HMMMMM...

Well, I don't have much to say, to be perfectly honest. I suppose this is what happens when you're editing and updating around seven chapters a day. You run out of witticisms.

Plus I just watched James Franco completely destroy a room for half an hour. To say the least, my mind is a little boggled.

Song for this Chapter: I Caught Myself → Paramore. One of my absolute favorite songs in the world. Totally matches this chapter.

Chapter 48: Speak

In the last chapter...

Romeli had training with her Guardians, working on connecting herself to plants and learning how to control them. When she woke though, she was immensely exhausted, seeing as she had just gone through twenty hours of training.

Her first task of the day was to talk to Neal and Faleron about her fight with the king and filling them in on some information. Neal notices her weariness and asks her if she was all right, coincidentally causing a mental breakdown where she expresses her fear that not only she's going to die, but James will as well. She then faints, and Romeli is forced to sleep in the Healing Wing.

When she wakes up, she is late for Gift training with Numair, which sets her at a bad start. She was easily defeated during their duel, and Numair chastises her for not trying hard enough.

During dinner she once again suppresses her hysterics and nearly falls apart, out of fear for and of James, not to mention the rest of her friends. Eventually she can't handle it and she leaves the room.

That night, she meets her Guardians again. This time they insist that what she is doing right now, carrying her own load instead of leaning on other people was dangerous, and she was going to fail if she continued. Romeli said that she would try to talk to people, but didn't make any promises, saying that speaking to people was physically a challenge to her at the moment.

Romeli woke up, if one could exactly call it waking up, to the next day after another exerting practice session with her Guardians. The weariness seemed double of what it was yesterday, and Romeli wanted nothing more than to sleep and give in to the soft down of her pillows and sheets that made her feel like she was on air...

Closing off her thoughts, she sat up with a sore wince and shifted her feet over the bed, taking each motion of getting ready one step at a time. To say that she was sore was the understatement of the year. She wasn't just sore, she felt disembodied, like each vein of her being had been stretched and pulled to the point of obliteration.

She breathed in and out heavily, awakening her lungs to the morning air. Maintaining this form of deep breathing, she began to stretch out her legs and arms, popping out all of her stiff joints, making her motions fluid once again.

To say the least, she felt much more motivated than she had yesterday. Most of this new found inspiration undoubtedly came from her training session with the Guardians. It was not necessarily how well she succeeded in magnifying her powers (especially since the training was hardly a success), but more so what her Guardians had told her that kept her drive:

A week from now her powers would be twice as strong as they were now. That idea was mesmerizing, and it kept her stimulus at a high.

So Romeli continued with her morning routine. She picked out today's clothes, sticking with something loose and comfortable, but also warm to shield off the Autumn air. After that, she ordered a hot bath, and laid in it for a time, giving in to the scalding hot water that began to relax her tight muscles. She breathed in the steam, letting it cool her mind. As she sat there, she ran her hands along the intricate tresses of ink that marked the cobra tattoo around her ankle. It stared back at her, its cunning eyes omnipotent and humorous. She smiled weakly, remembering Sclythe's equally as sly personality.

Getting out of the bath, she got dressed and ran a brush through her light emerald hair. Completely ready, she glanced at the time and left the room on her way to the lake once again for another day of training with Numair.

This time, she wasn't going to give in.

OOO

"I was thinking today that instead of continuing on with another lesson, we'll repeat yesterday's. It will give you a second chance of sorts," Numair said with a light grin on his face.

Romeli nodded. "Thank you." She wouldn't be making the same mistake again. No matter how tired she was, she was going to push through with this—for her sake and for his.

Numair looked at her deeply. "But remember. Now we are a day behind on our regiment. To catch up with the time that we have lost, we are going to need to work twice as hard."

She gave him a look of understanding. Romeli had expected just as much.

He clasped his hands together. "So. Remember. Pace yourself and focus. Let's get started."

The two of them walked to their designated dueling positions. Romeli looked around her surroundings and couldn't help but crack a smile. They were going to have to find another dueling place soon. The whole clearing was covered in shards of glass. Patches of the ground were completely charred. Three trees had fallen and another tree had been cracked in two. The tree that Numair had set on fire yesterday was completely charred.

