all? It was an improvement, but still... "But I fainted."
Numair rolled his eyes. "Your powers of observation are astounding. Yes, you did faint, and that's fine. Remember, we were testing your endurance and nothing more. This gives us a basis to start training with. We know your capabilities and now we have to extend them."
Romeli nodded. "Okay. I guess you're right."
"What I do need to point out though is that this will not be easy. And I know you know that, but I can not help but stress it. We will be working every day from now on, and each day you will grow a little bit stronger."
Shivers of dread and excitement ran up her spine. His words made reality crash down on her. The idea of upcoming danger had always been apparent since the talk with her Guardians, but never had it seemed so real. This was really happening—and soon.
Romeli sighed deeply. "I can already tell that I'm really going to be in for it."
Numair did not deny it. "Well it's better to work hard and be prepared than be surrounded and chained by negative expectations. You'll do fine as long as you truly believe in your success."
Romeli bit her bottom lip. Never had she approached her future challenge through such an angle. She knew all too well that she needed to succeed, but she had failed to grasp the idea of believing she could actually achieve it.
Could she honestly win?
Every moment since her arrival in Corus had been shrouded in failure. She failed to fight off the monster nearly a year ago. She failed to save her father at the fort. She failed to protect her friends during the battle with Scanra, and she definitely failed to escape from Scanra. Even her relationship with James was on the rocks.
But at the same time, hadn't she always pulled through? If it wasn't her eventual success in defeating the monster, it was bringing her father back to life through the Phoenix Spell. Her escape may have initially failed, but she was in Tortall wasn't she? Who's to say this would be any different?
She was kidding herself. This was very different. This was the ultimate test. This was the final stage to her third Guardian. No one said it was going to be easy.
Right. It wasn't going to be easy. Nothing with a resolution ever came without failure. Accomplishment has substance because of the mistakes that happened on the way.
I am going to succeed, Romeli assured herself. Just not easily, and certainly not without some sort of blockade to hold me down. Either way, success was success, and she was bound to acquire it eventually.
Romeli looked at her father, almost serenely. "I understand."
Numair did not doubt her. He stood up nimbly and took her hand to bring her up to her feet. "Well then, this gives you plenty to think about. I will see you tomorrow. Same time, same place."
Neither of them bothered saying goodbye. Over the next few weeks their time together would be nearly constant.
OOO
Romeli was walking down the hallway with no real purpose or direction other then to clear her head. Her relaxing thoughts soon dissipated when someone tapped her on the shoulder, making her turn around with a perplexed expression.
She was half expecting the face that stared bat at her. It was about time that King Jonathan hunted her down to interrogate her.
"Romeli," voiced Jonathan cleanly. "I was just looking for you. Do you mind if we have a word in my office?"
Yes, I do.
"Not at all," replied Romeli with a half-hearted smile. "Lead the way."
Jonathan turned on his heel and began to walk down the hallway. Romeli trailed behind him cautiously as the conversation to come played through her mind. The upcoming exchange was immensely vital, and unfortunately whatever questions he had to ask were most likely going to be answered with lies.
She didn't exactly have a choice. The dangers to come most likely had to do with Scanra—but they were a personal affair. Romeli could not risk meddling from outside forces. At the same time, she already told Neal and Faleron almost everything that she knew—before she had left for Scanra that is. There was no doubt that word had been passed to Jonathan and he merely had questions of his own that needed answering.
Romeli took a long even breath to cool her nerves as Jonathan motioned for her to enter his office. This was going to be an easy conversation. What she didn't want him to know, she would not tell him. All that she would do is answer his questions.
Jonathan sat down in his desk-chair easily and Romeli followed suit, sitting across from him. Only the desk was between them, and yet she felt like they lived on separate worlds. Their relationship had never necessarily been supporting.
"So I had a meeting with Neal and Faleron," informed Jonathan as he folded his hands in his lap.
Surprise, Surprise, Romeli thought dully. "I'm expecting that they told you everything."
He nodded an affirmative. "Yes. So apparently trouble looms ahead for Tortall and it involves you and Scanra."
"Yes," she confirmed. "At the moment I don't know if it involves Scanra or not. I just have a feeling...there is a lot that I don't know."
