It's ironic that this chapter is the 50th chapter of the story. It seems satisfying, somehow. This chapter has been my main focus since Romeli's escape back in chapter 37. That seems so far ago...

I honestly don't know how I'm going to continue after this!! Don't worry though, I will. Moose are known for their perseverance.

Song for this Chapter: Let it Rain -- JoJo. This song is kind of a guilty pleasure. I never anticipated for it to match so well with this chapter. And yet, the two come hand in hand these days for me. LOVE IT. Can't read this chapter without listening to it.

So...without further ado, read and have all your questions answered with Romeli and James fluff to boot.

Disclaimer: I do not own all TP original characters and settings...also, there's a couple Charles Dickens quotes, some Shakespeare, Grey's Anatomy, JM Barrie, EM Forster, and Ani Difranco influences.

Chapter 50: Reason and Love

In the last chapter...

this was all in James point of view. he woke up, thought about Romeli, and decided he had to make her understand that he loved her and wanted to help her with what she was going through.

He has breakfast, Ryoku was upset, then has training session with Alanna

After that, it's night and Ryoku comes to his room, just as upset as in the morning. She tells James about her conversation, and Ryoku tells her that Romeli is stubbornly fixed on the notion that she can't tell anyone because they wouldn't understand. She also told James that Romeli is scared of him because of what happened with her relationship with D'mitri, and because everything is connected.

When Ryoku says those words, James begins to realize that he has a feeling everything is connected to the meaning of her scars. What's going to happen, why she's avoiding him. It's all there.

The whole conversation, Ryoku refrains from telling James about what Romeli had said to her. That she was convinced that if she failed, she would die...and so would James. Undoubtedly.

James told Ryoku he was going to talk to Romeli tomorrow. He had to, there was no other choice. He had to make her understand.

"And yet, to say the truth, Reason and Love keep little company together nowadays." -Shakespeare

When the great beyond is heading for you, you can feel it.

The phrase was familiar now; a silent thrumming in the heart, with a designated post—a purpose; obligation. It would not leave until it succeeded, until it was needed no more.

But what if it was not your life you felt? What if it was someone else's?

Someone you loved.

What would you do?

...whatever it takes...


It was raining.

...classy.

Obviously the weather's ideals were not sharing his same perspective. While he was forced to look at the situation he was placing himself in with a positive outlook, the rain seemed to have other ideas that certainly were not helping.

Outside, the temperature was worth shivering at. He was used to the cold—born and raised in Queenscove, where snow was a seasonal occurrence. But this wasn't snow...it was rain...and to say he was wet was an understatement.

In all honesty, James didn't have the heart to care, for his heart had wandered up the steps and towards the gazebo where he stared.

He wasn't sure how long Romeli had been standing there, leaning on the railing as she stared out at the emerald green garden. The gazebo was dry thankfully, for the clothes that she wore now would hardly keep her dry, much less warm.

James' brows furrowed. If he knew one thing about Romeli these days, it was that she did not like the cold. No extended amount of time in Scanra could change that. How cold was she anyways? Could she even feel it?

He couldn't. Staring at his sun right now seemed to thaw him—nothing else existed. Even the rain, which had already soaked his white tunic, was disregardable.

Trying to remember how long he'd been standing here left him answerless. He remembered looking for her around the palace, and then realized that despite the harsh exterior of today's weather, she was most likely outside—at the one place that seemed to give her sanctuary.

So...he found her, and froze—right in the middle of the path leading to the stairs and eventually to her. And had been there ever since.

Stalling any longer however, proved to be more harmful than helpful, and he let his logic get the best of him. He took a hearty breath, letting the air that flowed through him relax his coming nerves. This would not be easy—he knew this since day one.

But his determination trumped any other emotion that was left in him. His exhale came out shakily as he began his ascension up the staircase and towards her.

OOO

The rain was a soothing rhythm that incessantly pattered on the roof of the gazebo, and slid down its sloping frame towards the ground below it. It left her relaxed; a balance between peace and reality. Calmly, she stretched one of her fingertips out from under the protection of the roof and felt the rain touch it and slide down her finger.

She had forgotten how long she had been standing out here, and when she realized that it must have been a long time—for dusk was beginning to set in—she also discovered that no longer did she care. Happiness and calm were rare feelings to come by these days, and when she had it, she embraced it.

Never before had she been so transfixed by something so simple.