She was going to need to fix this later. She could practically hear the annoyed voices of the plants around her. Pushing their pleas out of her mind, she looked at her competitor. She wasn't about to get distracted by patches of complaining grass.

Numair gave her a final nod before bringing out his powerful Gift. It rippled in his hands, diffusing immense amounts of magic through his palms.

Romeli's nose began to itch, sensing that Numair was about to embrace the tactic of all or nothing. In a countering strategy, she reigned in all of her focus and pulled out her magic at the ready. The air around her began to tremble, saturated in her emerald Gift.

Numair's first attack was made of glass, as she practically predicted. The shards flew at her rapidly, whistling through the air as they sliced towards her.

Bracing herself for an impact, she flashed a reflecting shied and pushed the glass' velocity in the opposite direction. Numair jumped to the ground, barely dodging a hit.

Numair turned on her again with glass discs. She destroyed them with a flip of her wrist before they even reached the halfway point. Predicting this would happen, Numair rapidly drew out his next attack. He formed two heavy glass spheres in the air and sent them rolling towards her.

Her eye twitched. They looked heavy. If she destroyed them, their fragments would do equally as much damage as the original two spheres. Changing their paths was out of the question as well—she wasn't in the mood to re-grow the whole forest.

Whatever her decision would be, she would have to make it quickly, for the spheres rolled towards her at a surprising speed, considering their immense size.

Romeli's eyes lit up when idea crossed through her mind. Quickly she put her hands in front of her, both encased in powerful emerald flame, each appendage pointing at one sphere.

Putting one foot back behind her to brace herself, she pulled the weight of her Gift forward, pushing an invisible force against the velocity of her two obstacles. They began to slow. Romeli bent more force into her Gift, her hands beginning to glow brighter as they filled with more power.

Inches away from her face, the two spheres came to a halt. Beads of sweat began to form at her forehead, but she didn't bother brushing them away. There was more work to do. With the same amount of force, she brought the two spheres into the air and began to morph them into one gigantic disc.

Romeli bit her lip as they slowly fused together. The amount of magic it took to accomplish such a simple task was breathtaking. She felt herself operating on empty but never necessarily running out of magic. Her Gift was constantly as powerful as it was in the beginning, it was her focus and efficiency needed to achieve the task that drained her.

Either way, she finished, large disc floating feet from the ground. With all the strength she could muster, she sent it flying towards Numair.

A wind of fear rushed through her as she saw the disc come closer and closer to her father. At the time of her actions, she never considered the idea of him not being to defend against her attack. It was made of glass—how could she have not considered the repercussions of her actions?

Numair let the razor sharp disc come closer to him, bracing himself for what looked like impact. Romeli felt a scream build up in her throat, but it immediately dissipated when he jumped into the air and let the disc glide beneath him before jumping down to the ground effortlessly.

She let out a deep breath that she didn't even know she was holding.

Her father didn't give a second's worth of self-reflection before his next attack, and to be honest, Romeli was quite impressed with his efficiency. It was almost like Numair never thought of his actions; he just executed them with no doubt. Obviously he was well practiced in dueling—she could tell by his wise eyes and powerful executions.

"Ouch," hissed Romeli, as she looked down at her arm. It was on fire.

"Darn it, Dad!" she called at him as she shook her head and extinguished the fire with her Gift. It quickly healed at a single touch from her other hand. She had been too busy focusing on the focused intent of her father that she had forgotten to focus herself!

Numair laughed. "Focus, Romeli!"

She grumbled something inaudibly waiting for his next attack.

And he certainly gave it to her. The minute the haunting black dust blew out of his hand, blustering towards her with its creeping wind she felt its darkness sweep over her once again.

Well this is dumb, she thought as she saw the wind draw closer to her, growing increasingly more threatening as each second past. Both of them knew she had no idea what she was doing when it came to the horrors of dark magic. She knew what it was—it was magic...but dark, and that was the extent of it.