Jonathan leaned forward intently. "What do you know?"
Romeli sighed heavily. "Not much." It was an easy lie to say these days. What did she know? Too much. Scanra was attacking, James was in danger, and she was toast unless suddenly she became twice as powerful as she already was. "I know that something bad is going to happen," she said truthfully. "And I know that it involves me. I know that if I don't get to work now, I'm going to fail, and I have a feeling that me, Scanra, and Tortall are all connected."
"What do you mean by connected?"
"Since Maggur's death, the state of Scanra has been turned upside down. They're going through a revolution and the potential relationship between Scanra and Tortall is on the rocks because of the obliteration of your Blood Treaty with Maggur. This involves me because of the Prophecy. The war fought was a war over me, and now that Maggur is dead and the war is open, are victory can either be fulfilled or backfire."
But that was just the political repercussion of her escape and Maggur's death. There was so much more than the unbalanced state of Scanra that kept her on edge. In all reality, it was just a fraction of the danger, and therefore, just a fraction of what she had to worry about.
Jonathan looked impressed. "Well you certainly have done your homework," he commented. "What do you think is going to happen?
Romeli bit her lip. She had to answer this question carefully. She chose her words slowly. "I think...that Scanra is going to attack Tortall, and I think that they are after me. I also think that they will not hurt the Tortallan people. This is a personal only."
His brows rose. "I think that if it involves you being endangered, your well being is a national affair."
It took the force of the world to keep her from massaging her temples in exasperation. She stood still while attempting to smooth her face into a blank expression. "Highness, I appreciate your concern but it isn't necessary."
Jonathan shook his head. "That's were you're wrong. You are incredibly valuable to us Romeli. If you got hurt, Tortall would—."
Romeli slammed her fist down on the table. Of all the things in the world that she hated, the word 'valuable' was at the top of the list. There was a spark of light during her fist's contact on the wood as her Gift aroused dangerously. She bit her lip tightly. "Please. Highness. Do not use that word. I am as important to this country as everyone else."
Jonathan looked quite stunned but immediately composed himself. "Too true. And everyone else needs just as much protection as you do."
"Which is just as much protection as you give me now," she snapped back. "None."
King Jonathan sighed heavily. "This is not just a personal affair, Romeli. It involves us as much as it involves you."
"Yeah," she replied dryly. "Because all of Scanra is after you."
"What if Scanra is?!" King Jonathan exclaimed. "It was me that signed the Blood Treaty with Maggur. It was me who announced the war. Me who was kidnapped!"
Romeli shook her head. "You forget, Majesty. The pact you signed was over the object in the Prophecy—me. I was the reason the war started in the first place. The reason you were kidnapped is because Maggur wanted to get to me."
Jonathan looked defeated, and yet he stood strong. "I am just as responsible as you are. If you can not realize this I will never forgive myself."
Romeli closed her eyes, unable to look at him. She knew this conversation was going to happen some day. Never did she think it would become so personal. This no longer seemed to be a debate over Tortall—it was a debate over the two of them."
"I work alone," she replied blackly. Her expression was stone.
"That's your problem!" exclaimed Jonathan as he threw his arms in the air. "You live on this rough, independent exterior! It taught you how to eat, how to breathe! Here you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, and when someone offers to help with the load for a while, you deny them! Why? Is it because you don't think they can handle it? Is it because you want the glory for yourself? ...is it because you don't want others to get hurt?"
Romeli shook her head furiously. "No, no..."
He refused to let her speak. "Romeli, you are undoubtedly the strongest mage in the world, but you are not invincible. No matter how hard you train you will not match the strength of mankind. You may carry the world on your shoulders, but you can not fight it. Do you know who can though?" He looked deeply into her eyes. He was steady, refusing to make her avert her gaze.
She didn't say anything. Instead, she stared at him defiantly.
He stood up, pressing his palms on his desk as he continued to stare. "Do you know. Who. Can."
"No." she hissed angrily. "Who, dare I ask, can fight the world."
"Tortall."
Romeli shivered as she looked away.
Jonathan sat back down again. "And I think you know it too. I know you know it. You said it yourself, remember? It was your last word before you left for Scanra. Tortall was the word and the country that you left behind—and it was the country you sacrificed yourself for. Never before have I seen such drive—such dedication!"