Perhaps it was the simplicity that had grabbed her heart. In a lifestyle where standing on the edge of sanity wasn't necessarily rare, a constant aspect in life reeled her in. Just as the sun always rises after it sets, the rain falls and hits the ground. It didn't care when it stopped, or even began, really. Rain was rain. Common. Constant. Casual.

If only I were so lucky.

The echoing sound of footsteps ascending the wooden stairs to the side of her woke her from her distant thoughts. She honed in on the sound, initially confused. Rarely anyone came here except for her...

When she turned to face the newcomer, it all clicked and fell apart simultaneously.

Suddenly, she felt like the weight of all her expectations and circumstances fell upon her. Only, she wasn't a God, and could not shoulder it like a God could shoulder the world.

All she could do was not be entirely crushed by its weight as it fell on her now.

"Romeli."

Her eyes slowly closed, unable to comprehend the magnitude of the person who stood in front of her. It was like she had heard a death wish, as the usual pain began to throb through her. Silent trembles coursed through her involuntarily. It was only when she opened her eyes again and looked back into his did she realize how irrationally scared she was.

Intentional or not, she could not heal this fear. It wasn't like it had any lack of justification.

Not that she even tried. His eyes had consumed her.

The pain, the concern, all encased in his trademark of compassionate green made her want to fall on her knees and cry. Reason grabbed her first though, and before she had the chance to second-guess her actions, she was backing up slowly.

The pain in his eyes increased with every step that she made, and though he was irresistibly hard to look at, she found she could not avert her gaze. When she felt the cold hard texture that was the rock wall of one of the gazebo sides on her back, she froze and began to tremble.

Cornered.

"Romeli," he said more carefully. His eyes were still full of agony. He moved a step closer to her, but when he saw her cringe, he didn't move any further. James looked down and bit his lip, obviously searching for words.

Romeli watched, her judgment handicapped by fear, and yet her mind working like a machine. Despite the logic coursing through her veins, telling her to run and get out of here, love kept her standing—cornered. She couldn't help but stare at the raindrops that fell from his soaked tunic and to the dry ground, leaving wet stains where they landed. His brown hair blocked his eyes as he looked down at the ground, dripping wet just like the rest of him.

It was ironic. The constant simplicity of rain had conjoined with the one she loved, and the one she feared the most. Just like she had with the rain, she wanted to touch him—feel him on her fingertips. The rain was no longer her constant—he was.

No.

She closed her eyes and opened them again, trying to push out these thoughts. They would not budge.

"Romeli," his voice was shaky. "I'm not going to hurt you. I would never hurt you."

Those words flashed her back to reality, and therefore, back to the reason why she was scared and shaking in the first place. When his eyes rose to look back at her, they caught her gaze and held. If ever there were sincere eyes in the world, they were his.

Remember your future, Romeli. Remember the goal. You've come this far, don't break now. Commit to it.

Slowly, she began to shake her head, unable to look at him any longer.

James took two more steps closer to her, and she found herself pressed against the wall even harder now. It was instinct to try and make the distance between them farther as he slowly ebbed his way towards her. There was no escape, no exit.

That wasn't necessarily true. If she wanted, she could get out of the situation too easily. She could fly away as a bird, or fight him off with her Gift, even blow apart the wall and make a run for it. Any scenario would take only seconds—then she would be gone.

So what was holding her back?

Another two steps. This time, she had no more room to run—stuck. "Please, Romeli. I need to know what's going on. I can't bear..." he paused after his voice broke. "I can't bear to see you like this."

A hole started to form in her heart. Each word he said started to sting a little harder. It felt like a weight on her chest, unwilling to move, making her feel heavy...hopeless.

She bit her lip, as her mind and her heart were at war. Both were handicapped. Her heart was stinging relentlessly, just as empty as it was compassionate for the victim who stood before her. Her mind was determined but weary—it was tired of fighting, tired of thinking, tired of training for something that carried no victory...

She inhaled sharply at the thought. Death. It was imminent.

You said you would do whatever it takes...

She shook her head quicker this time. "You wouldn't understand," she said aloud. Her voice was much weaker sounding than she had anticipated it to be. It was the first time she had spoken the whole confrontation thus far, and James stared at her for a few moments, letting it sink in.

He ran his hand through his hair frustratedly. "I wouldn't understand," He repeated it like a statement. "Shouldn't I be the one to judge whether or not I can understand something?"