So what was she supposed to do now? A few scenarios popped in her mind as she pondered over the possibilities of this unmerciful attack. She could dodge the wind, most likely have it follow her and almost die. She could try and reflect the attack, have it go through the reflection and almost die like the last time. Or she could think of something else and have her not almost die, unlike the last time.

Evidently, she chose the third option, which, in consequence, left her with no options at all.

Great.

So Romeli did the only thing she could think of—and that was nothing at all. Instead, she braced herself for the impact, making the strongest shield she could possibly muster. It took all her strength, all her focus, and all the possible power she could hold, reflecting it out in front of her in a spectacularly bright shield that encased her. It shone brightly, like it alone held the light of the sun. She saw Numair shield his eyes from the immense illumination before an even brighter spark flashed, due to the impact of light versus dark.

And after that, Romeli didn't feel a thing. The sensation felt light, seeing as moments ago she was expecting the soulless feeling of pain to rip through her as it did yesterday. When it didn't come at all, she opened her eyes, her brows reflecting her inner confusion.

Did I actually just block that?

Somehow, she did. And though the reasons as to why evaded her, the curiosity as to how ran through her head dominantly.

From the looks of Numair's face, he too was thinking the same thing.

"You weren't supposed to block that!" Numair told her from across the field.

Romeli bit her lip. "Ummm...sorry?"

Her father didn't look like he was about to attack any time soon. Instead, he walked towards her with a fascinated and equally as perplexed look. He stopped right in front of her, still staring.

Romeli waited for him to say something, and when he did not, she decided to continue their suddenly mute conversation. "So. Does this mean I win?"

"Yes!" he replied enthusiastically. Romeli flashed a beaming smile of victory.

"More importantly, however," he started, switching into a personality of intellectual and scholarly wisdom. "You created this...shield of sorts. Unlike anything I've ever seen before. I believe we may have unlocked another ability of yours. That, or strengthened something to the point of notability."

Romeli looked skeptical. "Are you sure I wasn't just using an immense amount of my Gift? That's all that I wasn't focusing on."

Numair gave her a half-smile. "I don't think that was your Gift."

"...what?"

"Gifts can't dodge dark magic. Not that I know of at least. With those that dabble in the powers of dark magic, they are exceptionally powerful, but most do not know how to defend themselves against it. I was going to teach you the ways in which I have learned to wield and fight it, but this shield of yours has certainly changed circumstances..."

Romeli was about to nod when she realized that Numair no longer seemed to be talking to her.

"... Of course, what it could be isn't exactly decipherable. But one factor of this shield is that your Gift is detectable. It's always detectable. I didn't sense a thing. That was not your Gift...it was some other force. Some ultimate force. Was it plant magic...? There was no way it could be wild magic...Daine has never created a shield such as this. It's some other form of magic...something beyond any power I have heard of. Unique to you. An ultimate defense in times of threatening possibilities..."

As Romeli listened to his out-spoken train of thought, she pondered on whether her Guardians knew of this 'ultimate shield' or not. Was this another power she had not faced yet, or had she had it all along? Numair's dozens of ideas, racing out of his mouth now certainly spurred her curiosity. She wanted to know the answer just as much as he did.

Numair seemed to have realized that he had been rambling. "I'm sorry, Romeli," he said sheepishly. "This new shield you have certainly has inspired a lot of theories." He gave her a lopsided grin. "I need to research. And then I will see you tomorrow at the same time, correct?"

Romeli nodded quickly. Circumstances sure have changed considering the depressing aftermath and failure that had hit her after yesterday's training practice. Suddenly she felt excited—not only for tomorrow's lesson, but for finding out just what exactly the synopsis to this shield was.

When she looked around the field, she discovered that Numair had already left, obviously to retreat straight to his study for hours of intense researching. She knew she wouldn't be seeing him for the rest of the day. Slightly smiling to herself, she looked around the field, covered in destroyed debris, burning and smoking plants, and collapsed trees.

Deciding no time was better than the present, she began to tidy up their dueling arena, piling all the glass together and taking care of the mercilessly damaged plants with a stupid grin on her face. Suddenly the outlook of whatever was to come didn't seem so bad after all.