His eyes grew softer. "Over those two months you learned to fight without someone there behind you. Tortall was not there for you so you adapted and overcame your new environment. What you don't realize, Romeli, is that this is not a single fight anymore. With your return, Tortall was waiting right there for you. All you have to do is stop fighting and accept it."
Romeli looked at him confused and upset. Her throat was beginning to tighten up. "So what? Are you telling me to lean on other people for a change? I am getting help. My father, Maryann, my friends..."
"And what about your country? What about me?"
She looked down.
"Swallow your pride, Romeli. You're going to fail if you take this fight on your own. Even the Gods need assistance both mortal and immortal. You of all people should know that."
Romeli glared at him, but she was beginning to feel herself break. "I can't..."
"Yes. You can," he told her sternly. "You are not going to fight this war alone. That is not your job and it's not necessary. Part of becoming stronger is learning to accept the fact that you can not do it all on your own."
A tear slid down her cheek. "People are going to get hurt..."
"The biggest honor is dying for a cause you know is right. You know that, otherwise you would not have willingly slit your throat to save us from capture. Your country is behind you, Romeli. We'll be there, just like you were there for us."
Romeli wiped her eyes. She looked at him deeply. Could she honestly accept his proposal? He only knew less than half of the true problem that was ahead.
She shook her head. "I'll be perfectly honest, Highness. You have no idea what is going to come ahead. I know more about what will happen than you could ever imagine. I have felt the terror in my dreams. I have been dreading the day for weeks. I have experienced a deeper understanding of the predicament than you could comprehend. This future event does not just encompass the relationship between Scanra and Tortall. This next ordeal is a test that determines my future. This conflict is a growing conflict of history back thousands of years, involving the Gods just as much as it involves anyone else. It is the ultimate test of my strength. It is beyond your understanding."
"Then explain it to me."
She shook her head a second time. He had no idea what he was getting into. "See these scars?" she questioned him as she touched her neck. "I know what they mean, and they are no mere symbol of a battle wound. They are just as vital in this conflict as your political games." Her voice began to rise in volume as frustration and passion grew. "I have been searching for the meaning of these scars since the day I came back from the dead. I have had nightmares and warnings from the Gods. I have had fights with my friends and family. I have seen the harshness of Scanra in servitude. I have bled to death. He tortured me, killed me, killed my friends, and killed my fervor. You have not experienced this. Tortall has not experienced this. This is a personal affair."
"It does not have to be if you let us carry part of the burden—."
"You do not understand!" she yelled. "Did you know, King Jonathan, that I went back to Scanra! Did you know I went back two days ago?"
Jonathan didn't say anything. He just stared looking equally as horrified as he was shocked.
"I went back to see what my scars meant. It was dangerous but I had. no. choice. I found out what they meant and I discovered so much more. I know much more than you could ever dream of. Do not tell me what I should and should not do. Do not tell me my ideals are wrong and I'm too independent. I am everything for a reason."
He looked up at her silently.
"I do not need holding. I can hold my own."
She stared at him for a moment while he said nothing. Eventually he spoke again.
"What do your scars mean then?"
She almost laughed as she rolled her eyes. Romeli stood up conclusively, her eyes boring intensely into his. "This is a personal affair."
Romeli was out the door before King Jonathan could even reply.
OOO
Romeli's pace down the hallway made her feel like she was flying. In no means was the sensation taken literally, for unfortunately she had no wings to carry her to sanctuary. As much as she wished for any form of departure out of the palace, out of the country, she could not leave. Her actions were her anger talking, and though she let it take the reins for the moment, she would not let her emotions dominate her logical thought.
She sighed heavily as she continued her flee away from Jonathan's office. "I am in so much trouble..."
To say the least, she wasn't exactly considering the consequences of her words when she snapped at him. When she entered the office, she had every intention of keeping her mouth shut as much as possible while taking what he had to say and throwing it over her shoulder. But when he started attacking her personal actions like that...how could she not defend herself? She meant what she said, and though the potential punishment may be vast, she did not by any means regret it.