Romeli's jaw clenched. "understanding requires comprehension; comprehension requires experience."

"Experience comes as often from words as it does a lifestyle."

"That doesn't mean you'll understand."

James exhaled deeply, his eyes looking intently back into her. They were set and steady, not willing to budge anytime soon. "Try me."

"No."

James stared at her for a moment, his eyes still unmoving. Romeli stared back at him with equal determination. They would go absolutely nowhere if they continued this argument. Here he stood, fighting with everything in front of him for understanding, while Romeli fought with equal motivation to keep her purpose silenced. It was a friction that left them immobile.

"Do you want to hear what I do understand?"

James' question caught her off guard, and she found herself looking at him with incredulous eyes that lacked the same determination as they held before. Her composure remained the same however, and she found herself looking at the situation uncaringly. She shrugged off his question not because she had no interest, but because she cared too much for him to know.

Her reply was simple: "Not really."

He ignored her completely. "I understand that you've been told that you're facing another challenge. I understand that to help you prepare you had to figure out what your scars mean. I understand that you left for Scanra to get an ancient trunk, and came back. I understand that the day after...you found out what your scars mean. I understand that...I...kissed you...and you haven't been the same since.

"the meaning of your scars have something to do with Scanra. And I know that...because of your experiences in Scanra...you may not be able to love for a while. But I will take you for who you are. Defeated, broken, alone. Because I understand."

"No, you don't," she said more forcefully. Her eyes were closed.

"I may not understand what you're going through!" he exclaimed, louder than before. "But I know what happened, I know what caused all this. I know it's hard, and I know that if you don't have your friends with you to back you up...you're going to fail."

Failure. It was the one word that haunted her for the majority of the past few weeks. But even more fearful than the idea of failure, was the idea of losing him. Failure was a walk in the park.

"Failure and I have become good friends lately," she muttered bitterly. She was the one who broke the gaze as she looked down at the ground.

"Don't tell me you're already making your death wish."

She didn't say anything.

"Romeli," he said her name carefully, his eyes still never leaving her. "This type of outlook on the situation isn't going to get you anywhere. Hopefully you realize this. Let us in. Let me in."

"And what good will that do!" she said with equal strength as she looked up at him again. "You know the story. You know the simplistic details. But what do you know beyond that? Nothing. What I'm going to face, I have to face alone."

"Who says this? The Gods? Your Guardians? Your Guardians want you to succeed, and live a healthy life—not a life like this."

"My Guardians don't know what they're talking about," she said forcefully. "They don't understand the full repercussions of me telling anyone about this. Of telling you about this."

His brow furrowed. "I don't understand what I have to do with any of this. I'm here to support you, to carry you when you can not carry yourself. I love—."

"I don't need holding. I can hold my own." her expression grew increasingly darker, the tenor of her words dipped in black ice.

James sighed audibly. His eyes were still steadily staring at her, though the emerald in his gaze had grown pained. "You anticipate what I would say, though you cannot know how earnestly I say it, how earnestly I feel it, without knowing my secret heart, and the hopes and fears and anxieties with which it has long been laden. If ever there were love in the world, I. love. you."

She looked down again, moved. Her eyes were closed, pain becoming the dominant sensation that coursed through her body. Chin quivering, she glared at the ground, forcing her tears back down to the hole in her heart. She had to save the crying jag for later. But if only she could say the same words back to him...

She could feel the reason in her mind begin to die. It was losing the battle now, against the love that stood in front of her, and the love that coursed through her veins. But still, it held, albeit weaker than it did before.

"You do not understand the repercussions of your words," she whispered back to him. Her tone was cold, but weakened.

"I do not care for the repercussions of my words," he replied back hardly. "Not anymore."

"Then you are a fool," she snapped back. At least one of them was cautious of the future. At least one of them had the passion to save the other—no matter what it took.

"Love tends to do that to you." His words were sincere, and she found herself looking back up at him again, just as pressed to the wall as she had been minutes ago. James took another step towards her, the warmth in his eyes beginning to thaw her own.

"I can't," she whispered quietly, her chin beginning to quiver again. She couldn't look away, but she couldn't bear staring at him either. The pain was breathless—the sensation of being torn right down the middle between ideals and love.

Surprisingly, he nodded and looked down again, not bothering to speak for a long time. His white tunic seemed to be soaked indefinitely, but the drops that had fallen from his hair, clothes, and skin, began to slow, adding less and less to the puddle that formed around him. He must have been freezing, but the temperature did not seem to bother him.