OOO

All pretenses of minor joy that she had felt previously that day for whatever reason, were immediately gone due to the predicament she once again found herself in: dinner. And it wasn't just dinner—it was dinner with her friends.

So here she sat, attempting with all her focus to hold herself together as she silently trembled, letting dry sobs quietly escape her mouth to keep the backwash of tears from falling. To say the least, insanity seemed to creep upon her, for all that she possibility wanted was an out—but unfortunately she could not leave. She had to stay, because in her eyes, leaving was weakness, and leaving was admitting to her friends that something was wrong.

Romeli couldn't lie to herself. Something was wrong. No matter how hard she tried, she would never be able to shake it away either, not until the inevitable happened. And by then, she would be dead anyways. But until that day came, she knew she would forever carry a constricting weight on her chest, disabling a full gasp of air, a call for help, or a sanctuary away from its prolific pain.

In her eyes, she was stuck. And nothing but her own demise could possibly change that.

It's dangerous to have thoughts like these run through one's mind, and yet she could not shake them away. If she died, wouldn't Tortall be one notch safer than it was now? If she died, wouldn't it be the end? The end of everything—all her struggles, pain, and sadness? Certainly if she died, he would no longer be in danger. Above all, that was the only thing she really wanted. Her existence made such safety an impossibility.

It was ironic. People always say they would die for their true love. In her case, she would die out of love.

Her chin began to quiver as she felt the tears coming on. Her eyes became watery to the point of blurry eyesight, and she dodged her head down, hiding beneath her bangs so she could let her face crumble in private. She felt Ryoku's eyes shift towards her and she knew that her friend was once again aware of her misery. Surprisingly, the inspiration to care evaded her. She no longer had the heart to feel anything but defeat and numbness.

Deciding to eat here again was such a dumb idea, she thought to herself slowly as she sniffed, trying to bottle her emotions in until later. It was the one time segment of every day where her fears became a reality. It was a daily reminder that he was very much alive and real at the moment, but would later only become a distant memory. In this case, ignoring him was impossible. She simply couldn't do it, and yet she had to.

So once again she concluded on a single word that encompassed her current situation: stuck.

The emotional consequences of his every move was the stupid part. Who was she to let him affect her the way that he did? All day every day, it was him. It was him who drove her crazy as she tried to sleep, him she thought of while she trained, him she wanted more than anything in the world to run away from forever, him she wanted to look at every passing second, declaring her unending love.

And his eyes certainly didn't make it any easier. They were pained. Wallowing. She had only looked into them once since she had run away from him after he kissed...

She closed her eyes and slammed her fists down on the table, both of her hands morphed into tight and stressed balls.

STOP IT!

Clenching her teeth, she looked up to see all her friends staring at her. Whave was about to put his hand on top of hers, but she shifted both of them into her lap. Their words spoken now went in one ear and out the other. She could sense his eyes on her...they were so distracting. Once again, she began to tremble as her heart fought with her mind.

Her mind won. There was no way in hell that she was about to tell him. Anything. She couldn't do it. And it wasn't just for his safety anymore, it was for her own sake. Physically, she was incapable of the mental strength that was required to tell him what was going on—tell anyone for that matter. They wouldn't understand anyways...

I can't do this. I can't sit here any more, she thought to herself as she gripped her middle tightly, holding the pieces together. She felt physically nauseated sitting so close to him. The reaction made her wonder what had started this all in the first place. Was it because she was in love? Was it because of what happened when she woke up? Was it when he kissed her?

Of course, she couldn't pin point the blame on any single situation. It was all of them, for different reasons. But either way all of them were applicable.

More trembling. She felt herself giving in to her growing emotions. Each second that passed by felt like a minute, and she knew that if she stretched out her abilities any further, she would crash.

The force that kept her sitting there was what made her feel so ashamed. Did she honestly have the dignity and stupidity to just sit there quivering? It was obvious that all her friends knew she was on the verge of tears. So why didn't she just cry? Why didn't she just let it out, knowing that once she did, everything would be that much better?