He'll probably tell everyone during his dumb weekly meetings that I went to Scanra, she thought miserably. She began to descend a staircase quickly as the thought hit her. Her parents attended those meetings. Guilt and dread began to rise in her gut at the thought of their disappointed faces, but at the same time, the inspiration to care evaded her.
She had no concern for Tortall's actions at the moment. They could do whatever they wanted as long as they did not mess with her and her goal. Romeli could no longer afford to let people's opinions and influences trample her. People, no matter what their authorities were, were no longer allowed to crush her. She needed them, that fact undoubtedly stuck with her. But their concerns and thoughts were irrelevant. That was proved well enough considering what she had said to the King just minutes ago.
Her current sentiment could be summed up in three words: she didn't care. Not anymore.
Romeli began to focus on her current position in the castle, consciously watching herself put one foot in front of the other. The cycle of walking soothed her nerves and steadied her currently unbalanced breathing. At the moment she was on the second floor, close to nothing in particular except for the mess hall just a floor below.
The thought of food immediately made her stomach grumble. Where she had previously lacked a given destination, she soon found one as her hunger lead the way towards satisfaction.
It was mere minutes until she reached the dining room doors, and she opened them with little hesitance, looking forward for a satisfying meal. She had not eaten since that morning, with dagger training, Gift draining, and an epic argument with the ruler of Tortall to increase her appetite.
Seeing the mess hall completely empty was an eerie sight, and yet she practically embraced it. The thought of social conversation at this exact moment seemed completely ridiculous, though the steam had worn off from the previous conversation by now. Romeli walked to the food queue and grabbed a tray and a fitting amount of food to quench her hunger. Her meal today was a fulfilling plate of spaghetti, a banana, and a roll.
Right when she was about to take her first bite, Romeli was interrupted by the sound of voices, alerting her to the fact that current population of the mess hall was no longer one. As much as she was tempted to look up and see the people who had entered, she knew she didn't have to. Their voices were as familiar to her as her own, and unfortunately, avoiding them now was impossible.
"Romeli!" greeted Ryoku as she waved from across the room. The rest of them looked over, exclaimed their hellos, and grabbed their food hastily to sit with her.
Romeli looked up at the sound of their greetings and immediately wished she hadn't. Her eyes locked instinctively with another pair of spectacularly green eyes, nearly as emerald as her own. They didn't say anything—all they did was stare. The mere second that their eyes met felt like a lifetime, though one glance made the both of them look down and away in another direction.
That one glance alerted her to his concern. Her spontaneous actions from the night before had not scared him away. In fact, her fear gave him purpose and substance—he refused to let her fall from his grasp again. And with his position set with such determination, her fear for his safety and her own heightened.
It would be absolutely impossible to let him go, and yet she had to. Fear coursed through her body in ways she had not yet experienced. She didn't know what to think—the apprehension was dominating. It was fear for him, and fear for herself—it was fear for what would happen, and what already did.
She shook her head to rid her thoughts. He can not influence me like this!
Ryoku and Ethan got to her first, sitting next to her on one side. Sereem sat on her other side leaving Faleron, Tim, and...him...across from her. Unlike the previous morning, he was not sitting across from her—a fact that she embraced advantageously. But despite the lengthier than usual distance that was between them, the sight of him sent shivers down her spine and a thick atmosphere of silence that could not be shaken away.
No longer did Romeli have the appetite to enjoy her previously celebratory meal. Instead, she played with it absentmindedly, trying to focus on the way her fork shined metallically. Of course all efforts failed completely and she was left staring at her food with a frustrated expression, barely able to function as the circumstances of her current situation swam around her.
This can not be happening to me.
There was an awkward silence within the group. She didn't bother looking up to see how many pairs of eyes were on her—she already felt the piercing gaze of an emerald pair of eyes on her. Romeli could sense his concern, but she could not act upon it.
"So," Ryoku voiced, nudging Romeli's elbow lightly. "What have you been up to today?"
"Training with, Dad," she murmured automatically. Romeli had practically answered the question before Ryoku had the time to finish it. Of course, Romeli's replying answer was all Ryoku needed to be informed that something was going on.
"Sounds boring," piped in Sereem happily. His efforts to make the conversation lighter failed to succeed and the group sank once again into a period of silence.