"I know that Scanra was very taxing," he began, not bothering to look up. "I don't know every detail, and I'm not expecting to know every detail. What was done to you was monstrous, and it changed you. It changed you permanently—there is no going back."

He felt his eyes on her now, and she could not help but look up to meet them.

"But if I had to chose between the Romeli that I knew before then, and the Romeli I know now... I would chose the latter."

"James." she shook her head as she said his name. It felt odd on her lips.

"No," he said more forcefully. "I would chose the latter. Because no matter what you could possibly go through, no matter how much pain I must endure, or how much you may push me away, I will always love you. Scanra was hard—I understand that statement only to an extent. You were faced with death, you saw death, and you lived through it. I know this because I was one of your victims."

Romeli's breath caught in her throat. She was trembling, her eyes still gazing fearfully into his.

"Your ability to love right now may be calloused. Not only because of the injustices done upon you during your time in Scanra, but because of the injustices that were put upon D'mitri."

She bit her lip.

His voice was shaking now. "I know this. And I know that, no matter what you say to me now, nothing could ever avert my opinion. You are my heart, my life, my one and only thought."

Her emotions began to toy with the tempo of her heart, and she found her stare turning cold as a result of it. How could she let his words get to her, when his life meant more to her than anything else in the world? "This is more than just an inability to feel love," she told him. Despite the way she shook in front of him now, her voice was steady. "And this is more than just another challenge. I thought at first it was just another test—the ultimate challenge to finally acquire my final Guardian. And though it is both, I find it difficult to often care about either. More than just my life is at stake right now. If I lose this, I lose everything—and so does Tortall."

"Well what is this?" he questioned, beginning to grow frustrated. "What's going to happen? Do you even know for sure?"

"I know enough to know it's personal."

"Listen, Romeli. Would you please just tell me what's going on?!" he told her, running a hand through his hair again. "I can't stand seeing you like this. I want to be here for you. I want to help you. Because I know you can not get through this on your own. You need a foundation."

She let out a shiver, her lip trembling. "How can you be my foundation when you're the problem?"

He froze, his eyes looking deep into hers in shock. Obviously the conversation took a turn that he had never anticipated. He ran his hand through his hair again, confused. "...What?"

She felt herself breaking, the fight in her veins giving in as every silent second passed by. On the outside, she knew she was steady, balanced. But the inside was at war, her ideals out of balance, her love in agonizing pain.

Slowly, she brought her hand up to her neck and felt the indentations wrapped around it. her scars were just as real as they had been since day one—they had not grown worse, and they had not faded. It was the constant reminder that she was as unfinished with her previous chapter as she had been four and a half months ago. This was very much a threat—a danger she could not wrap her head around.

She could prepare, but would she ever really be ready? Half of the ordeal would not be a physical fight. It would not be a duel of swordsmanship, or how strategically she used her Gift. It was a mental and emotional obstacle. It was defeating her enemies, both external and internal.

Would this be step one?

All this time she had viewed her circumstances as a burden that she alone could defeat. Everything was private and personal. Her problems were her own, and no one else had the right to worry over them but herself. Perhaps it was instinct. She wanted to protect those around her—it was who she was. If she was forced to chose between her life and another, undoubtedly it would be the latter.

The great beyond was heading for the one she loved. And she promised that she would do whatever it took to stop that from happening.

But what if what it took was just letting go?

She inhaled and exhaled heavily, looking at him straight in the eye. When she noticed she was still touching her neck with her hand, she let it drop. "I failed." Her two words were blunt, but they held the most honest statement she could possibly muster.

"Failed with what?" his expression was still confused. He still had no idea what she was talking about.

Romeli clenched and unclenched her jaw, looking down as she spoke. "When I escaped from Scanra, I never anticipated getting shot. I never expected to fall, and I certainly didn't expect to die. I knew it was a possibility. Me and Maryann took precautions, and I prepared myself for the worst. I did die, and that was a failure. The only reason I'm alive right now is because the Gods were not finished with me yet. It wasn't until I came back to Scanra the second time and got the chest did I realize that that wasn't the only failure that happened that night."

His brows began to furrow. "Romeli..." he said her name in disbelief. "You didn't fail...you escaped."