Because I'm dumb. She answered the question easily. Because the strength I have is not enough to admit that I need help and let go of my emotions.

All of the emotional stress made her begin to feel dizzy. The sensation she felt now made her feel like she was floating on air...her head way up in the clouds, fuzzy, and lost. Obviously the panic that her body had emotionally undergone made the painkillers kick in. She was completely numb, and yet the throbbing pain wouldn't bother with budging.

I'm so alone.

Reality crashed in towards her as those three words echoed through her mind. Her previously stopped up ears were open now, seeming to act more than willing to suck in any words they could hear on their own accord. Her friends were still staring at her, and she tried to rapidly close them away, but she could not. Being numb, no matter how much given time the sensation lasted, was not enough to wipe away the veracity of the situation.

"Romeli, are you all right?

Those words sent her over the top. She was done for. As severe trembles of weakness and fear erupted through her, she stood up and backed away from the table, shaking her head with closed eyes.

The dizziness was still with her, and she almost fell twice as she ran from the Dining Hall for the second time in two nights.

OOO

A light breeze of peace swept through her hair and along the right side of her body, as if nature was silently cooing her into a relaxed state of serenity. She didn't know how long time passed as she stood, her hands placed on the railing of the gazebo. Staring out into the distance that was the rolling gardens and greenery of Corus was the only physical action she could will herself into doing.

Anything else was currently beyond her abilities.

Even her thoughts felt weary. For the past few weeks all of her will power, energy, and commitment had been pushed to the limit. Each thought that ran through her mind was how she had failed one thing or another, what she needed to do now in spite of it, and how much she had to push herself now, taking these failures into account.

The weariness of her own thoughts was an experience that was familiar to her. It happened when she focused on one thing for too long. The same feeling, though perhaps at a level of less intensity, came to her when she tried to solve the Prophecy, and again when she and Maryann worked diligently to escape.

Now she felt the intensity of her sorrowed exhaustion threefold. Perhaps it was because she had gone through this...three times. Or because now the factors involved in her current situation were beyond her comprehension. There were too many tie-ins, too many loopholes, too many reasons why all of this was way beyond her.

She simply couldn't do it anymore.

And it wasn't like this was an epiphany of any sort. She had known this for a while. Nonetheless she kept on fighting—because her Guardians told her too, because she was too stubborn to give up, and if she did give up, he would die as much as she would.

Her breath caught in her throat. But for the first time in weeks it wasn't because her thoughts had landed on him once again, it was because someone right behind her had just said her name.

"Romeli?" her name was called again.

She turned around quickly, identifying the voice without needing a face. Looking down at the ground, she faced her visitor. "Hey Ryoku."

Ryoku walked up to her hesitantly, knowing that if she got to close, Romeli would run. "Can we talk?"

No.

Romeli didn't say anything. She just stood there, her eyes fixated with the ground.

Ryoku continued anyways, expecting such a lack of reply. "I just... want to know what's going on, you know? I don't understand..."

Romeli bit her lip. It wasn't fair that Ryoku's voice sounded so pained just trying to talk to her. It certainly wasn't right that a few weeks and an awareness of fate could change a friendship to be the exact opposite of what it was before. And yet, Romeli couldn't exactly help it. She simply wasn't strong enough to make it otherwise.

"I'm sorry," Romeli whispered, nearly inaudibly.

Ryoku heard her, and she walked up closer. "What are you sorry for? I'm just confused, Romeli! After you came back, you were pretty upset then, but you were getting better—slowly. But when you had to go back to Scanra to get that...thing...everything changed. What the hell is going on?"

She shook her head slowly, backing up a foot. For the first time, she looked up at Ryoku. Her eyes were pained, and it made Romeli's heart break—but in the end, if she said anything else, wouldn't it just hurt more?

"Romeli, please talk to me," she pleaded again. "What could honestly be going on right now that's making you so scared...?"

"I. can't. say. Anything," Romeli replied quietly, averting her gaze to the right, looking at the distance over Ryoku's shoulder. The wind that had previously silenced her trembles had faded, and she began to shake again.

"Why not."

Romeli's clenched her teeth, as if to force the words to silence themselves. Nothing would leave her mouth.