Romeli did not mind the quiet. It gave her time to consider her current predicament in an atmosphere that had little interruptions. Romeli didn't bother lying, she felt incredibly guilty as she sat amongst her friends, refusing to join in on conversations and laughing at their inside jokes. No matter how much she wanted to, she couldn't—it didn't work—and for whatever reason, she felt completely empty—unfunctionable—broken. She didn't have the heart to add in on the conversation just as much as she did lacked the heart to eat the meal that sat in front of her.
It was him. There was no real reason other than that. Training had been emotionally draining, she just had the world's most epic fight with the ruler of the country, and battled Maryann with a pair of daggers, but for whatever reason none of those events matched up to the bitter aftertaste of what had happened the night before. And while she had been able to bury the depression and the fear during the events of the day, the sight of his eyes staring into hers had resurfaced it. Romeli had no choice but to succumb to the torment of trepidation.
The sensation made her absolutely immobile. She was frozen solid as waves of physical pain began to lap at the surface, growing stronger and stronger with each breath that she took. Slowly, she felt herself begin to drown as the waves grew aggressive, pulling her and sinking her slowly to the bottom where she could not surface.
Romeli quietly clutched the sides of her stomach, feeling like a piece of her being had been ripped out of her, leaving a gashing hole in her stomach that could not be repaired. She saw her friends eating their food as she silently fell to pieces trying not to make a scene as her pain began to diffuse and throb throughout her body.
She could not take it anymore. She could not be by him.
I have to get out of here.
Without bothering to make any excuses, Romeli got up, tray and all and walked away from the table, leaving her friends in the dust. She felt their eyes on her, staring on in silence, none of them able to say a word—or maybe not wanting to.
Whichever scenario it was, the drive to care escaped her. She didn't care—she just wanted out.
The second she escpaed through the mess hall door, her mind began to clear and logical thoughts began to enter her mind once again. As she walked quickly away from the hall, she knew one thing was true.
Telling her friends about her predicament, scars, training, and all, was unacceptable. For in letting them enter into her futuristic ordeal, she was not only risking her state of mind towards success, she was risking their lives as well.
Especially his.
This was a personal affair.
Woo Romeli! That fight with the king was so epic.
Replies:
Aly-Of-Tortall13: lol. Well yes. Writer's block is unfortunately a right of passage in the writing world. And it sux haha. Fortunately, I have every detail of the plot planned out. The only problem is conveying it through the narrative sense. As for the sequel, yes I am still planning on writing it. I still need to think of the majority of the plot, but when I say that Romeli's story is just beginning, I mean it. I am also thinking of doing a third book, but I don't want to get ahead of myself.
May Silverstream: haha. Gurl. I don't even know what's in the damn box. Maybe we'll find out later. I'm not sure.
Itachihaiter13: (gasp) MONO!! Oh gosh that sucks! I trust you are feeling better now? I've never had it myself, but my friends have. Haha. Hmmm. Well her ultimate test does involve James, that's all I'm going to tell you.
Gen: haha. I UPDATED AGAIN! (holds hands in the air) happy now?
X17SkmBdrchiczxx: haha. They did kiss before. It was when Romeli and James were having that fight RIGHT after Romeli woke up from the dead. James was arguing about how he had tried to forget that she had existed, and then Romeli kissed him to snap him out of it. Haha. Finding out what the scars mean? Bah. You'll see in a few chapters I believe. But when you do know, you'll totally flip! It'll be great.
BlackWidow12: mmm. Well if you have any questions feel free to ask. I can even sum up all that's going around in as little sentences as possible.
Princessofcrown101: I actually really want this to be a novel. Once I'm finished with the sequel, or when I get into college, whichever comes first, I'm going to rewrite it into an original novel and attempt to publish it. Look for it on the shelves! Lol Don't worry, James and Romeli will be together no doubt. There's just a little more struggle first. Just wait though, the moment that they come together is so...so...GAH!! It's amazing. I'm really excited to write it. I've been looking forward to writing that part since I wrote the first chapter.
Sun Doll: hmmm. More b than a, but neither are necessarily correct. It will be sad for a little, but the ending it totally worth it. Romeli get's revenge on everyone, and it's totally kickass. Glad you like the story! Keep readin'!
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