She shook her head frantically, her breathing becoming heavy. "No, no I did," she muttered—it was more to herself than to him. "So many things went wrong that night. I was so dumb! Why didn't I just try harder?" A tear welled up and slid down her cheek. The consequences seemed so unbalanced compared to her actions—it wasn't fair.

James' voice was low but tense as he spoke to her. "What went wrong."

Biting her lip, she began to fumble through her memories, going over that night with such detail it brought new emotions to her heart. Even now, weeks after the ordeal, every move was sketched in her mind permanently. She hadn't forgotten a thing.

Her gaze no longer fell upon him, and instead of her eyes seeing the future, she began to see the past. "There were three important factors in my mission that night. I had to kill the king to disengage the official binding between the two of us. I had to obliterate the suffocation spell, so I wouldn't...die...trying to escape." She swallowed hardly. "And...I had to destroy the other official spell that bound me as a slave to the Scanran government. In that order."

His eyes began to narrow, a fluttering of dread beginning to form in his stomach that dispersed throughout him. James had no idea what she was going to say, but he knew it wasn't good. The dread began to collect in his throat, leaving a lump he could not swallow.

Romeli let out an audibly shaky breath, her fingers instinctively tracing the contours of her scars again. When she tried to speak, her voice came out as only a croak. "The last one didn't work."

She remembered it so clearly. It was the last leg of the race. Maggur was gone, and so was the suffocation spell. The rain weighed down on her hard as she flew to the last and final tower—but she was so tired. The incantation was much harder than she thought it would be. Before even reaching the half-way point, all she wanted was for it to be over.

Now, all she wanted was to take it back. She would do anything to go back in time and fix the foolish mistake she never thought she would have to pay the consequences for. But now it was too late, and she had to face it in the future.

"What...what are you trying to say..." he thought he knew but he had to hear it for himself.

She clenched her jaw. "I'm still a slave of Scanra, James."

He inhaled a sharp breath and gazed into her eyes, willing her to look at him. When at last she did, his heart caught in his throat. She was panicked, regretful, and in absolute agony. He took another step towards her, now only a couple feet away. Romeli inhaled through her nose quickly, and tried to press herself away from him, her heart pounding.

His shoulders fell at the look of her—she seemed to be in complete defeat. But still, he did not fully understand. "So this is what your scars mean?"

She nodded miserably.

None of it made sense to him. The idea of bondage was not concrete. If she was still a slave of Scanra, she wouldn't be here right now—free. He didn't see the danger in it. He couldn't see why this was the ultimate test of her abilities.

"But what's the problem?" he asked bluntly, unable to word his feelings in any other way. "You're here in Tortall. You're free."

"I'm free." She said the words bitterly, with a hint of a laugh. "James, when I went back to Scanra to get that chest, I was discovered. Maggur's right hand man himself saw me, pursued me, tried to capture me again. They know I'm alive. It doesn't matter that Maggur is dead. The passion remains the same—I am an object to them. An object that they really want. Fredrin took one look at the scars around my neck and he smiled. He knows everything." Her lip began to quiver.

The dread that pitted in his stomach began to throb and morph into nervous pain. He felt sickened. The idea of them laying eyes on her again... he fought off the thoughts quickly before they sank in. "So this is what you're preparing for. You have to protect yourself against them."

She closed her eyes, saying nothing. It wasn't the only thing she was preparing for.

James picked up on the notion. His expression grew darker as well, for he knew that it wasn't her life she was preparing for, it was someone else's.

How can you be my foundation when you're my problem?

"If this is what your scars mean..." he spoke slowly, still trying to figure out his words as he talked. "Then why did you say that I was involved in this as well?"

Bulls-eye

Romeli had finally found her breaking point. A sob caught in her throat, but she could not push it down. As she stared at the one she wished so much to touch and hold, yet knew she had to push away, it consumed her. The tears welled up and overflowed until she could see him no longer. She slipped to the side, distancing herself from him further.

A tremor of pain hit his heart. It was not dread or nerves. It was love—concern—but the inability to express it. It was seeing the one he loved walk away from him, and not knowing why. He had to know why...he had to understand.

She began to shake her head. "I can't...I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry, I can't handle it..." Her words came out choked, her whole body tense.

James turned to her, careful not to scare her away in such a fragile state. "I'm not afraid," he whispered.

"I am."

"Then let me help you."

"I..." she seemed unable to say anything else. Another sob overwhelmed her.