Yes, you're friends may be in danger protecting you, but aren't you in danger right now protecting them? Protecting the whole country? This can't be a one-sided relationship, Romeli, and you certainly can't control the fate of your friends. You should let them help, because if you don't explain things to them, this weight on your chest will grow heavier with each day and the risk of you failing will become increasingly more possible. How ironic would it be if you died for the safety of your friends, when in reality, if you put your friends out of this safety, you'll be saving them?

Romeli shook her head, discarding Old White's thoughts from the previous night away. He was wrong—she had to do this on her own. She was strong enough wasn't she? And she would get even stronger. It would be enough. Besides, they wouldn't understand...

Ryoku was still waiting for an answer. She gave her one.

"Because you wouldn't understand."

Ryoku shook her head. Her expression was strongly stubborn. It was obvious that she wasn't giving up. "I wouldn't understand?" Her tone was incredulous. "Romeli, friends don't have to understand. I have no doubt that I certainly won't understand the full extent of what's going on. But that doesn't mean that I can't be there for you, help you, give you sympathy when you're down. That's what friends are for."

Ryoku's words were full of reason, and yet she denied them before her friend even spoke. Whatever she said couldn't be taken seriously. This was a private affair. No matter how much her Guardians disagreed with her.

Romeli shook her head again. "I can't say anything. I...can't." She tried to portray to Ryoku how the ability to do what she was asking was physically beyond her.

Ryoku stuck her chin out. She wasn't finished yet. "Fine. Then at least tell me what's going on with you and James."

Romeli's eyes widened as she looked at Ryoku. The sound of their names together in one sentence made her face crumble. Before she even had the chance for reason to tell her not to, she began to sob...unable to hold it in any longer. The previous lack of conversation they had was slightly painful...this was torture.

Her friend's eyes widened, as she walked up to her and put her hand on Romeli's arms. She was about to shrink away, but gave in to her touch.

"Please tell me what's going on...," said Ryoku again. Her expression was confused, and yet the dominant emotion was that of worry.

Romeli pursed her lips as she tried to quiet her cries. What she was doing was pathetic, and she knew it. But at the same time, her body was completely out of control. What happened, happened—it was all beyond her.

"I can't do this," Romeli whispered shaking her head rapidly. "I can't be by him!" Her thoughts came in short fragments. None of them making sense combined, but perfectly reflecting the fear that she felt now.

Ryoku grabbed both of her shoulders now, trying to stop her from shaking. "Romeli, why can't you be by him. What's going on? Tell me."

Romeli began to breathe in and out deeply to calm her driving thoughts and slow them down. Nothing made sense right now. Why was she acting like this? How could something as simple as uttering a name bring her into such an emotional state? Finally, she stopped sobbing, but the tears still ran down her cheeks relentlessly.

"I'm sorry, Ryoku. It's just..." she paused trying to reign in exactly what she was thinking. "I'm really scared."

"Of what?"

She bit her lip. "Of...him."

Ryoku looked even more confused. "What? He's your best friend. How could you be scared of him?"

The tears came down faster now. "You see, nothing makes sense. Everything is connected with the next. I can't be near him, Ryoku. I can't even look at him! Gods...I'm so afraid. I'm afraid for him, for me...I...I...can't be near him. It's driving me insane!"

"Why," Ryoku asked, staring at her deeply. "Is it because you love him?"

She felt herself begin to fall to pieces again. Her words were more than true, but it wasn't the only thing that held her back. If she truly loved him, she would leave him for his own safety, and for the safety of herself. In all honestly she couldn't get hurt again. The noose wrapped around D'mitri's neck as he hung there, dead, was a daily reminder of that.

Romeli shook her head. "I don't think I know how to love anymore," she whispered slowly.

Ryoku looked away, trying to piece what Romeli was saying together. "I don't understand..." And then realization dawned on her. "Does this have anything to do with D'mitri?"

Romeli looked at her alarmed. Then she remembered that she had told Ryoku about him after she came back. They had a sleepover so that she could get away from her parents for a while. "That's part of it," she said miserably.