A part of him wanted to let it go. She had already told him so much, pushing her any further seemed wrong. Her body and emotional limits had been extended to the breaking point. But the other part of him would not leave until both of their comprehensions were equivalent. He loved her too much.

He sighed. I love her with too clear a vision to fear her cloudiness.

"I need to know what this has to do with me," he said quietly, his voice only a murmur. "I know that I'm causing you to be in agony, and I don't want to do that. I want to make your life right now as painless as possible. As painless as I personally can make it."

"Fine," she snapped back. "If you want my life to be painless, then get out of it."

He felt like he had been stabbed in the chest, but ignored it as he held her eyes. "That's not an option anymore. You and I both know that."

Romeli sighed and leaned against the stone wall, holding her head in her hands. Thoughts rushed through her, ideas she didn't want to consider, future consequences, memories, fears, hopes, dreams, nightmares, words...it was overwhelming. Her head began to pound in protest. She wasn't angry. No matter how much she wanted to get away, her heart kept her here, and she knew that was for a reason. It was just overwhelming.

Just overwhelming.

She thought the words like it was a walk in the park. But then why did she feel so torn?

"This is my fault," she said through her hands before looking back at him again. "Before you say anything, I want you to know that it's my fault. Everything."

James chose to stay silent, though inside he fumed. Never had he thought she had been so false.

"Do you know why D'mitri died?" Her eyes were sincere, but weakened. She was exhausted, there was no doubt of that. Her eyes were faded, bleached out by dark memories.

He shook his head, silent.

"He was executed." The words were mockingly blunt. "Hung by the neck, because he loved me." Her stare into his eyes was intent, like she was willing him to understand.

He still drew a blank, and so she continued with her story. "It was only when Maggur already signed away his execution that he told me the most important rule of slavery: no slave tied under royal Scanran rule can have a love relationship without knowing of his Imperial Highness. The lover of the slave, in consequence, will be sentenced to death by hanging. And the slave will either be killed or heavily whipped as punishment."

She spoke the words so smoothly it was like the tempo of her own heart

Ever so slowly, realization began to dawn upon him.

Her eyes began to water. "And he knew the whole time. He knew he was going to die. He read it in a book, after we kissed. He knew the whole time, and he never told me. He faced his death. And it was my fault."

He shook his head slowly from side to side, and ran his hand through his hair again. He still kept his eyes on her, and she knew, from the look he gave her now, that he knew.

It all made sense now.

And yet, he didn't care.

He walked towards her again, taking two slow steps to close the distance between then. She kept her eyes on them, and they slowly grew wider with each step he took. He stopped, a mere foot away from her—neither of them touching the other.

"James, please," she hissed quietly, turning her head away from him, as if the change in perspective would make him seem farther away. "You have to understand that I can't be near you. I can't risk it. I can't...can't...endanger anything...any further..." her words became heavier as her breath grew shallow.

He closed his eyes slowly. So this was it. "I don't care."

"How can you not care about your own life?!" she told him quietly. "I was so foolish. I shouldn't have kissed you...I shouldn't have...failed in the first place...none of it's right—."

"I kissed you."

"You're wrong," she said, her eyes pained. "I kissed you. The day after I came back from...being dead...I kissed you to wake you up. And it's been set ever since. If I fail what's coming for me now..."

"How do you know that Scanra even knows? They can't see us here."

"Tortall isn't the only country with spies," she replied quietly. It was foolproof. Romeli had thought from every angle. Every aspect of the situation was set. There was no doubt in her mind.

If Scanra came for her, they would come for James. If she failed, James would die. And so would she.

But never before had his emerald eyes glown with more determination.

Slowly, he brought his hand up, his eyes never leaving her own. She began to quiver, her cheeks blotchy with the tears that she cried over him. He brought his hand closer and closer to the scars on her neck. Her eyes were filled with fear, and he could tell she wanted to run, but something kept her rooted—something held her there.

"Please," she whispered quietly, another tear sliding down her cheek.

"I'm not going to hurt you," he said quietly. "I would never hurt you."

She closed her eyes as James touched his finger to the outlining scar on his neck. He traced the design, embracing its soft texture under his fingertip. Slowly, he traced his finger further, fascinated by the complex design, and the impact behind it that was the constant reminder of death to her—a curse that would stretch her to the limit.

Romeli let out a shiver—a release, and opened her eyes slowly, staring back into his. She was still tense, fear still an immense portion of her expression.

"No man knows until the time comes, what depths are within him," he told her softly, his voice low. His breath warmed her cheeks, and she took a shaky breath, inhaling his intoxicating scent. "To some men, it never comes, let them rest and be thankful. To me, you brought it; on me, you forced it; and the bottom of this raging sea has been heaved up ever since.

"But never before have I felt a love the way I feel right now. As long as I have you, I have nothing to lose, for I am not afraid to die. Not anymore."

"I can not let you die," she whispered desperately. "I don't want to lose you again."

"Then you know how I feel," he replied back softly. "I've lost you once. For a long time. Only now am I starting to get you back. I'm not letting you go."

"You have to...I can't...." But she had already lost the war, and her effort to fight anymore was gone. She let out another sob, "I'm not going to let you die...I can't have this...not again...not the same mistake...I can't..." she began to breathe heavier, entering hysterics as the tears took over. She closed the space between them, and suddenly James' warm yet wet arms were around her. She felt his cheek on top of her head as she buried herself into his chest.

"I can't lose you," she muttered into the fabric of his shirt.

"Then we complete each other," he murmured. "For I can not lose you."

He felt her shiver in his arms, and his grip around her tightened. This time, she did not fight him.

Romeli was grateful that something or someone merciless would be waiting in the wings, for in failing at this, losing his life, she lost all will to live hers any further.

James ran one of his hands through her hair and then scooped it under her chin to raise her head. He looked deeply into her eyes, his expression soft and sincere. "I love you," he told her quietly. Slowly he leaned his head towards hers.

"In kissing me, you are courting death," she whispered miserably.

He shrugged her statement away. "I've kissed you twice now, and I do not regret either. I will not regret any kiss between me and you, despite the consequences."

She bit her lip, but as James lowered his head to hers again, she did not resist. Only silent trembles expressed her weakness as his lips touched hers softly and he put his arms around her tightly, not willing to let her go ever again.

When James cut off the kiss, she found herself wishing for more. Her heart felt torn between duty and love, both hopefully ending successfully—with James alive. She put her head against his chest again. "Scanra is coming."

"So let them come," he said hardly. "We can not take them alone, but together they can not compete."

He kissed the top of her head sweetly.

(z snap)

lmfao. 50 chapters of action-packed, depressing, bitter, Romeli, and we FINALLY get some romance.

I say we throw a party. I will give ten cookies to all my reviewing reviewers. For I love you all platonically.

Well. Now everything makes sense, yes?? If you have any questions, just ask.

Replies:

dares to dream: lol. omg. I was so excited writing this chapter. like...I wrote it all in record time. I've had most of it planned out though, so that's prob why. AH!! it's like...awesome. I finally finished it. haha. I fixed the spelling mistakes btw. which is pretty amazing, considering I'm usually not one for editing...

inktounge58: lol. emo people. how was she in this chapter? It's going to get a lot better real quick, trust me. And all of her emotions are pretty justified. She's just an immensely compassionate and loyal person.

IloveCockatiels: yes. no more depressed Romeli indeed. She's so going to snap out of it. She already snapped. haha. victory. hmmm. well Romeli's birthday is around the time of midwinter. Her slavery was during the end of spring and summer...and it's getting into fall right now. So...it's coming up! Way back when, if you remember, there was a chapter called 'midwinter'. her birthday was around then, and that's when she rescued James from the bandits. I'm glad you like it!!

Lady of Meleria Peak: haha. of course I'm going to continue! I can't just stop now!

x17SkmBdrchiczxx: omg no kidding. gotta love the Queenscoves. They're gonna make such a kickass couple though. Just wait...I have so many scenes in my head...lmfao. I can't wait to start writing it. oh gosh really? That's probably the most amazing complement I've ever heard in the history of forever! We def needed some comedic relief...I feel ya there...that's kinda why I added Alanna in in the first place. Did I deliver with the romance?? lol

Aly-Of-Tortall13: lack of motivation...haha. that's something I definitely didn't have a problem with this chapter. LMFAO!!! you saw a deer...lol. You know...okay. So my nickname with a lot of my friends is Moose. And seriously, like every time they see a Moose. whether it's a picture, painting, scualpture, dead, food, alive, etc. they'll text me, totally freakin' out about how they totally thought about me when they saw this moose thing. It's fantastic. Well I'm glad you didn't hit it. That would be pretty disasterous.

KEEP ON MOOSIN'

Moose