Ryoku pulled her into her arms and gave her a tight hug. Romeli hugged her back awkwardly, unable to respond correctly with all her thoughts rushing through her head.

"Romeli, James isn't going anywhere," Ryoku told her as she looked deeply into Romeli's eyes.

She couldn't help but look away as another shiver of dread swept through her. She had no idea how mistaken she was.

"You're wrong," Romeli squeaked out. Her voice shot up three octaves.

Ryoku's brows furrowed. "How do you know? Romeli, James loves you. He would never leave you. Not without a fight. And what you're doing now—every time you're with us, you're so sad. It tears him apart. I can see it in his eyes..."

Romeli closed her eyes immediately, trying to push the image of James' pained eyes out of her mind.

"Why can't you accept it Romeli? He. Loves. You."

Romeli's hands clenched in fists as she closed her eyes tighter. "You don't understand! I can't love him. I can't be with him. It's not just D'mitri, it's everything else! Everything is connected, and I can't love James, because if I do...if I'm near him...if the worst happens...he'll die."

"He's not going to die."

"He's going to die," she countered dejectedly. "We both are. It's only a matter of time. I can feel it..."

Ryoku sighed hopelessly at a loss. "Neither of you are going to die."

Romeli looked at her blackly. "How would you know? Have you died before? Because I have. When the great beyond is coming, you can feel it."

Ryoku bit her lip, looking hurt. "No. I haven't died before. But I do know that if you keep on pushing us out of your life, you're going to be alone. Tell us what's going on! Do you think keeping it all in is going to make things any easier?"

Romeli could feel the tears coming in again. Her Guardians told her the same thing, but she couldn't listen to either of the two parties. She could do this alone...she had to. Suddenly, she felt like she had finally fallen apart. A piece fell out, and then another, until numbness encased her. The pain she felt now was too much for her body to handle, and the endorphins finally kicked in.

Romeli slipped to the ground, where Ryoku held her, keeping her arms on her friend's shoulders. Romeli was shaking her head from side to side. "I can't feeling anything anymore," she whispered.

"Then let us feel it for you," Ryoku told her. "Let us carry part of the burden that you're feeling. It isn't right for you to carry it all on your own. Don't you realize that?"

She realized it. Nothing in her life was ever right. But could she do it? It was her strength and ability that had her suffering, not her own judgment.

Romeli couldn't look at her. She suddenly felt dizziness sweep over her and a nausea she had not felt in a while hit her hard. Knowing what was coming, she got up quickly, and leaned her body over the railing, becoming sick miserably, as she felt what had been her dinner come up mercilessly, burning her throat on the way.

Ryoku looked at her horrified for a moment, before coming over and holding back her friend's hair. Her expression was alarmed as she realized that not only was Romeli's ordeal an emotional and realistic strain, but a physical one. Her emotions and fear were so real that it was tearing her apart, torturing her.

Was this all because of James? Ryoku decided to speak her question aloud, finding a need to know the answer.

"Are you really that scared of him?"

Romeli wiped her mouth, looking down as she leaned her forehead on the cool wood of the gazebo railing. Though the nausea had decreased significantly, she still felt dizzy to the point of fainting. All she could do was nod desolately.

Ryoku shook her head, knowing that Romeli was not able to see her reaction. Her eyes couldn't help but become teary as she rubbed her friend's back. How did this possibly happen? She knew that right now she couldn't get the answer from Romeli personally, but things were going to straighten out somehow. They had to.

For she knew that if Romeli continued this solitary style of carrying burdens, her fears would most likely become and actuality.

"Are you feeling better?" Ryoku asked softly, looking down at Romeli's green tresses. Her head was still bent over on the railing and she was slightly shivering.

Romeli lifted her head and slowly stood up straight, her eyes closed and mouth slightly open as she found her bearings. She nodded weakly, attempting to give Ryoku an assuring look. "Yea." It was half the truth.

Ryoku nodded. It was a good enough answer. "Good. I need to get my homework done. But if you need me, let me know, all right?" She gave Romeli a final lingering look before walking down the gazebo stairs and towards the palace. In all honesty, Ryoku had no homework to do. She just wanted Romeli to be alone for a time.

Romeli stood there for a while, staring out as she leaned on the railing again. The bile taste was stuck in her throat and she wanted nothing more than to quench her growing thirst. The cool breeze began to dry away the sweat that had formed on her forehead, making her slightly colder than she was previously. She shivered.

Deciding there was nothing more that she could do here, she turned back to the gazebo stairs as well and towards her room.

One thing was for sure. She knew now more than ever that she had to do this alone.

(meditates)

ommmmm.

Replies:

Massieroxmysox: HOORAY!! Hello favorite reader! You caught up! Lol. Printing it out and sending it to Tamora Pierce. Lmfao. First, that's a LOT of paper. Second, TP would undoubtedly steal my idea...especially since I'm planning to publish it myself. Haha! Mmmm. Cookies. I do like ice cream in fact. Mint. Yummy. Three boxes? Great Jesuits. I do believe you broke the 'tissue box record' m'dear. It's always good to be emo every once in a while. Except maybe when it's in front of your mom...but ah well! Lol. I'm really glad I'm your favorite person in the world. I am quite honored actually. Lol. TOODLES!! 3

Itachihater13: hooray for getting over merciless diseases! Lol. Omg I know! I think this is actually the fastest update ever! Cuz I've just been like sleeping all day. I haven't slept since the third grade. I'm just glad school is over and I can RELAX and finish this story! LMFAO! KEEP ON MOOSIN'.

xxTunstall Chickxx: thanks for thinking it was majorly awesome! Omg. How much would it be uncool if like...out of nowhere I started writing like a fifth grader? Lol. TALENT. Thank you so much, gurl! I will always keep writing.

X17SkmBdrchiczxx: tell me about depressing...sheesh. Romeli is so emo right now. I know! Omg, I'm so mean to her! I actually feel bad whenever I make things worse and worse. But it WILL bet better. I'm totally torturing you! I'm so sorry! Haha. But you'll find out soon I promise. Over the next two chapters you'll figure out everything. I just need to make them perfect. I think they may be the two most important chapters in the whole story... . how many chapters I have left? Hmmm. No idea. I'm guessing around ten. And I will definitely try and finish by September, but if I do...like...I'll have to do weekly updates haha. Which may not be a reality depending on how busy I get. Fornight. (snort) you make me laugh. I'll use the word fortnight in the next chapter just for you. Thanks for readin' silly!

Inktounge58: THANKS! Omg. Thankyou. Lol. Best fanfics on the site? O.O does this mean I get like an award or something?? Haha. I wish. I know right? Romeli is so dumb. But at the same time, taking everything that she's been through into consideration, it's so surprise. I mean, think of Scanra! She was tortured on like a daily basis, completely on her own. She does treat him horribly though, I'll give her that. But don't worry, the next to chapters she is back to normal...or will begin to be. Well...Maryann and Daine WERE going to sit her down and slap her to normal, but Ryoku beat them to the punch! Lol. James is a trooper. All he has to do is hang in there!

Aly-Of-Tortall: lmfao. I honestly was on like the world's biggest writer's block, cuz I was thinking 'well gosh what else can Romeli do with plants' and then I was like, fuck it, I'll just have her turn into a tree. Lol. I think I may need the luck. Ending in september is my goal...but you never know what's going to happen. Faithful till the end!! (hug)

BlackWidow12: awww. Moving away seems kinda sketch. I mean, I've moved before. I used to live in Colorado. But like...I'll be living on my own. It's just kind of scary. Well at least I have someone to relate to! Lol. That's a good theory. She's just building up the drama right now! All she has to do is let it out and everything will get better. Jeeze, Romeli. Get a grip.

Dares to dream: mammoth chapter? Lol. Haven't heard that one before! And this time I updated even faster!! I just needed to get this chapter out because I am SO CLOSE to the good stuff. The next two chapters should be the two most important chapters of the whole story. I'm so excited. I just hope I get everything right. Thanks for the review! Love you gurl!!

KEEP ON MOOSIN' EVERYONE!!

Moose